So, I have quite the complicated situation and would like to hear some unbiased feedback. I have been dating this girl for nearly a year. No problems and amazing times until I heard she was pregnant and it very likely could be another man's. She had a one-night stand which she was very apologetic and upset about. I am all about giving someone a second chance, especially if they are very apologetic and clearly upset by it, because I make mistakes too. But, since she may have gotten pregnant from the one-night stand, it obviously makes things much more difficult. If it was not mine for certain, then I am almost positive I would leave the relationship even though she still really wants to be with me. What do you think about this? No matter how much you loved a girl, could you really help raise another man's baby knowing it was from a 1-night mistake? On the other hand, it could be mine. We were only about a week apart and she has very irregular cycles which makes it very difficult to know the true father but he is likely the father due to the 1-night stand occurring at the right time of the month (for a girl with regular cycles). In other words, it seems like the true father may not be known until birth. Does anyone have more knowledge on this topic? Now, if the baby is mine, I am all in. I just couldn't imagine completely severing ties with her and then suddenly getting a call 8 months later that I'm the father. What would you do in this situation? Protection was used during all this so that can't help better determine the father either. Also, I know this was the only time she has cheated on me. Lastly, the other guy is more than willing to be there for the baby so I know that she truly wants me and not just someone to help raise the baby. Thanks for your feedback. Please don't give responses like cut ties from her immediately, there's more fish in the sea. I know, I've been with plenty of those other fish, but none have come close to the most current one.

First of all are you sure that she is pregnant, has she been to a Doctor?

Second, from reading your post one of reasons you are so willing to forgive is that you also have been unfaithful during this relationship?

If she is pregnant and you love her, why not talk to the doctor on options about testing. Rather you stay together or not is up to both of you

Yes, she has seen a doctor, but still very early on (~2 weeks). I was not unfaithful in this relationship but have been in others. Also, she is against abortions (I don't recommend this either, especially since it could be ours) and most likely would not give it up for adoption.

You know what the deal is already, and either need to be all in, or all out. If you have given her a second chance, if that's your decision, then stand by it no matter what. Probably you won't know who the father is until birth, and I can see a lot of anguish until then, but if you are in this together, then be all in no matter whose child it is, because a sperm donor is so much different than being a father.

Do you know who the other potential dad may be? There may be a lot of legal stuff to follow, and a lot to think about also as far as rights, or actions to take, legal advice is needed, because he has rights too you know. This goes beyond the two of you and there are 4 people with an interest in this outcome.

You have many issues and feelings to resolve with her, if you intend to go forward.

You have a lot of legal, and emotional advice to get, so forget the emotional stuff, and get informed, and get the facts, and give your decision a lot of careful thought, and do the right thing.


That doesn't mean get married. You can pay child support, as well as this other fellow can, but your relationship with her is what's important now, and that's where your main focus should be. What are you both going to do no matter the outcome in 9 months. What will you both do NOW, since what has happened has happened, and that's what you have to deal with. Like adults. Start talking, and get some facts to make a good decision.

Okay so you have been to Doctor and you have been advised too early to test yet, is that correct?

I don't mean to be asking questions,but if you don't know for SURE, I wouldn't get all worked up.

I agree with TAL, if she is pregnant then you will have to wait till birth of the child to have any testing done. If you are actually going to stay with her, then you will have to make sure you are there to support her the entire time and even if you get angry with her don't bring up not knowing who the father is, that will only upset her,and a young woman pregnant doesn't need anymore stress.

If you find out that she isn't pregnant, then you sound like responsible guy, when you are at the doctors assuming that is who will tell her she isn't pregnant, ask the doctor to go over contraceptives for your girlfriend and you. This is giving not just your girlfriend, but you a chance to not have to go through this again. Also neither one of you wants to give the other person STD due to unprotected sex, just in case.

I wish you the best, please keep us posted, if you need to just get stuff off you chest we will be here.

Yes, she has seen a doctor, but still very early on (~2 weeks). I was not unfaithful in this relationship but have been in others. Also, she is against abortions (I don't recommend this either, especially since it could be ours) and most likely would not give it up for adoption.

2 weeks? As an OB nurse, I would actually question this as it is typically too early to test positive at 2 weeks.

To J_9,
Well, I didn't know that. Since you're a nurse, maybe you can give some more insight here. The last time we had sex was 5 days after the first day of her period. We were together quite a bit that weekend. Then, the one-night stand happened about 5-7 days later. As I said, she has irregular periods. Without a paternity test, is it possible to know the father? I'm not sure an ultrasound can even be that precise.

