I tried to handle this situation by myself for months now but it is getting really hard and I don't know what to do.

She was my best friend for years. We got through everything and I can honestly tell we knew each other better than our families or boyfriends. We are born in the same country but living in 2 different parts of the world, we still made it. We talked pretty much every day on the internet, made plans, found ways to meet in other countries, sent each other packages and letters. I'm pretty sure my mother loves her more than she loves me and I always thought of her as my sister.

She is the exact opposite of me. I am constantly looking for adventure, get myself in trouble, buy a plane ticket for a random destination and go settle there for a year or two. She married her first boyfriend and they've been together for 10 years. They bought a house, a car, a dog. The whole deal. We worked our differences and I think I liked her so much because of it.

As some of you know, I had to come back to my parents' house last year and I'm basically stuck here for the moment until I make enough money to move somewhere else. Again, she always wanted to come back here to her native country, I left after my 18th birthday to move to a random destination for the first time. I truly am struggling here after being "free" for 10 years and she knows that.

One night we were talking and she told me she doesn't understand why I don't want to stay, that I should be happy I am living close to my family (eek!) and that she wishes with all her heart that I will find a job I'll love and someone I will be happy with, so I can stay here forever (yes, not my favorite word.) I answered "it has no difference for me than saying I wish with all my heart that everyone you love dies it makes no sense to me" and she hung up on me. I saw the next day that she sent me messages on the internet saying "I know you are there you have to answer me" but I was sleeping (we live in opposite time zones.)

The next day, I answered her. She didn't answer my email. A few days later I saw she deleted me from facebook, she also deleted my mom -who she used to talk to regularly- so I wrote her an email about a week later, saying that I don't regret what I said, but we already know we have different points of view, I told her if she wants to cut all ties we should at least do it the right way and say goodbye, she didn't answer.
A few days ago, I called her. As soon as I said "hi it's me" she hung up on me. I didn't know if she was busy so I called again and left a message, said I miss her but I don't want to bother her, that if she wants me to go away she can just say so... You guessed it, no answer.

Am I delusional? She didn't block me from anything, she just stopped answering me. She gets my emails and messages, I can see her Facebook page and everything. I feel like my ex trying to contact me at all costs, should I give up? Her husband is controlling a big part of her life and sometimes I think he might have told her to stop talking to me if she looked sad after our last conversation... I really don't know and I need your advice. Thank you and sorry for the long post.

my favorite word.) I answered "it has no difference for me than saying I wish with all my heart that everyone you love dies it makes no sense to me"

That was a TERRIBLE thing to say. Even if you only meant it as a comparison, it was terrible, terrible. Awful. Not a thing one should say to a friend or enemy.

Leave her alone, give her time. If she does come back to you, you need to apologize. If not, consider it a lesson learned. Think before you speak.

Yeah the "everyone you love dies" was a bit harsh.

Then too top it off telling her you don't regret it.

Not a good choice of words. But I think you know that now :)

What made you say such things in reply to her words? Did she hurt you with her comments but you don't want to admit it so you hurt her back?

I'd just back off, see what happens. Me and my best friend had a big fight once. Was her fault of course :)
Gave it some time and 20 years later we still annoy each other. Every friggin day!!

You've got to leave her alone. You opened your mouth and said something you shouldn't, so she had a perfect right to cut you off.

Give it some time and maybe her heart will mellow.

What made you say such things in reply to her words? Did she hurt you with her comments but you dont want to admit it so you hurt her back?


I don't want to go into details, but I did everything in my power to avoid coming back to my parents' house for 10 years. Even when I flew over here for holidays I never stayed more than a week or two because it's too hard to live in this (country/city/house) place. Now with my family's "see-you-came-back-now-you-do-what-we-want" attitude it's not getting any easier.

Every time I had no place to sleep or no food for weeks, I thought "at least I'm not back to my parents' house", it was my worst nightmare, yet it's happening now. And she was there for me the whole time so she knows. I don't know what hurt me the most, my situation or her inability to understand what's going on here. I know it was terrible thing to say but I guess I wanted to make her feel the way she made me feel...

The weird part about it, I am mad at her for not answering, not even saying "get out of my life I don't ever want to speak to you again." Nothing, silence. And I want my friend back :(

I don't want to go into details, but I did everything in my power to avoid coming back to my parents' house for 10 years. Even when I flew over here for holidays I never stayed more than a week or two because it's too hard to live in this (country/city/house) place. Now with my family's "see-you-came-back-now-you-do-what-we-want" attitude it's not getting any easier.

Unfortunately this happens to a great deal of people every once in a while, or at least once in a lifetime. Be happy you had family to go back to in your time of need.


I know it was terrible thing to say but I guess I wanted to make her feel the way she made me feel...


