OK. I just came away from a professional meeting in which we were discussing an important job-related issue with myself and another man on opposing sides of the argument. I am perplexed by his recurrent behavior which I have never encountered before. This man is white, middle aged, if that matters, I don't know. I had previously never met him although I knew of him, as he is a manager in the business whose job we were discussing (I do not work for the business but was brought in as an advisor to present complaints made by others and try to come to a solution). He had never met or heard of me before this.

I was direct and to the point. I mentioned I didn't want to beat around the bush or worry about being politically correct. We had a limited time frame for the meeting and an urgency in the complaint. It was however a very complicated matter. I am self-aware as passionate speaker, often fusing several questions into one sentence and quick to cut off tangents that didn't belong. I wanted to get to the heart of the complaint being addressed then close the meeting and move toward any decided action. Overall, though, I feel he and I failed to communicate. I was asking questions like 'don't you want to resolve this?' and he was constantly hitting the ball back to me by saying, "I'm hurt that you think I don't want to resolve this.' Or, if he'd answer a question with a non-committal non-answer such as if I'd ask is that chair blue? He'd say, it's not red. And I'd press him by saying you didn't answer my question or I'd simply ask the question rephrased, like 'well, then what color is that chair?' and he'd tell me again I was hurting his feelings again because he felt he had already answered that question and I was showing I didn't trust him to ask it again. Or if I asked him to speak to me like a human being instead of a politician so we could get some answers, again he'd say that hurt his feelings. (I am not making this up!) His colleague at one point said she felt that what I had heard (a client-based statement I was trying to verify or deny) was untrue. And later I referenced what she had said by what I thought was a synonym for 'untrue' --I said, you felt the client lied about such and such and he immediately jumped on that to say, no she didn't say he lied, she said she felt it was untrue. And it hurt him that I would say that...
What is this behavior pattern of his all about? Is it me or is it him?

From your description, it sounds very much like he was hedging and trying to be PC. In my book, untrue = lie. "Untrue" must sound more PC and "softer" to him.

The two of you were in diagonally opposite corners. There was no middle ground.

Thanks, Wondergirl. Can you enlighten me as to his penchant for saying I was hurting his feelings? I've never heard a man talk this way (guess I'm profiling male behavior and not being PC! But I've never met in person, seen on TV, or read in fiction a man speaking like this.?

Thanks, Wondergirl. Can you enlighten me as to his penchant for saying I was hurting his feelings? I've never heard a man talk this way (guess I'm profiling male behavior and not being PC! But I've never met in person, seen on tv, or read in fiction a man speaking like this. ??

Many times in mediation men are asked to talk like that. Or say things like "I feel" its all game playing. And I hate to disagree with wondergirl but I don't agree with the statement that if something is untrue it's a lie. Its really a mater of perspective. You can have a situation that is untrue and it not be a lie. Example: An underling says we have no way to communicate. The boss has clear channels that are set by company policy for communication. So somewhere there is a break in the chain. When asking the owner then there is something in writing stating how communication is to be handled. 3 prospectives and different at each level yet the first statement is "untrue" as far as policy but might not be untrue as far as application.

I would like to add layer here onto what Califdad has brought up regarding the game playing.

This man resented the fact that you were brought in from the outside to resolve a situation he does not feel needs to be resolved. He is a man that is used to being in control and resents being placed in the hot seat. It sounds as if he is fully aware that he has created a problem but his public stance is: I am completely innocent of whatever I am being accused of, I am a team player and, of course I am more than willing to work with you. Why are you being so mean to me and insist on twisting my words? LOL! He is a classic deflector. His responses were intentionally meant to undermine you and your purpose. I have worked with people like that before. They are what I refer to as "Teflon Men."

Yes, it sounds very much like key words from various communication and group team working groups.

You on the other hand did not want to "beat around the bush" sorry but if that is the corporate system, you have to beat that bush to death, even if you have to call several meetings.

Remember you have to deal with each customer on their terms not yours, you lose almost automatically when you don't