Hi to all,

My ex broke up with me a month ago and is now with someone else. The thing is we have 2 kids and we're both in our early 20's. I can honestly say that it's my fault she left. I know the guy that she's with because we used to hang out with her cousins to drink a few beers but we were just acquainted.

Here's the problems that caused this to happen. The main reason for all of this I believe is because she thinks that I had someone else. A couple months back my friend send me a text message asking about a girl that I worked with who had a crush on me. So this is how the text message read, "Hey dude make sure you erase this msg after you read it I don't want you to get in trouble lol. Is that girl that likes you there? Take a picture of her I want to see how she looks. Is she fine?" So I txtd back, "Oh she's not here today, but yeah she is fine."

I didn't erase the messages because my conscience is clean and had nothing to hide. The next day we went to the supermarker and I got off to buy meat so I left my phone in the car. She read those messages and didn't tell me until we got home. She started crying telling me, "Are you with another *****?" She threw the phone at me and told me next time make sure you erase stupid messages. I hugged her tightly and told her, "Baby it's just a girl that has a crush on me from work, I told her that I'm happily married and have two kids. I've never cheated on you since we've been together." So she hugged me back and cried and told me, "I love you so much I don't want to lose you."

So by then I thought we had cleared all of that up. That's when she started txting with this other guy. I didn't pay much attention to it at the moment because she always txtd with friends and she always told me everything they would talk about. It's also my fault that I was focused too much at work and I didn't have time for her and my kids. Even until now she tells me that I never paid attention to her and things would've been different if I had.

The night before she broke up with me we had a fight. So she told me to take her to her aunt's house because she's leaving. I told her OK then go and get your stuff ready and I only said that to see how serious she was. So she went into the room but only to take all her ibuprofen medication they gave her after giving birth to our daughter. She tried to kill herself and she was laying on the floor still conscience. I was so devastated I thought I was going to lose her. Luckily there wasn't that many pills left so she was just dizzy and confused.

When she got better I apologized and hugged her. I told her what were you thinking and replied that she can't live without me. So I told her let's just get married already I know you've been waiting a long time for this. She was so happy that I told her that she hugged me like never before and told me, "I love you so much daddy and I never want to lose you. You just made me the happiest woman on earth." So that night we went and bought all the small things we need for a wedding like the planner, invitations, decorations, etc. This was the night before she decided to leave. The next day she was at her sister's house because she was going to babysit her nephews.

So I went to be with her after work. Then I went home because she was going to spend the night there. But then another fight and one that I initiated. She called me to ask me if she can go to the club with her sister and sister-in-law. But then she said o never mind I rather go next week. So I was kind of upset at this. So I made the biggest mistake of my life and told her so much ****. I was angry at the moment already from stress at work and other places. I should've never told her those ugly things. I regret ever telling her those things that really hurt her.

The next day I went over there to her sister's and tried to apologize and told her that I never meant to tell her those things. She was crying and yelling at me to leave and that she doesn't want to see me. I asked her, "Do you still love me?" She told me, "I don't even know anymore." So I backed off for the night and went home. I tried apologizing to her but she just kept saying, "You know what I don't feel anything for you anymore."

So two weeks later she tells me that she's with someone else. This was a huge shock to me. Her cousin and I are close friends. She tells me that my ex is certain without a doubt that I cheated on her. I did give her false motives to think that way, but I never cheated on her. I tried and tried to get her back with me but she tells me no that she doesn't love me anymore. I just don't understand. I know I hurt her, but for her to think that I played her and now she's with someone else. So I just gave up and told myself, "Ok just let her go. I will make my own life and she can make hers."

And that's what I'm trying to do, but she finds any excuse for me to be near her. She says she doesn't love me, but I know she's lying. She's with that guy on the rebound because he was there for her as her "friend" when I hurt her and now she's with him. I told her you know what, I don't want to know anything about you anymore. I'm just going to live my life without you.

No matter how hard I try to not even contact her, she's the one who's always looking for me and to be honest I'm tired already of her telling me she doesn't love me and yet she always wants to be around me and my family.

The last time I talked to her and tried to make things right was last Thursday. She was crying telling me that I did her wrong and that she would rather die. I told people about this and they all think that she needs help. I just don't know what to do anymore. I love her so much but I can't keep doing this for much longer. She always tells me that she's going to leave and that I will never see her and our kids again. I'm actually starting to hate her a little because I'm asking her to leave me alone if she doesn't love me. No matter what she always has an excuse to call me and I just stopped answering her calls and texts. What should I do?

