maybesomaybenot
Aug 25, 2010, 02:56 PM
Sorry for the length of this, but I'll get right to it. My ex and I broke up a month and a half ago (26 month relationship). She said she wanted to be "single for her senior year", date other people, etc. We are both each other's first loves, and I could tell I was her first breakup because I got the "It's not you, it's me" and the "I love you, I just have to see if you're the one for me". I'm at university so we did a year of long distance.
Following the breakup, we txted regularly for 2-3 days, and I figured out she was pretty upset I didn't text her at midnight on her birthday 2 days later (why would I?) Then, I gave her one opportunity to meet with me and see if there was anything left before I went back to college. She declined, saying she just needed space and that she didn't want to get back together anytime soon. I respected her wish and went NC. She's then proceeded to text me every 4-6 days for the past month. Her Facebook was filled with "Life is so goods" and everything so I defriended her for a week so I could begin to heal. A week later I sent her a text thanking her for respecting my space and that I hoped she was OK. She told me how the past week at school had been rough, how everything was beginning to hit her and hurt. I didn't confess I was hurting too (my heart was too vulnerable), but because I hate to see her hurt I just talked her through her feelings and told her it'd take time to heal and she should have fun. I sent "Don't worry about me, just focus on yourself and get better. Have a good night gorgeous." She responded with "Thanks Sweetie! Is it weird that I almost put I love you. haha see ya!" Needless to say, no text has ever cut me so deep...
She texted me for the next two days, making small talk and seeming better... still saying babe and sweetheart. She said she hoped I have a good year and told me to not be a stranger and text her sometimes. Then, when she found out I was going back to college the next day, she said "oh...that sucks, but have a great time!" So after three days of txting me she stopped for a day, and of course it messed up my system. I made the fatal mistake of txting and saying I hope she has a better week, and she thanked me and treated me like a distant friend. I know what I did next is a mistake but I couldn't help it because she had been way too flirty recently. I told her that I would be willing to give us another chance. She was just like Oh... and dodged the question. I said so I guess that's a no, and she was like not right now, no. But I still want you in my life.
Now, understandably I'm scared that she just wants to string me along (either intentionally or unintentionally) and come back to me after her senior fun is done. So that night, I called and told her I couldn't be in her life right now and needed time to get over her. We both cried and the conversation even ended with an I love you. Three days ago, I saw where she had apparently defriended me on Facebook (turns out it was a Facebook glitch) and told her I saw where you defriended me, I hope it's nothing personal, have a great night. She responded by telling me that she hadn't but was planning on it. When I asked why, she just said if I wasn't going to be her friend in real life, why should I be on fb? I took the high road and said I understood and she let me have it. She told me that we were either black or white, not grey (i.e. if I don't want to be in her life, why do I keep contacting her... it was the second time I had in 2 weeks, when she had about 5 times) I told her that she needed to ask herself the same thing, that three days after pouring her heart out to me, going straight into friend mode was grey too. She just said I needed to decide if I wanted to be in her life or not (ummm this chick left me).
Well anyway, after that drama/fight, I finally sent a text that told her I was tired of the back and forth and would be her friend, to which all she replied was "ok then". Twenty minutes later, I see where she had went skating that day with a guy her friends set her up with and she's being all flirty on his Facebook wall. Again I know this is a mistake, but I sent her another text asking if she liked him... of course, no response, and then she defriended me and blocked me from seeing her wall. That's the last I've heard from her.
Since then (3 days), I deleted my fb (which has helped ALOT). I did look up the guy she went with... and laughed :). He's a grade below her, goes to a different school, and definitely not an upgrade (I'm not cocky, I just think she really rushed it). I'm doing better, even though I've already trained my mind to assume she's married to this new guy. I still think about her daily, but I'm beginning to get my confidence back.