Comment on answerme_tender's post
I actually was not there at the doctor, but apparently she tested positive at home. Then, went to the doctor and tested positive there.

To J_9,
Well, I didn't know that. Since you're a nurse, maybe you can give some more insight here. The last time we had sex was 5 days after the first day of her period. We were together quite a bit that weekend. Then, the one-night stand happened about 5-7 days later. As I said, she has irregular periods. Without a paternity test, is it possible to know the father? I'm not sure an ultrasound can even be that precise.

It's impossible to say, especially with the encounters being so close together.

An ultrasound can NEVER tell paternity. That will have to be done after the baby is born.

Well, I got an update I thought you guys might be interested in. But, maybe I'm just here to vent, not quite sure. So, my girlfriend decided to go with adoption if the baby is the other guys, and to keep it if ours unless I thought differently. I thought, great sounds good. However, when she brought up the idea of adoption to the other guy, he refused, which really surprised me. I thought anybody in his shoes (1 night fling) would agree to adoption, especially in this situation. The problem is this guy is really, really into my girlfriend and using this as some way sick of getting her. This became clear to me (and her) when he made some very contradictory comments about the situation. Seems like a pretty sick game to me. So, as of now, it seems like it will come down to a paternity test.

Geez guy, if you waste your time freaking out, and worrying about "who's the daddy", for the next nine months you will never make up your own mind as to what's the right thing you have to do for yourself, this relationship, or the child.

Right now ALL that matters is what the two of you do regardless who the baby daddy is. Sure adoption, and abortion are easy solutions for a guy, it solves many problems, but it has long term severe consequences for a female. Heck child birth when its known who the father is, and the child was planned, is a life changing event.

Wrap your head around what you will do for the pregnant female whether the child is yours or not. Talk to your dad, or a trusted older male you deeply respect, because honestly, and just me mind you, I would take whatever time I had to right now and figure out what MY options where in this situation. I think me and her would have a long and deep talk about our future as a couple and how we would handle things whether this guy is the father or not, because the last thing thats needed is for you to be there and bail later if the results of her pregnancy are not what you want.

To me it comes down to honesty, because whether you like it or not, if you stay with her, you will be dad, no matter what the test shows, and if you can't handle that partner, you should leave now, and pay your support later. After people have come to depend on you, and your word, is not a time to act like a boy who cannot accept responsibility, nor cope with reality.

She made a mistake, and you forgave her, so stand by it, or let her deal with whatever is to come without you. You have 9 months it seems to get your head together. WRONG!!! Deal with it NOW!!! Doesn't matter one bit who is the father, or whether she has an abortion, adopts or keeps the child. All of that is TOTALLY IRRELEVANT!

The only thing is what are you going to do about YOUR situation. So you better figure out if you are going, or staying, and pretty darn quick, and let her know how much she can depend on you no matter the decision SHE has to make. Just be honest about it, and make your word stand for something, and have the actions to match.

The luxury of being a happy go lucky young guy are over, and its time to man up, not in 9 months, NOW!!

You're right man. I guess I never imagined myself being in this situation, especially with her. It's a lot to take in.

I just realized that was kind of dumb comment. Who could imagine themselves being in this situation? But, it is what it is.

However, when she brought up the idea of adoption to the other guy, he refused, which really surprised me. I thought anybody in his shoes (1 night fling) would agree to adoption, especially in this situation.

I just want to comment on this statement.

First of all, I commend the guy for taking responsibility for his actions, regardless if it were a one night stand.

My attitude is, you play, you pay.

Now, I know that may sound harsh, however, you need to realize that HE MAY be the Father.

BUT, this child may be yours. So I think that you two should formulate a plan of action regardless if the child is his, or yours.

If the child is his, then keep in mind that he has rights.

I just don't understand how people in love, can cheat on each other?:confused:


I just realized that was kind of dumb comment. Who could imagine themselves being in this situation? But, it is what it is.

That's more like it...

The fact that she cheated on you bothers me the most.

Normally, I would commend the guy. In fact, I was at the beginning before I knew he really just wanted her and not the baby. He's using the baby as an "anchor baby". That's what makes it wrong.

Also, I believe that the final decision on a pregnancy should come down to the woman, especially in this situation, since she has to carry it for nine months, which is why I agreed to the adoption.