Long story short, me and my ex were together for over a year. As with most relationships in the "honeymoon" phase, everything was great. We have both seen a lot of people in the past, but we both told each other that we truly believe we are soul mates, and that we never felt this way towards one another.

The relationship ended up being long distance when she had to move back home with her mother, which was fine with me for a while. The first few months of distance there were a few small issues here and there about paranoia and jealousy, sometimes she would go out with friends to the bar and I would send her tons of texts usually asking what she's doing and who's she's with, and they made her feel guilty, so she stopped going out all the time. Then after the last time I came down to see her, the first few weeks after I got home were great, the relationship felt even stronger than before. Then, for some unknown reason, one I cannot even remember, the arguments started to happen. I'd get mad at her over the littlest things, id get jealous about everyone she talked to, second guess everything. Id promise her change one day, then a few days later the cycle would continue. This went on for a little over a month. She began to distance herself away from me and it scared me. Gone was the affection and love in her voice when we talked, she just seemed empty, and it made my situation worse, I was getting more and more upset. Then the day came when I blew up at her when I thought she was giving me attitude when she wasn't. That led to our last argument, where she said I was jumping between two extremes of jealousy and coldness. She said she wanted space, and I tried my hardest to give it to her, but I failed the next day. That's when the break up happened. She said she wasn't happy with the relationship anymore, she said she didn't feel the same right now, but she wanted to believe everything we said before was true, but all of this over the past month she just didn't know. She talked about how she wanted to value our connection as friends and still talk, but out of my desperation I said some stupid things about how I couldn't do that, and then we said our goodbyes.

The next day I tried to take it back, said I was upset and I didn't know what it was that I wanted. No answer from her. I send her more messages stating the same thing, about how I also lost a best friend out of this, still no answer. I found out she was talking to this guy whom got really jealous over our relationship, she said she was never attracted to him because he was grizzly and a really stony, but he said some cold things about me to her and she said she wasn't really going to talk to him anymore. I found out, and I got mad about it. She finally said something to me. Said she would have started talking to him again if there wouldn't have been so much drama. She said he was just a friend, and that she's not talking to him out of spite, or to hurt me. I apologized and said hopefully she could forgive me given the situation we were in, and she just said she understood.

I then sent her an e-mail a few days later to try and give her more perspective, try and tell her how I've been trying to change, and how I've become more accepting of the break up, but its been nearly 2 weeks now and I still haven't heard anything from her. She told me when the break up happened that I needed to work on myself before I fix this relationship, or get in any future relationships. She said right now it felt like all my promises and sorries were empty, which I've come to realize is true.

I haven't tried to contact her since I sent the e-mail. I've got the mindset that setting up a silent NC rule will do two things. First off, it will give me time to heal, time to lose my dependence on her and actually work on myself. Secondly, it will give her the time and space she needed to begin with, time to let these wounds heal, maybe even give her time to miss me and remember some of the good times we spent together, which id like to believe greatly outweigh the bad. Am I fool for thinking this way? People have told me within 3-4 weeks, if she really does still care for me, that she will hit that phase where she really starts to miss me, and will initiate contact herself. I told myself if I haven't heard anything from her in exactly 1 month, then I will try to contact her myself, but on a more friendly and casual level, just to see where she stands. Is this a bad idea? Should I just try and move on? It's really difficult for me, because during the relationship, I really felt like she was the one.

Just a suggestion, work on yourself and leaving her alone is a great start, but don't count on her missing you, or you healing from the break up in just a month. You have a hard history to overcome, and many personal issues to deal with, and a month is not realistic, but it's a reasonable start.

Good luck, whether she misses you or NOT!

Her missing me is just a small glimmer of hope that I have. Her history with her previous ex kind of scares me. We got together while they were still dating. He was a lot worse than I was though. He used her for money, used a lot of abusive words towards her, was downright cold to her. She was forced to live with him because she couldn't afford to move out yet. She has come to loathe this person, and vented to me a lot about him. I'm afraid she's going to look at me in that same light, although it sounds unreasonable when I really think about it because our issues were different. She said she loved me at first because of my personality, and because when this relationship first started, I was making some positive changes in my life, unlike him. When she got mad at me I often compared our situation to his, and she said it was a different situation.

I know I can't put all my eggs in one basket, I can't expect her to miss me right now, or even want to take me back. You're right, I know one month isn't very realistic, but I'd like to know if I could at least get an answer from her on where we stand. I think I when I went into a rage and tried to take her out of my life after the break up it hurt her pretty bad, she told me she really wished it didn't have to come down to that. My main purpose of NC is to break my dependence on her, and I honestly think if it wasn't broken by the time she decided that she wanted to start things up again, I would have to tell her that I still need more time.

I guess my biggest question is if I'm making a mistake or not.

Working on your own issues and making it top priority will never be a mistake as to where you stand now with her, you are broken up, and you both can heal. She has baggage of her own to unpack and like you, I doubt it can be done in a month.

Q: No contact the best thing to do in my situation?

"I've got the mindset that setting up a silent NC rule will do two things"

1.) First off, it will give me time to heal

Yup.

2.) Secondly, it will give her the time and space she needed to begin with, time to let these wounds heal, maybe even give her time to miss me and remember some of the good times we spent together, which id like to believe greatly outweigh the bad.

(if that means a ploy to get her back)
Nope...

That defeats the purpose (#1)

Don't deny being broken up. That's a killer.

In my opinion stick to NC even after the month. If your lucky and she contacts you be curtious and do not talk about the relationship unless she does first.

I had the same idea that you had and didn't listen to my own advice above, I was told by my ex that I/we weren't worth the time and effort. She was cold to me and it was like our relationship never mattered or affected her in anyway. So after hearing that and a few other things I felt worse than when we initially broke up.

Stick to NC eventually you'll feel better about yourself and if you never hear from her again hopefully ull build the confidence to be OK with that and keep going.

Best of luck to you!