Guys and girls, my ex-girlfriend recently broke up with me about last month of 4 years and I've used the no contact strategy but to no avail. Her reason for was that we were too long together and we have known each other too much. I think this is bull**** as she was a very good girl until she started her 1st job in for about 4months. Then there is this colleague senior who would assist her in job related and now he is the new BOYFRIEND!! I confronted her yesterday and she said that this guy is much better than me and I was like how long you know this guy and we were 4 years of many difficult moment. I just couldn't understand why this guy would break us up like that. Why did he approach my girlfriend and steal her from me as she was the youngest in the office. The worst I could feel is that why didn't my ex didn't see this coming that this guy much older than her suddenly keep texting her and ask her out and she don't feel sneaky. They are in the office everyday and would work late together. Therefore the chances for this opportunist guy. My ex family were stunned as well where now my ex seldom hang out with them and would somehow treat the house like a hotel. I am terrified and I did nasty thing to get her back like trying to run down from busy street and feel like dying because I just couldn't accept it that we were to steady together before with plans ahead. Anyway, now I can't eat well, sleep well. I really want her back. Question is How?

Please guide me.

He didn't "steal" her. She was more than willing to break up with you and now she's with him.

Move on go NC and get on with your life.

If it were that easy for her to just up and leave you like that, she didn't really love you anymore.

You just have to tell yourself why would I want to be with someone who doesn't love me, and would do that to me.

If she is moving on with her life, so do you.

Break ups are always hard a first, and you lived your life before you met her, and you can live your life after.

I've enter NC for a month but just know the guy is her new boyfriend. The guy was saying just a mentor at work and now took the advantage of the situation. I found it rather like an opportunist. Its been 4 great years we had. I'm devastated.

Of course you are devastated. Any one would be. But she made her choice and you have to accept it, heal, and move on with your life and something better will come along. So get your head in the right place so you will be ready for what life throws you next.

You are hardly the first broken heart on the planet and for sure won't be the last. Read the stickies (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/) at the beginning of this forum, and be guided through the healing process, so you can move on.

Agree here that is natural for you to feel upset regarding the break up.. but in regards to fighting for a person... its just not the way to go.. she made that choice for a reason and the best thing to do is let that go and go on with your life... if she wanted to be with you then she would be... but she's not so let it go.

I know that I should move on but the thing is after 4 years that I've met with other girls. She was different and very special. Is just that saying is much easier than actually forgetting her. I am beginning to think that is there a way to actually get her back from her new guy? Because there are plenty of e-books that are selling promises the success of getting ex-gf from the new guy.

I am beginning to think that is there a way to actually get her back from her new guy? because there are plenty of e-books that are selling promises the success of getting ex-gf from the new guy.

You need to leave her alone.

You seem to be focusing too much on the idea that he stole her from you and its his fault.

Fact is, if they are actually together, then she has chosen to leave you and be with him.

She is not the innocent. She has made a choice. That choice was not you.

No book/e-book in the world will get her back if she does not want to come back. Do not grovel, beg or plead to get her back.

If she wanted to be with you then she would be.

Look at the facts. Not the fantasy you have playing in your mind to justify trying to get her back and keeping contact.

Go NC. Before you lose your dignity as well as her.

Any further hopes or contact is only going to cause you more pain.

I agree, don't lose anymore dignity here.

Don't think that she was special. She left you with a lame excuse for someone else.

Suck & hurts. I know. Happens every day.

There's only one thing to do. Go NC & enjoy life w/o her.

That's what's she's doing.

You just have to decide how much time you want to spend on someone that is no longer in your life.

Waste of time, dontcha think?

I am beginning to think that is there a way to actually get her back from her new guy? because there are plenty of e-books that are selling promises the success of getting ex-gf from the new guy.

Let us know how that works for you, so we can tell all the broken hearted people that there is hope, and no need to suffer through NC!!

He didn't twist her arm or kidnap her. She made a choice to be with him.

Go NC and get on with your life.

Yes I broke the NC when she contacted me to terminate our phone line. I guess I can't initiate NC again when I need to pack my things from her house. Yes, I do want my dignity. Is just difficult that I can't eat and sleep well. Is just the many things that we have been doing with each other and now I am not used to it. Christmas is coming, her convocation and her birthday. Got to stay tough.


