I've been with this guy for 10 months. This is actually our second time seeing each other. After first 4 months into the relationship, he felt he wasn't getting the half of the attention he gave and tried so hard to make me see how much he cares and loves me. Yet, he just didn't see or felt I knew half of how much he felt for me. After telling me how he been hurting emotionally and mentally. He called a quit. All the things he been telling me, I couldn't argue because he was right in a way. All those 4 months I had my wall up. Although, I cared and loved him as much, I was afraid to show and to express. We went without seeing each other for 2 months. During these times, I have tried to explain myself and fully accepted the false as far as how I made him feel. I didn't do anything wrong per si, like being bad, mean, disrespectful or nasty. Just I didn't know how to express them. So, after the couple of months of being separate without contacts other then the couple of e mails I've sent him. He realized and understood and we started seeing each other again.

I knew things wouldn't be the way it were before. We both have changed and we both were cautious. Him not wanting to play the emotional victim and me, not wanting to do anything negative to ruin things. I guess I was trying too hard second time around? I be myself yet, I cant? Like I be worrying about everything I say or do around him? And him being cautious, his putting his emotions in check and not really put full effort into it? Lately, Ive noticed few changes the way he is. Mostly in communication. Ive noticed he doesn't initiate contacts yet only would respond and when he does, it seem short and too formal. So, I went and asked straight out and had the talk with him. If he is happy in this relationship, and if not, we should talk about it and find the solution. He tells me he is happy, he is def. cautious and taking things slow but he doesn't want this relationship to end. Even with that conversation, I couldn't deny the fact that things just wasn't there. At this point, I was getting tired and I wasn't sure myself if I am in this relationship because I want to or is it because I need to? And start to feel he might be on the same stage of mind as myself. Just the other day, when I was over at his place. As usual he greets me with all smile and welcoming. We spent time like any other day. When we went to bed. He just held me close by in all his arms and Ive noticed during middle of the night. Him pulling the covers up to me to keep me warm and tuckin in the blanket to make sure I was fully covered and would pulled me in closer to him. And just held me like that all night. Next day came and later that evening. We were on the phone and we were talking about this and that and we started talking about the relationship. Then he finally tells me what was in his mind. He says he's been sadden lately to the point where he gets depressed and get anxiety. That he cares for me a lot and loves me yet the feelings aren't there anymore. He find himself trying to force to stay in this relationship. It isn't fair for me or for him trying to hold on to the relationship when he isn't 110% sure. Its nothing I did or anything changed. Nothing has changed. Im the woman he always wanted, Im very attractive, friendly, positivie and good to him. Yet the feelings just isn't there anymore. And he tells me because I am attractive, I will have no problem finding someone else (beside the point). I clearly asked him, If he is sure, if this is what he wants? He wuoldnt say Yes or No. yet, just kept saying it isn't fair for either of us to continue. But he still cares and loves me.. I am suppose to go see him next day to get my things out from his place. It seem we both are tired from something and is willing to let it go but sametime, although I am ready and actually consider this done, I am not really ready to let this go? I am ready to let go with even if there is small chance of working this out even after what he said he said... I wuold like to give it a try,, I just need opinion and advices.

Thanks

Its hard to let someone go, but its also okay to feel relief because we don't have to withhold a part of our personality just to be accepted. Its appears that your instincts had already kicked in trying to tell you to move on. Don't settle for someone just because they are nice, and easy to get along with. You will know when it's the right man to give your whole self too. You won't have to walk around on pins and needles by making sure your saying all the right things. This man will still be there even if you show him your not so pretty side. Good luck

Answerme: Thank you so much for your kind words. I am not heartaching because I know how this feels because Ive been through this when he quit the first time and def. the feelings are very different. When I first had the talk with him out our relationship. Right then, I was ready to move on if he to tell me that he wasn't feeling it. Yet, when he said he didn't want to give up. I decided to try and hope that whatever was missing could be found. Would have been nice if he were to tell me then rather than just couple of weeks later. Only thing that sadden me is that I know we both care yet can't seem be on the same page at the same time.. So it is bit hard although I am and have accepted.

Not everyone is meant to be.
Its OK.

Maybe neither one of you were ready.
Plus 10 months & 2 times around probably gives you a good idea. He told you he wasn't feeling it, and probably showing you too.

Don't hang on, always use your gut.

You'll know when it's the right person.

Update: First of all. I thank you all for your kind words and advise/support. I saw him earlier tonight as I was there to get my things. On the drive there. I was actually feeling quite normal and wasn't bothered with the situation.

Once I got there and got my things together. Without either of us saying anything. We just gave each other a hug. He held me with both of his arms and just held me tight. As I pulled away and looked up at his face.. I was bit surprised. He started forming tears on both of his eyes and soon after the tears started to fall. I was cool and I was just being myself. Didn't show any weak side or being sad. Because I was bit surprised to see that. I asked why he was crying that this is the decision he made. And told him, he doesn't have to explain anything because I can't argue or even try to plead because I too been feeling the way he was.

Lately, the drive out to him seemed longer and when texting or calling, It felt more like I was obligated to and not because I want to. So, I knew exactly what he was and is feeling. And that I am not hurting because I know how that is. I've been through that pain when we first broke up and def. this time the feelings are different. Only thing that I may feel is the sadness. That knowing we both still care for each other, yet just couldn't make it. He tells me, he still cares and loves me and it is hurting so I can't tell him how he suppose to feel.

