Me and my Ex girlfriend dated for 2 years and then things started to take a little change in direction. Nothing to serious, we both were just kind of busy so we couldn’t talk as much as we used to; but I still loved her and wanted to be with her. So one weekend we decided to go do something and while I was driving she told me to park the car so we can talk. She explained to me that she thinks she wants to break up because she needs to find herself, I didn’t believe that one bit. We both cried extremely hard but time went by and I had to drop her back off at home.

Things were tough and days went by, but we still talked just about every other day because she told me she couldn’t live without me in her life. But as the days went by she started to change more and more. She started to think about all the little mistakes I made in the beginning of the relationship; nothing to big but just a bunch of little things, but she told me that she could never forgive me for the things I have done. She started getting angry and started to say very mean things that really hurt me. A lot has happened to me in such a short time and I’m going through a crazy time in my life right now and this is when I really broke down and did just about everything I have read not to do. I begged, I promised id change, I told her how much I loved her all the time, I told her she would never find someone that loves her as much as I do, I did everything wrong.

About 4 days ago she called me and told me she doesn’t think we should talk anymore. I asked her why this is and why she broke up with me in the first place, she told me that talking isn’t helping ether of us and that she just wants to be alone and just doesn’t want to be with me. With that being said she texted me the other day out of the blue to ask me something, we had a quick conversation but that was all and I let the talk end. She then messaged me the next day and thanked me for the birthday card I sent her 2 weeks ago. She has broken the NC rule a little bit but I haven’t.

But what do I do from here? I’m trying to give her space and leave her alone like she wanted. But I’m scared that this is going to distant us from one another. Am I doing the right thing? What do I have to do to get her back in my life?

The very best thing you can do is to go complete no contact. Don't text or call and don't respond to any communications from her either. I know it'll be tough, but the only way you'll get through it is to not communicate with her at all.

She broke up with you, so let her go.

Hmmmm... sounds all to familiar. Well, the breakup phase you went through is similar to my story. If she is anything like my ex believe me, there is not much to do at this point...
"wants to be alone and just doesn’t want to be with me"... those words took a while to resonate in my head too!
Sounds like she is trying to stick to no contact... respect her wishes and go NC yourself( I am going through it right now as well)... it sucks but, accept it. I found it was easier once I did accept it.
About getting your ex back? That is mother of all golden questions on these forums to which there is no golden answer. If she is going to come back it will be of her own accord. But, don't you dare bet YOUR life on it... that's how I see my situation anyway.
Live on the now! Move on with your life... it does get easier bit by bit.

I find it kind of ironic there's always "How to get your ex back" ads under the threads here, and I can only imagine how many people click on them in desperation.

Over a year ago, I remember asking the same question here on these forums : "How long do I have to go NC?" and the answers were the same, "forever."

I didn't listen and I used NC as a way to get my ex back - which actually worked, he came back begging, so we were back together... until the next time he broke my heart... and the time after that, and again.

What you need to understand is that NC isn't a way to get anyone back. There's no "breaking the NC rule a little bit", there's "breaking NC" or not. If you break it, it happens, just start over and try to keep your promise. Don't "try to leave her alone like she wanted", just cut everything. This IS going to put a distance between you and your ex, which is the purpose of NC. You will be healing from your breakup, learn about yourself and finally, move on.

She couldn't be more clear, "I don't want to be with you" is just plain honesty. An ex is an ex for a reason. And because you shouldn't be with someone who doesn't want to be with you, leave it like that. Forever.

Comment on pandead's post

I have been keeping up my end of NC I haven't texted called or email her once she told me we need to stop talking. 2 days in a row now she has made some kind of contact with me. I don't think this will continue but she has said something stuff to me

She's also has been putting up statuses on Facebook just like when we first started talking saying stuff along the lines were she's strugglen, and two days now she has in some way cantacted me. I can't help but keep my hopes up. Are all these good signs? Or are they just something I need to stop getting my hopes up over

What your doing is NOT NO CONTACT!!

Stop being so available when she contacts you by ignoring the text, and stay off her Facebook, or any other way of contact, or communication, directly, or indirectly.

If your going to do NC, do it right. Over time you get better results, and sorry, there really is no easier softer way.

Yes, stop reading any text from her, don't look at her face book, drop her as friends, block her emails or deleted them without reading them.

Real no contact

I'm not trying to get rid of her from my life, I'm trying to get her back. I can do the NC and all and pretend I'm fine and doing good but I don't want to pretty much tell her I hate her by deleted her from everything. I'm just trying to get her back in my life not get rid of her

What if she doesn't WANT to come back?? Are you wanting some dirty deceitful mind games to get her back? Is that what you want?

