I've been with this girl for over a year now. It started great in the beginning. We kissed, we laughed, and generally had a great time together. We made passionate love whenever we could and never fought or even argued. Things are different now. She nitpicks every little thing I do and say. She can't take a compliment without thinking there's some hidden negative connotation to my words, and don't even try to disagree or give her any criticism. She never tells me she loves me anymore. I always say it and there's sometimes a hesitance, or almost a reluctance when she says it back to me. We talk on the phone a lot and lately there have been too many awkward silences between us in our conversations. She's also started talking with one of her ex boyfriends again who dumped her in a really terrible way. Plus she won't tell him that she's in a relationship with me! She says it's because she doesn't want to scare him away from being her friend, but I almost feel as if she's not telling him so she can keep the option open to go back to him. I've just been so frustrated lately. Nothing I do is ever good enough for her, and she constantly throws things I've messed up on in the past back into my face. I've never cheated on her or been unfaithful in any way. I just don't know what to do anymore. She wouldn't even come over to visit my family during the holidays. I don't want to lose her. I really love the girl, I just want things to go back to the way they were in the beginning. So what should I do? Try to stay together with her or break up and try again?

Is there anything left that's good?

She won't tell her ex boyfriend about you, because she wants to keep him as a friend? So as far as he knows, from what she doesn't tell him, she's single. Don't you mind being invisible and insignificant?

It seems to me this about face in her behaviour is her trying to find reasons, to justify her own behaviour, which is to say, she wants to play the field, including the game she has going on with her ex.

The more fault she finds with you, the easier it is for her to justify playing the field.

As long as you give her permission to treat you poorly, she will continue. My advice to you is to stop this one sided relationship, and stop being a silent partner. Speak up for yourself, expect to be treated with respect, and dignity, and if she continues with the games, let her go.

A serious relationship takes work from BOTH ends. The fact that she's not admitting she's in a relationship with you TO HER EX puts up a huge red flag right there in itself. It's time to have a very serious talk about this with her. If she isn't willing to put work in from her end, then it may be time to end it. You sound like a very caring and understanding partner, and you deserve the same compassion in return. Take a stand! If her behavior doesn't change, then it's time to let her go.

However, I understand that this can be much easier said than done when you deeply care for your partner. It took me 4 years to finally get the guts to leave my unhealthy relationship, so I know from experience that dragging out a doomed relationship is only more painful in the end. I, too, wanted my relationship the way it was in the beginning. I did everything I could think of to try to save it. But guess what? It still failed. Why? Because I was the only one trying (even though I brought it to his attention in a serious manner about a thousand times). It's up to you when you've had enough. Good luck!

My friend, things are always great in the beginning with the hot and heavy stuff. But when the lust cools, and the honeymoon is over, you find out what you really have together, and it seems that though you are trying, she has put the relationship way down on her lists of priorities, and that's something you better pay attention to, and back up to a safe distance emotionally, so you can see what really happening.

She is no longer as emotionally invested as you are and, is doing other things that are more important. A sure sign of exploring her other options. What should you do? Re-evaluate where this thing is headed, and see that getting out of it, an cutting her loose, is a good option for you. You have plenty of facts to support that conclusion.

No way do things go back to the way it was, because the honeymoon is over. The work of maintaining a healthy adult relationship, takes two willing, healthy adults, and I see only ONE. That never works.

Sorry, but a least it was good in the beginning, but it will never be as good again, without her changing a bunch of stuff, and she may not want to.