This is all very sad. What 's going to happen to these 2 kids? Both you and your ex GF need to get yourselves to counceling right away. As brilliant as some of the people here are, this is the only advice I can think of. Good Luck

I think that there is too much emotions stirred up for you both to talk and make head way. Maybe you were wrong, but so was she.

This is where a guy disappears and goes fishing to be away from the stress and get his thoughts together and figure out what he must do next. Take that time away for yourself, and come back with a clear head, and a plan. She either goes with it or NOT.

For sure let her know that as long as she is with another, she will never be with you, and keep her contacts to business about your kids, mean it, and stick to it.

I think that there is to much emotions stirred up for you both to talk and make head way. Maybe you were wrong, but so was she.

This is where a guy disappears and goes fishing to be away from the stress and get his thoughts together and figure out what he must do next. Take that time away for yourself, and come back with a clear head, and a plan. She either goes with it or NOT.



Take a cruise.. you on one ship her on another. That should give you both a lot of space to think.

So it's been 10 days since we haven't seen each other. I'm not answering any of her calls or texts AT ALL. If my kids need something I told her to let my mom know and she will tell me. Every time she calls I feel the urge to pick up, but I know whatever we talk about will not end well. I'm good to her when we talk, but then she starts to throw all the wrong things that I did right at my face. I'm tired of her doing that I'm trying to make things right but she makes it worse. That's why I just decided to cut off all contact with her. She called my mom Friday because I won't answer her calls. She told my mom that our kids and her will be leaving soon and to let me know so that I can say good-bye to them. I don't know why she is doing this. I feel like I'm part of a stupid little game she's playing and I'm just too mature to go along with it. I'm just sticking to my plan on letting her realize that she is losing me and she needs to act fast before it's too late. I lied and told her that I'm talking to someone and I'm starting to have feelings for her. I just want her to feel that she's losing me because right now I don't think she even knows what she wants. I do hope that she figures out what she really wants because I feel like I can't take this anymore and want to move on and just give up on her for good.

Both of you need to stop playing games with each other. There are kids in this, not just the two of you.
Stop telling her things you don't mean just to make her mad, then get upset when she gets mad.
It would be nice if you two could sit down with an impartial party and air out the lies, get an understanding about what it is you're fighting about.
How long ago was the last baby born? Her hormones may be out of balance.

Both of you need to stop playing games with each other. There are kids in this, not just the two of you.
Stop telling her things you don't mean just to make her mad, then get upset when she gets mad.
It would be nice if you two could sit down with an impartial party and air out the lies, get an understanding about what it is you're fighting about.
How long ago was the last baby born? Her hormones may be out of balance.

I try to talk right to her, but then she gets upset, starts crying and yells at me all the things that I put her through. I just don't want to hurt her anymore that's why I decided to let her be, but even like that she won't stop calling me. There's always something, for example one night she called me to ask me if I can stay with her for a few hours because she doesn't want to be alone while her cousin is at work. Or she'll ask me if I can take her to my mom's house. I do it to be kind to her because I love her, but no matter how hard I try she always finds a reason to argue with me. She had our daughter the first days of April. Now that you mentioned it, she did start to get a bit frustrated, sensitive and insecure after giving birth to our 2nd child. I just don't know what to do anymore but give the situation time to see how it turns out. I also don't want to make her think that I don't love her, because her sisters told me that's what she thinks.

It sounds like there's a lot going on, possibly even postpartum depression.

You need to stop adding fuel to the fire with your own game playing, and possibly consider beachloverjohn's advice of seeking counseling for each of you. Suggest this to her.

Your hormones can make you a bit crazy after a baby. You don't know what you're doing or saying half the time.
I think you two should do some counseling. Two kids and 20 years old can be a strain on a couple.
Is there an impartial adult you two can get together with? A pastor at your church?
Communication is something you two really need to be doing.

I don't think she would agree to counseling right now. There's just too much going on and it's not just us. The cousin that she is staying with is actually working on getting us separated for good. Let's just say that if there was ever a story written on what's happening with us, her cousin would be the villain. It hurts me so much that she would tell me she doesn't feel anything for me anymore and that I can find someone better than her. I actually have half a mind to just call it quits and move on because I'm only hurting her and myself more when we talk. If she doesn't agree to counseling, what else can I do? I know she won't, and even if she did, her cousin would talk her out of it. When she broke up with me she asked me, "What if I realize later on that I made a mistake?" I told her that we all make mistakes and have the right to forgive and ask for forgiveness. I also told her to just follow her heart. I was very, very sweet, caring and understanding when she broke up with me because I know I caused all of this. But for now I'm just keeping myself busy with other things while she figures out what she really wants.