I don't want her out of my life. If she's my friend or girlfriend whatever. She's my closest friend and I can tell her everything. I can't go NC forever. I want her in my life one way or another. I can give her her space, but she is my best friend. I can't never talk to her again

People will come and go from your life forever. We never know. But we do have to deal with the hand we get, and make adjustments to move forward. For all your emotional distress now though, its better to deal with yourself, and the reality you live in. What if this separation is good for her to grow, and find her own happiness?

There is nothing more important than healing after a break up, because you both would be lousy friends to each other because you would wonder if every friendly gesture is a sign she still cares and there is hope to get back what you had. She has you in the friend zone now, and being broken up, she doesn't have to let you go if she finds other more interesting things to pursue. It won't hurt until she no longer has the same time for you as she had, and you will be devastated if she has another romantic interest that leaves you with no time at all.

What would you do then?? Be really miserable because you lost a best friend, and a girlfriend to some one else. You want to be friends? Then heal first so you are not in this to get back with her, and can someday be a real friend.

Take your healing, and rebuilding from this, very seriously, as your life, and happiness, does depend on it.

OK so hear me out. I just broke the NC rule to see how school was going because she has always stressed extremely bad over school and work so I just wanted to try to help her a little. She then told me that my sister in law called her and *****ed her out. That is why she called me and said she no longer thinks we should talk. She's scared of my family, but my family loves her to death. She thinks because one person called her everyone hates her. How do I prove that she shouldn't be scared of my family? Could this be the reason why she hasn't wanted to talk to me? She feels she needs to move on because my family hates her and she doesn't think she can ever come back?

Who knows what she is thinking, but for sure, like so many before you, you are so entrenched in emotional thinking, you are distracted to the real issues, and have refused to straighten out your own thinking, and therefore are stuck in the confusion of feelings that these past events have created.

You keep going in circles with yourself, trying to answer questions you cannot answer. So either move toward your own solutions without her, or call and ask her. Let me know what happens.

She told me that really pissed her off and that is why she called and said we shouldn't talk any longer. I tried to explain that my sister is going through a rough time in her life and I guess she felt she had to protect me and that's why she did what she did. My ex started to understand and I believe she has moved past this. I'm glad I actually broke the NC rule because I needed to explain that out. And I hate leaving things on bad terms. I would deff rather us stop talking on good terms so that she can actually miss me or whatever instead of being pissed and just not wanting anything to do with me. So now what do I do about my ex? I have been feeling a lot better. At first it was so hard going just an hour without talking to her, but now I'm getting up to a day or two. I have been making progress and I told her last night that I'm doing good and I'm feeling OK with everything, should I have said that? Was that a good idea?

You don't have anything to do about the ex, just things to do about you. Its hard to accept, but better than trying to control everything to get what you want. Leave it be, and refocus your priorities. She sure ain't at the top of the to do list, and should NOT even be on it.

OK, I no what I need to go to move on. I know what I got to do and how to forget about her and us and be myself. But what if I ask, what is the best way to get .her back? I no nothing is guaranteed, but what does everyone think is the most affective way to win her back or her to realize that we can be together and be happy again?

She is not a prize to win, my friend and whatever course of action she chooses, MUST come from within her. Or what would be the point??

Lets be clear, you can try and fight as hard as you want, with any method you can think of, but its all a risk with no guaranteed results, even if you know a witch with love potents galore. My advice is you do what you have to for yourself, and then evaluate your options, and your wants, and needs.

When you can deal with reality, then you can make decisions based on facts, AND NOT JUST FEELINGS. Only you can make decisions for yourself, as only she can make decisions for herself.

Yes I understand that, but what is the best way to help her decide. Is there anything I can do or not do to help her think about things and come to a decision? Any way I can help her choose or help her find what she really wants? What's inside?

Is leaving her alone better to help her miss me? Or talk every once and a while to stay in her life? Or what. I'm just asking in case I decide to not to try to move on

Yes, do your thing, and if she wants to share it she will. I tell most guys that its better if she wants to follow you on your journey through life, then she will keep up to your example, and share that journey.

If you want to learn to influence, convince, or manipulate some ones choices, you should Google it. That's not the honest way to go about it in my book, and I have no knowledge of that kind of mind control. Why not just try the way you know and see where it leads. Have no fear of losing her, and stop being distracted by that fear.

What I'm doing right now is just trying to make her happy. That's what I have always done and that's how I got her in the first. And as soon as I stopped making her happy, she broke up with. When I started putting stress on her she left me. So what I'm trying right now is trying to be nice, supportive and comforting her. I'm not talking to her everyday because the brake up is still kind of fresh. Were talking once a week maybe twice a week and hopefully I can increase the times we talk. Does that sound like a decent plan for now? Or until I see it starting to fail?

I guess, and hope it works for you. I mean that sincerely, as all I can give is an opinion. You are the one dealing with your situation, I am as human as you, and can't foretell the future.

Give it your best shot!