My 12yrd old daughter called me at work to discuss that something had been bothering her. When I asked what was wrong, she replied" Mamma she, my 13yr old, had a boy in the house and they were in the room with the door closed. Then when the door opened the boy had on boxers and had his head where her private part is...

The obvious is you need a good sit down talk to your 13 year old about sex. If she is sexually active, she should be on birth control.

The 12 year old witnessing this felt comfortable enough to tell you, and no doubt she's bothered by what she saw. I can only tell you what I would do, and that would be, after you have a talk to your 13 year old, I would sit both girls down, and lay down the law.

If they are, or otherwise have been, responsible enough to be at home alone without adult supervision, they are old enough to have boundaries, and nothing should be going on in the house that wouldn't go on with you there. The boyfriend should not be allowed back in the house. In fact, I would be inclined to call his parents, and let him know that he is no longer welcome in your home. (I would want to know if it were my son).

Let your 13 year old know that your 12 year old was right to tell you what was going on, and because of that, there will be changes made. If the rules are not followed, you will get a babysitter in.

The plus side of all of this is, you know. This could have gone on had your younger daughter not be strong and wise enough to have told you. Think of this as an opportunity to do a little tweaking with the rules to ensure that everybody is on the same page, and that there are no secrets about what is expected of each.

But, I would keep the two issues separate- the sexual activity of your daughter, and the rules and expectations of their responsibilities in the home while you are not there.

Best of luck to you, not an easy situation to cope with.

I would hope that before 12 ( one now 13) you had already talked about sex, birth control and the such. Many 12 year olds are sexually active and sadly there are many pregnant 12 and 13 year olds today.

But you be blunt, you be factual, and you inform of the rules about haing boys over, ** which should normally be none unless an adult is home

WOW! Thanks so much. As you can only imagine how angry I was when I first heard of the news. Then again, I was happy at the fact that my younger daugther told me so that I can take proper precautions. I thought a little bit about calling the boy's parents but wondered what difference would it have made but maybe you're rigth, I might need to; because he needs to know that that's not right nor safe. Thanks again for your response. I have some praying to do before our talk tonight when I get home. Whew

Thanks Chuck! Yes, I did have a small talk with them, but not a deep on but now I see that it's that time for the "Real Talk"

I appreciate it

Yes, it is a tough tight rope, I never want to make a child think sex is "wrong" just that it is very special and not to be done till they are much older, Then that they understand where and how babies are made.

These conversations should have started a LONG time ago. My daughter is only 7 and we have talked about the boy issue since she started school (age apropriet of course)
You want to open those doors early and KEEP them open.

At your daughters age, best thing for her, is be frank, honest, and tell EVERYTHING. Don't hide anything.
Good luck hon