My man and I have been together for a year and have lived together for like 9 months. He told me before that he occasionally went to strip clubs but never has since we've been together. But like 1 week ago we were at his family's house and a group of them decided they wanted to go to a strip club so like 10 of us went, including me and 2 other girls (1 of whom was also with her man).

Let me just say I am a territorial person and can be jealous at times, but I am trusting usually. Although it felt a bit weird, I had no big issue with him sticking a dollar in a girl's bra strap or g-string strap. But there was this one girl that came out to dance on stage along with 3 other girls. I could tell by his reaction and lustful stares that he was reaaaallly into her and even said that she was really hot. I know it's a strip club so men are bound to think some of the women are hot, but seeing him that into another woman made me feel jealous, especially because she was wearing nothing more than a thong and dancing very sexually... but whatever I could deal with that bit of frustration.

I think it must've made him feel gulity because when he saw me look at him he would look away from her but then go right back to being in a trance-like stare at her. I remember him sayig something along the lines of how part of it was the imaginging fu**king them... which really threw me off. But that wasn't what caused a major blowup that was about to happen. When she came of the stage he was like "come here" and damn near ran to her to give her money. Seeing him put money in her bra/panties was totally different than the other girl's because of the look in his face like he was lusting after he so much, then telling her to turn around so he could put money by her a**. Whatever, it started to piss me off but that wasn't the big deal either.

All of a sudden she stops posing and he stops giving her money and they start talking.. meanwhile they're like 5 feet from me so I can hear everything. I hear him talking to her about what days she works so I got upset and pulled him by the arm to come back by me and he pulled away and went back to talking to her. Then I hear them talking about the times she works and I became enraged thinking that just seeing a hot girl and have her cash wasn't enough but he wanted to come back for more when I'm not around. So I pinched his arm pretty hard and he gave me a crazy look and asid something like what's wrong with me and I turned my back.

He talked to her for another minute or so then said that we were all going to leave. On the way to the car he saif that we need to talk about the relationship because he can't be with a violent person. We had talked about that before and I'm not really violent but I felt so betrayed at that moment and that way my reaction without even thinking about it. SO we get in a huge fight and he says that he doesn't want to be with me anymore because I get violent and embarrassed him in front of his family then and earlier (when he was mad at me because I got a little edgy that he was so overexcited about going and tried to pull him aside a few times to talk and he refused then in the car on way to the club tried to hold his hand and he pulled away and I kept trying... because he just wants to be left alone when he's mad and I try to force him to hug or hold hands.. plus his family was in the car) so he felt embarrassed about that and my reaction in the club.

We ended up talking it out and said we'd try to make it work but I have been looking at things differently since then, like I can'r get the image out of my head of him asking her what days and times she works, which to me is too much. He later said that he wanted a lap dance but not while I was there. I sad a few times that I wouldn't mind the lap dance (which I even doubt myself that I believe because don't thik I could see that and remain calm) but I do mind him asking her her schedule so he could basically come back when I wasn;t around to finish business.

WHat also bothered me was when all the guys in the group were by this one girl and he was by me, so I said why don't you go with the guys (I was already upset by how he was looking at the other girl) so he said OK and did, but as he was putting money he tried to suck/lick her breast and she backed up,. which OBVIOUSLY pissed me off as well. Yet I felt more hurt by the talking with the one he was really into. His female cousin was there and said that he was doing that stuff just to piss me off and get a reaction out of me and asid look atg his smile, which he was smiling about it and heard what she said so it's like he was trying to piss me off.

After we kind of made up that night and talked the next day, he said that he felt like I was pushing him earlier when he needed space and I didn't give it to him so he got pissed off and tried to push my buttons (which is stupid and immature to me). I just can't get the picture of his face and the words of that conversaton out of my head and have been really questioning our relationship.

I kind of was previously because we have had a series of arguments lately but that just pushed things to a new level. I feel so disrespected by that but he said that although it wasn;t the right thing to do probably, it happened so he doesn't necessarily regret it because he can understand his mistakes but not always regret them.

I am just really torn because we have talked about marriage, kids, buying a home, starting a few businesses, how we want to raise the kids, moving to Florida in a few years and so many other plans... but I can't seem to get that night out of my mind. Am I toally overreacting or was it wrong but not so serious or was it not anything to worry about since he said that I can't seriuosly think he would be interested in a stripper or leave me for a stripper... what?? WHat do you guys think?? PLEASE help.. guys and girls.. I want both sides.

You both need to talk about boundries and what is acceptable and what is not.

For me he crossed a line,and turned it around on you.

He could not control his lust and pursued the girl in front of you,I would have left him to it at that point and walked out.

I can understand your behaviour,both of you dealt with the situation badly.

If you feel you can't trust him its time to reconsider the relationship.

No trust no relationship.

