So long story short, I took my girlfriend of 7 years out with me to hang with some friends of mine. She had quite a bit too much to drink. Due to this, she apparently had a blackout. I woke her up out of the car to tell her to come up to the apartment to go to bed, and she attacked me and a long time friend of mine(who is a girl). She punched her in the face for no reason, and then Bit me to the point on my front shoulder that I had to go through emergency.

The bite was so Deep that it could not be stitched back together. It is a very deep flesh wound. I was told it could take possibly 5 months to get back to normal. My friend attempted to call the police. I begged her not to thinking I could calm my girlfriend down. My friend agreed until she got punched in the face a second time by my girlfriend (all of this being in 20 minutes). My friend called the police, they came out. My girlfriend acted COMPLETELY sober and normal, saying to the police that we had just got finished playing cards and was wondering why they were.

The police took pictures of me and charged her with domestic abuse and assault and battery. She was taken into jail on Friday night. She was suppose to see a judge the next morning around noon, but her alcohol level was still SO HIGH, they made her wait until Sunday. I went to get her on Sunday and she was crying her eyes out asking what happened... when she saw the bite mark she cried even more saying she didn't remember any of it. We went to court. She was charged with domestic abuse (9 months probation, alcohol and drug testing, and anger management). If she completes all of these things, the state will drop the charges and not put this on her record as she is a first time offender.

My friends all stated that I needed to get rid of her because I am going to end up getting myself killed. I disagreed stating that if this was an all-the-time situation, then I could understand. But this type of violence only happened one time. We do live together. This past week, she has just been having an attitude, mainly because I don't want to cuddle with her as my arm is wrapped in bandages.

When she was in jail, I had her phone and went through it because I often wondered why she was always questioning if I was cheating(which was never the case). I came to find in her phone naked pics of guys sending pics of themselves to her, and she was doing the same thing, sending pics to them. When I confronted her about it after I got out of jail, she cried and said she did NOT cheat, but got bored one day and did that.

I am lost and don't know what I should do. Last week I never left her side because she had been crying all week, and all thought maybe she would try and attempt suicide. She has a lot going for herself. She is very smart (3.7 GPA) and interns for the Top news station in the country. I am in college and have missed an entire week of school doing this.

Any ideas? I would really appreciate it

Sounds like a serious drinking problem and most likely does things out of impulse and perhaps drinking invovlved also.

Depends, is she ( and you) going to stop drinking, if not, you can expect more. Two years ago next month, I answered my door, to find my neighbor at it, with a knife in his back, same issue, wife was drinking, she always fights when she gets drunk, that night, he got stabbed. He of course moved right back with her.

Let her finish the probation & get help.

Was this the first outburst or drunken blackouts? I bet not.

Whatever, she sending naked pix to other dudes.

Let this bite be a bite on your a$$ and dump her.

Who needs that?

Don't wait around for her to get better. She's got major problems.

Posts combined, please do not post a new thread to add more info, if you want to add info, merely "answer" your own question

Quote by Fr. Chuck;
Posts combined, please do not post a new thread to add more info, if you want to add info, merely "answer" your own question
Sorry

Yeah I really need to move out. Its hard because its been a long 7 years. Can't afford to live on my own and this is interfering with my grades in college. She is also court ordered to go to AA 3 times a week. Hopefully this will help. I may go along too

All problems can be worked out, if both sides are willing to work hard and if they really want to change.

So if you both want to work on it, AA and relationship couselng. But AA only works if you really want to stop.

Yup, sounds like you both may have problems with alcohol. Maybe she trying to keep up with you. I don't know.

7 years is one thing. 7 crappy years is another. How much more time are you going to waste? Got to weigh things, use your gut. Say enough is enough.

Sounds like you both may need to get back to reality. This relationship doesn't sound healthy. Was it for the most part this way?

Probably best to seek help apart. Then see.

Don't let her drag you down or vis-versa.

She is also court ordered to go to AA 3 times a week. Hopefully this will help. I may go along too
That's a good idea, you both may learn something you need to know, about yourselves, and each other.

Well right now, things are hard because my friends want to hang out with me all the time (for example taking me to dinner, etc). They know what happened, and they do NOT WANT ANYTHING to do with her. They told me that if they invite me out she is NOT welcome because if she goes into a drunken stupor with them and does this same thing or anything close, they will Shoot her or beat her up so bad she will be in intensive care.

