My son married a girl with a 3 year old child. She loved my son enough to allow him to legally become the child's father on his birth certificate. However, she fails to share the discipline with my son. Her type of discipline is putting him in time out and letting him have his way. I love my daughter in law and my grandson very much but I need some help in telling her that she needs to not protect my grandson and treat him like a baby but to let him learn the proper way of doing things and how to behave. I feel he gets so bad he needs his butt torn up. She makes excuses for him all the time. "He is just tired" "It is because you let him drink diet coke" "He don't understand" "You need to ask him why he is acting like that"
Give me a break I raised two very well behaved men and had no problem with them what so ever. They knew the difference between right and wrong. But with my daughter in law I need help. She resents me every time I correct her and tell her that she needs to let my son discipline without correcting him all the time. Let him be the father he knows how to be and that she would want him to be. If you can help in this matter I would appreciate it.

I believe in spanking. Like you we raised great kids. We didn't beat them but we did spank.

When they grew too old to spank
We grounded them from the phone
TV aand other things.

I think spanking a disobedient child
Is going to help him the long run.

I also agree with a good spanking ( no abuse) but a spanking. But I will be honest it is a dying breed of people, you will get called all sorts of names, even on here by some for even suggesting it. In some areas if people heard you even suggesting spanking a child they would call social services on you.

The two of you are at opposite ends of the discipline spectrum here, obviously.

When you say, " I feel he gets so bad he needs his butt torn up", are you surprised that she resents your remarks and advice?

While you may be frustrated at how she disciplines her child, it is not your place to correct her, or teach her, or criticize her.

While he is in your home, if he misbehaves, you have the option of sending him home, but you do not have the option of corporal punishment on anyone elses' child.

I don't think it matters who agrees with that form of discipline or not, but more specifically, if it is used, is is up to the parents, not the grandparent(s).

My best advice to you is to back off, and keep your opinions to yourself. If and when she feels she can ask for your guidance and suggestions on discipline, it will only be when you are not sitting in judgment and she can feel that you will not criticize her, but rather help her instead.

Just my opinion.

Lets see you handle him for a weekend and see how you react :)
You evidently have the perfect children or do not have any at all.
Have you been in a restaurant and a child tells there parent no matter if grandparent
That "You get me that right now or I will hit you" or goes into a tantrum and disrupts the entire place. I do not want my grandchild to act like that and the way she is going he will be just like that.

Lets see you handle him for a weekend and see how you react :)
You evidently have the perfect children or do not have any at all.
Have you been in a restaurant and a child tells there parent no matter if grandparent
that "You get me that right now or I will hit you" or goes into a tantrum and disrupts the entire place. I do not want my grandchild to act like that and the way she is going he will be just like that.

I have 4 children. 2 grown and married and 2 still at home. I agree with Jake. It's not your place to "teach" her how to discipline her child. That is hers and your son's job. As hard as it is, you need to keep your opinions to yourself before she starts keeping the child away from you.

By doing this, all you are doing is alienating her.

Yes, I've spanked with my first 2 kids and I've used alternative methods of discipline with my 2 youngest and all 4 are very well mannered.

At 5 years of age he has a pretty good grip on who is going to allow him to do what and how far he can push it.

In YOUR house you can while in YOUR care show him by example and point out where he misbehaves.

But if your daughter in law and son allow him to jump on the furniture,paint the walls and scream his head off,that is there right on how they choose to raise their child.

As hard as it is,unless she askes for advice,don't give it.

I'm sure he will be attending school shortly and I can assure you his manners and behaviour will improve.

If he is acting up in a public place and your there,you could offer to take him outside for a walk,or have some crayons tucked into your purse to distract him.

The more respect you show your daughter in laws position as parent,the more likely she will ask for advice.

I would not expect a 5 year old to sit still in a restaurant for an hour without becoming distracted or looking for some way to make the stay more exciting.

That's down to the parents of the child,not the child.

Don't forget in all this its not the child's fault how he behaves.

When my own were small I allowed them to play with mud, making mud pies,splashing in puddles where ever they found one,my mother never never approved of letting the kids be kids,and yes there were public tantrums to beat the band,and sometimes behaviour that would make your toes curl.but they turned out OK,without my mothers intervention,its didn't stop her giving it,but it caused a lot of resentment.

Enjoy being with your grandson,plan activities you can do together,is that not one of the joys of being a grandparent... you can hand them back!

Like others here, I also fully support spanking when done properly. However, spanking does not work for every parent, nor does it work for every child. I firmly believe that a smart *** procrastinating little butthead should get his butt whooped. However, raising my daughter this way was a living nightmare. The spankings only make things worse. We found out later that she is on the autism spectrum. But either way, I have known children who were perfectly 'normal' and just did not respond well to spankings.

There are 2 sides to everything, but from what you tell us here, it does seem to be a situation where the boy may merit a bottom swat.

However, you are grandma/pa, and not mom/dad. I'm sorry but you just don't get a say in it.

I'm sure as the child gets older the mother will become more experienced, learn from any mistakes, adjust to her sons needs etc.
I encourage you to talk to her. But in a non threatening, non attacking way. Don't try to accuse her of NOT doing it 'right' but talk to her about her sons behavior, ask what she HAS tried, give some new ideas.

Some people are dead set against spankings. But some are not, and simply are afraid. Which is understandable, you glare at your child in the grocery stores these days and CPS is at your door.

Sit down with your son and daughter in law and in a very NON threatening way explain that how THEY choose to discipline THEIR children in their home is fine, however there are certain behavior that YOU choose to NOT except in your house from ANY grandchild. Tell them how much you appreciate BOTH of their good parenting skills and you just don't want to have any bad feelings, because bottom line is you love them ALL. Then see what they have for suggestions to solve this situation, don't under any circumstances pit them against each other or you might end up having one pi**ed off daughter in law, who has ear of your son!! ---good luck