I really need an outsiders opinion on this, Im finding it so hard to deal with and I can't talk to anyone properly about it and don't show my feelings because I don't want to put my mysery on anyone.
I'm always stressed out, my moods change constantly, I'm not eating properly and worst of all I'm actually failing college now.
I'm really worried because I haven't a clue how to deal with this feeling.


Basically, I got with this guy and we were eachothers first. I'm 19 and he has just turned 18.
We were together for over 2 years and loved each other a great amount but started to argue constantly because of trust issues and him not being able to show any emotions what so ever, so we ended up breaking up and he deleted and blocked me off everything (facebook, mobile, etc).

Then 6 months went by and we both realised we missed each other too much and got back together again. Everything was great and he was completely open with me and always shown his emotions, he would even seriously talk about marriage with me haha... And if we ever had a fall out he'd really be upset about it, however he started to become a bit too jealous, controlling and dependent on me, which he then realised after a short time that he was wrong but I did decide to compromise anyway.

But things changed I went away on holiday about a month ago and he didn't text me even though I'd texted him a few times, but then I logged into Facebook and seen that he had invited a girl mate (who he thought he fancied a while back) and his guy mate over to his house. I got completely the wrong idea and flipped on him. Ive been a bit touchy about him talking to her before and it's caused arguments but he's explained to me many times that he doesn't see her in that way. But I have male friends and after flipping on him no matter how many times I tried to apologise and sort things out he just kept saying that "nothing will change", that I can do whatever I want and he cant, that its not working, there's no trust, that he's suddenly not happy, and that he's not cutting friends out of his life for me or being told what to do. But this is all new to me because I didn't know how he felt and I didn't realise how unreasonable I was being.

So a few weeks ago he just was being really nasty to me, swearing at me, and twisting everything round even though I was being really reasonable, I literally did everything I could but he deleted me and blocked me off everything again :/.
I had asked him quite a lot if we were over for good and he just kept saying he doesn't know.

I really do love him and I know people say when you find someone else you'll realise how silly you were being but he was like my best friend and we could be ourselves completely around each other and it feels like such a waste being that close with someone, to just never speak to them again.
I know he must love me too because he's quite shy, reserved and very loyal, and treated me with respect, and whilst we were broken up he apparently really missed me and broke down a lot.

I haven't spoken to him for a while and Ive heard that he's just been out with his mates constantly and been drinking a little, which isn't like him. Ive also been in contact with his mum lately as our familys were close and she told me that she thinks he's going through a silly phase again, and that he said to her he'll probably wake up one day and realise again that he misses me but that's something he'll just have to deal with if Ive moved on. Hes also still got the birthday cards and gifts I've sent him and this painting I did for him up on his shelf which I find really hard to believe.

I just miss him and Im hiding my feelings from others but really Its killing me this time, because I just think that now he's going to realise that we both must move on this time.
If I had the chance I'd want him back right now, but he just seems to be getting on with his life.
Is this something I should be worrying about so much? Will he be coping well without me? And is it possible for him to actually hate me over this :S?
Is there any hope for us after this?
Thanks,

T x

Too much suspicion - on your part. You need help with that, friends, a group, a therapist. It sounds like he loves everything else about you and that's why he's torn. A key remark you made is that you don't believe he still has the painting you gave him. Suspicion! Distrust. Disbelief. STOP it. I know it isn't as easy as saying you'll stop (like the jealousy over a woman going over to his place even with another guy) but you have to learn, to find out within you what has made you this way.

Your issue young lady is realizing that you cannot put your life on hold because you have gone through a break up. Only he knows how he feels, and we can't guess at his motives.

What I can tell you is to focus on you, and what your supposed to be doing that's right there in front of you, and get about the business of taking care of your own. That's all you have control over, so handle your business, and the rest works itself out later.

