Hi, I'm new here. I'm a single mom and have a grown daughter in college. She lives at home with me and a relative. My problem is: my daughter continuously looks down on me, making me feel like I'm stupid, or at least I let her make me feel this way. She is very smart, intelligent and talented and I'm so proud of her. She is an only child, grandchild and niece so she was plenty spoiled all her life. I feel I have spent all of my motherhood trying to 'make it up' to her because she grew up w/o her father. I believe she thinks I'm her best friends and that is partly my fault. But there is a line, yes, mother/daughter can be friends to a certain point. I am still the mother, the parent, and head of household. I do suffer from depression and anxiety and she also has mental illness too. I have a partner whom she has never liked and I know who ever I choose to be with, she will never like them either. Most of my depression I have realized is related to our relationship. I am not her best friends. I was mama for 18 yrs but she is grown now. I am still mom but I am so Me, my own person with my own personal life. She feels I'm choosing my partner over her, when numerous times I have told her, I refuse to choose, I love both of you equally. I don't have to choose, I'm an adult in my 40's. She also treats our other relative the same way, like we're stupid. Two of my relatives have the same trait. I feel like it's my fault it has gone this far. So far to the point I'm always in a nervous state and depressed. I'm walking on egg shells around her and I don't know why. She is the best thing to come from a broken marriage. I have dedicated my life to her and ALWAYS supported her and stood up for her. Why is she so against me? This breaks my heart! I have now realized that I have to use tough love, if you don't like my personal life, there's the door! I am taking control of this house again and not letting her 'run' things/us. It's so heartbreaking, 'cause I feel so betrayed and hurt. Do a lot of grown daughters treat their mother this way? Am I over reacting? I have finally woken up and realized her manipulative personality. I have to be strong even though the depression is making me weak. I have my own personal problems to deal with, let alone deal with a daughter who is unappreciative, rude and selfish. I see those grown kids on those reality shows and I think man, are they spoiled, why do they let their kids get away with acting that way and saying those things? Brain fart, I have the same problem. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter and just adore her. I have always told her that as long as I have a home, she has a place to stay if she needs to. My partner and I have always said no one is left out, everyone is welcome, but we all also have to get along too, respect each other and each others feelings. She's just behaving like a brat. I guess I created this brat not realizing it through the years. She does have a part time job but she doesn't pay any utilities or contribute to rent. I know she needs her money to buy her supplies for her classes. But enough is enough! Please! Some advice would really help or even some support or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

If your daughter isn't paying rent, then she should be contributing by doing chores, helping with the cooking and baking, taking out the garbage, doing laundry. etc. This will not only benefit the current household but also hone her skills for when she lives somewhere else someday.

Does she help out somehow?

She does clean/maintain common areas of house, was paying her to do laundry/dishes cause of my arthritis. But she should be doing this anyway, right?

I managed, at the ripe ol' age of 43, to be working full-time, going to grad school part-time, and caring for a household of three supposedly helpless men and three sleeping cats. The helpless men found out they aren't so helpless after all.

There are clever ways to get your daughter to work more in your home to pay her dues and help out her mom. And no, you should not be paying her to do common chores like the dishes or laundry. Building a new chicken coop, yes. Re-roofing the house, yes. Washing and vacuuming the family cars, no. Baking cookies, no. Cooking a meal, no.

You get respect or she can find a new place to live, we only get treated poorly if and when we allow others to treat us that way.

It seems your daughter and my 19 yr. old son has both attended the Non-Realistic Entitlement University Class of the 20th century. My heart bleeds for us both our stories are so similar.

Unfortunately, too many students have attended but it is time to take back our lives as people and mothers. This is painful to hear and more so to say but think of our disrespectful children as adults…would you tolerate this abuse from another adult? Your answer is now your new direction…if yes-counseling suggested…if no-time for a hiatus.

They have earned no rights to swim in your pool or defecate in your corner. Let them go…I did…it hurts but I can enjoy my days and nights, again. Good Luck to us both.