Entire story merged

I just found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me. She basically blames the fact that she had to ask me for affection as the root cause for her seeking comfort elsewhere. She says she carried me and that she was sick of it.

I really miss her. I have had several conversations with her and foolishly told her how deoressed I am how in love with her I am - I also cried in front of her and begged for her to come back to me. Didn't work, she became very cold and said that I was 'weak and pathetic'.

She also blames the fact that I was always too good for her, and that whilst she loves me as a person she is not in love with me.

I know she has been seeing the guy that split us up.

Im just devastated.

Will she come back?

Im making imporvements to my life, I intend to invite her to a comedy showcase that I will be performing in to show her how much drive I have.

That's not excuse to cheat. If she had problems with you, she should try to work it out with you. If she can't work it out, she should make it a clean break.

Why would you want her back? How can you ever trust her again? You shouldn't blame yourself for her cheating on you. You deserve better than that. Have more self-respect and more self-esteem than that.

I know - I'm going through a rollercoaster. She is a lot younger than me, and we were so in love, but the last six months I got lazy - you're right its no excuse to cheat - I'm just thoroughly exhausted at the moment. Ive laid new plans in place but I can't help but think about her. We had such a good relationship and understanding and during the break up she still used pet names and said she loved me then when I called her on har cheating she got really defensive.

She has changed overnight, she used to be my little angel now she's putting slutty Facebook profile pics, which I told her wasn't her and that I think that whoever she has been modelling herself on (a new girlfiend at work) clearly has her mind messed up.

I love her so much and I'm tryign to move on but I keep having setbacks.

What are your age ranges?

Harshness warning

Unfortunately she's not the same person as when you first started this relationship.

The question is, can you accept the change. Living in a fantasy world hoping that she will go back to her old ways is not healthy for you.

She's moving forward with her life and so should you. Quit living in the past.

She's now 20 I'm 27, she's 21 end of April.

I know I need to move on... do you think she will ever come back to me?

Ive been in these situations before and the girls have always been back

She cheated on you. (strike 1)

Blamed you for it. (strike 2)

Then dumped you. (strike 3!! )

She is out... NEXT!

Disappear from her life, as why would you want a selfish, lying, manipulative cheating slut back??

I don't think she changed overnight,there's usually a building up of things over a period.

You should,as I wish said,move on. .

Entertaining false hope of a reconciliation is most often just that,false hope.

Breakups are painful,all we can do is heal and start getting on with our lives.

I guess I feel such attachment as we have spent literally everyday together, I nurtured her through a crisis of confidence and ironically now she appears to have zapped mine.

I didn't see this coming really, she just went out one night and kiss this guy she works with, and was texting him flirtily, I threw her out based on this.

I miss all the time we spent together. It did get a little heavy and I did warn her that I was feeling very stressed, she said she was depressed... then she kissed the guy and now the are screwing

I'm gutted

Nobody can take your confidence away unless you let them.

Gutted or not,pick yourself up and take the first steps on the road to healing.

We have all been there and we have all got through it.

And so will you.

This girl isn't for you man.

Liar, cheater, blamer. And you love her so much.
Get a reality check.

Is that what you want?

A 20 year old that says she's carrying you? What a laugh.

I sympathy you, you were blinded and is blind for the moment. Open your eyes and let your heart heal. It is too weak for it to absorb any damage, this will cost you a very long recovery.

Had a revelation when out with the boys last night- there are far better people out there (brought two home) and I'm not going to carry all this into my next relationship.

Yes I still love her, but you're right the only reason why she said she carried me is because she earns more but ihave more potential then she will ever have and if she wasn't so deep rooted I'm becoming a domesticated fishwife to my liberal dreamer then this wouldn't have happened.

She has changed (for the worse) pictures of her clearly indicate this - but she will not change me

Yes! Plenty of fish in the sea.

If she's willing to cheat on you, then she doesn't really value you much. She would rather cheat than work things out with you. What does that say about her?

With time, it will get easier. To help, go do positive things for yourself. To make yourself a better person.

I agree . Before I me her I was studying pick up artistry - it was working wonders and then my romantic ideals slipped in around Xmas 2007 and I got caught up in an obsessive and unhealthy relationship, don't get me wrong some of the memories are the best of my life. I've achieved so much without her though and I have to give myself credit that I had a fantastic life before her, with her and I will after her.