My question is do you think she still thinks about me/will ever contact me again? I know it's just been four days but the thought of the rest of my life without talking to her kind of scares me and I know I can't initiate the conversation. And yes, I know I'll get a lot of "move on's and let go's to this post", but I do still love her, and am afraid of being forgotten. In the meantime, I'm keeping everything about my life secret from some of our mutual friends so she can't try to keep up with me if she wants to.
Following the breakup, we txted regularly for 2-3 days, and I figured out she was pretty upset I didn't text her at midnight on her birthday 2 days later (why would I?) Then, I gave her one opportunity to meet with me and see if there was anything left before I went back to college. She declined, saying she just needed space and that she didn't want to get back together anytime soon. I respected her wish and went NC. She's then proceeded to text me every 4-6 days for the past month. Her Facebook was filled with "Life is so goods" and everything so I defriended her for a week so I could begin to heal. A week later I sent her a text thanking her for respecting my space and that I hoped she was OK. She told me how the past week at school had been rough, how everything was beginning to hit her and hurt. I didn't confess I was hurting too (my heart was too vulnerable), but because I hate to see her hurt I just talked her through her feelings and told her it'd take time to heal and she should have fun. I sent "Don't worry about me, just focus on yourself and get better. Have a good night gorgeous." She responded with "Thanks Sweetie! Is it weird that I almost put I love you. haha see ya!" Needless to say, no text has ever cut me so deep...
She texted me for the next two days, making small talk and seeming better... still saying babe and sweetheart. She said she hoped I have a good year and told me to not be a stranger and text her sometimes. Then, when she found out I was going back to college the next day, she said "oh...that sucks, but have a great time!" So after three days of txting me she stopped for a day, and of course it messed up my system. I made the fatal mistake of txting and saying I hope she has a better week, and she thanked me and treated me like a distant friend. I know what I did next is a mistake but I couldn't help it because she had been way too flirty recently. I told her that I would be willing to give us another chance. She was just like Oh... and dodged the question. I said so I guess that's a no, and she was like not right now, no. But I still want you in my life.
Now, understandably I'm scared that she just wants to string me along (either intentionally or unintentionally) and come back to me after her senior fun is done. So that night, I called and told her I couldn't be in her life right now and needed time to get over her. We both cried and the conversation even ended with an I love you. Three days ago, I saw where she had apparently defriended me on Facebook (turns out it was a Facebook glitch) and told her I saw where you defriended me, I hope it's nothing personal, have a great night. She responded by telling me that she hadn't but was planning on it. When I asked why, she just said if I wasn't going to be her friend in real life, why should I be on fb? I took the high road and said I understood and she let me have it. She told me that we were either black or white, not grey (i.e. if I don't want to be in her life, why do I keep contacting her... it was the second time I had in 2 weeks, when she had about 5 times) I told her that she needed to ask herself the same thing, that three days after pouring her heart out to me, going straight into friend mode was grey too. She just said I needed to decide if I wanted to be in her life or not (ummm this chick left me).
Well anyway, after that drama/fight, I finally sent a text that told her I was tired of the back and forth and would be her friend, to which all she replied was "ok then". Twenty minutes later, I see where she had went skating that day with a guy her friends set her up with and she's being all flirty on his Facebook wall. Again I know this is a mistake, but I sent her another text asking if she liked him... of course, no response, and then she defriended me and blocked me from seeing her wall. That's the last I've heard from her.
Since then (3 days), I deleted my fb (which has helped ALOT). I did look up the guy she went with... and laughed :). He's a grade below her, goes to a different school, and definitely not an upgrade (I'm not cocky, I just think she really rushed it). I'm doing better, even though I've already trained my mind to assume she's married to this new guy. I still think about her daily, but I'm beginning to get my confidence back.
My question is do you think she still thinks about me/will ever contact me again? I know it's just been four days but the thought of the rest of my life without talking to her kind of scares me and I know I can't initiate the conversation. And yes, I know I'll get a lot of "move on's and let go's to this post", but I do still love her, and am afraid of being forgotten. In the meantime, I'm keeping everything about my life secret from some of our mutual friends so she can't try to keep up with me if she wants to.