Then, he seem to be OK and he walked me out to my car. As we were standing, we again talked a bit. We hugged each other for the last time and again, I see his eyes start to get all red, and soon the tears were in both of his eyes. During the whole convos. His eyes are filled with tears. While, I am still keeping my cool. At this point, perhaps most/many women would see that as something that they can use to change things around, but I didn't, More I just didn't want to. And, knowing he isn't going to change and I didn't want my last impression to be someone who begged, pleaded and being repeative and just not getting things.

I kept my voice tone in mutual and kept things friendly. But, I did tell him this though. I have asked him to let me know what he think about the suggestion. And, just tell what comes to his mind. Not to agree just to agree since we are done (And, knowing him and how he operate, When it isn't it, it just not it for him). I have told him, Now he is single and he is free. Go do things that he wants to, don't limit himself. Go date if he wants to (he is free to that of course). Weight his options, Just go and have fun. And, down the road, even months from now. If he feels, there is something still there or might be there, Don't be afraid to pick up the phone. Now, I am not going to put my life on hold, I will go on with my life and will live my life (which I will). There is no promise, there is no strings. And, if we are meant to be, we go from there. We have gone through our ups and downs emotionally.

First he tired hard and second I've tried. We both have tried and maybe, if we are meant to be and if there be another chance. Maybe that time around, we both don't have to feel the need to try yet just would understand and know each other. That is the suggestion and once I leave here today. We will go on with our lives. He looked at me in the eyes and he says "I would do that". Deep down, I know regardless of the suggestion. I will never see him. I thanked him for the things he've done, things he have shown me and the memories he have gaven me (memories itself never change from good to bad, it's the people. Just my thought). He thanked me as well. We hugged (too much hugs huh? Lol) And, I said, "I love you" and he tells me "I love you too". He had my hand held through out most of the convos. He kept it held until I let go as I walked to my car. We departed with smiles in our face.

I got my closure and I think I handle it pretty well. Although, the feeling of hurt isn't there as much but I have this great sadness I feel right now. Cuz, I still do care and love him a lot but I knew this is something that I (we) just have to do. Just the sadness when two people do care and love for each other, yet we just can't be together... This type of closure is def. harder. I understand why most people (men in general) takes that NC route. It is easier to deal with (while one is going through hell). I know I have to go through all the process of aftermath of breaking up. Hopefully, It isn't the long process. I wish him well and right now, he is going through some other personal issues and hope that soon the problems he is facing will come together and bring some comfort in him. And, hope I will too find comfort.

Nice story book ending. I think you both will get your comfort in life, without one another.

Break ups still suck, whether they are good break ups, or bad break ups.

You walked away with something that no other soul can give us and only we can give away and that is our PRIDE. You should be proud of yourself. Now its time to move on and do whatever makes you happy. Good luck

I agree. You did the right thing.

I am going to try to make this short as possible lol. Since I've posted my story already on the other forum. My ex and I had a mutual break up. Since the break up I have cut off all contacts. Because it was hurting and I needed to time to heal and fully accept on the break up.

Then 2 weeks since the break up. I've noticed it was his daughters birthday. Whom I got attached to. After thinking hard. I decided to write him an e mail. Simply said, Ive noticed today is her birthday and want to wish her a happy birthday. Considering we had mutual break up and aparted with the smile. I didn't think by e-mailing him was wrong. I didn't get a simple "thank you" reply. Which I guess expected. Then, I did something. Later that evening, I remembered how sad he was not having her on her birthday (his ex wife had plan for her bday/live in diff. state). So, I texted him "Just incase. don't be sad/depressed not having her for her bday. She loves you and youre a grt dad". . I still care for him in some level. Never got a reply to either. Then, on the second day since the text. He texted with "Thank you for bday wish for (her name). I passed them onto her and she said "hello" and also thank you for your note for me". Why waited that long to reply? Only he knows. I didn't reply since all I wanted was to wish her a birthday.

Then, few days later, I get a call around 4AM. I was still up. Was just getting home from night out with friends. I answered thinking could be one of my friend just parted with. I said "hello?" couple of times and nothing from the other end and soon it hung up. Then I looked to see the number and it was from a private number (# unpublished). Could it be him? Wrong #? I do have a friend who time to time call from a private # (work security reason) but in all 10 yrs Ive known him, He never once called this late. And, he is out of town on a business trip (his # is private only when he is calling from work). If it was my ex. Why would he call? Knowing him, he would never do that (too much pride). I guess my brain is over working. Lol But, if it was the ex... is my curiosity.

I think its your brain overworking :)

Him responding late to your e-mail could have been anything, maybe he just didn't see it or check it for a few days? Busy with work, who knows?

The phone call could have been anything!

Keep on working at moving past that relationship and focus on other things. You broke up for a reason, now remember it!

If you don't want to get back with him, you need to move on and forget about texting him entirely. By texting, he'll get the feeling that you are thinking about him and still care for him.

Everyone gets weird phone calls at weird hours occasionally, but they can be from anyone... actually may not have even been intended for you at all (could have been misdialed).

What if it was a drunk calling to harass his ex? All this think and wondering for nothing. Let it go.

Yes. I guess it just got me by unexpected late call. Just thought it was odd. Even with misdialed, the number were blocked where I couldn't see the caller's number. It could be from anyone (even not intended to me). Just never had that common incident. Thanks all for opinions~