You actually made her feel worse. You wished death upon every one she loves. That was a very cruel and heartless thing to say to anyone, even worse to a friend.

Am I right in that she is away from her family? She has her own husband and a dog? You wished her husband death?

Well, her first priority is to her husband. If you wished him dead she may never speak to you again. And, quite honestly, I don't blame her. If my closest friend said the same to me I'd never speak to her either.

All she was trying to do, it seems, was tell you how lucky you are that you have family to turn to in times of crisis. If she is away from her family, she may miss that support.

I think you said it not in sense of wishing everyone she loves to be dead, but to emphasize that what she was saying, made no sense to you as she knows you never wanted to stay where you are and that you ended up at your parents place out of total despair and having nowhere else in the whole world to go to.

You do seem to be very different people with very different beliefs and views on life. She wishes you peace in her own sense, as being settled with little family - husband, white picket fence, dog, etc. You obviously want none of that, at least at the moment being.

My advice would be to let it go for now. She may cool off and contact you later on and you can try to work it out. Or she may be gone for good out of your life. There is nothing you can do at the moment. We all say things we shouldn't at times, and your choice of words was harsh, but to reject you completely and cut you off without trying to talk it over was her choice that you have to accept.

Sometimes we have to take what has come to us with resolve and dignity. It sounds like this girl has had enough. Sounds like yes, she does look back on the times that you were together with fondness, but she isn't living in the past anymore. She has a husband, a life, a home, a dog, she's happy. She's just wishing that you could find the same type of contentment. That is not wrong of her.

Take her avoidance as goodbye. If you truly care what she thinks, you will give her the space that she has requested by not responding to you. You're verging on stalking her; leave her alone.

Respect her. But more importantly, respect yourself. I understand the whole "I can't live at home" feeling; I couldn't do it either. But, as J_9 said, be thankful that you have a family to go to. Save, save, save that money for that plane ticket to somewhere and when you can go on to your next adventure...

... the adventure that will lead you to new prospects, new opportunities, a new life.

Don't look back on yesterday with anything but a smile that it happened. Move on.

Interesting... https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/apologize-help-desk-you-458403.html

Interesting....https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/apologize-help-desk-you-458403.html

Whoa... wait, what?

That's OP's old thread about her struggles with NC and baby steps away from the guy who used and abused her love and trust. As I remember, he still tries to contact her.

I don't know a single person who hasn't said something they have regretted. What you said to her, was a knee-jerk reaction back to her, for her implying that you need to do what she expects (and likely everyone else) of you. To settle down, find a husband, toss out a few babies, live in a nice house, and establish roots.

From what you have said about your lifestyle, her comment to me, considering the uncomfortable circumstances you find yourself in staying with your parents again, was also uncalled for, and lacked a little foresight. It sort of suggests that you have been just farting around all these years, and time for you to do the 'normal' or 'right' thing.

But, I think that her words were far less hurtful than yours, as she was probably thinking it would be nice to have you around, and in one place. Your response to her, although over the top, was a response after all, not a statement of fact, or meant to be taken literally. Somehow she took it very literally, when clearly it was not intended to be.

While you have admirably kept in touch and the friendship thrived despite your opposite lives, nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. Maybe her life is not happy. Maybe she was hoping you would pick up on that, just as you hoped that she would pick up on the meaning, not the content of your words.

You have said you are sorry and tried to make it right. If she has dropped a friendship over a statement made by you, then perhaps the friendship has run its course. I think she over reacted, and will probably regret it. Hopefully she has hurt you and punished you enough, and the two of you can work it out.

That's OP's old thread about her struggles with NC and baby steps away from the guy who used and abused her love and trust. As I remember, he still tries to contact her.

Yes, but did we switch genders? This post is about a girlfriend, right? The other post is about a guy...

I'm confused...

Yes, but did we switch genders? This post is about a girlfriend, right? The other post is about a guy....

I'm confused....

I do have friends who are girls too... I call them girlfriends... and I am a girl myself:)

I do have friends who are girls too...I call them girlfriends...and I am a girl myself:)

As am I, but wow, I seriously read this question as coming from a guy...

Maybe that is an interesting commentary?

Yikes. HC was way off on that one!

As am I, but wow, I seriously read this question as coming from a guy....

Maybe that is an interesting commentary?

Yikes. HC was way off on that one!

That could be a hint in her original post:
"I can honestly tell we knew each other better than our families or BOYFRIENDS."

But yes, if you don't know her original story, I see how it may look confusing:)

LATE EDIT : Wow, you guys go fast, thanks Shadowburn haha, I AM a girl (as in "better than our BOYFRIENDS") and my best friend is a girl. I didn't use the word "girlfriend" once in my post, did I? (I hear english is tricky) and I know you've been helping me a lot with my ex issues so thank you for explaining :p