Hi All,

Merry Xmas!

First of all I would like to say thank you for spending time to read this. I will try and make it short as possible.
Here I go,
I have been in a relationship for 4 months now. Everything is going great apart from that she wants me to spend time with her and her family 24/7 ( She lives at home with her parents) She is constantly asking me over which is no problem. I love spending time with her but if I am busy and I can not join her and her family for lunch or dinner she gets all emotional and makes me feel bad that I did not have lunch or dinner with her and her family. She also expects me to drive her places and I am always paying for dinner when we go out. ( We go out for dinner at least 3 times a week at expensive restaurants) She has not once offered to pay nor come and pick me up from my home. I am always the one doing all the driving and paying for everything etc. ( she has a car)

Her family likes me lots and I am over there nearly every day. She has only come over to my place twice since we have dated. ( I also live at home with my parents and my girlfriend and I are about 3kms apart), My parents are both in there 70's and are lovely caring people, Its not like they offended her when she came over the first time. When I try and speak to her about my concerns she always comes back with " she is old fashioned and the guy has to do everything for her". When I ask her to come over for dinner she always makes up some excuse not to come and once again tells me that I should be chasing her. I try to talk to her about "us" but she puts all the blame on me and makes me feel bad that I do not spend 24/7 with her. She is also quick to cancel on me if she has other plans but if I do the same to her I don't stop hearing about it for days.

I spent xmas eve and xmas morning with her and her family. When I told them all that I had to leave at 11am because I want to see my family every one in her family asked me why I have to leave and it would be nice for me to stay etc. When I left the family at 11am to join my family, I got a text from my girlfriend saying that I shouldn't have left and it was rude. It is like she wants me ditch my family and join her family. I think she is a control freak.



She does tell me she loves me lots and she want to marry me in the future etc. I love her lots also but I don't know what I can do. Do you guys have any tips for me? I am confused. It seems to me that she wants to control what I do with her and when I can or can't see my family. What should I do??

Thank you all for your time
Ben.

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said she was controlling.

Relationships are a partnership,give and take, your giving and she's taking.

She's taking time away from your family and friends,your free time and your head space.

Her take on an old fashioned courtship while 'nice' is quite selfish and the fast track to being on her own.

You both need time on your own and time with family and friends,the only way to say it is to just say it,if she kicks up a fuss or starts to fuss,well for me I would rethink the relationship and ask myself is it worth the hassel.

Time for your girlfriend to growup and have a short sharp dose of relatily,you share the relationship its not all about her.

If you don't mind my asking, how old are both of you?

I agree with everything that Red said. She covered the subject very nicely.

All I am going to say is that four months is still the getting to know each other stage. It is way too early to know if there is a lasting love and compatibility for a long term relationship. I don't like saying it, but I don't see this relationship lasting much longer if she doesn't learn how to compromise.

That said, you need to stand up for yourself and stop giving in to the tactics she is using. Guilt trips and emotional blackmail only work if you allow them to. It's a lesson parents learn early on. If she wants to throw a tantrum. Let her. If she wants to end the relationship because you aren't doing everything for her. Walk away.

She may be saying that she loves you, but she is not showing it. Her actions speak of someone who is using another person for her own gain. If you stop doing all the giving, how long will her 'undying' love last?

On your own part, are you sure you love her and not the idea of being in a relationship?

She totally gives me the creeps as you have described her.
Especially getting mad at your for going to see your family on Christmas, after being at her's for so long.
It shows that she has no consideration at all for others, period.
The rest is just icing on the cake of future misery.
Tell her you just lost all your savings in some crash or something, plus you think you may be laid off, and see how long she wants this to continue.

I am 28 and She is 25.