My name is Emma I am twenty years old I have a wonderful three year old son and a husband whom I used to think was wonderful. It is very hard for me to talk about this and I am really not sure what to say but I am going to try. I met my husband when I was sixteen love at first sight if that's what you want to call it. Everything happened very quickly, he proposed to me after three months, I found out I was pregnant after five months. We got married about two years after we met. I have had issues with trust, he would watch porn behind my back and lie when I caught him. He would smoke weed behind my back and lie as well, but these are just the beginning. All this porn and doing drugs was before we had our son and got married and a little after as well. About two years ago right after we got married he got a great job opportunity at a gold mine in Alaska, we were struggling where we were in NC so we moved. Everything was great until about five months ago. My son brought me his daddy's phone and was like look mommy, it was emails I have never been one to snoop but it struck my curiosity. Come to find out he had been talking to numerous people, I confronted him he said I was just talking to them, I forgave him. Then my brother in-law told me that my husband had found these people on Craigslist. So that really made me think because we all know the horrors in that certain part of craigslist. I started doing a little investigating of my own, and I found a "Secret" email he had not told me about. In this email was the las thing I expected. He had made adds on craigslist looking for BBW(big beautiful woman) to have discreet encounters with, that is pretty normal considering what else I gathered. Then as I got down the list I started seeing the add saying "tight booty hole". I opened numerous conversations of my husband talking with men about having sex. He told one guy his fantasy was "to be rammed by a big black guy". I also found a add he put on there saying "looking to give head Tuesday morning". Then I got to the email that crushed my world. It was a long very detailed conversation between my husband and this other man. It described some of the acts and talked about doing it again. I was in shock I think because it took me two days to confront him about this. When I finally did he said well how the hell can we get pass this I agreed but I changed my mind as did he we wanted to work it out. I always told myself if he cheats I'm done but when it actually happened I felt like I was so alone didn't know where to turn all my family is 5,000 miles away I felt like a child again. I worked on forgiving him and it seemed to be working he was gaining trust because he was taking the extra step of calling and telling me where he was and going out of his way to tell me he loves me many times a day and telling me how lucky he is to have me etc. He told me exactly what happened that morning as well through text not in person or on the phone. He said the guy performed anal sex on him and he had to stop so then he proceeded to perform oral sex on this guy to please him there was no contact of any kind to his penis just the other guys. He also told me that the guy used a condom which was some relief. So everything seemed to be getting better his parents came to visit we were having a good time and then wee were in bed laughing and talking when he got a text I didn't recognize the number and asked who is that he said "I don't know". So he handed me the phone and I said who is this, it was a guy and he was responding to my husband who had replied to this guys craigslist add. I told my husband what he said he replied must be a wrong number now after the first time I found all this he changed his number so all these people would not have it so I knew it was no mistake,his parents were up stairs so I did not make a scene I walked outside and he followed denying the whole time what I knew was true. So I gave him his phone and told him to just go to bed and please leave me alone. I called this strange number on my cell and talked to this guy told him who I was he told me he had a add my husband replied and he was trying to hook up with him then he proceeded to try to convince me to be okay with this happening I was so angry I hung up. The next day my husband sat down beside me and said I am getting my phone turned off, this made me feel great. After that things seemed to be getting better but I still felt hurt I was fighting depression so I decided to take a trip home to visit family and clear my head. I was supposed to be there for three weeks but the whole time I was gone he was calling me saying crazy things like" I don't miss you guys I don't want my son I love being able to do what I want to when I want to.I was very upset but then he would apologize and say "I didn't mean it I don't want to live without you I don't know what's wrong with me". I wasn't sure what to think so I extended my stay. I was almost convinced he was doing the same thing he had before so I was not sure what to do. I finally decided to come back and we seemed to be doing okay other than his awful temper. Then he decided to turn the phone on which he did all this mess on back on and use it. I was going to leave but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Well he got his phone turned back on about two months ago now and it was eating me up so I asked if I could look in his phone he gave it to me. It was virtually empty he was deleting everything so I am great with phones so I went through it more and found he was going to craigslist, looking at she male porn, and fisting porn and just very nasty stuff, I also found another email which had been de-activated so I don't know when or if it was uses I asked him but he said ". I wasn't sure what to think so I extended my stay. I was almost convinced he was doing the same thing he had before so I was not sure what to do. I finally decided to come back and we seemed to be doing okay other than his awful temper. Then he decided to turn the phone on which he did all this mess on back on and use it. I was going to leave but I decided to give him the benifit of the doubt. Well he got his phone turned back on about two months ago now and it was eating me up so I asked if I could look in his phone he gave it to me. It was virtually empty he was deleting everything so I am great with phones so I went through it more and found he was going to craigslist, looking at she male porn, and fisting porn and just very nasty stuff, I also found another email which had been de-activated so I don't know when or if it was uses I asked him but he said " as usual. I have tried everything in my power to make this work I love him with every beat of my heart and I want our family to stay together but I just don't know what else to do I know I need to go talk to someone and this is my first attempt to see others opinions. He says he would go to counceling but he will not say exactly what he did and I think that's defeating the purpose of the whole thing. He is turning his phone off again but I'm not convinced he is going to fully commit to being faithful, and I don't think I can take much more its like a never ending horror story. I have not said very much to him for the past three days he keeps saying he doesn't deserve me. Telling me he loves me and trying to show me affection but I just don't know anymore I don't know what his train of thought is I asked him if he's gay he's says no. I asked him if he was attracted to me he says yes which he is always telling me how beautiful I am but all that seems to fade into the distance because of all this. I am holding onto the good times in order to keep on fighting but I feel as if I am fighting a losing battle and I feel he should be the one fighting. I am 20 years old I never expected my life to be like this I just don't know which way to go. My son loves his daddy but I know a child is no reason to hold on. I am sorry this is so long but I just felt knowing all the details you could get the whole picture. I really look forward to hearing from you all soon. Thank you for reading this very long paragraph.
Emma

