motamex
Aug 24, 2010, 07:43 AM
My husband and I have been married for nearly 17 years and from the very early days in our relationship we decided that kids weren't for us.
We had a good marriage with the normal ups and downs as everyone else but we never had any major issues.
A few years back I've changed my mind regarding having a family and although I addressed my desires to my husband he wasn't very interested in the subject and looking at his reaction just made me feel that we left it too long and maybe he was right although my mind, my body and specially my heart were telling me a different story.
I am originally from a different country from my husband's and since we got married we ever lived in his home country therefore, for me, to go back to my home country which is on the other side of the Atlantic it was a big deal for all the prep and time that required a trip like that. I've always been very close to my family and in order to visit all my relatives and friends I had to take sometimes a couple of months off to see everybody. While I was in my home country, my husband used to meet me halfway through the holiday and he spend at least three weeks with me but then this was started to change slowly until last years I found myself spending most of my holidays by alone.
When I came back immediately I've sensed that something wasn't right.
The ironic part of this situation was that I came back home with very high expectations, I wanted to tell my husband how much I missed him and love him and also that I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to know for sure if we were going to have kids or not so I could resign to the idea for good or start talking about it and have a baby.
After my arrival and for a few months I felt that we were drifting apart and I was becoming more and more anxious and unhappy but I couldn't find the right time to talk about the situation.
One night, out of the blue, a woman knocked the door and asked to talk to my husband. That moment still stocked up in my head and I think it will be there forever.
She came to "confront him" about their relationship. Apparently they were having a relationship for a few months and he had been lying to her about everything. He told her he was divorced and lived in a completely different place.
She knew for months that he was lying to her and she had all the evidence. She look into his personal things and found receipts, my mobile number, our real address and my name plastered all over card statements, bills and so on...
Then she didn't say a word and kept it as a secret for several months until that horrible November night.
By that time, my husband wasn't aware that she knew everything. The confession came much later and she confessed it to me.
After the terrible ordeal to finding out about the affair and after long talks, fights, arguments and lots of lots of tears I decided to forgive my husband and give our marriage another go.
Everything was going fine and I truly felt that we were going to make it through. For it felt that life was giving us a second chance and we even started talking about having a baby.
Little did I know that all my dreams were going to be shattered again.
At the beginning of this year and after two months of trying to work out things in our marriage, I went out for a shopping day with a friend, my husband kept sending me all day a bunch of romantic text messages but suddenly, he called and asked me to come back home as soon as possible.
When I opened the door I could see his face in distress that scare me to death and asked him what was wrong. He said to me, with tears in his eyes, that he received a call later that afternoon from that woman saying that she was a few months pregnant.
My heart sunk and I think stopped beating for a while. To be honest, my reaction was wild, my first instinct was to slapped him and shout all the abuse in my mother tongue and in English then, I drank a bottle of wine in one go and that's the last I remember from that fatal night.
Without a doubt this has been the toughest year of my life. This has been pure hell and the devastation has been immense.
Soon after the revelation, my husband when to talk to her trying to convince her to have a termination for the sake of everybody but she refused and continue with the pregnancy.
Since then my husband and I have lived through all the extreme stages of anger, sadness, and deception and so on...
My husband has taken full responsibility for his actions and although we had the hardest and saddest time of our lives he's been asking for forgiveness and wanted me to stay.
I went back home for a few months because the pain was driving me mad. The affair was terrible to deal with but then the pregnancy was the most horrific part specially when my desire to become a mother was so strong and I felt double betrayal.
After spending time back home I decided to come back and confront the situation. My husband beg me stay and not to go. He reassure me that he was going to do everything in his power to stay together but the arrival of the baby was a fact and there was nothing he could do about it.
In between all this mess I have the opportunity to talk to that woman and that's when I had her confession out. She told me she knew that my husband was married for quite some time but by then she said "she was too deep into the relationship". She told me as well, that the pregnancy was an accident because that day she wasn't "feeling well" and was much "stressed". She also told me that she has been on the pill since the age of 14 and never ever been off since and never had any problems in the past, she is 30 years old now.
The baby was born on Sunday and my husband was there. I knew this and we agreed he should be there for the sake of the baby.
A week before the baby was born the woman send me a txt message almost demanding to meet and talk about "everything" I didn't replay to her message and my husband was annoyed because he said she didn't have the right to do such a thing.
While my husband was in hospital waiting for the baby to be born he was calling me every other hour and as absurd, sad and maybe pathetic it sounds I preferred that way rather that making the whole situation just for him and her.
It's a healthy baby girl. I'm glad the baby is OK baby she's got absolute no blame in all this matter.
As soon as the baby was born and he was sure she was all right he headed back home. He told me a few things about the baby and then thanked me immensely for being so understanding and supporting. He said that he loves me deeply and wished that things were different but the fact is that we can't change anything now.
I know he wants to be involved in that little girl's life and has been honest about it. He also said that her mother agrees, obviously, but he said that absolutely nothing whatsoever is going on or going to happen between him and her.