I really want to send her an email to state all of the things I haven't had chance to say - I.e that I will not but made to feel guilty about our break up, that I should never have begged her to stay with me and say that I'll change and that I do not need her in my life. Do you thinkthis is a good idea?

We haven't sat down properly and gone through this instead she patronized me and called me weak and pathetic

Why would it matter anymore?

It's just opening a can of worms. The things that she can possibly say will only add to the confusion and drag out this healing process.

You've already made some great progress, talking to her will only reset your progress.

I know you want to find closure, but closure comes from within yourself and not from interacting with her.

No contact is the best tool for you. Read my signature for no contact related threads.

We haven't sat down properly and gone through this instead she patronized me and called me weak and pathetic
Don't hold your breath on this one. I think dumping you, and getting someone else is a clear indication she doesn't intend on talking about anything with you, so leave her alone, go strict no contact, and disappear from her life.

The challenge is to cope with your own feelings in a positive way.

Don't write a letter to her. It's over so just let her go and move on with your life.

She really did you a favor by breaking up with you - you got to really see what type of person she is.

Just be certain to give yourself enough healing time before getting into another relationship.

The problem is we have an apartment together still, so I have to be grown up about it - its painful, communicating with her about 'business' matters - she says that I am her best friend which I guess I did become, as she doesn't have anybody else to turn to, she comes from a very splintered background.

I do miss our chats and our fun. I have to deal with it.

Do you think the best friend thing is just a ploy to guilt trip me for throwing her out or do you think this is genuine?


I need to vent all this of my chest I really thank you for your comments, otherwise id be telling her.


Ironically I ended up comforting her through our break up... the nerve... I was weak.

Further to my other post - my ex just got in touch saying 'hope your OK. How has the flat viewing gone?X'

I know I shouldn't read anything into this - but how do I respond?

You don't. That simple. She doesn't deserve a response so ignore it.

She isn't your best friend. She's a cheater.
Aside from what she texts. She proved that one already.

She's playing you, buddy.

She wants you when she wants.

Don't put up with that. Who would? You?

Even after three yrs of it just being me and her?

I'm really struggling today - trying to concentrate on work it's proving very difficult

Try not to keep banging your head on that brickwall-but see the writing on it-you need to let this go and take whatever steps necessary to sort out the flat so you can go complete NC and start to heal.

Of course it hurts,and it will for some time,but accepting that its over is the first step on the road to recovery.

Thank you - we have a lot to sort out still re the flat - I still love her deeply and I wanted to be the one to make her happy. Having a real low today. I feel physically weak. Can't stop thinking about her. It's driving me crazy

Some days are like that,busy yourself with work-fake it till you make it-go for a walk during your lunchbreak,sometimes it is one hour at the time,but trust me when I say it will get better.

Being alone takes getting use to. But don't be dramatic and use this time to do anything but plan your next move. Time to find and do your own thing, without her.

Its not going to be easy, but just love yourself as much as you say you loved her, and do good things for yourself.

I'm getting a lot better - thanks for your messages guys... I am contemplating however one last thing - I got on really well with her mum,nan and aunt, I am thinking to see if there is a slightest chance of us working this out - as that's what her mum said. Do you think this is wise if I assure them not to say anything?

Im struggling again, ahd a great morning and now I'm pining again.

She was my lobster... I tried to push her away so I could propose to her on her 21st and it would take her by surprise, it appears to have worked far too well...


Like Chandler and monica in friends it is something that we always discussed

Your grasping at straws now, and it's a very bad idea to involve her family in this, no matter how well they may like you. Leave them alone too!


Being alone takes getting use to. But don't be dramatic and use this time to do anything but plan your next move. Time to find, and do your own thing, without her.

Oik... I agree moment of weakness! I'm an old romantic, I don't think me inviting her to my comedy performance in June is a good idea either do you?
I think I'm clinging on to this at present - its giving me motivation to go to workshops and progress with my stand up to show her how talented I am

Forget trying to impress her she is the past.

Repeat after me,

No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!

Got it yet?

Oik...i agree moment of weakness! im an old romantic, i dont think me inviting her to my comedy performance in June is a good idea either do you?
I think im clinging on to this at present - its giving me motivation to go to workshops and progress with my stand up to show her how talented i am


You just don't get it...

I think you know that any contact and that includes contact with the nan,mum etc would be a bad move.

Invites to your show would also be a bad move so-no,don't.

Let the false hope go and stop clutching at straws-they always break.