You don't know for sure that she would say no. Ask her. You two have kids. If you love each other, fight to keep it together.

Do whatever it takes to keep your family together. I think you both
Love each other and you need to try.

I'm just too scared to hear those ugly words again "I don't love you anymore." It breaks my heart to hear those words. She might be telling me the truth when she tells me that and I would rather avoid that. I want to fight for my family, but I just don't know where to start because every conversation we had never ended well, and it's not me. Maybe I should give this a little more time until she can vent all her anger towards me. I want to talk to her about us, but until she calms down and we can sit down and have a civilized conversation.

She's been calling under a private number, well at least I think it's her since I don't answer her phone calls. I'm not being mean and not answering her calls. I just want for us to have distance from each other without hearing each other's voice. I go crazy when I hear her voice and I want to tell her that I miss her and how much I love her, but I don't think it's the right time. It's been 6 weeks since we've been separated. I know it's not the right time because the exact situation happened to my brother, to my sister and to her sister as well. What I noticed from this is that it takes about 90 days for everything to air out before there's any reconciliation. Now their relationships are much stronger. I guess things have to get worst before they get better. I think what we really need right now is time. Hopefully she realizes that she wants to be with me. I just want my family back and I want to do everything right from now on.

Haven't spoken to her in 6 weeks? What about your kids?
You two need to be talking not hiding from her.

I meant we've been separated for 6 weeks. We haven't spoken for 2 weeks because I don't want to answer her. It's only going to lead to more arguing which I'm trying to avoid. I still see my kids I just tell her that I don't want to see her when I go see them. I bring my son with me whenever I can, but she won't let me take the baby because she's scared I might not be able to take care of her. I take care of my kids. I buy them everything they need; clothes, diapers, toys, etc. I also give her money because she doesn't work. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I could really use some good advice on what to do, considering the circumstances. If I talk to her, she'll start arguing with me and then she'll start throwing all kinds of ugly words at me, even if I talk to her right. She seems happy when she sees me at first, but then all of a sudden she looks at me with hatred in her eyes. The worst thing is, she really believes that I had someone else while I was with her but it's not true. 2 Mondays ago we were txting. She text me, "Don't act like you weren't with her when you were with me." Then, "Just accept that you played me." I understand where this is coming from because she read some text messages on my phone. I was txting with one of my female friends who I've known way before I met my ex. But my friend was txting things like "come over here I'm alone", "I'm playing with myself". I was ignoring those text messages but I didn't erase them, maybe I should have. I'm such a dumbutt lol. How can I convince her that I never cheated on her? I couldn't live with myself if I ever cheated on her, but she doesn't believe me. I really need help because I don't know what to do anymore!

Personally I think your doing the best you can with your situation and think you should keep doing it the way you have until the emotional dust settles and MAYBE then you can talk as adults.

I think you serve yourself well by continuing on the path you have decided for yourself, as time will tell what needs to be done next. I think you will know when she is ready to talk AND listen, and NOT just argue.

Not deleting dumb texts was rather foolish.

Thank you talaniman. I was hoping to hear that I'm on the right path. I don't want to pressure her on giving me another chance because I tried that already and she becomes an emotional wreck when I do. I don't want to push her away more than I already have. I know it's foolish to not delete such messages like those. I'm thinking if I was more careful none of this would've happened, and now I have learned that the hard way =/. Am I doing the right thing by not answering her phone calls? If my kids need something she will let my mom know, so there's no reason for her to call me unless it has something to do with my kids.

As long as you're seeing your kids you're doing your best. Those dumb texts would set off any woman especially after just having a baby and hormones all out of whack. Hopefully the dust will settle soon and you two will be able to talk.
I wish you well.

Without knowing her it's hard to say if you should answer when she calls. This could be her way of reaching out. She obviously still cares. Talk to her but when she starts going off tell her it's time to go. While you have her on the phone, suggest you two do some counselling. That would help you muddle through all of this in a controlled setting.

Ok maybe I should answer her but keep the conversation brief and let her know how I feel? When I see my kids she's there and tries to talk to me, but I ignore her. Is this right? Or should I talk to her. I'm just scared of another fight because I don't want for this to get worse.

You talk to her be cordial when she starts to get nasty cut it off. Tell her you'd like to sit down and talk to her but only if it's civil. Tell her you'd like to do some counseling.
Don't ignore her and don't be rude, but just tell her you won't argue with her.

