Hello Friends, I was introduced to a guy over the phone by a common friend. I liked him a lot as a person. We had two long conversations over the phone.

CONTEXT: He lives far away, is single and divorced; has a child, life is busy he says. Also, he said outright from the beginning that he is sure he doesn't want to get married. While I am sure I do want to get married and have children. Sometime along in the conversations he said he doesn't know in future he may change his mind about marriage and children, but statement was made in a very general fashion not with respect to me.

WHAT HAPPENED: After we had the second conversation, he has ignored my two ph calls and a mail and a text message. I know I am totally wrong in approaching the issue in this fashion, but I hadn't understood it on time. So now, I am not contacting him anymore.

MY QUESTION is in the second conversation, he also said that either I visit him now (without any plan or more talk! -- I refused) otherwise we talk after 2-3 months. I am assuming he is ignoring me for 2-3 months, but what does that even mean?
Secondly, now that I have already proceeded to make some unilateral attempts and have appeared over eager, what is the right way to approach in case we proceed with this in the future. How will others handle situation like this?

Maybe he is wanting just a sexual relationship, and if you don't want to visit him, he'll talk to you later. I don't know.

At any rate you and he are not wanting the same things so what he means is really immaterial. Be done with him.

Maybe he's already married and doesn't want the wife to find out.

Leave the man alone. He may be a murderer or a rapist.

Kitkat and Homegirl: Thanks for your answer. Homegirl, That is true we do not want the same things 'to begin with' or 'as of now'. I am kind of done until he calls me back.


How slow are such phone introductions? Does relatioships, esp long distance, ever pick up speed? I realized I have never dealt with dating which starts over the phone.. is it normal to postpone for a few months and then kind of carry on with such big gaps? Of course may there are no rules as such, but I am just confused on this, someone else' experience / guys point of views / might help.

That does not seem normal at all.
If someone does not phone you for a couple of months you assume they are doing other things and you are no longer important. I'm thinking that is his way of saying he is not interested. I would not expect or wait for him to call back. Probably would not talk to him if he did.

Leave the guy alone! Just stop contacting him.

Are you saying that you have never met this person, in person? You have had only two phone conversations with him?

I don't understand why you would think that this somehow translates into a possible future relationship.

You were obvioulsy correct in not giving into his deman to meet now. Who does he think he is.

You are in charge of you, nobody else, especially an aggressive stranger that you've never met.

He's most likely moved onto other potential victims by now.

If he contacts you again, tell him to take a hike.

That's a lot of false hope you have for a guy who doesn't have the time to even talk and get to know you.

Not only is he a poor chat buddy, and text chum, or pen pal, he doesn't have time to even show you if he is worth your time or not.

Naw, don't waste your time on such foolishness, now, or in a few months and certainly don't hold your breath waiting.

You could find better happiness by then.

Maybe he only comes out at night!
When the moon is full. Just saying

Maybe he only comes out at night!
When the moon is full. Just saying
LOL!! Thanks for making a mess of my monitor, You got some 'splaining to do Kit.:eek:


I'd be more satisfied with a pint of double chocolate fudge chocolate chip caramel chocolate chocolate ice cream. You?
Praline for me and it better be more than a pint, I got belly fat to maintain.;)

Well.. You know.. Couldn't help myself...

Kit Kat, Tal, Homegirl & Jake: I agree! It is very helpful to see this written down by everyone else!

I have stopped contacting him already. I suppose I just wanted it to turn out differently! There is more than enough evidence of his 'disinterest'; moreover, he has plainly told me how his world view and expectations from this introduction are so different from what I want, at least at this point. So no point in investing myself here.

However other advice I have received, from a friend and her boy friend here: Buzz once in a while to say hi etc (long gaps).. and he will realize "you care!" Does this come close to what some other would do? What do you have to say on this point of view?

Kit Kat, Tal, Homegirl & Jake: I agree!! It is very helpful to see this written down by everyone else!

I have stopped contacting him already. I suppose I just wanted it to turn out differently! There is more than enough evidence of his 'disinterest'; moreover, he has plainly told me how his world view and expectations from this introduction are so different from what I want, at least at this point. So no point in investing myself here.

However other advice I have received, from a friend and her boy friend here: Buzz once in a while to say hi etc (long gaps).. and he will realize "you care!" Does this come close to what some other would do? What do you have to say on this point of view?





NC... It works better that way.:)

Hello Friends, I was introduced to a guy over the phone by a common friend. I liked him a lot as a person. We had two long conversations over the phone.

CONTEXT: He lives far away, is single and divorced; has a child, life is busy he says. Also, he said outright from the beginning that he is sure he doesn't want to get married. While I am sure I do want to get married and have children. Sometime along in the conversations he said he doesn't know in future he may change his mind about marriage and children, but statement was made in a very general fashion not with respect to me.

WHAT HAPPENED: After we had the second conversation, he has ignored my two ph calls and a mail and a text msg. I know I am totally wrong in approaching the issue in this fashion, but I hadn't understood it on time. So now, I am not contacting him anymore.

MY QUESTION is in the second conversation, he also said that either I visit him now (without any plan or more talk! -- i refused) otherwise we talk after 2-3 months. I am assuming he is ignoring me for 2-3 months, but what does that even mean?
Secondly, now that I have already proceeded to make some unilateral attempts and have appeared over eager, what is the right way to approach in case we proceed with this in the future. How will others handle situation like this?

You should proceed away from him at full speed.

