I've just had a big fight with my long term boyfriend. We have dated 15 years and things weren't that smooth for us. It's been a while I've been suspecting him watching porn, downloading porn etc. I have no issues with that but the problem is he has been telling me that he doesn't watch and I tripped when I found out those links on his laptop. I tried to confront him many times but he denied. Just an hour ago, I found out that his laptop has a lot of porns. I confronted him. He got mad at me, closed his laptop and beginning to throw things at me. I got a bit of cut on my hands and he tried to pull my hand to drag me out of his house. Before I confronted him, I checked through his history, which he thinks I won't be able to find out. I found out some porn links and I tried to dig further. And yes it is, there are big collection of porns in his machine, which is located under a very decent working folder. To me, that's definitely his collections and why does he need to get mad when I confronted him? Even the history links showed that he was accessing some porn videos at night, when he was waiting for me to arrive that day. I clearly remember the date!

I'm so sure that he watched it, and he is sort of like addicted to it. But the problem is, whenever I confronted him, he will shout at me, try to throw me out of the house, to show me his anger so that I will think he is innocent. By the way, he is 33 and I'm 27. Why can't he admit that he indeed watched it? Why does he have to lie to me all the time? And hurt me when it clearly showed that he watched it?

Do you guys think that he is innocent? He said I like to screen through his stuff. To me, if you are innocent, you won't be afraid at all. Tell me, what should I do? Is he innocent and I'm just merely finding fault or is he guilty and trying to run away from it by getting mad?

I'm hurt, and my tears just can't stop flowing out from my eyes.. :'(

Help...

You say you have no issue with it,however you played a big part in the row that erupted afterwards, a row that got very much out of control.

There are a few issues in your post to address and a lot of questions that come to mind.

For me reading your post the porn and the covering it up is only a surface problem covering a much larger problem within the relationship.it would seem that there are huge trust issues in your relationship,if after 15 years together you have not worked out a way to communicate without someone getting hurt perhaps its time to call it a day.

My advice is let the dust settle,then go back and talk to each other and find out is this relationship worth the heartache its causing you both, if it is,perhaps relationship councilling will help.

At some point you both have to ask yourselves why are you together and where is this relationship going.

It sounds as though the porn bothers you more than you are admitting. His trying to cover it up, and getting angry with you about it, only adds to that.

Why does he have to admit watching it? You already know that he does. Be careful that it hasn't become an issue of you being able to say you are right, or to feel some sort of satisfaction that you found him out. If you don't like it, which there is nothing wrong with that, then you may have to consider leaving the relationship since he isn't likely to stop.

My bigger concern is his reaction. I can understand his not being happy that you snooped through his laptop, and now he is on the defensive, but to apparently become so enraged as to throw things at you, or try to throw you out of the house, is a major red flag that shouldn't be ignored.

I agree with red. Think carefully about how you feel; really feel, and then talk to him when things are calm. If his reaction is one of great anger and possible violence, leave. You don't need the risk of getting hurt and continuing to wonder about what he may or may not be looking at, and he obviously would prefer not to have someone checking up on him and quizzing him on what he has on his laptop.

The relationship may have run its course and just isn't healthy, loving, or fun for either of you anymore.

He obviously doesn't want to discuss his personal, and private feelings on why he does what he does, and why you have to confront him, and make this such a big deal is beyond me. Seems you would give him his privacy and wait for him to open up to you instead of forcing things in the open.

Regardless, this no way for a couple to behave, and I hope you have the sense to back off and see where this gets you, and come up with a much better approach to this issue. The one you have ain't working, and you are making him guilty of over reacting.

Your problem as I see it is not about porn, but how you go about talking about it. I think he is more mad about you snooping, and then confronting him to admit it, than anything else, and why keep going through this crap, At 27, and 15 years together (WOW since you were 12, and he was 18?? ) you would expect this to be no big deal, unless there are other things besides the porn. That's it, the porn is the tip of the iceberg as far as problems isn't it?