I'm born and raised in Canada, 21 and still a virgin. Is that a bad thing? Is it normal?

I have never had a girlfriend, kissed a girl, or done anything. I have never even had a good friend that was a female. Basically I've had nothing to do with females. The only girls I do talk to are cashiers at stores, and my brothers girlfriend. I don't talk to her that much, but him, on the other hand, has had like a billion girlfriends. Right now he has 2. I kind of think, I grew up in the shadow of my brother. Even girls that were in my classes, that were my age, used to hang out with him. He didn't even go to my school, and I'd get candy grams that would say, "pass this onto your brother," or "your brother is hot."

I'm shy, and because I've never been in a relationship, I feel that girls aren't attracted to me, which is why I'm not that confident. I never thought I looked handsome, but I never thought I was ugly either, until recently. It is impossible for me to meet women, so I tried online at POF. No one ever responds to me, and I've gotten a response that was "Ew."

Out of boredom, I even went on a cam site called Omegle. Even on there, not once but many times, when my cam appears, some girls just burst out laughing. Some say eww, and some even take the effort of typing it, instead of just nexting. Am I really that ugly? I have a better chance talking to girls with my cam off, they actually stay. They start saying aww, you're so sweet, where's your cam, I want to see you. I make an excuse, and they continue to talk to a black screen.

I respect women, and everything about them. Maybe I respect them too much, and aren't "bad" enough. Even when I'm with friends, they'll say that girls hot, or that girls ugly. I say they're hot too, but I've never said that a girl is ugly. I feel that I'm not someone that should be judging someone in a negative way, and I always look for their beautiful aspects.

I don't want to be called special, and I don't want to be told that someone will be lucky to have me, because we know that's not true. I'm not special, if I was then I would be my brother. Girls would want me then. I have no one else to talk to, so I decided to post here. I just want to be in a real relationship, someone I can become comfortable around, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.

Everyone drinks and they're able to approach and talk to women. I don't drink, don't go to clubs or bars.
I don't smoke so I'm not thaaat cool.
And, I'm Indian... Oh, suddenly the whole virgin/ugly thing makes sense now.

I'm born and raised in Canada, 21 and still a virgin. Is that a bad thing? Is it normal

Everyone drinks and they're able to approach and talk to women. I don't drink, don't go to clubs or bars.
I don't smoke so I'm not thaaat cool.
And, I'm Indian......... Oh, suddenly the whole virgin/ugly thing makes sense now.

Not a bad thing to still be a virgin at 21. You just haven't hit your strike yet. As for the drinking and smoking, that is definitely cool for sure and quite healthy I might add.

Oh, and by the way, what type of indian, native indian, east indian, west indian ?

Tick

East Indian.

Don't get so down on your yourself. Get out there and socialize even it if has to be within your own community to start. You are probably in a very close knit family, then, right ? Lots of lovely indian girls to meet and I am sure your parents would love that to happen. Why have they not introduced you to some ?

What type of business are you in? Are you still going to university?

A lot of questions, but they really help with good answers, that.

Tick

You sound like a wonderful young man (and the fact that you are a virgin makes my day!). I live in the Chicago suburbs and have seen and met many Indian (the Asian variety, not American Indian) men. Most of them are quite good-looking and very exotic-looking compared to the boring and sterile whiteness of Caucasians. We Chicagoans are lucky that we are a huge melting pot of cultures and races (and foods!), whereas my mom and brothers live in a rural area in New York State and have probably rarely, if ever, seen an Indian or Chinese person.

Please don't start to smoke or drink to be cool. You write exceedingly well and express yourself very nicely. Immature people say "ewww" when they bump up against something they aren't familiar with, whether it's an unusual food (empanadas--sort of like samosas) or a person in a wheelchair or with an obviously missing limb or a strange-looking vehicle (the early SUVs). We have to cut those people some slack for their ignorant behavior and then do our best to educate them.

Is your family from southern India?

@tickle

Close knit family, is just my immediate family. Parents and brother. We have a lot of other family, but we're not really that close with anyone. You know, when you're in a slump, no one is ever there, but when you're wealthy everyone just starts showing up. That happened with us, our house got sold, now we're living in an apartment, lol.

I did go to college for 2 years, and with my super weak social skills, I was able to make 3 friends, all guys that were in my class. I only met them in class and we never met outside of it. Right now, I'm just living at home, hoping to get accepted to University in January.

My family is actually from Northern India. Punjab to be exact.

You can stop saying how bad your social skills are right now, young man. Because as W said, you have excellent writing skills, so we know you are well educated. You know, when you start university it could turn your life around, and you should stop thinking negatively and promote positive.

What will you be taking in university and will it be U of T, or University of Western Ontario in Oshawa ?

Tick

We used to inhabit all the very excellent indian restaurants in Toronto; unfortunately there aren't any good ones in eastern Ontario. So had to start cooking indian food myself and I am actually quite good at it, but my husband doesn't like the spice garam masala unfortunately, and I do.

Tick

Ah, my friend and former coworker Munisha is from Kashmir and is married to a wonderful man and a fellow Indian (arranged marriage). My friend and former coworker Shachi is from Delhi and is married to Manoj. All are successful in their various careers and have strong family ties in this country and in India.

Are you confident about being accepted at the university, and what will you study?