2 weeks ago when I had my son over with me she came to pick him up the next day. I asked her if I can talk to her because there was so many things that I wanted to tell her. She seemed calm when I asked her and she agreed. So we set the date for a Thursday. I went over there to drop off some diapers on that Thursday, but I decided it was best we didn't talk because I thought it was too soon. So as I was walking out the door she stopped me and asked me, "I thought we were going to talk". I replied, "Well I think it's a bad idea. We can do it some other time." So I was walking out the door again and she stopped me again and insisted that we talked. At the moment I thought to myself that maybe she is ready to talk like adults. But I was wrong. Our conversation started well, but then came the tears, anger, and thoughts of suicide. She started telling me that she's going to leave for a long time and to enjoy the time that I have left with my kids. So she told me to leave and I'm thinking, "What the hell, I thought she was ready to talk." So I left politely and shared a few tears with her and told her that I will always love her. I took my son with me that day too. That is why I don't want to ask her to talk. Maybe it's best for her to take the initiative whenever she REALLY is ready to talk, don't you think? Only then I will know that she is ready to talk and let everything else fall into place. At least that's what I think is the best thing I can do for now, just wait to see if she tells me one day that she wants to talk to me.

Yeah, when she wants to talk to you, talk but still suggest you do some counseling.

Ok. Thank you for all your support. Only time will tell what will happen. I will keep this post updated if something new comes up. Supposedly she is leaving this Friday, or at least that's what she told my mom to let me know. I hope it's not true. If she does leave then she really doesn't love me like she says..

You know guy, the biggest part of communications is paying attention, and just listening. Sure its hard not to reply, defend yourself, or fix things, but to be a good listener, and gain insights into the heart and soul of another, you have to stay calm, cool, collected, and shut up.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.


"You know guy, the biggest part of communications is paying attention, and just listening. Sure its hard not to reply, defend yourself, or fix things, but to be a good listener, and gain insights into the heart and soul of another, you have to stay calm, cool, collected, and shut up."

Top notch advice. Listen!

I will do that if she ever decides to talk one day. If she does decide, that means that she has a lot to say to me and hopefully she will finally open up and express all the things that went wrong in our relationship. I will listen and listen until she has finished everything that she has to say. Then I will let her know how I feel and like everyone else suggests, ask her to take up counseling and I already know the right place where we can go. I am willing and wanting to do anything that will help us, but she has to put in her part too as well because it takes two to take such action.

Sounds like she is talking, she's yelling but she's talking. Just listen to what she is saying.
She is hurt and we don't always make sense when we're hurt. So listen to her.
Remember this happened because you didn't think to delete some tacky text that you should not have been getting to begin with.

I'll keep that in mind. Thank you. Although we haven't spoken or seen each other for two weeks, we will eventually. If she does leave this Friday, then she will come to me to let me say good-bye to my kids, if that really is her intention. All I can say to her is good luck with whatever it is she needs to do. But I know she will start talking about us. I have this strange feeling that she is putting my love for her to the test by telling me she is leaving. Maybe she is wanting for me to tell her not to leave or just that she really is decided on leaving. Who knows..

Keep it simple stupid is what a sponsor told me to do after I ranted and raved and asks him what I should do about my problems.

Listen to her, and ask her what you can do to have her forgive you, then shut the "F" up, and do what she says.

That's as simple as it gets, but the shut up part is the hardest.

If you think she wants you to ask her not to leave, ask her. Now is not the time to play games.
Let her rant. She'll clam down eventually.

If you really want her back you have to accept what she is saying.. Yeah you didn't cheat but she believes you did and this is why she is acting the way she is.. I think she still loves you and it does seem she may be testing how much you love her by this whole 'i'm leaving' thing.

If you want her back you got to lay it all out there when she comes to see you. This is your chance! Don't let your ego or anything else stand in the way..

Thank you all. I feel like a have a family here. I talk to my mom about what's going on too and she gives me similar feedback that I get here. All I know is that I do love her and I want to fight to keep my family together, because I never been so happy in my life until she came along. She called me yesterday and I answered this time like Homegirl50 suggested. She asked me if I can take her some stuff for my kids and I told her that I will be taking it today. She also wants me to stick around to be with the kids and I said of course anything for my kids. She sounded calm when we were talking and she even said thank you, which I haven't heard from her since we separated. I think the space and distance really is working because she sounded very calm, unlike the other times when she would sound upset. I'll just leave her be when I go over and not talk about us until she is ready.

