Log in

View Full Version : Help with a guy


anticcafe
Dec 3, 2010, 03:47 AM
I need advice about a guy that I'm very interested in. He's older than me, and he's just starting to end a serious relationship with a very nasty woman. He's a very flirty individual, as am I, but where he works, he flirts with basically every other girl in the vicinity. I really care about him, but I'm too nervous to properly talk to him, though I have and we are friends. I still have difficulty speaking to him, though we have had a few one on one moments that were great. He makes me smile and laugh, but I can't help but feel jealous and upset when he's off flirting with other people.
What do I do?

redhed35
Dec 3, 2010, 04:47 AM
Have you considered the possibility that the reason he is breaking up with his current girlfriend is because of his flirting?

Do you know his girlfriend personally? Is he saying she is nasty? What's the full story? Have you only heard one side.

Either way whatever the circumstances of his break up he will need to get over it, after a breakup you need time to adjust,jumping into another relationship is usually a disaster.

You don't say how much older,but for me I would advice to hang back and wait and see what happens next with this guy,will he actually end the relationship or is he playing the field.

Charming he may be but is he being honest.

Devorameira
Dec 3, 2010, 07:00 AM
To get involved with this guy just as he's starting to end a serious relationship would be insane.

You're only hearing one side of the story about her being a "nasty woman". That "nasty woman" may have a lot of reasons for not being in a nice mood.

My advice is to stay away from him totally.

Aleeravilu
Dec 3, 2010, 09:16 AM
Most good and shy girls are usually attracted to bad asses like this guy. My advice is to stay far away. Guys like that can only hurt you. Because he still flirted with all the girls while In a relationship. If he ends that relationship now, the chance of him flirting even more is High~~
And if you haven't noticed, I think he makes A Lot of girls laugh and smile.
But if you Still think you can change him into a good guy, at least wait until after he has totally finished with that so-called nasty woman

I wish
Dec 3, 2010, 10:42 AM
Nothing much you can do at this point other than keep getting to know him better.

No need to think about how he flirts with other women as he's about to be single, so it's fair game.

Just keep getting to know him better and see where that leads. I suspect that as you get to know him better, you might not be as interested because he might not be looking for another serious relationship for the next little while, so there's going to be a lot of jealousy on your side.

If you really want to get his attention, then put your best foot forward when talking to him and let it flow naturally. If he's not interested in you even after you put you best foot forward, then you're better off moving on.

happylive333
Dec 6, 2010, 09:12 AM
You already know his flirtatious nature, if you still want to be with him then you should know what to expect... If you just want some fun time with him by all means but if you want to get serious with him my advise is, think thrice. Chances are you might end up being the next so called nasty girlfriend of his.

Jake2008
Dec 6, 2010, 10:17 AM
He has what is called, charisma. He does what he does, to charm, engage, and enjoy the positive reactions and responses that he gets in return. What he does with he reactions, is anybody's guess, but, I suspect that he is likely facing a breakup because of his behaviour with other women. I wouldn't be so quick to judge the other woman as 'very nasty', and if she is, perhaps she has good reason to be.

That being said, you are attracted to him. But think about what you are really attracted to. Observe him flirting 'harmlessly' with the next situation you see at the office, and carefully look at what you see. Does he really flirt harmlessly, or is he maniupulating women's feelings, in order to make himself look irrisistable. Does he have all the right words to make women pay attention to him, laugh, and reciprocate feelings, or does he cut out when they get the upper hand, and start teasing him, the same way he teases them.

If his behaviour toward women were the opposite, and that what he said was always negative, mean spirited, targeted and personal, and the results were tears, anxiety and stress, would his words be considered anything other than manipulative and mean?

That he is at the opposite extreme, and on the plus side of communicating with seemingly harmless comments and being a flirt, is he still not displaying controllng behaviour? He may seem harmless enough, but he is using an 'audience', or specific person, for a very sefish goal, and that is to make himself appear to be special, different, attractive, interested? Only to never focus on one person, but to engage many in his quest to keep boosting his ego? He is using people's feelings to feed off, to satisfy himself.

You have satisfied that goal, by allowing his behaviour to personally affect how you feel toward him, where he is not expressing the same feelings toward you. He likely could care less what the effect of his flirting has on women, and when he leaves at the end of the day, he's all topped up emotionally, and could care less if he has affected someone who has actually taken him seriously.

If you pursue him, he most likely will be caught totally off guard, and express confusion, dismay, and surprise, because what he does, was not directed to you personally in any way, other than to get a rise out of you, to feed his ego. Just like he does to all the other women. I also suspect that with people like this, he would enjoy thinking that some of them will at some point make a big fuss over being jealous of each other. Thinking that this guy is a good catch, and he knows this too.

So while you are attracted to him, it is, in my opinion, for all the wrong reasons.