I know that people would say that she's not as innocent and I was shocked as well when she brought the guy home after few weeks. Oh come on. What was she thinking. Sigh, But you guys didn't know her. She was like the princess before it happened. I am lucky that to have her but is just doesn't work out for her. I still have feelings for her.

I just make a plan to go to a local martial art class and I hope it could help me out. Got to work hard. THanks for the support guys. I will go pack up my stuff again tmr without her at her parents place. I don't think I need to tell her that. Keeping the NC.

It doesn't really matter what you thought she was, or if you were lucky to have her or not. The reality is, she dumped you, and moved on, and had no trouble doing it at all. So its not her, its you who need to face reality, and deal with it, because truth be told, you didn't know her as well as you thought, and she fooled you for whatever reason. Hardly an example of being completely honest, or straight forward. But you were played.

Now you can foolishly blame it on the other guy, and make her seem like she is an innocent pawn to his nefarious schemes, but that would be more fantasy on your part.

You can hope by reading a book that you will gain the knowledge to break the spell the guy put her under, and rescue this damsel in distress, but that's only more foolishness on your part.

Or you can accept that the girl blew your mind, and played you for a chump, and accept your own foolishness, and get better for it. You needed this experience to open your eyes to reality, and the real world, so now that they are open, don't be so foolish again. Growing pains hurt, but you do learn from them. Have you learned from yours? Nuff said!!

Yes, every time when I was so down and depressed. I came to this site and gosh people here are spot on. I just needed time facing the face that she's no longer the one I believe she was.

God, I can't think straight again. I was suppose to hit the martial art class and I skipped them, I took leave from work and I am like a dead fish trying to sleep all day.

Her friend told me that she is much happier now with the guy than with me. I am the guy who will tell you what's right and wrong to do when it matters so I tend not to be so romantic... I will buy flowers though most of my friends don't. I am not hugely an egoistic but always more alike those rational guys.

Anyway, her friend told me that it's her decision to love herself more and she had accumulated all these years and I was like all these years? Why she could jump all this time without telling? Is it my fault? Dang, I tried to get her back but she's already moved on with the new guy that she wanted while I'm sitting here sharing my grudges. I was like why could she be so selfish. Anyway, I want to feel free and hope to get a scholarship to further studies.

Just that everyday I can't eat and sleep well. I feel like dead fish going with friends where I can't help it. I know there are many fishes out there. I've got a girl who she is quite interested in me but I felt it will be unfair for her if I am not ready.

lamp_post

We all go through this when we get dumped.

You're not a dead fish. Just wounded temporarily.

One thing that's essential is NC. That also means to stop getting info about her from friends.

The more you hear, the more she will occupy your thoughts.

Here's something to think about:

She is no longer in your life. She's the dead fish actually.

Everything now is only because of what's in your head. Just past feelings for her. She in fact is in the past. And will be forever.

The bomb has been dropped. But the dust hasn't settled.

She's with someone, made her plan & is not crying over you.
Why should you?

I spent my share of days in bed, then said screw it, Im going to do whatever it takes to move on.

Except jumping into another relationship.

Get over her first.

Don't deny yourself fun or positive things for someone that dumped you.

That's unproductive.

Updates...

Went out for drinks with a friend and told him I'm moving on but can't go for 100% NC when I still need to collect my stuff back from her house. Friend said just leave them there but there's too many to be abandoned.

Worst, I got sloppy and saw her Facebook that she has a new Man United Jersey [I was Liverpool Fc] saying, "became devil" dang... back to square one, can't sleep.

You doing it to yourself.

"but can't go for 100% NC"

Your choice.

Yea is my choice, got to dwell on it. I will let u guys know again after collecting the stuff this Friday. What could I ran into some more. Hmmm.

Update... I decided not to collect those stuff until I need them right now NO CONTACT for me. Is not urgent at all.

Why love kills... I know she's a donkey but why I can still love her this much.

Listen to Kaka, and start loving yourself.

Thanks guys, you guys rock! I am trying really hard to NC. Those stuff I don't even wanted care to collect until she asked.

Why do I need to be so sad when she is the one that did wrong. I treated her good mayb I'm egoistic but I've never done anything wrong behind. I tried to fulfill her needs and everything. I won't be perfect, I know I can never.