That looks promising.
You will have good days and some bad ones still but it is my hope you
Two work this out.
I wish you well.

Thank you. I do hope we can work this out, maybe it's a little soon right now but sometime in the near future when everything feels right and her mind and doubts are cleared. All I want to do is show her that I'm there for her and my kids, because she thinks that I don't care even though I've proven myself. I know she is still hurt because her cousin tells me that she cries to her about me 'cheating on her'. There's just no way I can prove to her that I haven't done such a thing. Should I just accept something that is false? I'm thinking about just saying yes I cheated on you can you forgive me but not so sure if that's a good idea =/.

Don't admit to doing something you didn't do. Then you have to lie to keep a lie going. You tell her you're sorry you were silly enough to have left those texts, you're sorry for the pain you have caused and that you love her and want her to forgive you. That is all you can do. Time will take care of the rest.

She doesn't believe me when I tell her that I never cheated. I don't even want to touch the subject anymore and hopefully with time she will realize that I could never do such a thing or give me a chance to explain myself. Last time I tried she cried and started screaming saying she doesn't want to talk about it and told me to get the 'f' out of here. I wish I knew what's going on in her mind that way I would have a definite answer on the next step I should take. But it's my job to figure it out, no one said a relationship is easy and pain free.

I generally leave fools to believe what ever they want, and if they don't want to listen, screw 'em. She may be hurt and angry, but call it what it is, carried away by emotions, so don't mention it ever again, and if SHE keeps revisiting it as a fact, then walk away because it may take YEARS for her to stop playing victim.

Never lie, when you are innocent, they have to deal with the truth, the facts, and the rest is up to them. The best you can do is acknowledge her feelings, and understand them, even if they can't be fixed, or changed. Giving in to her FEARS, may seem like the easy way out, but its NOT!

That makes a lot of sense Talaniman. What can I do right? And that's exactly what it is, her worst fear is haunting her right now even though it's just an illusion. I don't plan on touching the subject ever again and I hope she doesn't either. I just came back from dropping off some money. She was calm but looked confused. She didn't look me in the eyes when she was talking to me and I was being sweet to her not mentioning anything about us. I just left with a humble "I'll see you later". Tomorrow is supposed to be the day she leaves, but I didn't see anything packed and she didn't mention anything about leaving. What's really going on here? She's been telling me that she is leaving for the past 3 weeks. I don't know what to make of it.

Let reality of her decision sink in and just wait and see. Don't get caught up in wondering what you should do as she has choices and decisions to make on her own without your influence.

Mr. Talaniman thank you for all your support. You've been a great help to me. Homegirl50 as well and everyone else who posted an answer to my question. What would you do if you were in my situation? Or better said, what would you do if you were in my shoes?

As a woman who has gone through pregnancy and childbirth and also postpartum depression, I can understand her mood. I think a lot of what she is feeling is hormonal but you seem to forget what triggered it. Your stupidity! You may have been innocent but that is not how she sees it.
Don't give up on her and change your attitude. The title of your post :She says she doesn't love me anymore and it doesn't make sense. " well it does make sense. Think how you would feel if you had seen these texts. Put yourself in her shoes. Stop treating her like she is an irrational female. Don't patronize her. You started this.
Give her sometime. Don't make her feel like she should "just get over it" it's not that easy when you feel you've been cheated on and you've just had a baby. Let her get her anger out and then you make darn sure you don't have anymore crazy female friends with access to your cellphone number.

I would have deleted the text as soon as I read it. I have learned the hard way to weather the storm, and get busy with repairs when it clears, and have time for a BBQ in the back yard before sundown. The real trick is, let her come to her own conclusions, when the brain finally kicks in, after the emotions have died down. Lots of patience, and cool, calm, collected self control. As wrong as she is, you cannot punish her for your own stu(boneheaded)id mistakes.

If you had smashed her hand accidentally in the car door would you be mad at her for being in the way? Own your mistakes and be ready to do better.

I feel like a kindergardener being scolded by his teacher. I understand what you two mean. Thank you for making this a lot more clearer for me. I'm just glad that I'm on the right path because I'm not putting pressure on her at all. I'm giving her her own space and that is why I don't want us to be around each other too much. I think that would just bring back all the bad memories that started this in the first place. I do love her and I never showed her otherwise. My only fear is that because of my stupid mistakes she might never forgive me and in turn never give me another chance. Live and learn like they say. In the meantime, I will continue bettering myself in every aspect of my life. If one day she comes back to me, I now know what I have to do to keep her happy and at my side. But things won't be the same because I fear she will lose the trust she once had in me.