It sucks because every time I hang with my friends now, she blows up my phone like EVERY 20 minutes to see what I'm up to

Don't worry guy, this won't last much longer simply because you, or her will tire of the BS, and bring things to a head, and either face things together or apart.

It could be you two are not good for each other right now. Take a break and take care of yourselves.

That is too much drama and there are a few things worse than a violent drunk.
Neither of you can help the other, you need professional help. I hope she gets it.

And of course, just now, she calls me on my cell phone and asks if its OK of she stops by the store to get her just 1 BEER for the night... ***!! ARE U SERIOUS!! You told me you would change, u have been sober since the incident... and now this?! That is an INSULT!

Geez guy, what do you expect a drunk to do to get back in her comfort zone? Let me know when your sick and tired of it, and be careful going home.

Don't fuel the fire anymore.

Make a plan to change all of this.

She had quite a bit too much to drink. Due to this, she apparently had a blackout.

She passed out because she was drunk.


She punched her in the face for no reason, and then Bit me to the point on my front shoulder that I had to go through emergency.

Drunk and violent


My friend called the police, they came out. My girlfriend acted COMPLETELY sober and normal, saying to the police that we had just got finished playing cards and was wondering why they were.

Drunk, violent and a liar.

If she wants to change and work on herself and the relationship, then see if her words match her actions. Seeing as she's asked for a "beer" I don't see how that is happening.

If you two have been together 7 years then ill assume you are around 24+. Old enough to know better. Are you a guy or a girl as well? Regardless this is still domestic violence and you need to leave while she straightens herself out.

If she had been making her meetings like she is supposed to do, she would have gone to one when she feels the need to drink again, or called a sponsor, or another recovering person. That's what they tell you to do around the tables.

She will have to learn to deal with her demons without you, or drown in her own sh1t until she does. Maybe she has to fall further until she hits rock bottom, that's up to her, but for sure if you allow her behavior by staying, you will get more of it, and that's the bottom line for you.

You are dealing with and alcoholic, that is what they do.
Don't be her crutch, it does her no good and it also does no good to get angry with her for being what she is.
If you choose to stay, go to AA meetings for family members of alcoholics, if you are not wanting to do that you may as well end the relationship.

If you are out drinking with your friends, responsibly, or NOT, then you only give her reasons to want to drink. That's a temptation she cannot resist.

It's getting awkard. She's now drinks at least 2 beers a night. I will say this: She only gets crazily violent when she drinks "dark liquor" which is why she doesn't drink it. The night of her drunk stupor, she had a blackout and didn't remember drinking dark liquor... although she did according to my friends that kept buying rounds of shots.

I think it is time for me to get out of this. Her attitude has not changed much. Her excuse is that she is sorry for what she did, but that I've done mean things to her in the past and she forgave me. (what was done in the past was not emotionally, physical, nor verbally abusive).

The only reason I did not "rough her up" that night was because the cops wouldve taken me to jail pounding on a woman.

Im getting to the point of misery. We had 2 TVs with cable. Sometimes, I want to watch what I want to watch and so I go in the other room, as she is addicted to cooking channels. She gets upset at this.

Also, when she goes to bed, she expects me to come in the room to lay on the bed with her to go to bed... This happens ALL the time. Its to the point where I feel guilty if I am still in the living room watching TV as I'm not sleepy. Not complying, she gets an INSANE attitude, slamming doors, yelling at the top of her longs, etc saying "you never show me any affection", and it goes from there. The affection she wants me to show is basically sex EVERYDAY.

When I hang out with my friends, she gets pissed because she's no longer invited because of the incident. They are looking at this relationship from the outside and her having a domestic violence charge. Because she punched a girl twice doing this incident who is also friends with my crew, they do want to have ANYTHING to do with my girlfriend.

When I'm out hanging with them, she sends texts, calls constantly. The texts say things like " you're still out? Its 11pm"... When I go completely off on her, and move out the apt because I'm tired of it, she gets through to my family, who think it's my fault. She doesn't show my family this side of her... until recently. And I'll explain why

Back in July, she had me take her over to this dangerous side of town so that she can get some coke. We ended up getting robbed and beat up by a group of people. My face was swollen for weeks. My family was upset because they KNOW this isn't something I would do normally. When my family expressed anger with both of us for being over on that side of town that late at night, my girlfrend got pissed and said not to judge her, as she does judge people for overeating, having sex before marriage, etc...