I thought I was perfect, but learned the folly of that thinking a long time ago. I also learned there are no guarantees in life, and some times your best isn't good enough for some people. ( the ungrateful, and unappreciative b@sta@rds!! )

Hehehe!!
Isn't that the truth.

You guys were spot-on! Yesterday, I finally managed not to check on her FB it was such a hard work! God. I almost lost my job too. My superior were asking why aren't you focus. Dang, the power of love can make u happy and kill.


A friend told me that I wasn't caring enough. I felt bad that I could do better and why wasn't I given chance.

Tell your friend he is an idiot. And get off that pity pot while you're at it.

You gave your heart to the wrong person is all. Happens to the best of us. We learn, we grow, we get over it no matter how hard it is, so stop feeling sorry for yourself!

>very hard cyber slap, right upside your hard freakin head<

Just like stopping FB, NC also involves removing all gossip. Tell your friends that you don't want to hear it. Remove anyone that you can't trust to support you.

Tal's right.

You can wallow till the cows come home, but that's not going to change the fact.

That its done. Whatever the reasons.

Its up to you now how fast you want to heal. Not us, her or anyone else.

When would you like to be back to your old self?
And better?

Yes after 1 day of really no FB and don't picking the friend's call, I feel better and I really felt that I don't deserve this. It's her choice and I have no regrets for my action and my love towards her.

Good start man, keep it up.

I know its hard to fathom at this point, but one day soon you will be proud of yourself for sticking to NC.

And pat yourself on the back knowing that you didn't cave to the drama.

Its like love rehab. Making a commitment to yourself to get of a bad drug. One that only brings you down.

Takes time. Hang in there with confidence and know that pain you feel now is just temporary.

Vinnai Thaandi Varuvaayaa (2010) excellent movie!

I think this could be a good example of NC. Please watch this.

My ex-gf just called me and I didn't answer. What should I do?

Don't answer. Unless you want more of the drama and her lies and bulldust?

Well what do you want? To be her backup plan?

My ex-gf just called me and I didn't answer. What should I do?
Nothing! By my account it was almost 4 in the morning so go back to sleep.

NC, right?

Gosh, another call but it's my friend. I thought it was her and I answered and said, I want to sleep only to realised it was my friend.

Was your stomach in knots afterwards? :eek:

Im sure it was, so imagine how you would have felt if it was her?

That's why everyone says NC. To stop the turmoil and give yourself some peace and a drama free life.

And isn't it nice :)

It's so freaking hard! Woke up this morning at wee hours again. Dang! I kept thinking about her waking up at the wrong place. Got to write it out in AMHD otherwise I will write to her. Thanks AMHD.

monney = morning *

We all go through this.
I had many a sleepless night & woke up feeling terrible.

Try & do some things for yourself.
Whatever it takes to stay NC.

You can do it. It gets better, believe me.

Whatever you do, avoid her & don't ever contact her.
It will only set u back to square one.

God, how long has it been? Really it is suffering here. I am still not going anywhere yet. Just work, home and TV.

Thanks guys, I am still sad and of course devastated by I am glad I am moving on. Although, occasionally I would send virtual emails to my other email account. I found it help. Anyway, I am schedule-ling to collect all my stuffs but will I be rude to ask my friend to collect on behalf because I don't want to see her and the family. I am afraid about the rushing old memories. What about it?

Not rude at all. That's sticking with NC.

Just spoken to few friends at the bar last night. They were disagree due to reason as "disrespect". I was like s***, do I need to hire a person to do that? So frusfrating.

Don't listen to them. They aren't in the sh$$t.

Is this urgent? You will find someone to get your stuff.

Believe me. If you do it & get into the drama, you will regret it.

You come first remember. You don't owe her or her family. Anyway, blood is thicker than water. Who do think her family cares about when it really comes down to it, you or her?

Yes, is urgent and you are so right vanheart! I called her mom yesterday to inform the possibility that I am coming over and her mom is like, "there are things you have here? Ohh, okaaay"

She is still her daughter no matter what. When we are still in "cooling off" the parents are so supportive of me. Guess what, that changed after the daughter brought in the new guy.

Anyway, I do need to go for 2nd time to collect my automotives and machines off her garage, got to get a truck / pickup. *yawn*

Just spoken to few friends at the bar last night. They were disagree due to reason as "disrespect". I was like s***, do I need to hire a person to do that? So frusfrating.