I was not intending to scold a student, just answering a question. I just feel that adversity either makes you stronger, or shows the cracks in the foundation that need repair. If her reaction to a innocent(?) text bugs her, there might have been a seed of doubt there already. That's a fair warning in my book that something ain't right, and that's the part you figure out, and I think that comes not by just questions, but listening and really paying attention, without the emotional distractions of your own feelings.

Be honest, is this her first over reaction? Is she always so emotional? Does she have something bad in her past that makes her mistrustful? I have been reading your comments carefully, and it seems this was out of the blue, but I really don't believe that. So now the truth, or better, the facts have to emerge.

I agree with tal, was there a little something before those texts, maybe she was feeling neglected, were there phone calls, late nights out.. I don't know.
I was not scolding you, just trying to get you to see and own up to your part, then you will work toward healing in a more positive way.
I wish you both well.

One night on my birthday in the beginning of July I got a call from a friend who was wishing me a happy birthday. I went into the living room and laid down to talk to her, but we were just talking about small things. My ex was in the kitchen and I didn't pay much attention to her listening to me. She went outside and cried to my sister that I was talking to 'her' the one she thinks I was cheating on her with from work. I didn't find out that she was feeling like this until after she broke up with me when my sister told me that she was crying that night. Like I said in my original question, I admit that it's my fault because yes I did go out late, but to my best friend's house to drink a few beers. At times I did neglect her because I would rather be at my friend's house. I know this is wrong, and I own my mistakes. But believe me now I know and see my errors and I have learned from them. Every time I went to my friend's house, she thought that I was with 'her'. When I say 'her' I mean the girl from work that has a thing for me. All this started when my friend txtd me that message asking for 'her', asking me to take a picture of her and asking me how she looks. All of these things, that innocent phone call from my friend that looked suspicious I admit because I was in the living room with the lights out and laying down talking to her while she was listening from the kitchen, the late nights out with my friend, and yes I did neglect her at times. I know I set myself up for failure, but at the time I was so blinded that I didn't even notice until now that is too late. We never had any trust issues in the past. Our relationship was always at it's peak. We just started drifting apart slowly after our 2nd baby was born. I felt so stressed out and at times depressed, and she became more insecure with herself. She used to always tell me, "I love you so much and I never want to lose you." This whole mess started with that one text message that I should've erased from my friend. That's when the trust was broken and we started going downhill from there. Can all this damage be repaired, or should I just accept my own failure and move on?

The damage can be repaired because you didn't cheat. For the sake of your family, don't just give up on it. She needs time to forgive you for the mistakes you did make and learn to trust you again. You need to be patient, consistent, and show her that you want to be a better partner.

To be honest, I just don't know how to approach her anymore. At times I am scared, scared of being rejected again. It does hurt, but I know all this pain I'm feeling I brought on to myself. She did everything for me and sacrificed everything as well to be with me. At times I ask myself "What did I do to deserve her?" Then I remember how she fell in love with me. I changed a lot. I'm not the same guy I was when we first started dating, but I'm working on that. We were never apart one day ever since we were together until now. I just felt like I needed some space and at times I felt like I just wanted to be alone. And to be honest, at times I felt like I didn't love her anymore, but I was wrong about that. I just needed to lose her to realize how much I really love her and how much I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

That's not unusual for a guy your age, especially when you also had kids so early. It was a lot of pressure to put on yourselves. Kids are tough on couples who are older and have been together longer, but of course they are also wonderful. If you have truly changed and are ready for this relationship to work out, I believe she will see that given time.

You need to find a way to deal with your anxiety for now. You seem like you are about to fall apart, and that's making you worry even more about getting her back. I think you treat her consistently nice and be there for her and the kids. Don't push her to reconcile before she is ready, and don't do anything rash. Focus on taking care of your kids, taking care of yourself, and doing a good job at work. Deal with your anxiety - eat right, get enough sleep, exercise. Spend time thinking about what you want in your relationship and how you can be a better partner. In other words, prepare yourself for the day when (and if, of course) she's willing to give you another chance.

Then you do what you have to do to fix this mess. Be patient with her. Tell her you love her as often as you talk to her.
Send her flowers, court her. Try and get back what you had.
Can I ask why you two have not married after two kids?

