Yesterday, everything fell apart. Everyone in life goes through breakups, but a small percentage of the earths population has less than 3. In order for anyone to understand, in order for anyone to truly understand what this pain is I'm feeling you have... to know our story. -Someone-... please take the time to read this...

 I've been a loner my entire life. I've never trusted people. I wasn't popular in school, I was scrawny, shy, quiet, and awkward looking... so I was picked on a lot. I lived in a trailer. And the cops were constantly at my home for domestic violence. I dropped out of school when I was 16. Life was... hard. I was always alone, but I never knew love, so I could never have known true pain. I'm going to be 23 now, on the 9th of November. Our story began 4 years ago, at the state fair in Illinois. I was with my first -real- girlfriend at the time... meeting her friends for the first time. Everything was so new... that night at the fair, would change me. It would alter who I was, and the type of person I would become. We were introduced under the sounds of fireworks. Do you know... how it feels to shake someone's hand... and instantly know this person would change your life? She is about 5'6, her hair the darkest of brown, her eyes just as brown. A smile... that always brought me to my knees... and... single handedly kept me going since the first time I saw her. At the time I was with one of her good friends. The first night we talked online, was the day after we met. We talked for 8 hours straight. We were the same. She was... just like me. The first I'd ever met... The only one I've ever met. She thought like me, she could write like me, she understood and viewed the world as complexly as I do. She -understood- me. She liked the nerdier things I was into, she said I was perfect. She was suicidal at the time that I met her. This girl... this beautiful, -brilliant-, sweet girl. She didn't like herself... and she felt so alone. I... wanted to help her. I needed to help her. I did my best to talk her through it... I told her, I -promised- her she'd be happy by time she was a certain age. Later on... a couple of years later. She... said I saved her life. After her friend and I broke up, I was crushed, and completely alone. I wanted her to know... I just needed her to know the reason why we broke up. Maybe I just wanted to see her. She was hesitant, because it was her friend, but... she showed up. We met at the lake. I was so very nervous. This was the first time we had met in person, in 3 years. But it felt like we had just seen each other the day before. We talked and talked... then it started to rain. We ran back to my jeep, in the pouring rain. We didn't want to stop talking though. Another thing we have in common, is our love for the night sky. We wanted to see the stars together. We pulled back the sunroof just so the window was showing... and she made her own stars. There were a lot of Mosquitos in the jeep... we had a mad dash to see who could kill more. To this day there is one on my dashboard that we killed. We thought it was cute that it was still there... so we never had the heart to move it. I never will... After the rain stopped I told her I still wanted to see the stars... she got on the phone and asked one of her friends about this place called centennial park. I had never been there... but it's a small park, with a giant grass covered hill that rose up probably 50 feet. It was very windy. We had so much fun... so much fun. We played in the dark like children on the silohuetted playground equipment. That night, wad the first night I held her... Come morning I had to be at work, so we had to part ways for the first time. We talked through text everyday for the week or two until we could see each other again. The next time we saw each other, we drove to a nearby town, to a more secluded lake. We were the only ones there. The sky was... full of stars. We talked about the possibility of an "us". We... held hands for the first time. A few more weeks passed. She asked me to come with her to the lake... she had something she wanted to tell me. I was so scared. She was acting so nervous... but then... she told me she loved me. I could have cried, but I was too happy...  I quickly let her know that I felt the same. And we held each other... and kissed. The night before she went off to college we returned to centennial. We laid under a purple sky and spoke about the future. We planned it out... we knew ot would be hard, but we were strong. We were goingto make it. She drove me home, and we stood on the sidewalk holding each other, Each crying. We promised... so many times that we were going to love each other forever. Being with me... Meant her facing the wrath of her friends. She did it so willingly. She lost so much because of me. I loved her so fiercely, so completely. She was the very reason for my smile, and for my existence. None of that has changed. We did everything together... every minute of everyday, we were in contact. Texting while I worked, and she was in school. When she would come home on the weekends, sometimes when I had to go to work before she left to go back to school... she'd leave me little notes throughout my apartment... sweet notes. Poems. I was never alone... never. And neither was she. We had our fights, everyone does. But it was always over something so small, so very small, and always my fault. Neither of us have a very submissive nature... And we fought so passionately. Little tiny things became big huge things... somehow. All along... she was trying to tell me. She was trying to tell me that I needed to give more. More than what I offered. I became so content... I had her, what else did I need? I had the love of my life. And through my blind content, I brought about this pain to us both. I pushed her too far, she had to break down to make me realize what I had been missing all along. She was right... and I wanted to change. I wanted to make something of myself now... I saw what she had been trying all along to tell me... but at what cost? My blindness, my stubbornness, my belief in just "our love will conquer all", blinded me from the truth. We love each other with all of our beings, but she knew it wasn't enough. And she was right. She was usually the one who was right, though I thought I was. There was a few days between the breakdown and now... I... Didn't have much time to show her how committed I am to do what it takes to spend my life with her. For myself... for her... For our future. This love... Is not one that can fade... it's not one I want to fade. This girl, is not one I can get over... not one I can look past into the big sea which contains "plenty of fish".  I belong with her... and I believe she belongs with me. Everything in my life, is her. Everything. Her smile, her embrace, her touch, her laugh... it's what I live for. Her. She still loves me... I feel it. That's why this is so hard for us both. I... messed up. I messed up so horribly, and I hurt her. In this position... I cannot speak to her or text her... because it will be too painful for her. I don't wish to make her feel worse... I just don't want us to give up on the incredible love that I know still exists. Now that I can see all of these terrible things that I have missed... How can I make it right? How can I somehow be able to hold her again? If I lose her forever, the love of my life, my best friend... the light in my very soul will be lost forever.    