OK... still I'm 5 days NC! Doing pretty well... just need a verbal slap every now and again

Five days is good.
Verbal slaps are always available!

She was in touch again last night re the flat - when she knew the answer to the question - why??

I'm not overanalysing now - I'm in a good place... but I know she misses me and the special time we had

Its called playing mindgames in my book.
Ignore her messages.

Last night I got very drunk on guinness and sent her mother a long email about the plans I had for her... woke up this morn and thought what the heck have I done - what will this achieve, I've seen the light but let myself down badly last night - I know we are over, she is a liar a cheater and I don't want people like that in my life... damn alcohol


Yes... im going to block her on everything and change my number to today - I am a douche.

Well,not a great move.

Best forgive yourself,and not do it again.. .

Broke nc - badly - left silly horrible voicemails - when drunk: I am sick of myself

Aren't you the clutz?
Stay away from the booze-it makes you do silly things-not cool.

Drowning your sorrows doesn't work, as you may have noticed.

Well, that's the second time.

One with her Mom, and now this one.

Those things only hurt yourself & show how weak you are.

Hope you are starting to realize the importance of NC & the strength you have to muster up to do so. You can do it.

Alcohol can cloud that, and Im sure you are paying the price now by feeling like crap.

Just get back on the NC horse & don't do those things again.

Were here to help you get over the hump.

Post #31

She is playing games now - she left a voicemail on my phone saying she misses me - crying, saying how lonely she is.

Delete her number & block it.

Absolutely-b l o c k her number.

Stop the mindgames.

Screw that! She cheats on you then stomps on you calling you weak and pathetic, then crys saying she misses you. Block her number delete all contact and you win!

If you respond, guess what, you just lost and she got you by the balls.

We've agreed to meet up as we have to finalise all details for the flat - she now says she is really looking forward to seeing me and that she was lonely as all her iPod songs remind her of me... we are going for some food and then watching a film.

Im actually in a really good place and have been in this position many times before to know that I can handle a friendship.

She also posted on her Facebook, after we'd agreed to this meeting - that 'life is sweet'. Whether this was directed towards me or not I don't know - but it makes a changes from her writing 'aint life a ' on Saturday and then texting me/calling me and telling me she misses me.

Although when she text me yesterday she said she was feeling much better. I thjink something may have happened with the other guy over the weekend, and she realised the grass isn't always greener. I don't know.

I am looking forward to the meeting, and I am not going to tell her how I feel, but just be positive and keep everything light.

I want her to know that I no longer need her and I guess this is why I want this meeting.

Im going complete NC up until the meetign and NC has been working apart from my two blips!

I feel better in myself, I do and I want her to see that, not the crying pleading idiot from a few weeks ago...

You're not NC if you keep checking her FB.

As for meeting up,well,keep it short and businesslike-a meal and a movie?!

Rethink that one-I guess false hope has raised its ugly head.. .

I know - that wasn't my suggestion either! I wanted to go for one drink!

I jsut found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me. She basically blames the fact that she had to ask me for affection as the root cause for her seeking comfort elsewhere. She says she carried me and that she was sick of it.


I don't understand why you would want to be "friends" with someone like this. She cheated on you and then blamed it on you?! W T F? Would you want to be friends with some one that stole from you too?



Will she come back?


I guess she did when things didn't work out with her other dude. This chick has you by the juevos homeboy. I bet you will pay for dinner and the movie too right?

Yes,really,why socialize with somebody who has treated you like mud?

Where is your selfrespect?

As a third party and from my perspective I find it amusing, for lack of a better term, to see how feelings and emotions influence our better judgment. For instance your ability to derive that her feelings have changed for you suddenly from something as simple as a 3-word blurb on Facebutt.

I realize you're going to do what you feel is right, that's your choice. The best advice I can give at this is to keep your guard up. She's already manipulated you a dozen or so times, cheated on you, and demonstrated that she has NO respect for you. You might consider playing your cards close to your chest.

Here's something to think about… Did you ever consider that she is what some would refer to as an “Attention Whore”? Scenario; She's bored with you and not getting the attention she feels she needs so she starts cheating on you searching for excitement and passion the 'something' new sexual partners bring. Then that honeymoon phase starts to cool down, she's getting bored again so she pulls your leash to rile up her little puppy. Knowing her puppy will be oh so happy to see her, and like a little puppy you scamper off humping her leg begging for attention and providing a short term distraction. Well, that is until she becomes annoyed and you're kicked to the corner or one of the other 'puppies' ups the anti on attention.

