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View Full Version : What would you do?


elayer123
Nov 25, 2010, 09:38 PM
****.. I guess I'll start with the beginning. I am 20 years old in my first "long term" relationship of a year and a half, well actually my first real relationship ever. And its great, He is everything I wanted when I thought of my dream guy and probably more, because I never really expected much. But about 10 months ago I want through some difficult stuff to say the least ( and this guy has been supportive every step). But in no way am I ready for this level of emotional or time consuming or serious of a relationship. And especially with where I am in my life. I am moving back home with my parents and transferring colleges because I need some time to recoup. We have this plan, I am going to move home and recoup and then in the fall I am going to move away with him to any college we can agree on, anywhere in the states. And at first it sounded like a great plan, but it's the kind of we move, we get engaged, get married, start our life kind of move. And while that sounded great, may sound great, with what I went through it kind of put me in this place where I have no clue what I want out of life, In any way. I have changed my major to undecided, am unsure if I even want to be in college, or where I want to go or end up. I Care about this guy so much, and we clic he's essentially perfect for who I was a year ago. But now I feel lost and unsure about everything. I wish I could just leave it all and pack a back pack walk out my front door and go see where I end up. And the only thing keeping me from doing so is who I was. I don't know if how I feel now is how I will feel forever, what if I snap out of it and hate myself for the choice I made. I Have decided that I have 3 choices
1) stay with our plan and move away with the man I love.
2) Take a break from the relation ship still move home and see what happens.
3) **** it I'm packing my passport, i'm 20 years old life and who the **** cares there is plenty of time for this stuff when i'm thirty.
Choice 3 is the one I wish I had the guts to just do, but it's harder then one would think, I love my boyfriend I could see myself with this guy for the rest of my life and we would be happy. I know He or someone exactly like him is the kind of man I want to end up with. So I willing leave the choice to anyone who reads this comment and leave a number 1, 2, or 3. First choice to 5 comments is what I'm going with. I went to out and bought a backpack today so I'm game for whatever you guys choose. But please hurry I can't wait forever.

phantomlrp
Nov 25, 2010, 10:16 PM
I will not leave a number choice as I do not think it is up to the people who post here to make a decision for you. All I can say is you need to do what is best for yourself at this time. That is what you should do all the time what is best for you.

If you are unsure about what you want out of life I would not move in with this guy as he would think it is leading to what you said "we move, we get engaged, get married, start our life".

If you feel you may want a future with this person let them know, but be honest that you are unsure and do not want to move in at this time.

If you feel like you need to make a major change in your life and just want to pick up and move away then do that. I know it is very difficult to do that but others have done that. If it fails to work out you can always go back to #2.

My advice and what I think about this situation.

pandead
Nov 25, 2010, 10:31 PM
Yep, I'm not going to vote either.

If you don't know what you want, try to define what you don't want in life. It really doesn't matter who you were before. You are at a crossroad in your life that will define who you are as an adult and you can discover a lot about yourself.

I love risks and adventures, I always think I won't regret much the things I've done, but the ones I haven't. Although, the backpack idea isn't just about buying the backpack. If you want to find yourself somewhere else, create opportunities for yourself before you go anywhere, like finding a job, a new school... or a new major, who knows?

Whatever you pick (noone else is going to make that decision for you) don't rush. You have plenty of time to figure out what you want. If you really want an advice, I would slow down on the whole engagement-marriage thing, move to parents' house and make a solid plan (with a backup plan eventually) even if I decide to pack my bags and move away later.

ironhide262
Nov 25, 2010, 10:45 PM
Haha... no one should make this choice for you.. This is something you simply have to do for yourself. Life is about hard decisions... what would you learn out of this if a bunch of strangers just made this choice for you? This is about what you want in your life.

But, seriously, at your age you have time before you need to jump into marriage. If you are not ready then you are not ready. So many things to do and experience. You also have your education to think about... which is paramount these days. The only thing is... do you want to experience this time of your life with your boyfriend or by yourself to make some new friends, date other people... gain more experience and perspective.

You say you are lost and unsure. Don't be afraid of breaking up and taking the time to figure things out. I look at it this way... if you are not whole heartedly into this relationship and on the same page with your boyfriend then things will be doomed to fail. Breaking up is hard to do but, at times very necessary for both of you.

One more thing, I wouldn't just run off somewhere , passport in hand, looking for answers. Have a plan, give yourself a timeline... it's easy just to let things go and time has a way of flying by and you forget what it was you were trying to figure out in the first place. Get some priorities in order.

As long as your decisions are true to yourself and based on your happiness then you can't really go wrong... make it and don't look back.

Sorry, I'm not sure if I have helped you or not. Just my opinion. Best of luck!

talaniman
Nov 26, 2010, 10:44 AM
Recoup, and see how you feel! What's the hurry??