My live in boyfriend of 5 years just broke up with me and moved back to his hometown(600 miles away) within 4 days of dumping me. We had some problems in the relationship, financial (because he used to smike pot a lot and was irresponsible, and the way I talked to him (I was very critical and had issues of resentment for how he treated me at times). All these issues aside, we had been doing really well, both of us were growing and working on these issues and were talking marriage in 2007. He went home for thanksgiving, ran into his ex, denied anything happened and came home completely angry with me and blamed the whole thing on me by saying all these horrible things. He told me his ex was married and he wasn't going to pursue her but she did remind him that he was happy once. We managed to talk things out, I apologized for my part in him being unhappy and we talked about being friends. As soon as he got back to his hometown, he switched though, he told me to never call him, that he didn't want anything to do with me, and he knows how I am and he's selfish and running away is his forte. I was shocked and completely hurt. I had access to his bank account since we once shared finances. I saw expensive dinner and hotel purchases, just 2 weeks since he's been back home. I flipped out and called him, he never admitted it's the ex. I also found out he quit smoking pot from his sister, which was the source of 90% of our problems in the first place. Then, out of nowhere, he changed his phone number and email address. He just cut me off completely, like I was just trash, when a week before he broke up, he told me he loved me and mentioned looking at rings when he got back to town from thanksgiving. I can't tell if he's in a rebound with this girl or if his mom brainwashed him (it's an interracial relationship) and he's mom never really warmed up to me. What do you think is going on in his head- is he in a rebound or confused about making a commitment now that we were finally well and marriage was the logical next step?? /

Hi, I can totally see where you're coming from. My boyfriend and I argue about finances due to his incesent pot smoking as well. I'm often critical of his actions, and that's because I expect more from him because I know that he is much more than a pothead couch potato. Anyway... sounds to me like your ex is jerk. He may have found someone who doesn't know what he's like, day in and day out, and doesn't know what its like to deal with his various issues so they have no reason to harp on him. The marriage thing might have scared him into running away... but I'd be inclined to think that there is some kind of ulterior motive there, especially after the hotel and dinner purchase. I hope that you can move on and find someone who is much more worth your time and effort.

5 years is a long time. You guys DO have a lot of issues.

" (because he used to smike pot a lot and was irresponsible, and the way I talked to him (I was very critical and had issues of resentment for how he treated me at times). All these issues aside, we had been doing really well" ----the old saying...

"Well Mrs. Lincoln, besides that, did you enjoy the play?"

When drug user quit using - they DO completely change - they are new people - seriously. THEY WAKE UP!!

Sorry - but I think he woke up and realized how poorly you treated him.

It's not - him - I think it's you.

He changed and realized he didn't have it so good and ran.

AGAIN -if he quit smoking pot he is a totally changed man.

gmoise, For whatever reason whether it be drugs ,abuse, or just changing, his actions have spoken volumes. He has found another place to be and whether he will be happier and stay, no one can know that. But for you, for your own good it is best to accept what has happened, and regroup yourself. It can do you no good to assign blame or wonder why, just know that you have a chance to find your own happiness without his demons or mistreatment. Better to know there is no future with him now, than later and really be miserable when a marriage falls apart. Work on you, and getting a life you enjoy without him. Do this for you an try to move on. Sorry I could not give you the reasons you seek, to explain what you are going through and I know this will be difficult, but hope you can leave this dude alone, and deal with you and your life. I wish you luck.