Here is the situation.

My brother in-law and wife's best friend both do drugs. The drug of choice varies from time to time but always includes snorting pills. Other drugs include cocaine and weed.

Brother In-Law
Being I met my wife though her brother, her parents always assumed I knew what was going on as far as his drug use went. Needless to say I was dragged into the middle of this.

I have recently (tonight) tried to talk to him and explain my concern for the choices he has made and for the consequences I have seen him endure for his actions. But, he wants nothing to do with it. He turns it around on me accusing me of thinking I am better then him, saying he doesn't need help and that he knows his limits.

I truly am concerned because I have seen him go to jail, fail school, lose jobs over this. He is always making lame excuses as for the reasons he does what he does.


Wife's Bestfriend
My wife and this girl used to do drugs together back in H.S. and shortly after. My wife stopped when she met me because I told her I would not be with someone who does it. This girl is constantly saying she quit but I (and my wife) both know she hasn't.
My wife has posted a thread on here pertaining to her best friend before and I have included that in this post to try and enlighten those reading.

Link To Other Thread (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/addictions/best-friend-going-down-bad-road-385158.html#post1915384)
I thank you for your time!



Overview
I suppose I am confused on where to go or what to do, if anything. Is this my place? Should I have interveined? I am a concerned friend to both. But I am lost right now as to what my next step should be.

While it is heartbreaking to see people self-destruct, their path is a singular one, and nothing you can say or do, will see them change their path.

Both of them know very well what the consequences are, of their drug use. What they choose to do about it, is only up to each of them, individually. I doubt you were the first, or will be the last one, to try to 'talk some sense' into them.

You are in the unfortunate and unenviable position of both of these people, being closely involved with your wife. She too has tried to turn the tide of their behaviour from reading her post, and has not been successful either.

I always advise people to provide all the encouragement and support possible, when the drug user indicates that they are ready to change. Provide help with getting them to counsellors, doctors, rehab, detox, whatever it takes. Be there for them, when they actually take the steps to get help. But, you can no more make a person change than you can move a mountain. They have to take the steps themselves.

In the meanwhile, when you can avoid socializing with them, or being around them when they are high, do so. Protect yourself emotionally from becoming drawn into their lifestyle.

It is sad to see good people unable, or unwilling, to stop hurting themselves, and those they love, but, it is what it is.

Her friend is willing to change. She doesn't want to lose the friendship my wife has now ended (big mess at my house).

What's the best way to handle her? As she has come to me for help. (since my wife won't talk to her and won't believe her willingness to change)

I would say that you and your wife, have to be on the same page about her.

The first thing I would advise you to do is find out what she's willing to do to help herself. She has to walk the walk.

If she is willing to see even her Doctor for help and referral, that is where to start. If she has previously been treated for addiction, her Doctor will need all that information to manage her care.

IF she makes some simple steps to show that she is sincere, then I would step in. Offer to take her to appointments. I don't know what kind of experience you have with someone about to detox, but it ain't pretty, and more likely than not, she will require medical assistance.

Depending upon the type of treatment options available to her, it is probably a good idea for you to familiarize yourself with what type of treatment she will be receiving. You will have to learn how to cope with the different stages, including physically, and particularly with relapses.

For now, be certain that she is taking steps to help herself. Until she does, it is not possible for you to help her; she must start this journey under her own steam.