Daughter dating boyfriend for 3 years and parents don't like him

How old is daughter?

My daughter is 22 and has been dating this boy for 3 years, he will be 22 in December. He never finished high school, he has held a job for 2 years working as a chefs helper, he makes like 10.00 an hour, this is her first boyfriend, I've really been nice to him, but my husband eh.. the boy stays away from my husband, now I've just been waiting for my daughter to wake up, she is in college studying psychology and she was living in dorm and now lives with him in their parents basement, we are both college grads working in high tech jobs, she needs to move on and she says her relationship is perfect, omg I've finally just started to give her more advice like he needs to get his GED...

Wake up ? Sorry just because he is not going to be a rocket scientist does not make him wrong or bad,
Is he good to her, treat her bad, does he use drugs or get drunk ?
Sounds like he works hard, has a job, just not to the level you would like for her ?

So perhaps accept him because she loves him, and be happy that perhaps she found someone that cares for her.

I'm sorry to say that there is nothing you can do except to wait for her to wake up and smell the roses. She is an adult now, and no matter how much you don't like him, you have to try or risk alienating your daughter from your family.

At least he has a job. Ten bucks an hour these days is like gold in this economy. He's only 21. So what if he lives with his parents. At least he's not 42 and living with his parents.

If you continue to tell her to move on, you are going to get met with a bu%%load of resistance. Be happy for her. At least he has a job. I realize you all are college grads, but that's not attainable for many people.

If he's not treating your daughter right, what is the problem? At least he's not beating her on a daily basis.



So perhaps accept him because she loves him, and be happy that perhaps she found someone that cares for her.

Another thought, maybe you could be a mentor to him. Some people need a little friendly shove. Talk to him. Get to know him. You might just find a hidden treasure in him if you would give it a chance.

It could be worse.

He is a chefs helper. Nobody starts as head chef. It is a long hard road.
But a good chef makes as much as you do I'll bet.
And a head chef at a good resort, hotel, or their own place will make as much as you and your husband combined.
This may be his college education.

If your daughter is happy and treated well, thank God for that.
You don't need to like him if she does.

Respect your daughters judgment and intelligence and give her your support and him your tolerance.
You may be eating your words from his 5 star Bistro someday.
We can all hope for that.

I wish you well... and a little more tolerance.

My sentiments exactly. J-9
And you also Fr_C.

Well stated Father

But a good chef makes as much as you do I'll bet.
And a head chef at a good resort, hotel, or their own place will make as much as you and your husband combined.


This is so very true. My cousin in is a chef on the north slope oil fields of Alaska at an exclusive restaurant used ONLY by the men working on the oil fields. He works 14 days a month and laughs all the way to the bank.

He's making nearly 6 figures a year now. He started the same was as the OPs daughter's boyfriend.

Oh, OP, remember... at least he can cook!! ;)

He could simply be a late bloomer.

I was in his shoes, with my boyfriends parents not liking me, because I was not (at the time) educated, or refined, or status worthy to be dating their son.

Because of that early judgment upon me, which disregarded any and all traits that I did have (honesty, loyalty, intelligence, hard working, etc.), they saw me only as a person who, not being worthy, could only be a negative influence, and hold their son back. It also extended to my family, who were also not up to their standards.

It is a terrible place to be in, when you are judged by things that don't count, i.e. what your level of income is, or your level of education, or your religion. (I was not the same religion as they were either). To be put into such a narrow field of vision, with no way of redeeming yourself in their eyes by just being who you are, was a very uncomfortable place to be.

Even in their company, the family friends and relatives had already pre-judged me, because his parents didn't keep their opinions to themselves. I was pre-judged, and snubbed at any get togethers, and was even drawn into conversations like, "What does your father do? You live where?"

Please give the kid a break. To dislike him for the reasons you have stated is so shallow and un-deserving. If your daughter is worthy of being loved by an honest, hard working man, that should be your only concern.

By the way, I went from waitressing, to having several formal years of education. Even with that 'qualification', and although his mother and I became best of friends- I am still to this day not seen as good enough, by his sisters and his brother.

Look for the good, and be proud that she is capable of loving someone so deeply, and receiving love in return.

In the end, that's all that matters anyway.