Its sounds like she needs you to step up and make something out of your life. Love-passion is great, and in the beginning of any relationship it's the all that matters. But after awhile, you do come up for air and realize there is more to life and that my friend is called stability.

Its is apparent from what you have wrote that you didn't have all that much stablity in your home while growing up. I know exactly how that is myself, and believe it or not I was in a trailer growing up. But I realized early on that if I wanted out I had to do it myself, and that meant hard work.

She might not want to have to go through that experience of not knowing how the bills are going to get paid, or food on table, etc. She doesn't want to have a future with the domestic violence, her kids living with never knowing what is going to set off the yelling.

Listen, love doesn't conquer all. Only hard work,mutual respect,understanding,goals,trust make a relationship work. All those things are what help make up the word LOVE. Get yourself together, finish your education,make something of yourself that not only she can be proud of , but most important that you can be proud of. Once you get that done and she can witness it, then see how she acts!

Your post is hard to read and oozing with Shakespearean pretentiousness.

Somewhere in there I read that you can't text or talk to her, so that's a start. Keep it up, never talk to her again. You'll get over her.

I was expecting a reddie for this post 'cause I didn't continue with the fairy tale, and for that, I don't mind, but this.. .

. . . I doubt they have ever been in a situation even close to what i asked.
Offends me. For all you know I could have been in a situation worse than you. Your situation isn't unique, but the solution is always the same--no contact that is. Get off your high horse pal.

I'm not on a high horse... when I read something like "its oozing with shakespearean pretentiousness" and then you tell me to give up after insulting how I wrote my feelings, who is on the high horse? You think a negative post helps?

I shoot from the hip, and am known on this board for telling posters what I believe they need to hear, not what they want to hear.

I didn't say give up--in what context?--I said stop talking to her. That's the only way you're going to move on from her and heal.

I'm getting the sense that you made this girl the center of your world... like you spent the whole relationship looking up at her while she basks in the glory of your love from her lofty pedestal that you put her on. Which may have been great in the beginning but, as you can see after a while it drives women away.
I agree with answerme- "love does not conquor all". Women also need that security... in short , they want a man and along with that comes having your own identity outside the relationship.
So, what do you do now? Sorry, but, it is over. She simply doesn't doesn't see you the way you want her too, like it was before. Honestly, there is not much you can do that will get her to fly back into your arms.
Go no contact( like she is appearing to do), focus on your life, accomplish your goals( get some goals), worship yourself. Don't count on her ever coming back to you. False hope will eat you up inside. Learn from this experience and move on.

Great writing skills you have, but for sure your reality, as we all have faced, says move beyond this, and get a life without her. For as great as things were with her, after a proper healing, things will eventually get better if you let them.

Look forward not back, leaving her alone is the start of your healing.

Hey, wanted to mention something here, but it doesn't have anything to do with your relationship with girlfriend. It is pertaining to your writing. First let me say, not trying to offend in any way. But have you thought about furthering your education in writing. You do have a way in discription and expression with your writing. Its just a thought, writing doesn't always mean, books. It could be journalism,columnist,investigative report,script writer,etc. Its just a thought...