The next reason my family is starting to see things is because of the domestic violence charge. I called one of them around 2am just before she ripped my phone in half. They heard her in the background screaming at the top of her lungs. One of my uncles(her favorite person) is still enabling her by saying she doesn't have an alcohol problem. She just had a blackout because she could not hang with college kids and drink like that, and that most people have had a blackout at one point which doesn't make them alcoholics.

Has anyone ever gone through my situation?

She is an alcoholic and you two are in a violent relationship. The fact that you did not "beat her down" because your were worrying about getting arrested speaks volumes.
Whatever she is or is not doing now is irrelevant. Leave the situation! This is what needs to be done, and get some counseling.

This may be a bit harsh.

How long are you going to enable her behavior? Why are you staying around to enable her behavior?

Where is she getting the two beers she drinking a night? Why aren't you tossing out any alcohol that comes into the house?

She has a drinking problem. Period. You're making excuses like you are accusing your uncle of doing if you think the color or type makes a difference.

You took her to the 'bad side of town' for coke and got beaten and robbed, but blame her because 'she made me'. You made a choice that you seem to know was a bad one to make.

Sorry, you have to take responsibility for your actions and get out. Staying is only keeping the problem going and growing. You can't 'fix' her and building up resentment against her when you know you should have gotten out months ago doesn't help either one of you.

Let her go to figure out that rock bottom hurts. Give yourself permission to let go and move on.

Comment on Homegirl 50's post
The fact that you did not "beat her down" because your were worrying about getting arrested speaks volumes...
What do u mean by that statement? That I should have? I know its irrelevant now, but just wondering

Comment on Cat1864's post
I agree. Only reason I did not leave was that I was afraid she would commit suicide as she always says she hates her life, and when they put her in jail, she also tried to bite her wrists trying to get through to a vein. But it makes perfect sense

Comment on Homegirl 50's post
He fact that you did not "beat her down" because your were worrying about getting arrested speaks volumes...

What do you mean by that statement? That I should have? I know its irrelevant now, but just wondering


When I read that, my first thought was that you shouldn't be considering beating her down period. You shouldn't need the fear of being arrested to stop you. It shouldn't even be entering your mind. That's not how people in healthy relationships think. People in healthy relationships don't think "i'd better not hit her because i might get arrested" it's more along the lines of "i would never hit her because i respect her, i love her, and hitting people is just plain and simple wrong"

what do u mean by that statement? That i should have? I know its irrelevant now, but just wondering



Why would you have even considered it? The reason you didn't should have been because you don't hit women.

what do u mean by that statement? That i should have? I know its irrelevant now, but just wondering

Are you saying if you could get away with it without paying consequences, you would have hit her??

I hope that's not what you meant!!

I;m not saying a man or woman "deserves" to be hit at ANYTIME... except, during the time of her drunken stupor when she bit to the point where my flesh was showing... and Still is(because its layers and layers of skin missing) .A drunken person THAT drunk doesn't know what's going on. If the police are late arriving, if u can't hold them down... then man or woman, you can use a glass bottle across the head to knock them out... They may thank you later is all I'm saying

Sometimes, you have to use self defense so that you are not harmed. If it comes between me and someone else with regards to My life and survival... Then, I chose ME... and that should not by any means sound selfish

So long story short, I took my girlfriend of 7 years out with me to hang with some friends of mine. She had quite a bit too much to drink.


It's getting awkard. she's now drinks at least 2 beers a night. I will say this: She only gets crazily violent when she drinks "dark liquor" which is why she doesnt drink it. The night of her drunk stupor, she had a blackout and didnt remember drinking dark liquor....although she did according to my friends that kept buying rounds of shots.

I get a bit concerned when a person's story seems to be changing. You took her out with you the night of the 'blackout/bite', but you didn't see/know what she was drinking? Your friends told you what she was drinking when she didn't remember?

There are a lot of problems in this relationship and I don't know if you have admitted all of them to yourself. It really doesn't matter because it all comes back to getting out before things get even worse and you do end up 'defending' yourself to the point of someone ending up dead.