You both moved in together after 3 months,its quite a short time for such a big decision,even though at this stage you have been together for a year,you both should have a good foundation of communication and how you both deal with conflicts.

If this is going to work, you both need to reaccess your needs and wants from the relationship.

Well, I think he was over the line with asking about the girl. Another thing I think is that you never should have went to the strip club with him. I just see that being a bad idea and it was a bad idea. He was probably telling the truth about not leaving you for a stripper. Just think, that is their job, just like you and I have jobs, it is what they do for money and a living. They are not there to take guys home or to date them. Just put on a show and collect their money. It is degrading but some do it anyway. So, it sounds like he doesn't want to be with you and you don't want to be with him and you will continue to have trust issues if you continue. Either way, good luck.

His behavior was outlandish, disrespectful, and boorish. For whatever reason he gives you why he did things the way he did, it was inappropriate. If he was retaliating for whatever he perceives you did first, which I highly doubt, fronting you off in public was totally wrong.

Big red flag when bad behavior is justified as an acceptable ways to solve problems, issues, or disagreements.

Take this as a warning that this fellow copes with his feelings in inappropriate ways, has no regrets, so he will never take responsibility for his bad behavior, as he is justified in what he does. That means the blame will always be yours, and never his. (look what you made me do, will be heard a lot, no matter what he does, or why) That will go for cheating, lying, or snatching a knot from upside your head, YOUR FAULT!

I bet you have already had other problems with his lack of honest respectful communications skills. You are at the stage of the relationship that the fantasy good feelings are being replaced by the reality of the true nature and character of you both and you had better be paying attention as this is but a preview of what life will be with him, and how he will be in many areas of the relationship.

We all dream about the good stuff we want in the future, but it's the bad stuff we all carry that has to be defined, coped with, dealt with, worked on and resolved through honest communications and compromise. A lot of work, especially if only one of you is willing and able of doing it.

Long story short, the fantasy honeymoon is over, and the real work has yet to begin. DARN, THIS REALLY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB DOES IT? He would have acted a fool anywhere, even at church, so be aware, and pay attention... very close attention, or you will miss the red flags waving in front of your face.

I don't think there are any rules, or codes of conduct, or etiquette for behaviour at a strip club.

That he did what he did isn't a fault, it is only a fault because you didn't like it, and he did it in front of you.

Had he not been with you, and instead with a bunch of buddies, you would never had been the wiser anyway.

What's with the pinching, fighting, and jealous outburst in front of your friends and family. Why was this not handled in a more mature way when you got home- calmly. You could have said you didn't appreciate his behaviour, or conversation with one of the dancers, and then agreed to never go with him to a strip club again. But would that be enough, or would you grill him when he got home if he went with his buddies the next time.

I am not saying I wouldn't have been upset, had it been me, but I would not have pinched him, or behaved as you did. I would have blamed myself for going in the first place, and seeing that side of him that I would have preferred not to have seen.

If you are judging him, rightly or wrongly so, for his behaviour that night, so harshly, and with such conviction that you cannot get the thought of that night out of your mind, then indeed you are faced with a partner that is not compatible. He is who he is.

I have been with a bunch of women, educated, smart women who should know better, who didn't behave any better than he did, when faced with so-called hot men dancing on a stage. I actually thought it was hilarious all the way around. But, like I said, there are no rules of conduct in such a venue, and if you knew him as well as you thought you did, this should have been no surprise to you. And if it was out of character for him to take things as far as he did, you not letting it go is just as much a problem.

You can't jump into a frying pan voluntarily, and then complain when it gets too hot.

The way he behaved was ridiculous to ask this girl about the hours she works and all of that in front of you and to get angry because you wanted him to stop was just boorish. To lick the girls breast in front of you.. That is just disrespectful.
Your pinching him was childish, but the way he behaved to your face, the way he disrespected you was inexcusable.
I would certainly not be living with him or be engaged to him.

In my opinion he did cross a line.. I have been to a strip club with my boyfriend and if he did that I wouldn't have been too happy about it.. It was disrespectful.

I do agree that this is a symptom of how he is or will be in the relationship in the future. It wasn't so much about what he did but that he didn't pay attention to how it made you feel and then turned it around on you as though YOU had done something wrong..

I do not think though that you should end your relationship because of this but I think that if it is going to work you're going to have to obviosly communicate better but also change the way you react to these things because this is what makes him react in that way. You cannot change the actions of others so you choose how you react.. So if something similar happens again try and talk about it calmly and get him to see your point of view instead of getting emotional about it..

I think this whole thing is indicative of the kind of person he is. He obviously has no respect for you or your feelings.
This is probably not the first sign of it either. If this is what you have to look forward to with him, why do it, he's not worth it.

THANK YOU ALL SOOOOO MUCH for your opinions and advice!