View Full Version : My girlfriend is annoyed with me because I told her about one of my ex girlfriends
Merkzy
Dec 31, 2010, 05:19 AM
My apologies if this question has already asked or answered although I am emotionally scarred from this experience I am currently going through.
It seems my girlfriend kept asking me about one of my ex girlfriends and through annoyance of persistent questioning, I finally told her and gave her the details of what we did, have been through and mistakes in the relationship.
She has gotten annoyed with me and told me she feels like I'm trying to use her as a replacement for my ex girlfriend although its nothing like that at all, I adore this girl but she's adamant on discontinuing our relationship.
I've tried and tried to reassure her that she is completely different and the only one for me but she is just not listening and it has been weeks of just none stop ignoring me.
I tried asking one of her friends for advice but it seems it just made the whole mess worse because she got the wrong impression and thought I suggested she was jealous but instead she is just feeling like a replacement and feels that my relationship is to similar with my ex partner.
She's told me that she was annoyed because she felt like a replacement and the similarities between me and her and me and my ex partner is that we were to close, spent a lot of time together, argued a lot and have done sexual things, although it wasn't to bad as to doing intercourse, so my girlfriend is annoyed and I truly love her and want to be with her and stop this huge charade, what do I do? Someone please give me advice.
talaniman
Dec 31, 2010, 06:16 AM
Back up guy, just back up. This is her issue to deal with, and you better find a way to let her. There is no fixing this by you. She has to do this herself. Back up, and don't argue about it. I think I would refuse to argue with her on this subject and remove myself when this comes up.
For whatever reason this is in her head, she puts it there, and she is keeping it there. And she is the one to remove it, or get over it, without you. So you may just be trying to hold on, but not seeing the greater issue.
Back up and look at this not through your own feelings, or what you want to happen, but objectively, and you will see what I do, her obsessing, and your ex is the object of it. Back up, and stop making this your issue to solve, because its NOT.
tickle
Dec 31, 2010, 06:34 AM
Yes, totally agree with Tal, but my take on this too is immaturity on her part. Her reaction, IMO, is very teeny bopper oriented. You may have fallen in love with certain aspects of this woman but if she reacted this way to a past issue, then how will she react to future issues when they come. Up.
I realize how much you want to intercede and bring her around, but you will only be beating your head against the wall and accelerating the situation.
Tick
Fr_Chuck
Dec 31, 2010, 07:17 AM
Yes, how old is every one, Are you 14 or are you 40.
First you don't give real personal details about a past relationship, that is personal and really is not for others.
Next you are clear with someone that you are with them now, and YOUR relationship with them is what needs to be discussed.
And of course in one way or another, a new girlfriend or boy friend is a replacement for the past one, you move on till you find one you wish to make forever.
Merkzy
Dec 31, 2010, 08:14 AM
A main problem is that she isn't like that though, now she just wants to unequip herself from me, she keeps telling me to not call or text and not to see each other anymore and requesting to find a date in which she can give me her presents I've bought her, back, she seems quite adamant on sticking to this decision and promising she will do it, really it just has me sad and upset, I don't want her to go because of such a silly reason...
Jake2008
Dec 31, 2010, 08:33 AM
It has been 'weeks and weeks' as you said, that she has refused contact with you, yet you persist. She even wants to arrange to give you back gifts you have bought for her, and enlisting the help of one of her friends didn't work out, and yet you persist.
That you don't understand why she chose to break up, or the fact that you think she is wrong, and the breakup is over a minor, silly issue, it is still a breakup, and it is still over, and it has been for some weeks now.
You may never understand why. Perhaps she was looking for an excuse to end it, maybe she just realized that the two of you were incompatible, maybe she has somebody else on the radar. What the reason is, doesn't matter, because she has made it very clear that it is over.
I'd say that you best be putting the contact on hold because it sounds like it is bordering on stalking and harassment. She is adamant, as you said, on her decision, and after weeks of trying to convince her she's wrong, it is time to realize that you must respect her enough to allow her to know her own mind. She says it's over, and her words and actions back it up.
Time to stop the contact; it is unwelcome, and unwanted. The relationship is over.
talaniman
Dec 31, 2010, 10:26 AM
she keeps telling me to not call or text and not to see each other anymore
That would be enough for me to disappear forever, and she can keep the gifts or burn them, whatever she wants.
johnsteinbeck_
Dec 31, 2010, 11:39 AM
Ok sorry if this has already been posted or something by someone else.
I Am 21, I am so deeply in love with this girl and I don't want to lose her at all... she means so much to me and we are really close, we've had our issues before and were able to get through it all.
I Mistakenly told her about my past girlfriend because she continuously asked and I am certain I jumped into a bit too much personal detail to of what happened and now my girlfriend feels like I have tried to use her as a replacement for my previous girlfriend, I have tried reassuring her, telling her I love her and only her, they are both nothing a like, she feels like I'm using her as a replacement because there are severtal similarities between my relationship with her and my previous one but they are minor similarities and I've told her many times she is nothing like my previous girlfriend and I don't plan on losing her, but still she persists on wanting to break up still feeling like a replacement, its probably a bit to early to complain or ask questions seeing as its been about a couple of days but she has just cut contact with me, barely texting and stuff like that, I understand why she feels like a replacement and told her I understand her feelings and stuff, and I'm trying so desperately hard to win her back, any comments on what I can do or what I should say?
Devorameira
Dec 31, 2010, 11:53 AM
How long had you been dating her?
You'd have been much better off if you would have kept your mouth shut. I don't think it's ever a good idea to discuss the ex with a current girlfriend.
Right now you need to just back off and let her come to grips with what she's feeling. You've already told her you love her and want to be with her, so the ball is now totally in her court.
johnsteinbeck_
Dec 31, 2010, 12:22 PM
Thank you for your answer, although I still feel bad and she is just saying she hates me and doesn't want me and promising she will never love me, is this just really her mood talking or her in general, she said this two days after.
talaniman
Dec 31, 2010, 04:25 PM
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/girlfriend-annoyed-me-because-told-her-about-one-ex-girlfriends-539264.html
Cut the BS, what do you think we are stupid. Your attempt to get different answers because you don't like the ones you have gotten are really low, but to be deceitful, is disgusting. threads closed.