There's a lot in this thread. I quickly skimmed over a few lines. I read the story about you getting bit, her getting shattered and having to go to AA, her getting cuffed and thrown in jail, something about pics of a naked guy on her phone and accused you of cheating, and then having you go with her to score blow.. . That was enough for me.

I agree with your friends in that she may actually kill you. This girl is a sad story but it ain't your problem. She made the choices that lead to her becoming a complete mess and is dragging you down with her; it's time to cut your losses pal.

This isn't even a traditional relationship. It's a parasite/host relationship.

Pack your stuff and leave, don't even say goodbye. She's not worth it.

I;m not saying a man or woman "deserves" to be hit at ANYTIME.....except, during the time of her drunken stupor when she bit to the point where my flesh was showing.......and Still is(because its layers and layers of skin missing) .A drunken person THAT drunk doesnt know whats going on. If the police are late arriving, if u can't hold them down...then man or woman, you can use a glass bottle across the head to knock them out.....They may thank you later is all I'm saying

sometimes, you have to use self defense so that you are not harmed. If it comes between me and someone else with regards to My life and survival........Then, I chose ME.....and that should not by any means sound selfish

Are you serious? Self defense is one thing. Knocking someone over the head with a glass bottle is another. You know you could kill someone doing that depending on just where exactly you hit them and how hrd it was? You both have serious issues and are both obviously in need of professional therapy.

Agree.

Both of you guys need help.

But you first. (as it should be)

You know this isn't right by now. Otherwise you wouldn't be here. Lots of addiction & obsessive & dangerous behavior. Abusive, criminal.
And you are half of this issue.

Can't believe you are still with her, actually. She isn't into changing or understand consequence. That's what happens when alcohol clouds reality.

Im sure you know.

If I were you, I would get out of this now. Don't worry about what she thinks, or will potentially do. Same with apartments, family & whatever else is going to sway you.

Get away & disappear. Then spend some time in therapy. However you choose. Sober up.

Change this before it gets any worse.

Get back to reality. Then learn from this.

Thank you for all your replies. It has helped a lot. Its weird because my family does not want me to end this relationship mainly because they don't think she has a drinking problem. They basically see it as a night where I took her to a college town know for their drinking excessively, and exposed her to it. They feel that she didn't control her amount of drinking, and because of this she had a black out. They also feel that people who are social drinkers who are Not alcoholics have at least had ONE blackout in their lifetime, or maybe 2.

They also feel that If I chose to go back to the relationship, I should not be telling her "either you quit drinking or im gone". They feel like if this was happening every month or day, etc then yes they would say it was a problem, but because this incident involved her going all and out on liquor, this is why it happened.

She told my family she felt isolated at the bar, because I was catching up with one of my friends(his brother had committed suicide the week before). Apparently, to feel non-alone, she began to drink and drink, dancing with people, then did something that got her and the rest of us kicked out. She's also said that I've done things to her in the past like lie(which I did before when we first met), and she forgave me, so why can't I just let this incident go. She's forging her own signatures on the AA papers as part of probation, because she's not comfortable spilling out all her beans to other alcoholics, and calling herself that

This is getting weird folks. I don't know WHY I'm in this confused state.

I have never blacked out from drinking. The only time I drink is socially and only on occasion.
I have a glass of wine in the evening, but I have never passed out or come remotely close to it.
I don't do drunk Period.
Do your parents drink?

At ant rate your relationship is volatile and creepy and if for no other reason than that, you ought to call it quits.

Leave her alone, and tell your family to adopt her butt, if they miss her so much. If they do, leave them ALL alone.

You know what's the truth, so don't give in to anyone's else's spin, or DENIAL.

Is she dating you or your family?

Your family has no business taking her side and are only enabling her problem. You need to do what's best for you and that's getting out of this relationship.

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to justcurious55 again.

I agree 1000%! She can pay for her own actions not YOU! Leave her alone, or go down with her.

Thank you all for your replies. I have left the situation. I do feel bad because she isn't drinking as much anymore, but other than the drinking, she is struggling financially as I've always spent the night at her apartment daily. She got offered a TV news position an hour away and she may be moving there to take the position. I don't know why I feel this way about caring and not wanting her to struggle. Someone you were with for almost 7 years, and definitely don't want to see them struggle with bills, rent, etc.

There are many times I feel this overwhelming sense of guilt

You've done the right thing. You have nothing to feel guilty for.

