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View Full Version : Should I be his friend when I Want more


crazysingh
Oct 25, 2010, 08:14 AM
I am married, My husband and I do not have a relationship and are together for the children. Last Xmas a guy telephoned me at work. He had seen me at a party and managed to get my number. We started talking and texting, He was married as well and said he and his wife were only together for the children as well. I cudn't remember what this guy looked like and it was two weeks later when we actually met. I been married 13 years and had never met another guy during the whole of my marriage. I only expected to be friends. He had the most sexiest voice ever on the fone and made me laugh. We only went for a drink for about 1 hour and I didn'd fancy him and thought what am I doing here. On my way home he telephoned me and asked me to see him the next day. I tried to make an excuse but he sounded so hurt that I said yes. On this occasion he actuallly kissed me. I kissed him back because it was so good. I hadn't been kissed in ages and it felt so nice. He then telephoned me quite a bit and text me loads. I loved all the attention and fell in love. He told me he loved me too. However, shortly after I said I loved him things started to change. He woule not text me as much, not make the effort to see me and I felt like I was doing all the chasing. We got to a stage where he just called it off once because I said he was horrible for the way he was treating me. He said why would I want to be with some-one horrible. I was so upset he ignored all my texts and calls.I just wanted to know why he was behaving like this to me when he was so much into me. About a week later I text him again. This time he responded to me and said he was sorry he had a lot on his mind. I found out he had financial difficulties. I told him not to worry and we would find a way to solve his problems together. I asked him why his wife would not help him and he said beacause they are separate she keeps her money to herself.

Anyway the relationship continued and we got intimate. Not very often and I did think to myself on a few occasions maybe he doesent find me pysically attractive because he wasn't just into getting intimate. It felt like he was doing me a favour. He stopped texting me as much and he stopped coming out to see me though we still talked a lot on the fone. The excuse was that his wife was getting suspicious of him on the fone all the time and him going out. She seemed to have him on a very tight leash, He was very down and cold towards me when they argued. I did wonder if it was because he lved his wife but he said he didn't want to lose the kids.

I went to America for a couple of weeks and we spoke to each other every day but when I got back things changed. The texts were a lot less, he had no time for me yet he still called me. I kept clling it off because I didn't think he was into me. He said he was but that he couldn't meet me as much ot text call because his wife was getting suspicious.
A few weeks ago he started being nice to me. I sent him lovely text back. I found out his wife had tried to grab his phone and there had been a big argument between them. I asked him then if he was sure he wanted this and he said he did and that he loved me. He just said he couldn't text much when he was at home. I hadn't accepted how bad things had got at home and for the next three weeks thought things were back to normal and would text him. He started becoming cold towards me and then one day said that things were bad at home and he needed space to sort things out, His children were affected by the constant arguments at home and he had to focus on his children. I told him I couldn't give him time out and that he appeared to be pushing me away and that if he didn't want me than just to call it off. He said he did want me but wanted timeout so I called it off. Stupid me. I realised about four hours later I didn't want to lose him and said I would do watever I had to to keep this alive. He said actually he wanted out. I was so upset I did th most stupidets thing and threatended to tell his wife unless he at least gave me a try to make it work. He was not happy said I had broken his trust but had no choice but to give me a try.

That same day I told him I didn't want to force him to try and make this work, would neva tell his wife and that I would give him space. He said he didn't want space anymore and that it was over. I cried so much and was so hurt. Over the last 8 months had given him £1100 and felt used and played. I got nasty and asked for all my money back and gifts that I had got him knowing that there was no way he could pay me back. I felt like if he was going to be with his wife why didn't she pay his debt why had he kepy asking me for money. I calmed down, didn't want him to hate him and asked him why and dd he ever love me. He said he loved me loads and loads. But that texting and talking to me was causing problems in his marriage and affecting his children who were not even talking to him now. He said he had to sacfrice his love for his children. He said he loved me but that we could only ever be friends and that he didn't want to lie to his kids.

I thought as friends, where I love him and he loves me, we would still hug and kiss but he has said that we can't have that anymore. I don't know whether to be friends. I am finding this so hard. The calls/texts have got less and he seems to be happier and moved on. I am the one crying, missing him and feeling so rejected. I don't know whether we should be friends or not. Is he saying that because he feels guilty about how much hurt he has caused me and to make it easier on himself or does he really love me. WIll he be mine again if we are friends once he improves the relatioship with his children, did he ever love me ot should I just let go even though its so hard. I don't thnk I can watch him go through distant day by day. He says I am weak for crying. Doesn't he care how I feel. Please advise.

talaniman
Oct 25, 2010, 08:47 AM
Should I be his friend when I Want more?

No, absolutely not. You both are fools to be pitied and one of you is being used. Every paragraph there is a change in feelings and you had to THREATEN him to keep him? How dysfunctional and stupid is that?

What makes this truly pathetic is you expecting this married fool to give you attention when his wife is mad and suspicious.

There is no relationship, no friendship, or anything healthy about this. He would be there had you not given him money and threatened him, wake up!! You both are fools scratching an itch, in your poor pathetic excuse for a life, because you both have life and BS, all mixed up.

Oh sure, he cares about your feelings :rolleyes:, and will do anything for you (wry sarcasm, don't get excited) but he cares about his family more, which ain't saying much.

Get out of this madness. Or drown in your own S***T!!

pandead
Oct 25, 2010, 10:11 AM
ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.

Seriously, what were you thinking? I see high schoolers posting here about their first love, making more sense than you do. You didn't even mention your kids except at the beginning, when you said you and your husband were together for them.

All this time, he's been trying to get out of this relationship, you mention his wife and kids plenty of times because they are a part of his life and a big one too.

If they were truly separated, his wife wouldn't care about anything. He was looking for adventure, open your eyes. How can you even think of being his friend?! YOU've been stalking him, threatening him, disturbing him all this time and he's desperately trying to find a way out because he realized his little search for excitement in his sad life would cost him more than texts and phone calls.

Leave the man alone. He doesn't want to be with you nor be your friend.