I'm doing my best to cope with all of this. I remember all the training while in the Marine Corps. I think if I was a normal guy I would've broke already and probably done something stupid. But I'm doing my best at everything right now. Believe me I'm doing fine without her. I will survive if she decides to never come back, but I would rather have her at my side because I do love her and my kids. Homegirl50 we never got married because I was an idiot. After a while she got tired of asking me when are we going to get married and I just got used to living like that with her. Like I mentioned before in my original post, I finally asked her to marry me that day when she took all her ibuprofen medication after our fight. She left me the next day because I was stupid enough to tell her all kinds of nasty things because I let my anger get the best of me :(. I think what really hurt her the most was the fact that I finally asked her to marry me and then the next day I pretty much broke her heart..

You have a lot to make up for, if you really love her you'll do it. I hope you don't decide she and the kids are not worth it and I hope she has not gotten to the point that she is tired of being your baby mama.
Court her. Treat her like she is a new girl you are just dying to get ti know and be with. Win her over like you did before.

I'll try and do that. I won't give up on my family that easy. We've been through a lot together to just let her and my kids go. We've been through hard times and when I was out of a job for a while I would break down and cry because we barely had our first born and I lost my job. She always knew how to lift me up and helped me get back up. Thanks to her we made it through, so I'm not going to let her go so easy. I just think right now I should really be giving her space so she can clear her mind, but meanwhile treat her right and always take care of my kids. I just hope one day I get that one phone call where she tells me that she misses me. That would be a dream come true.

I hope that happens for you. When you do talk to her, tell her you love her. Send her some flowers. Send her a card. Little things can go a long way.

A few days after she left me I did that, I sent her flowers and a card. She txtd me, "Thank you for the gifts, but you can't buy me and my kids like that. I hope you realize what you've lost. Me and my kids don't need all that sh**." It made me cry when she told me that. This whole distance, space and no contact deal I put on us is making me miss her more and more everyday. Oh and by the way, she called my mom yesterday to see if I can pick up my kids tomorrow. She has no intention of leaving. I don't know why she says that she's just putting me through hell by saying stupid things like that.

The same kind of hell you put her through by the things you said to her. At least she is not leaving.

Just because she said something negative about the flowers the first day, that does not mean you stop trying.
You have to let her know you love her.
Send her some more. Send her another card. Let her know you are not giving up.

Ok :) I will. I'll keep you guys updated. Thank you.

She has no intention of leaving. I don't know why she says that she's just putting me through hell by saying stupid things like that.
You deserved it, so take your punishment like a man. The seed was planted long ago, and has grown as a resentment. That's what happens when you take no heed to taking her for granted with small hurtful things that eventually add up, and... BOOM... blow up in your face.

You seem like an all right guy, and never meant for this to happen, so now you learn the lesson of being aware how your partner can perceive the little things you do. As I am fond of saying, pay attention to the small details would have let you know long ago that having a female friend who feels free to contact you at home when she wants is not the best thing to have, as I can imagine what would be going through her mind while you innocently talk together. Bet they don't even know each other, or have interacted together to know each other.

Innocent or not, who has a female friend that does that, and disrespects your wife by being so familiar and free with her husband? No wonder you have a problem, as the rules of good behavior was broken, and now you sit wondering how a small undeleted text could cause such problems. I knew there was more to your story than just a simple text from a friend.

PAY ATTENTION. The problem will only be solved by you defining better boundaries to this so called female friend, that include her leaving you alone when you are home and not texting in such a way as to upset your wife. Should have been done long ago, as what married idiot has such a friend in the first place? Can't you see that innocent phone calls become suspicious when you need that kind of privacy to take them? Sheeesh guy, what did you expect, and where is that friend now? What does she think of your new situation at home??

Were you with someone else?
If, not. There's insecurities that she needs to deal with.

And if she jumps into someone else's arms just cause she's tripping, then you need to think twice about her.

Especially if she doesn't wish to fix things. Which it sounds like she doesn't.

Honestly, your kids are what's important here.

If she doesn't want seek help, you should on your own. Understand how you can still be a good dad without her drama.

The worst thing is to let your kids suffer & impact their future.

Whenever you get: "she doesn't feel anything for me anymore and that I can find someone better than her"

Then believe it.

Were you with someone else?
If, not. Theres insecurities that she needs to deal with.

And if she jumps into someone else's arms just cause shes tripping, then you need to think twice about her.

Especially if she doesn't wish to fix things. Which it sounds like she doesn't.

Honestly, your kids are whats important here.

If she doesnt want seek help, you should on your own. Understand how you can still be a good dad without her drama.

The worst thing is to let your kids suffer & impact their future.