I'm so sick and tired of my friends saying, "dude your an idiot, why r u sorry"?, No U bastard! YOU'RE an idiot because you have no sympathy for people.

The thing with me is I've been raised Biblically, to be Long-Suffering, Kind, etc. I have people telling me, if you are dating someone with a Mental Illness, you are like the punk... "when it gets tough, you split...cowards do that....If you were married, what about the I do until death do us part?"

Then I'm told, if your girlfriend has a drinking problem, "why not go to ALNON?" But then when I tell them domestic violience occurred when drinking, they say, "if you go to ALNON it will handle that". I thought ALNON was an excellent program ONLY IF your SAFETY is not INVOLVED!

I'm sick of being sick and tired... sometimes you don't know what's right and what's not. This is getting a bit overwhelming. I feel like whatever positive that I'm doing, I'm ENABLING the situation

All you need to know is that you are doing the right thing by getting away from this abuse.

Don't waste your time on hypotheticals or what others think.

If you feel guilty, that's OK. Doesn't mean that you are cold hearted.

We can't fix other people. Especially if they don't want fixing.

Your life will be better. Give it time. Don't stress. We can only learn from our experiences.

Try to be more aware & look out for the next time.

Therapy or AA, may not be a bad idea for you.

Wow, its been a long time. I just wanted to refresh you all. I decided to work things out with my girlfriend. Eveything is going fine, although she still drinks quite often but it hasn't ever gone into that situation again. She is in anger management, and a lot of things happened during her childhood it seems.

The problem is my friends still do not want to hang out with me if she's around, and now its getting to the point where they barely even want to hang out with me now just because of the entire situation. This relationship will be 7 years this fall. My girlfriend now wants to move in together as we are living separately as she is saying that after 7 years, we should not still be having two separate lives.

It feels like a tugg of war with her and my friends. Yes I love my girlfriend, but I also love my friends. They were my main suppor when we broke up a few times out of the years. Any advice would be appreciated. I do want it to get to the point where they get along, but they still think of her as Crazy

She wants to move in with you,but do you want to live with her?

Moving in together should be a mutual decision.

As for your friends,can you talk to them and see if they can understand that she seems to be making some positive changes in her life?

If she has a drinking problem that should be addressed as well;has she had counseling?

May I suggest that dating vampires is not always such a good idea? ;)

Just kidding. But man, you need to kick this girl out, she sounds pretty psycho. First of all, if she would have bit me like that I probably would have reacted a lot more aggressive than you did just out of instinct. And that bull$hit about her sending naked pictures to other guys because she was bored is dumb. She had nothing better to say and that is the only thing her mind could come up with in a confrontation. To me, if my girl shows her naked body to another man intentionally that is cheating, so her saying that it wasn't would have probably infuriated me more. You can always stay with her and cross your fingers in hope that this will never happen again, but if I was you I wouldn't run the risk and let her go, because I rather be myself than which a girl who could possibly kill me after having some booze. Or a girl who everyone knows what she looks like without clothes, that is even worse. It is your call though, make the right choice.

She probably won't agree, but to me your relationship calender was reset to when you last decided to work on the issues together. The drinking and anger need to be under control for awhile before you make any move to join households. If she can't understand that, then she still needs a lot more help.

You should talk to your friends and be honest with them about still needing their support. She is making changes, but are they enough or will she revert to old ways if everyone starts letting their guard down.

You should have time apart from her with your friends as she should with hers. DO NOT allow her to become the center of your world.

Do work together and keep learning how to communicate with each other. Tear out the old foundation and build a new and stronger one or spend all of your time mending cracks.

Be honest with her. Be honest with yourself and don't ignore red flags and warning signs.

Take care of yourself.

Doesn't seem like anything's changed. Honestly. Just you needing her back. Hmmm??
How you will be her enabler again.

Trust your gut. Let her fix herself first, before anything rash. Listen to your friends. They make sense to me.

Unless you are as addicted to her as she is to other things.

How about no her for a year?

Try it out. You may like it.

My girlfriend now wants to move in together as we are living separately as she is saying that after 7 years, we should not still be having two separate lives.

Don't even consider it until she has proved beyond the shadow of a doubt, she has her life, and demons under control, for at least a year. Only a fool listens to a crazy, sick person, who can barely do what's right for themselves.