I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 months, he is a single dad, separated from his marriage for one yr. Right from the start of us seeing one another, I asked him if he felt he was ready for a relationship considering the fact that he was only separated for seven months. He answered that he was still not sure, but would like to see where things would go with us as he was very excited by the fact that I was the first woman he was attracted to since his separation. The problem is that I have seen lots of confusion since then, he has told me that he is confused, depressed at times, hurt and langry over the end of his marriage... The first time I heard this from him, I broke things off, stating that I felt he needed time to heal... He called me 4 days later and asked if I would consider seeing him again, ( at this point we had not been sexually intimate) I said I needed him to explain his confusion. He said that he was not confused about his feelings for me, but he was still going through some issues with the divorce... he said that he was not able to stop thinking about me and would be very pleased if I would consider dating him again.
I decided to give it another chance, now 2 months later he mentioned that he was still not sure he was ready to give a relationship his whole heart. I should mention that I never brought the subject up, it was him that did... I feel he did this to make sure that I was at arms length and that I understood where things stood with him. Cut to the chase, last night we had dinner together and afterwards went to his place, I then told him in no uncertain terms that I felt it was best if we did not have any sexual contact for a while (after what he told me about his feelings and intentions). I live an hour away so I did stay the night, We slept together in the same bed, we held each other, a few kisses, everything was very calm and cool.. we had breakfast together, and parted ways. He has texted me a few times today and asked me to meet him for an early drink with friends. I said not today, I am very busy, I said we could talk later, and he asked me to call him . I guess I am wondering whether I did the right thing or not, I asked him again this morning what his feelings were and he said that his head says its right, but his heart doesn't.
This man has called me more than once a day every day for 3 months... has helped through some tough challenges and has been a rock for me. I just don't know if cutting off the sex is enough, or should I end things completely with him? It hurts but I have my guard up... maybe its up too much? Anyone with suggestions would be great.
Thanks all

The first thing that stands out are you have been together 3 months. You want a relationship, why? You should be having fun getting to know each other to see all you can see about this stranger before even considering a relationship. Moving so fast to be exclusive with a stranger often leads to confusion, because of high expectations of instant success.

The second thing is he has only been single for seven months from a supposedly deeper relationship that didn't work out. You are right, he does need a proper time to heal, no matter what he says. He also needs love and support through these times, and that's what makes things shaky, because what he needs is a friend, and not a romance.

I think you did well backing away to a safe distance, but keeping your life balanced with other things besides each other would help, and staying away from the sex, (lust) at this point, gives you both a better perspective on your feelings. Lust/love are hard to separate early on, and when one fades then you will know what you have together, if anything.

As I see things he is backing off himself because lets be real about the facts, who needs to jump from one person to another without a proper healing? That would be a rebound, and no good can come from that, only confused feelings to work through, and that ruins everything that should be an enjoyable dating experience.

Not only keep your walls up, but don't put all your eggs in his basket so soon, because surely there is too much to learn, yet to come, and you really need to express that to him, as he has expressed his confusion, that leads to his hesitation.

Dating as friends that are realistic in their expectation would be fun, but trying to build romance with a stranger that may not be ready for what you want, isn't smart. So yes, protect yourself from a safe distance, and pay attention. Slow down would be my advice from what you have written, because there really is no hurry, because relationships are built over time, not thrown together because it feels right at the moment, or looks good on paper.

He needs a friend, not a lover, and that's something to pay attention to. What is it you need??

I think you did the right thing. Good advise from T

It's understandable that he's just not ready for a relationship. I think you made a good decision to not sleep with him. And it seems to me that you guys are helping each other out. I would suggest just continue having a non-serious relationship. Maybe more than just friends. But at the same time if you feel he's making you feel depressed and confused, stay away from him for a while and let him work things out on his own but still be there for him.