All I'm asking is you think about it.

Doesn't sound like NC to me.
Same as before.

I agree... I just feel the need to redeem myself after the crying and pleadign episodes... ive found out as well that she is moving nearer to the place that the guy is from with her poisonous friend... and further away from me... im going to kep my guard up at this meeting, and I'm going to get back everything she ever took from me... also, I've started seeing someone myself!Its nots the same though

Redeem?
You owe her nothing-the only thing you should be working on as regards your ex is how to sort the flat out.

She's pulling your strings again.

What's weird is the scenario as to which she wants to set up - it's the exact scenario of where we are meeting etc as when we told each other we loved one another... and I used to have game! Totally confused.

You are confused because you're buying into her BS.

Oh boy I can't wait to hear what happens...

Your just mad because she tells you what to do, and when to do it, and you do it!

You wouldn't be mad, or confused if you had your own plan, and your own solution, that worked for you.

Then you would have a position of strength, and not weakness.

I want her as an orbiter eventually...

Orbiter? What the H-E-doubble toothpicks is that?

Get off that planet. Now you're tripping.

What does that mean? Wait around? As if.

I already answered yours & my question.

Stop the BS, man. Realize its over. And the next steps.

I have proof. Your still waiting.

Guys, I cancelled the meeting and will go compeltely No contact - its time I started focusing fully on myself.

Can someone explain though, how someone who was so shy and hated socialising, and hated me socialising (which I did often), turn into an absolute maneating social butterfly overnight?

Nope.
Because it doesn't matter. Remember?

Cancelling the meeting was a good move.

Now stop asking yourself why this, that and the other-focus on you,remember?

My ex text me to say that obviosuly I am clearly over her as I am going out all the time, and that it is probably best that we didn't meet up sarcastically... to which I gave a very short reply - agreeing with this. This then lead to her posting on her Facebook (I broke nc here - the first of a slippery slope the past two days) that 'she couldn't sleep' - as a direct outcoem of the fact that I am moving on. Like an absolute douchebag - in the morning, I sent her an email saying that we should put the past behind us and still meet up. She said that her gran has potentially got cancer again and needs cheering up (tooled no 1), we meet up at our apartment, which we have until the end of the month and we flirt for a bit, I get a bit physical in the flirtation - she rejects (kind of ) my advances and proceeds to try and make me jealous. When I mention other girls, she gets insanely jealous. However, she basically used last night to get an ego boost - rubbing salt into my wounds and making me feel abd about myself. I have now totally seen her for who she is - an attention seeking schemer. I just wish I hadn't been so weak yesterday and met up with her. Im sorry to myself and to all your excellent advice, I was getting better. Now I feel like I'm almost back to square one.

My ex text me to say that obviosuly i am clearly over her as i am going out all the time, and that it is probably best that we didnt meet up sarcastically...to which i gave a very short reply - agreeing with this. This then lead to her posting on her facebook (i broke nc here - the first of a slippery slope the past two days) that 'she couldnt sleep' - as a direct outcoem of the fact that i am moving on. Like an absolute douchebag - in the morning, i sent her an email saying that we should put the past behind us and still meet up. She said that her gran has potentially got cancer again and needs cheering up (tooled no 1), we meet up at our apartment, which we have until the end of the month and we flirt for a bit, i get a bit physical in the flirtation - she rejects (kind of ) my advances and proceeds to try and make me jealous. when i mention other girls, she gets insanely jealous. however, she basically used last night to get an ego boost - rubbing salt into my wounds and making me feel abd about myself. I have now totalyl seen her for who she is - an attention seeking schemer. I just wish i hadnt been so weak yesterday and met up with her. Im sorry to myself and to all your excellent advice, i was getting better. Now i feel like im almost back to square one.

And this is what happens when you break NC. Don't let her play the game with you man... 99% of the threads posted here (mine included) we say we are going NC, make small improvements, than break the NC and we ARE back to square 1. Take this as a lesson learned. Dude, she cheated on you. How could you ever trust her again? Don't do the friends thing, and don't break NC... even if she does.

All you are right now, is something on the side to cheer her up and give her the feelings she needs until she feels better. Than, it's on to something else. If you keep going back to her every time she tries to contact you, your only making it harder on yourself, yet easier for her. Ask yourself why do you want to do this to yourself? Go no contact, and don't look back until you have absolutely no more feelings for her than you would a stranger walking down the street.