Whenever you get: "she doesn't feel anything for me anymore and that I can find someone better than her"

Then believe it.
The drama isn't just her. He started this mess with his drama. There was a chain of events that lead up to her leaving. I don't think it is a matter of her insecurities

Vanheart, believe me I thought of what you're saying since she told me she's with someone else. I was thinking I should do the same and get with someone else too, but that's just going to make things much worse. It's just much more complicated than that. I don't know if what I did and what I put her through justifies that she can be with someone else. Or it could even be a lie she made up to make me feel the way I made her feel. Who knows. Either way, whether it's true or not, I started this whole mess and I have to clean it up. I admit to my own supidity and my mistakes. I'm man enough to own up to them. But that's just me trying to become a better person for her and my kids. Was your post based off the 1st two paragraphs from my original question, or did you actually read through the whole Q&A's?

Sorry,

I may have misunderstood.

Keep trying to make amends. Being good.

Maybe an honest, heartfelt letter is in order.

Just wait. My friends. One day she will feel about you. I'm too waiting, I never want to disturb her. I like to live away from her, but love 24hrs. And just and just wait.kartik

Hello,
I am so sorry to hear that, life is definitely a mystery.

A Wise Man told me once to live by "If you are trying to get somewhere & don't know how to figure it out, figure out what you want to do first & everything else will figure itself out"

"Never let fear the fear of yourself to get in your way" Babe Ruth quote" & don't let it stop you from doing something you want to do so bad, but are scared to do" Face it straight on and then the next time, you will be able to face anything" Can you understand what I am saying? Think for a moment. Speaking of MOMENTS, the other day, "I enjoy writing & poems (mine)." Anyways, back to the MOMENT, I realized that a MOMENT, is just a second, just one second. and that 1 MOMENT can change your life for ever! And I realized in the MOMENT (that split second) you can say things to hurt someone and it really does hurt when someone says bad things or even yells at thier partner. REMEMBER, once something comes out of your mouth, U CAN NOT TAKE THAT BACK!!!
I can tell you that I have been married twice, I am in my 40's and have 2 grown up children in there mid & late twenties, and 3 grandchildren, I have a bit of experience so to say, U know, been around the block once or twice, LOL>.>
Seriously, if U love her, give her space. (Not to much) If you really love someone, let them go. If they come back, it was always meant to be, if they don't come back, it was never to be in the 1st place. For her to walk out just like that "snap of a finger, sounds like" with your kids. right? Something is strange. And it could absolutely be a health issue.

BUT, for some reason, she has been in contact with this person before you ever found out. Rather she knows him from family or friends, but he was there when she needed someone, that sucks, you probably didn't see it coming, did you? See, he told her things that she needed to hear at the time, he knew by the way she acted or spoke that something in her life was not good, he took advantage of that, and put her in the palm of his hand. He was probably a confidont for her, someone she could spill her guts to about you and the problems and he was right there to listen, tell her what she wanted to hear and she fell for it. Really Sucks, but, listen, life is not easy, no one said it would be. U will not make this mistake again.
PS< if she contacts U, don't jump for her and be right there. if you have caller ID< let it ring and get back to her, tell her you were out, sorry i missed the call, and she is probably going to ask, "where did U go the other night". Just look @ her and say, Honey, I need some answers, I don't know where to go and get them, I am hurt, so I just need a friend, I am going out to find out who I am after all these years, and ask her, do you understand what I am saying? Wait for her reply and tell her, I really wish U were there for me with my problem, bigger than life, but I feel I lost my best friend, my confidont-soul mate, I just can't believe it is over. (sad Look of course) and do eye contact for sure, and one more thing, she keeps trying to have you near her, because she really does care, but perhaps she feels trapped in this situation w/the other guy and don't want to get everyone pissed at her or her look like a fool to everyone around her. Tell her Thanksgiving is coming up and you would love to spend that day as a famly with her and the kids & go for a walk, go to the park after, do something U know she would love. Now, go ask her, time is flying by. U know she still wants U, so hurry the grasp U have on her, is slowly being ripped from your arms by another person, twisting her thoughts and changing who she is.

Hope things work out for you

Life, Love and the pursuit for happiness

I wish would've seen your this a little earlier Fantasia. Wow I haven't been on this site since last year. She has a baby with the other person, but the current situation is that she told me she misses me and that she wished things could've been different. I apologized to her and told her that she will always be my 2st true love, but that I moved on alread. I get my kids every other weekend and I am very happy with my current life. Thanks all for your advice, and Fantasia, that last comment would've really helped me if I read it any soon, because that is exactly what she told me that went wrong...