You need some new friends.

You owe her nothing. Not even the respect she never bothered to give you.

So, I did got my friend to help and thank god only her dad was in and dad was very kind and understand the situation. Made me feel comfortable going in to get as many as my little car space allow.

Surprisingly, I don't feel as emotional as I thought I would be. Maybe because I didn't even speak to her dad. Just HI, THANKS and BYE.

Working hard to move on. Thanks for all the great people at AMHD!

Congrats, my man. Good for you.
Its those little hurdles that will make you stronger & proud of your commitment to healing.

Let this be the last of it.

On to more of the beautiful and rewarding world of NC...

Whoo Hooo!!

You are free to get a real life!

The key word is free.

Glad to hear it worked out. Stay strong!

Happy New Life.

Went through the boxes. Oh hell, she didn't return all my stuff. She just dumped in whatever in her way. Even her things are in the box. She is so blind now. =p

Is it REALLY important?

If not, let her have it.

Stuff is stuff. People & piece of mind are way more important.

Don't get too hung up on things that you don't need. Like her.

Dear vanheart, yes those are important documents that I had put at her place for my convenience.

Well, if you need them, then get them.
With the same strategy. To avoid her and any drama.

You don't want to keep doing this.

Yes, exactly. In fact, I've made her a list. But she didn't honor it. It's up to 2 months now and it still sober =P

Sucky.

Guess you got to send another one or get it yourself.

Give her a date when you are coming for it. When she's not there.

Remember, you are no longer her priority.

Get it over with once & for all. So you can move on.

Or just forget it & move on.

I am glad that to stick on hard NC. Thanks bunch! It is fading, I can feel it.

Good. It just gets better.
Will make you stronger & more aware.

Have a very bad day, car got stolen. Need transport badly and brought back memories that my ex could and would willingly send or fetch me from work.

God, I miss her and still can't believe she could change overnight with the new guy this fast after all her good and lovey relationship with me fr 4 years. I may be ego at times but I love her every single day and I make sure she can have the best.

God! Why couldn't she sit down and work things out. WHY? 4 years!

Wanted to call her badly but instead came here and write it out.

Sorry you had a bad day.
But you are learning to live life without her. Good & bad times.

Don't waste your energy wondering why she didn't want to try anymore.

She just didn't. Whatever the reasons.

Yes, vent here. Stay NC.

Guys, I didn't know how to say it but it does still hurt. I felt I am a loser for not going out where I still have no initiative or intentions to just hang OUT.

Yesterday, my friend told me she has changed her number. That is sad to hear. Thank you my friend for the good news~back to square one.

Sometime you have to hit rock bottom before you really really get it - it's over and time to move on.

So her changing her number maybe exactly what you needed to hear. Yes, it hurts and sucks in general, but it is what it is, whether you like it or not, it's over.

Good luck.

Thanks Shadowburn. It's over long ago. Time and time only can able to help me. Just deeply hurt inside for 3 months now.

You are exactly right. It takes time.
Make sure you are doing good things for yourself. Force yourself to have fun if you have to.

Its been over a year for me & I woke up today after a crappy nightmare about my ex.

First one in a long time. Only one place to go but up.

The past is the past. Don't worry, the hurt will fade quicker if you work at it.

You are exactly right. It takes time.
Make sure you are doing good things for yourself. Force yourself to have fun if you have to.

Its been over a year for me & I woke up today after a crappy nightmare about my ex.

First one in a long time. Only one place to go but up.

The past is the past. Dont worry, the hurt will fade quicker if you work at it.

Yes, Vanheart. I did too have a nightmare of my ex today. It is still sucky and still keep moving on. Ex said want to keep us as a friend. Should I?

No.
And nor should you be in contact.

Yes, Vanheart. I did too have a nightmare of my ex today. It is still sucky and still keep moving on. Ex said wanna keep us as a friend. Should I?

I agree with vanheart, no way should you attempt to be "friends" with this girl.

You're not the first guy/girl who has had his/her heart ripped out by the deceit of a selfish woman/man. It hurts for a while then we move on to the next stage of our lives.

One day, soon I hope, you'll find a woman who you know you can trust. One who returns the love and respect with the same commitment that you have.