Giving you ultimatums in the second conversation you have with him.
Red flag. Controlling bully. Abuse is usually worked in later.

What was so important that you had to visit him now?

I will bet somebody's paycheck he will be demanding sex as soon as he is within reach.

My advice is , do not approach.
And proceed to find someone who will show consideration and respect to you.
Just about the opposite of what he did.

I wish you well.

Martyz is right. The right one will come along and you'll be glad you didn't meet the online friend. Good Luck.

Jake2008 agrees : I'd be more satisfied with a pint of double chocolate fudge chocolate chip caramel chocolate chocolate ice cream. You?

21 year old scotch. No 2nd conversation ultimatums.

[QUOTE][Jake2008 agrees : I'd be more satisfied with a pint of double chocolate fudge chocolate chip caramel chocolate chocolate ice cream. You?/QUOTE]

21 year old scotch. No 2nd conversation ultimatums.

I'm having a root beer float as we speak. :D

You don't need to contact him at all. Why would you? What would be the point in letting him know you are still interested when you're not. All that does is inflate his already swollen ego.
Forget this clown and move on. There are better men out there. Don't waste time on what you know is not good.

However other advice I have received, from a friend and her boy friend here: Buzz once in a while to say hi etc (long gaps).. and he will realize "you care!" Does this come close to what some other would do? What do you have to say on this point of view?

The first phone conversation would have had me losing his phone number and ignoring his calls. I would also have been asking my friend if the set up was for a meeting or a punchline to a poorly written joke.

There is no relationship here. You have not been in a relationship with this person. Why would you keep even fleeting contact with a person who has shown himself to be all about him?

Is the friend who says keep in touch the one who set you up? If so, question her motives for wanting you to put yourself out for this male.

Re: Cat [There is no relationship here. You have not been in a relationship with this person. Why would you keep even fleeting contact with a person who has shown himself to be all about him?. Is the friend who says keep in touch the one who set you up? ]

No, the advice came from a different friend(s).

Well their advice may be well meaning but it sucks! Don't listen to it. This is a dead issue to be visited no more.

He is probably married or in a relationship. It's very foolish to want to pursue someone you've never seen and who is making it clear he isn't interested.

Re: Cat [There is no relationship here. You have not been in a relationship with this person. Why would you keep even fleeting contact with a person who has shown himself to be all about him?...Is the friend who says keep in touch the one who set you up? ]

No, the advice came from a different friend(s).

Tara, why did you edit this post to take out the part about not contacting him?

Tara you need new friends and you need to heed the advice you have been given.

Your "friend" has no business hooking you up with anyone.
She's never met this guy has she?

Re: KitKat :: The friend who introduced me is a long time buddy of this guy, they know each other very well, and have the same friend circle. Though in different places right now. The guy is not married.

Re: Cat:: Oh Cat! :-) I did remove it. This person's birthday is coming up and when I remembered it I thought I would be perhaps writing again to wish him. Does that mean I am not following the advice? I am following the advice, and my own good sense says the same.

More on the post introduction: I had asked our mutual friend to send me his pictures, once he had introduced us and he did. More recently, I called the mutual friend to let him know that I did speak to his friend. It turns out that this guy emailed my friend jokingly saying something on these lines--

[first] why did you send her my pictures. next time she asks about me, tell her to "directly deal with me".
[second] I have invited her and told her else we speak after a few months. right now "i am completely ignoring her".
[third] he also said -- I am too 'simple' and not his type of a girl!

Anyway, given all this I think I should keep off from even knowing him more, but I would be tempted to send him birthday wishes, so am not lying here.

How old are you and how old is this guy? No do not send him a message for his birthday.

Anyways, given all this I think I should keep off from even knowing him more, but I would be tempted to send him birthday wishes, so am not lying here.

It is always a good idea to know your own weaknesses and temptations.

Delete any contact information you have for him that way you won't be as tempted to contact him when he has made it clear to you and the mutual friend he has no interest in you.

On a side note: when you edit your post please make a note that it was edited especially when a paragraph is taken out.

The man is not interested in you and he sounds like a pig.
Why would you even consider sending him a birthday greeting? Are you that desperate?

Re: Homegirl:: [Are you that desperate?]
Sincerely, I am not. I have many other options as well. However, he sounded very nice and was straightforward with me / honest. We have a good common friend, and some such other reasons. Its difficult to lay out the whole conversation here so may be I am little off in my representation of the situation. As a person, I found him wise and balanced as well.

But I agree with you he is not interested in me and I am not going to call him anymore. I just wanted to share it on the board because I was little puzzled initially. As I write/discuss it here it is more clear that he is not interested so in me so'what am I doing?' Thanks everyone for their inputs.

Re: Homegirl:: [Are you that desperate?]
Sincerely, I am not. I have many other options as well. However, he sounded very nice and was straightforward with me / honest. We have a good common friend, and some such other reasons. Its difficult to lay out the whole conversation here so may be I am little off in my representation of the situation. As a person, I found him wise and balanced as well.

But I agree with you he is not interested in me and I am not going to call him anymore. I just wanted to share it on the board because I was little puzzled initially. As I write/discuss it here it is more clear that he is not interested so in me so'what am I doing?' Thanks everyone for their inputs.



Good for you! Date guys you know. Good Luck:)

Thats a lot of false hope you have for a guy who doesn't have the time to even talk and get to know you.


Makes so much sense now :)

Thanks everyone.