@tickle

Chatting online and talking in real life are completely different. As long as I stay anonymous, I feel confident. Talking in real life, I lose all my confidence, turn shy, and cannot hold a conversation.
I'm hoping University will turn my life around too. I'm going to Windsor, and I plan on getting an apartment near by. Not sure if I should live on campus, in order to increase my chances of meeting other people. Personally, I prefer to have my own room, and not have to share the washroom with half of the floor.
Food-wise, I'm about to eat some butter chicken right now. I don't like any spices either, even though I'm Indian, I just can't eat them. :)

@Wondergirl

Honestly, I could never see myself getting an arranged marriage. I have nothing against them, but I want to have a real relationship, and let it evolve slowly. I'd also prefer a girl from Canada, and not India.
I'm pretty confident. I did Computer Programming at College and did quite well. Now, I'm hoping to get accepted for Computer Science.

You are making some wise decisions. I hope you will be successful. When you graduate just don't start in a call centre.

Tick

Being UNDER 21 and NOT being a virgin is a bad thing! I love games like imvu and ourworld.com, because you can make your avatar anyway you want, and people don't really ask questions... They can fall in love, they can be friends, and the best thing is that after you show them your real self, they know they like you too much to care. I hate it that people are racist. And I hate it that people think gay/lesbian is wrong too, I'm white and straight. I'm sticking up for others because I can see why people would be gay/lesbian, they can see the beauty in they own gender... And I don't know why whites are mad because some blacks hate us, I mean we treated you guys as slaves and abused you for god sake! They have every right! I hate to judge people, partly because I can't keep up my own self esteem. I guess this answer was just a burst of my feelings :) But hope it helped, Anna

After living in dorms for three years and finally having my own space during the fourth, I totally understand about not wanting to share a bathroom with dormmates. You will still have the joy of being on campus most of the day and evening to take classes, be part of the campus community, by hanging out in the student union building, eating at the snack bar, being a member of the chess club or a forensics team, etc. Along the way, you will meet girls, and don't overlook the not-so-pretty ones who are maybe as shy as you.

I want to create a web site and monetize it. Maybe you can help me. :D

I played Ragnarok a while ago. I don't play any of those games anymore, because I get addicted, and they begin taking up way too much of my time.

., i mean we treated you guys as slaves and abused you for god sake! They have every right! I hate to judge people, partly because i


OP is not african american, he is east idian. East indians were never treated as slaves.

Tick

@Wondergirl

I seen my friends dorm, and he shared the washroom with his whole floor. There was toilet paper all over the washroom and toilet, the one time I did go in it. My room is messy with clothes, but I can't stand a dirty washroom. That's the one place I keep super clean.
I don't overlook anyone, but chess club, haha. I was thinking about maybe playing recreational hockey there if they had a club for that, but that too, just another way to mainly meet guys. Even if I were to go to a club, there is no one I would ever be able to approach someone out of the blue. Maybe if the club required me to communicate with someone, but I would still find it difficult. I find it incredibly hard to hold a conversation with a stranger, and even harder if it's a female.

I had a website, and I monetized it as well. I sold it after a while though. I haven't worked on anything serious, or tried monetizing anything after that.

Thanks! And call centre? No, never. Firstly, I find them annoying myself. Secondly, I would be communicating with too many strangers. :)

Once a month or so, my (small) college offered foreign or classic films with group discussion afterwards. Or you could take off with friends to the snack bar or your dorm lounge to talk about the movie in a smaller group. There was also a drama club. One year I was a page in a Greek play, and another year I was a flower in a children's play (no lines to learn). I wasn't painfully shy, but I definitely wasn't the firecracker I am now in my old age.

How many students are at the university you want to get into? What are your hobbies or special interests?

@Wondergirl

I'm painfully shy. I wouldn't even want to go up in front of other students like that. My palms easily become sweaty when I'm in a situation like that.

Mainly, my hobbies just consist of anything athletic. I plan on signing up for intramural sports if that is available.

I was poking around on the university web site. Looks like a cool place to be. (I've driven through Windsor many times, traveling between Chicago and my home near Rochester, NY.)

I wish I could role-play with you and open you up to a little social life. We could have fun!

Oh, cool. I'm still waiting to get accepted, so I hope that goes through. If not, there goes any hopes of actually meeting people, and my degree. :(

I think I would still be completely nervous and shy. :P

Better off a 22 year old virgin than a 21 year old non-virgin with Herpes, HPV, or AIDS.

You are still a virgin because you actually have standards... and won't sleep with anything that has a pulse.

Don't be ashamed of it... and don't lower your standards.

I wish I could call it standards. I have never ever had a friend that was a female. I understand having standards in relationships, but friends? I just can't find it in me to communicate to girls, if I tried, I would instantly choke up.

I believe one of the most potent aphrodisiacs is confidence.

It is sexy as sin.

And it cannot be outright bought.

I've a good friend who is pakistani... comes to me all the time for advice about women. Part of this is tied to his "strict" upbringing and lack of being able to talk about these things with his parents... but he also has struggled to connect with others... struggled to go outside himself... it takes time and effort and work. Maybe more work than many others need to do... but you are faced only with your needs.

My friend has a beautiful girlfriend. It took time. Lots and lots of time. He had self doubt. Frustration. Anger. Sadness. But... he also focused on positioning himself. Working on his career and his education.

You are likely going to need to take some risks and continue to be willing to "fail"... but it really isn't failure.

Failure is when a person doesn't even take that chance to try. Trying and not getting the result you want... that is not failing.

Best you can do is to continue to focus on yourself... my experience is that when I was most ready for new love, it never came. Then... suddenly... there were three women, all interesting, all interested in me, all at once.

Life is just wacked. Maddening. But I own it.