If she breaks no contact, which I guess she will again if history is any indicator, you ignore it. Plain and simple. No matter what she says (and some of them say the darnedest things) DO NOT reply/call/text/message on Facebook, nothing. You will realize eventually I think that this was the best decision you ever made.

Life is to short to be hung up on just one girl, especially one that cheated.

Take Care

The advice you've been given works for most people because its been tried and tested.

Whether you choose to follow the advice is of course up to you.

You are doing this to yourself,nobody else is.
You allow yourself to be played by an expert manipulator

Your choice.

Two and two still makes four,your falling for her cheap tricks-AGAIN-isnt suddenly going to make it five.

.

Thank you guys - I was in such control Tuesday night, she was clearly upset I ahd moved on, and I gave in. She has always played the guilt card on me, as she knows I am genuine. She has worn me down, over the last three years, putting me down, badgering me about what I am doing, making me feel bad about myself. I am going completely NC now. Otherwise, I fear for my sanity.

Make sure you stick to it.
Ignore a l l her attempts at contact.

Come here and vent instead.

thank you amicon - you are amazing... dont know what the hell is wrong with me, I'm not adverse to attracting women, I think its an ego thing - I know I don't love her anymore - I'm driven by my need to get back at her s e x ually . I was highly aroused by her last night, which was weird because before we broke up I felt it was more of a chore - hence the reason why she went elsewhere.

Move past those feelings of anger and jealousy-dont waste your time wanting to get back at someone who is a waste of space.

Onwards and upwards-make a list of everything that is good in your life.

We had some text banter as well last night, as I was foolishly tryign to escalate back into the region of s e x. I said she was a bad girl and that she was naughty, as she was forbidden fruit. She replied with 'forbidden fruit I am' and that she hadn't drifted too far away she was still here, and that she was glad I found her outfit naughty etc etc... and that she was'gorgeous, looked good and I knew it' and that she ahd to get her beauty sleep.

I responded with ' don't big youreslf up too much sweetheart, you'll need plenty of sleep'

she went mad at this sayign hwo horrible I am to her when she is on a downer etc...

She's honestly wired wrong.

and I fall for it every time.

NO LONGER!

I am taking a stand

Forbidden fruit?
More like a rotten apple.

Look,I understand in theory that keeping NC is tough,but I'm one of those people who have nced my exes from the word go,and long before I was calling it NC.

The benefits?

A couple of months down the road after my breakups,I've been over them.

There are plenty of women out there that can fulfill your sexual needs. Why are you still messing with this one?

You even said it felt like a chore so it must have not been that good anyway.

She cheated. Nuff said... come on seriously...

One full week no contact!

I feel so much better right now - starting to see what a user she is, and how she is repeatign the same cycle all over again at her current workplace... i.e befriending somebody, sleeping with someone lese to break up with last guy (me) and then going after another guy she has always wanted, this was translated to me a week ago by a mutual friend.

Guess what has happened also after 7 days NC - I've had four missed calls from her including two really angry voicemails - about a bill that is to be paid (she compeltely overreacted) Im laughing here thinking how now she is wondering where my attention has gone.

How the tables have turned... ive been keeping myself occupied, I've been rock climbing, been out on the pull several nights, getting my old skills back is fun, and I'm off to visit some really special friends from uni this weekend (without the !) She always used to have to tag along, as she knew I had a lot of female attention at uni.

Im feeling much better... and she keeps reminding me why its best we're not together - by being a total !

I feel so much better right now - starting to see what a user she is, and how she is repeatign the same cycle all over again at her current workplace


Its amazing how we can't see what is right in front of us until we take a step back and truly get a grasp on the situation.

Perspectives change when you think rationally. That's one of the biggest lessons Ive learned in life.

Just don't understand where all her anger has come from, all of a sudden

Just dont understand where all her anger has come from, all of a sudden

Perhaps from the fact that she isn't the center of your universe anymore, who knows?

Doesn't matter either. Keep on living my man, and continue getting your "skills" back. Have fun, that's what life is about.

Why even bother worrying about her anger or whatever emotion she projects?

Continue living your life and heal.

Not for you to worry about.

Don't even waste the energy wondering.

Originally Posted by snakebiteadl
Just don't understand where all her anger has come from, all of a sudden

Don't try to understand it, focus on staying away from it.

I'm back - I've been focusing entirely on someone who is very important - ME!