He probibly isn't gay but he most definitely is at least bisexual.

The fact he was doing this behind your back has no defense. Condoms reduce the chances of getting something... but nothing is foolproof.

I'll be the first to say simply watching porn isn't bad, but he wasn't doing just that... he went way beyond anyone's idea of acceptable when he not only tried to connect with others... but actually did it.

Do I personally think he's going to change anytime soon? Probibly not, but then all I know is what you wrote. With counseling IF he is sincere, maybe... assuming of course he really wants to change and you are able to deal with what has happened thus far.

If you feel there is something worth saving... do try counseling, but understand you may at some point have to walk away and file divorce. Only you knows when that line has been crossed.

It is very difficult dealing with someone's sexual turn ons. For whatever reason this is what turns your husband on, and having to sneak around might even be part of that turn on.
I agree that you need to get counceling, this is someone who would listen to both of you without judgement. Make your decision from what happens from that point.

Thank you both very much for your input. I know counseling is the best bet at this point, I just pray he will be open and honest when it comes time. Again thank you very much, Emma

Damn I really wish I knew what to say, from what I gather, you obviously love this man if you are willing to forgive all that has been done to you. I pray everything works out, but,, the real question is not can he change? but rather, will he? This makes me sick to my stomach to even think what your going through especially with a little one, really wish I could offer some advice.

Thank you noob, you helped without even giving advice :)

Thank you!

Thank you!

I think he is gay but trying to deny it even to himself... I think you definitely both should go for counselling and take it from there. No matter what happens, you two can keep a good relationship for the sake of your child. It doesn't have to be messy. I think you are dealing with it very well and a lot better than I would be - that's for sure.

Good luck!x

His behavior is unacceptable for a committed married man, and this freaky deaky guy should be out of your life.

I agree with talaniman. His behavior is unacceptable for a married man and he continues to lie and repeat this behavior.
Maybe he is confused about his sexuality but he owes it to you to be honest.
The first time, OK I love him and we'll work through it, but after all of the other lies and doing it again, that would be a deal breaker.
I'd be gone.
You don't do stuff like this when you're married and expect to be forgiven so you can do it again.

Emma.. so what has happened since then? I hope you and your son are happy and well... I just submitted a question that started as a tax question.. lol... then progressed.. after reading yours I wish I had added more.there is certainly A lot MORE.ALOT similar.yet he won't talk to me & I felt like what I said was hard enough... do tell me how you are and how you have handled these huge issues... god bless you & the little one... and ur(ex)? Husband... sincerely, enj... s