No, you're not going to die. No, it's not the end of the world. I know it feels like it right now, but things will get better. But the first step is for you to get back out there, and carry on. Keep busy.

She hurt you so bad you would do ANYTHING to get her back. And she insults you. You cried, and she said "he's better than you".
Now why would you want to be "friends" with someone like that? Why?


Good luck to you.

Talaniman Rule- When you break up, have the courtesy to revoke their relationship privileges.

Talaniman Rule- While they are dumping you, never say you can't be friends. Agree to whatever they want, then disappear from their life.

His idea of friends may be to talk a lot and hang out sometimes, but that doesn't mean you have to do it his way! Don't argue the terms of friendship, just be politely busy, and unavailable for what he wants, while you do what you have to for yourself.

Talaniman Rule- Don't get sucked in the confusion of being friends, at the expense of your healing

Talaniman Rule- Never allow an ex to make rules for what you do.

He no longer has a say in how you plan, or live the life you want for yourself, nor has a say on whether he is a part of it any longer. Its your thing to do the way you want it done.

Thanks Talaniman, it is sucky again when a mutual friend told us that the Ex has sold the car I and her chosed together. Telling me now that she and her BF is so much happier and better.

Happier and better? WTH, if she isn't happy why we had lasted 4 years together. Waste of my darn time and whatever she said was plain stupid lies.

Back to square one.

Well, that's more reinforcement to move on.

She's happy, you're not. Stop living in the past.

Worry about you not her.

Thanks Talaniman, it is sucky again when a mutual friend told us that the Ex has sold the car I and her chosed together. Telling me now that she and her BF is so much happier and better.

Happier and better? WTH, if she isn't happy why we had lasted 4 years together. Waste of my darn time and whatever she said was plain stupid lies.

Back to square one.

I know it is hard to do.
But stop dwelling on what you and her did, or chose together, or places you went with her.

Do not let anyone update you on anything to do with her.

The healing starts when you begin to move on. And you really need to move on.

And it is a waste of time to think about her at all.

It Is Over. It will not ever be fixed. You need to think of her as disintegrated from your life, your mind, she is not even on the planet anymore.

Find new people to hang with, get a new hobby, keep your mind busy and off the past.

Don't look back, it will only drag you back.

It is hard but you can do it. You have to do it or keep reliving it until it drives you crazy.

Be focused , be strong, and look ahead to a brighter future

All your setbacks have been due to "mutual friends" giving you info.

I don't think the "mutual friends" have your best interest in mind.

Don't get updates on what she's doing or it will keep setting you back to NC DAY 1!!

Now that's SUCKY!!

I've been traveling a lot and doing different sports as well as meeting new people. The problem it's when I meet my mutual friend. I really do care of myself not hers.

Is a peace of mind that I have left amhd for awhile as I'm moving on but os always great to have you guys to support people like us.

I has been a year and 3 months now. Thought of an update for some people who is in the same / similar situation. I have had terrible 6 months after the break-up. Devastated. Then, I went on crazy/ wild mode to random datings and finally back again having different approach to relationship.

Ex-gf texted 1 month ago to check on me, to say hi. I was not pissed, just unhappy. Then, I forgot about her after reading. No more heartache.

Healing the heart is a helluva process to go through, isn't it? Takes time, but you are getting it together.

I am going through the same thing now and it started the same time yours did it has been nearly 3 years since she went off with someone else. The only difference I have is my 2 girls. It was not just a relationship she walked out on it was a family. To her my girls are a meal ticket and a roof over there head. She is out drinking on the weekends when I spend time with my girls. Another reason it's hard for me to move on is I don't get the chance to meet someone as I find it hard to make time for myself. My ex has also told me recently she has missed the past and we were getting along as friends. At the same time I started to develop feelings for her best friend. Now I asked my ex if it would be weird if I asked her out. Then she she went off on one saying that I liked her best friend the whole time we were together and our time together was a lie. Then it turned out the reason my ex went off on one was because she still had feelings for me. But didn't want to leave this other guy she wanted us both. She also said she knows it's not the end of us as in when she decides she is ready to grow up and be a mom I will be there with open arms. Any progress I made over the past 3 years put me back to square one in hours. I will always have this problem as nc is just not a option I have. With work and my girls time to find someone else is tight. But one thing is she will never have me back no matter what my heart or mind say.