Hi,

I'm going so crazily out of my mind that I have decided to post on a site about this, I think I could really do with some advice on this one, as I'm just completely lost.

So, I don't want to go into too much detail, but basically I was with my ex girlfriend for about 10 months. We were pretty good friends before that as we worked together before/when we got together, and I liked her for a while before that when she was with another guy.

We got together, or rather we kissed when she was still with her ex at the time. But she was unhappy anyway, and they split up. In the meantime while that was Happening, I was still working with her, and I was just being her friend while they sorted stuff out.

We ended up dating, or seeing each other, and I was over the moon. I wanted her so badly and I had her! It was a bit weird cause she didn't want anyone at work to know about us, so we kept it secret. It was tough, as it wasn't a normal start. To a relationship you know? And I wasn't 100% sure she was done with her ex, as he still loved her and so forth. I fel t awful, and so was always on edge on whether what we were doing was right...

We got through it, and everything was going well. However, the sexlife wasn't great. I know I sound like an idiot, but I just didn't find her really sexy? I found her beautiful and gorgeous, but I just didn't ever feel really sexually attracted to her anymore. This was after 4 months or so? The sex just kind of stopped happening really. But we get on so so so well. She is the loveliest, prettiest, sweetest caring girl I've ever met. We really get on well with each other, have a good laugh, share same interests like music and stuff, but whenever we would be in bed together, we'd always just cuddle and atuff. Which is lovely, but it would tear me up, cause I want to feel like I just want to have sex with my girlfriend in that situation you know? But it was always the case that I weren't into it.

The relationship wasn't really going in the right direction. She left the place where we both worked, and so there was an hour between us.I know it's not really far, but it's far enough to affect the relationship. I could never be bothered to go down to see her, and she never really came to see me that much at all. If we did see each other, it would be me going to hers. So we'd see each other once a week, or at weekends. Problem with that is though, is that it didn't suit my desired lifestyle. I want to be able to have a balance with my mates and my girl. But it never really worked that way. I would be with her all weekend, living in each others pockets (we both currently live with our parents)

I started to get bored, and I didn't like my lifestyle at all. I was really starting to find my girlfriend unattractive. Which is the worst feeling in the world! It's horrible when you love someone, but when you meet up with them, you don't look at them and think 'ah she looks lovely, or she looks hot!'. I think she was letting herself go a bit. Which was really putting me off, cause I care a great deal about keeping trim and fit. I make a real effort to go gym, and keep myself looking good for her. But she didn't really do the same?

To the punchline, I couldn't take it Anymore. She started one time to come onto me, and I just couldn't get into it. I wasn't interested at all. And she knew something was wrong. She was like, maybe we are better off as friends? And after crying and stuff, I think deep down, that's what I was fearing? And I just couldn't face up to it. I didn't feel fulfilled anymore. I looked at other girls and wished my girlfriend looked like that, or had sexy legs like that girl etc. I felt a total *******. I know I'm not perfect. But, I couldn't take feeling that way anymore, so I finished it. After many tears, I finished it.

It was hard, but I thought it would get easier. WRONG! This is where I'm stuck. It felt good for a while, but now I can't stop thinking about whether I have done the right thing. Are my reasons to break up with her valid? They seemed so at the time, but now I think maybe not. I loved her! I know the sex wasn't good, the sexual spark had gone, but she is loveliest girl ever! It's been 6 months since we broke up. I still think about her everyday. We've met up a couple of times, Nd it was weird. I don't know whether I still have feelings! I start to feel like I'm doing the right thing, then I see pictures of her on Facebook looking pretty and I just feel sick. Feel like I've done the wrong thing. I can't figure it out in my head. I have broken up with girls before and it has never been like this. Am I kidding myself, do I want her back?

Since I have broken up with her, I haven't moved on at all. I am not embracing the single life at all. I never chat up girls, j haven't been close to kissing or anything with another girl. I feel nothing. Empty. I don't know what to do. I really can't imagine myself with another girl. Just can't imagine it. So that makes me think, maybe I just want her? But then I fight that feeling off. I'm just completely stuck in a rut.

Even if I do want her back, I go travelling in 3 months for like 2 years! We are still friends, we chat on msn and stuff, Nd I will prob meet up with her again. Argggghhhhhhh I don't know what to do!

Sorry for the incredibly long post, I have rambled on here. I guess it's cause I find it hard to talk about stuff, I keep it bottled up, please help me!

Also, she went travelling for a couple of months and got back last week, and she mentioned she 'kinda met someone else' she hasn't slept with him though, which I know is true. So that might have a factor in what I do. But I just can't figure this out in my head! I have normally moved on to seeing, or like g another girl by now, someone to turn my focus to. Butnothing this time. Is that why this is happening to me? I can't sleep at night, it's all I think about when I go to bed. I keep busy, but it keeps creeping back in my head...

Any advice?

Thanks

You need to stop all contact with her for awhile. At least until you can get your head cleared and let the past go.

You need to work through the personal issues that caused you to lose interest in the relationship. I don't think it had as much to do with her or her past as it does with what you want in life. I think you are still trying to figure that out. Traveling for awhile might help. Meet new people, have new experiences, allow yourself to enjoy learning about new places. Discover who you are and who you want to be. Don't let the past hold you back. Don't take with you any thoughts about telling her about your adventures or seeing her, etc. Keep your mind open and looking forward.

Hey Cat,

Thanks for your reply. I hear what you are saying, I do definitely think I need to get away and 'find myself' so to speak. I think because I'm saving so hard, not going out much, and live in a relatively small town (I'm in the UK btw) I haven't been going out much, and meeting new people, embracing being single.

With me, there always seems to be a girl on the agenda, whether I'm going out with a girl, seeing a girl or just really liking a girl that has a boyfriend (the chase basically). So this is the first time in a while where I haven't got a girl on the cards at all. So, that's probably leaving me with a lot of thinking time, all about my Ex. Do you think that makes some kind of sense?

I probably do need to stop talking to her and stuff. How long do you suggest? I spoke to her yesterday, and we said about catching up. Only as friends of course, but maybe I shouldn't for a while then? Like I said though, I really still care about her, and I do want to see her, cause she's my friend! And I want to hear about her travelling experience etc. But at the same time, I really really want to be free in my mind again. I can't take this burden on my brain anymore. I ended up getting to sleep at 3:30 in the morning last night. 'Cause as soon as my head hits that pillow, I think about it all. It's horrible. I just want to be able to move on.

Thanks for you response anyway, sound advice!

Cheers

Hey Cat,

Thanks for your reply. I hear what you are saying, I do definitely think I need to get away and 'find myself' so to speak. I think because I'm saving so hard, not going out much, and live in a relatively small town (I'm in the UK btw) I haven't been going out much, and meeting new people, embracing being single.

With me, there always seems to be a girl on the agenda, whether I'm going out with a girl, seeing a girl or just really liking a girl that has a boyfriend (the chase basically). So this is the first time in a while where I haven't got a girl on the cards at all. So, that's probably leaving me with a lot of thinking time, all about my Ex. Do you think that makes some kind of sense?

I probably do need to stop talking to her and stuff. How long do you suggest? I spoke to her yesterday, and we said about catching up. Only as friends of course, but maybe I shouldn't for a while then? Like I said though, I really still care about her, and I do want to see her, cause she's my friend! And I want to hear about her travelling experience etc. But at the same time, I really really want to be free in my mind again. I can't take this burden on my brain anymore. I ended up getting to sleep at 3:30 in the morning last night. 'Cause as soon as my head hits that pillow, I think about it all. It's horrible. I just want to be able to move on.

Thanks for you response anyway, sound advice!

Cheers