Look I am sorry for your loss, but to throw away a lot of hard work, and effort on your part, for a confused young guy who is growing himself, is plain ridiculous, and you will regret it later. Let him do his thing and get his act together while you get busy with your own thing, and get THAT back together.

This is but a temporary glitch, a setback we all go threw, so don't get so carried away with hurt, and pity, that it beats you. Don't let it. Cry if you must, but handle your business correctly, and leave him, and HIS FAMILY alone until you do.

Just leave him alone, if you continue to push yourself into his life in any way then whatever descent feelings he may have had for you will only turn into disgust.
He is has moved on with his life, he has not tried to contact you, he has left you alone to move on yourself. Its time to realize that its over period. Get back to concentrating on your own life. It will be hard, mourn your loss, learn from it, but move on.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.



He is still growing and so are you. Don't put your life on hold for him. Move on.
If in 6 months he wants to come back, leave him alone still. There were problems with the first break up that were not resolved.

You two are growing up and growing apart. That is the way it goes sometimes.
In a couple of years you two will be more different.

In a recent post I have been upset about a break up.
I was with my ex for over 2 years, we had split up for half a year before but got back together.
We were a lot happier, but there were still some ups and downs and trust issues towards the end that wasn't necessary.
We are both very loyal people, but after a while I became too protective and even though he'd explained to me that he loved me and wouldn't ever cheat or want anyone else, I still had an issue with him being good friends with this girl (who he thought he used to like).
He had been very controlling and protective like that with me before for a short while, and I'd forgave him because he explained that it was just because he didn't want to lose me again. He even cried over me quite a lot in the past whenever we had a fall out.

This time though I flipped on him, and he became instantly fed up and kept saying it wasn't working, and I expressed to him how much I love him and apologised, but no matter what I did he just seen it as pressure and kept twisting everything round as though I was just trying to make him feel guilty. He kept saying 'nothing will change', and was always really angry when speaking to me. Then eventually he just deleted and blocked me from everything (like he did the first time we broke up).

His mum was a family friend and last time I spoke to her she told me that a painting I did for him and postcards/cards are up on his shelf still, and that he said 'One day I might wake up and realise I miss her again but that's something I'll just have to deal with'.
I don't think he speaks much about the break up with his friends, I have spoken to one of our close friends and he told me that my ex spoke briefly about us once but it just seemed like he didn't want us to get back together.

He bottles up his emotions from everyone, but sometimes breaks down and then all his feelings pour out. When we were apart the first time I found out after 6 months that he was actually really upset over me, started destroying all our pictures together and I still didn't know any of that until I got back with him. He also went out with this girl for a few weeks, but ended it and told his mates it was because he found being in a relationship better with me and just wanted me back.


I've been feeling pretty down lately, like I can't cope. I went the doctors today and she told me I was 'moderately depressed'
and she prescribed me with some antidepressants but I don't want to take them cause I'm worried about the effects and I might become reliant on them. I can't believe how much this is getting to me because I used to think I was really strong, but I guess I'm going through a grieving process and this time it's harder to deal with.
Is this the sort of thing men do though? Like need space for a while until they realise what they want? Or reckon that this is probably really what he wants now this is just the way it's meant to be?
If that may be the case I really want to overcome all this and learn to accept the fact that he doesn't want me anymore, even if I really do love him and want him back more than anything.
Any advice or suggestions would be much appreciated, thanks, T x

Thank yous all for the advice, I do know I was unreasonable on my part and he could be too, and I guess I took it for granted, if I could have another chance I'd change my silly ways because I've learnt that being like that in any relationship isn't right. But that's life.
Just miss him a lot and wish I knew he was feeling the same way still. I know I probably will have a lot of relationships as I grow but we were eachother's first love and its just hard to deal with going from being so close to each other to just having no contact :/.