In the interim the ex has rung again, again asking me about the same stuff in regards to the bills ( I had to deal with these financial issues, as we still have vested interests; she was also fishing for what id been up to - NOTE: I didn't ask her anything about her, I've also blocked her off FB and gone cold turkey, as I was getting obssessive - she appeared to have met another guy, she put on his wall after hed put 'is in need of red bull' shed put 'late night was it? Lol x' and she's had a few days off work and is now ill. I suspect they're at it, and I'm not actually that bothered) - so I sent her a no contact message, saying that I had big decisions to make and I'm glad everything is sorted with the flat.


To which her surprising immediate response was

'Ok.Sorry to bother you.Im here if you need me. x'

its her 21st end of month and she isn't getting anything from me! NC all the way baby..

Ive been strictly NC (minus the financial convos for about 14 days now)

Stay with NC! Don't fall for her stupid game. She may seem like she "wants to be there" for you, but the "I'm here for you" crap is just so she can feel better about the decision she made. If she really wanted to be there for you, she would have never cheated and blamed you. Worthless...

Keep your eyes forward toward the future.

You may read another one of my threads to get some background as to my current predicament.

Long and short of it is, I get cheated on by my ex girlfriend of 3 years back in march and we split, I was devastated and yadda yadda yadda.

I picked myself up, did new things, new hobbies, lost 2st, I look and feel great.

Fast forward to June, my ex comes sniffing around again, we end up hopping on the bad foot and doing the good thing. Anyway we start again, it doesn't work out. Im pretty cut up again, as you can imagine. However, at the same time id been seeing another girl from work, who, is great but is not really long term material.

For one, she is engaged and with a child.

Two, I have neglected all of my principles just because I was hurt. Literally the day of the second split, I went out with the new girl.

Three, she is unstable and obsessive, and I guess I needed that kind of attention to get me through.

Now to further complicate matters, another girl who I REALLY like also at work, and friends with engaged girl - I've just found out really likes me. Now I've kind of had an inkling for a while. However, I think I have really gone down in her estimation, due to forsaking my principles and seeing the engaged girl, who she had fallen out with. NOW to even further complicate matters, another girl in my team, has expressed infatuation with me, problem is I've known her for 15 years, and I see her as a sister. They are all friends and I would like some advice.

On

A) How do I end things, minimising fallout, and damaging feelings with engaged girl.

B) How do I demonstrate that I am not that bad guy and I was in a very vulnerable place to the girl who I really like (She is an absolute thoroughbred, she is ideal, I've know this for a year) and get something going with us. After all that situation is a hell of a lot less complicated than the other one.

I may be coming across as a prick, but I really don't want to hurt anybodys feelings, an unfortunately for engaged girl, she came into my life at the wrong time, and she stated she will never change her situation, so that road is dead anyway.

Stop dating women you work with!! I know it sounds harsh,but it will make you life a lot easier, especially at work. The only thing someone at work should judge you for is your work ethics. They won't even think about who your doing and who your doing it with if you don't put all out their for them to judge.

"don't s**t where you eat"
Don't mess with people you work with.
Leave all these women alone, especially the engaged one. She should have been off limits.
You tell them all that now is not a good time for you to be involved with anybody, and it's true.
Stay away from the ex and the other lady too.
The way to prove you're not a complete prick is to leave them all alone.
Find someone you don't work with.

Ive really screwed up haven't I?

Oh well... youre prob right. I used to have common sense and a chivalrous attitude, what the hell happened

The lower brain kicked in and started overriding the upper one.
Leave exs alone and don't date someone else right after a break up. It's asking for trouble.
Sounded like you needed an ego boost, you just went about it the wrong way.

Thing is I am WELL over the Ex now, haven't seen her in two months now, couldn't care less about her, it was her loss.

this one girl at work though, I should have held my integrity, not gone for the obvious ego boost, should not have shat on my own doorstep and slept around, and held out for the one, who I know wouldve been ideal.

I need to concentrate on my life anyway, this cold shower proves I need to be single, no women at all for a while.

Just can't believe I lowered my value to someone I held in high esteem

We live and learn and unfortunately the one thing we say "I will never do" we find we're not as "whatever" as we thought.
Just don't make the same mistake twice.

Now that you know how deep you can fall, cut it out!

"I need to concentrate on my life anyway, this cold shower proves i need to be single, no women at all for a while."

Sounds like a plan.