Sorry that you are going through such a terrible time.
I remember one of my friends being in the same state you are in... she was also perscribed anit-depressants. But , what helped her more was some cognative therapy and councilling. She eventually became much better and put her ex behind her.. it was rough but she made it.
Even as a guy who has broken off a realationship I can't tell you what is in your ex's head... no body has that power. I think you should be concerned on your own well being right now.
You broke up before and things don't seem to be getting better. The last thing you want is to go through 3rd, 4th, 5th breakups. Sounds like you both need some time away to sort things out for yourselves. Don't dwell on what you could have done... sounds like he needed to change his ways and didn't want to work on the relationship.
He's thinking and working on himself right now... you should too!

Take your medicine. It along with therapy will help you filter through things better.

You broke up once and then got back together after several months. Same problems, same people. Get yourself well so you can move on.

No need to keep posting the same thing again, your threads were merged to keep your story and responses straight.

Read the stickies, (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/) they should help a lot.

I was with someone for overall 2 and a bit years, both our first serious relationship. We had split for half a year once due to trust issues and it ended on bad terms (Mutual decision and he blocked and deleted me off everything), but we got back together after 6 months and realised how much we missed each other.
We were really close, got on very well :|! He seemed to love me a great deal and always would talk about how he didn't want to lose me again and wanted to be with me in the long run. I don't usually plan ahead like that but I did want the same thing too.
But then we started to argue a bit again over us both being a bit possessive and split again on bad terms at the end of September (he ended it and blocked and deleted me off everything again).
I did literally everything to try sort stuff out with us but he just kept saying that nothing will change and that he couldn't do it again, and didn't want to speak to me again... So I gave him his space and told him I wouldn't contact him.


I understand I shouldn't have contact now and I don't plan on doing so,
But on Monday night I seen that he had unblocked me on Facebook because I seen him commenting on someone's status...

So that's confused me, I don't think it could have been an accident / Facebook error because you have to go through settings I think, but I don't see why he would want to unblock me cause of after everything that's happened and he seems be having a lot of fun drinking and stuff and going out. Unless he's doing it to see what Im up to or to spite me...
His mum had also text me over the weekend to ask how Ive been and how halloween was, and she told me that he's still got this picture up on his shelf that I painted for him :S.
Really weird stuff.

I do understand that I shouldn't focus so much on one person and move on but Its hard not to miss him still and I do still have feelings for him :/.
So being unblocked on Facebook and the picture still up? What do you think this means? Or am I looking too much into it?
Thanks x

I wouldn't make a move. Let him call you if he wants to find out information. Don't even answer him if he tries to make contact just through email or texting. Make him actually call, and not his mommy!

Come on this is more of the same crap he has pulled before, and the sad part is, he will do it again, if you let him. Stay with NC.

The "trick" is to expect to feel like crap and not fight it.

Seriously... I've had a few Big Loves Lost, a couple quite dramatically. Sometimes I handled it well. Sometimes I completely lost myself in the misery. Completely.

So now... having been through the rodeo a few times, what centers me is knowing what I can control and what I'm responsible for.

Yes... its really lovely to think your ex misses you and is pining for you and regrets leaving. But... it doesn't work like that if you want to be healthy.

Expect to hurt. Turn it into something... personally, when I ache for an ex I use that to remind myself about the lousy things they did. Leverage it. Don't fight it.

At the same time... ask yourself a few questions... when you are really feeling bad, write down what you are feeling, what is the reason you feel like crap, and then list the positive and negative outcomes for spending time in this place.

Yep. Its work. So what? Most of the time I'm right as rain when it comes to my ex. But occasionally ill get a little bent sideways. Miss her smell or touch or attention. More than enough to get me off track. Fine. I let myself get upset, and then work through the mental gymnastics.

How does spending a day in misery help the situation? It doesn't. Its energy wasted. Expect to feel like crap for a time. Anticipate it and when it happens say "yep. there it is" and accept it. It does not last. It might last way too damn long, but it doesn't last.

Sorry you are in this place. I've been there. More than once. Trust that by focusing on you, and not him, you can find the peace you need.