When my husband when to talk to her about having a termination he was very straight forward... he apologise for the lies but he had no intention to stay with her even with the baby on its way, he told her that he was still very much in love with me and wanted us to be together although he couldn't turn his back on that baby and he was going to take responsibility. I know this is true because was her who told me all this and then my husband confirmed it.
Maybe I am crazy for putting up with such a thing... maybe I'm too soft or I love my husband too much. I don't know... The only thing that I know right now is that I am numb with pain because after nearly 20 years together and 17 of marriage a complete stranger snatches all my dreams and absolute right to be the mother of my husband’s baby. I am devastated and I feel trapped because I don't know if I can live like this but I know I can't live without him.
All these years, he has been very good to me and as I said before, we never had any major problems whatsoever. I was very happy with my life and marriage and all that I wanted was too topped up with the joy of a baby. This is probably the reason why everything has been so cruel and devastating for me. I have asked my husband many times why did he had an affair and he keeps saying that although is not a valid excuse, he felt lonely when I was away and even though it doesn't make any sense he has never ever stopped loving me and he regrets every second of the affair.
What I would like to ask anyone there is that if somebody has been through a similar experience to write to me and tell me how did they deal with it? I am still very much in love with my husband but I am also desperate that another woman came alone and took something that should it be mine.
Thanks for reading and for your help :/
We had a good marriage with the normal ups and downs as everyone else but we never had any major issues.
A few years back I've changed my mind regarding having a family and although I addressed my desires to my husband he wasn't very interested in the subject and looking at his reaction just made me feel that we left it too long and maybe he was right although my mind, my body and specially my heart were telling me a different story.
I am originally from a different country from my husband's and since we got married we ever lived in his home country therefore, for me, to go back to my home country which is on the other side of the Atlantic it was a big deal for all the prep and time that required a trip like that. I've always been very close to my family and in order to visit all my relatives and friends I had to take sometimes a couple of months off to see everybody. While I was in my home country, my husband used to meet me halfway through the holiday and he spend at least three weeks with me but then this was started to change slowly until last years I found myself spending most of my holidays by alone.
When I came back immediately I've sensed that something wasn't right.
The ironic part of this situation was that I came back home with very high expectations, I wanted to tell my husband how much I missed him and love him and also that I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to know for sure if we were going to have kids or not so I could resign to the idea for good or start talking about it and have a baby.
After my arrival and for a few months I felt that we were drifting apart and I was becoming more and more anxious and unhappy but I couldn't find the right time to talk about the situation.
One night, out of the blue, a woman knocked the door and asked to talk to my husband. That moment still stocked up in my head and I think it will be there forever.
She came to "confront him" about their relationship. Apparently they were having a relationship for a few months and he had been lying to her about everything. He told her he was divorced and lived in a completely different place.
She knew for months that he was lying to her and she had all the evidence. She look into his personal things and found receipts, my mobile number, our real address and my name plastered all over card statements, bills and so on...
Then she didn't say a word and kept it as a secret for several months until that horrible November night.
By that time, my husband wasn't aware that she knew everything. The confession came much later and she confessed it to me.
After the terrible ordeal to finding out about the affair and after long talks, fights, arguments and lots of lots of tears I decided to forgive my husband and give our marriage another go.
Everything was going fine and I truly felt that we were going to make it through. For it felt that life was giving us a second chance and we even started talking about having a baby.
Little did I know that all my dreams were going to be shattered again.
At the beginning of this year and after two months of trying to work out things in our marriage, I went out for a shopping day with a friend, my husband kept sending me all day a bunch of romantic text messages but suddenly, he called and asked me to come back home as soon as possible.
When I opened the door I could see his face in distress that scare me to death and asked him what was wrong. He said to me, with tears in his eyes, that he received a call later that afternoon from that woman saying that she was a few months pregnant.
My heart sunk and I think stopped beating for a while. To be honest, my reaction was wild, my first instinct was to slapped him and shout all the abuse in my mother tongue and in English then, I drank a bottle of wine in one go and that's the last I remember from that fatal night.
Without a doubt this has been the toughest year of my life. This has been pure hell and the devastation has been immense.
Soon after the revelation, my husband when to talk to her trying to convince her to have a termination for the sake of everybody but she refused and continue with the pregnancy.
Since then my husband and I have lived through all the extreme stages of anger, sadness, and deception and so on...
My husband has taken full responsibility for his actions and although we had the hardest and saddest time of our lives he's been asking for forgiveness and wanted me to stay.
I went back home for a few months because the pain was driving me mad. The affair was terrible to deal with but then the pregnancy was the most horrific part specially when my desire to become a mother was so strong and I felt double betrayal.
After spending time back home I decided to come back and confront the situation. My husband beg me stay and not to go. He reassure me that he was going to do everything in his power to stay together but the arrival of the baby was a fact and there was nothing he could do about it.
In between all this mess I have the opportunity to talk to that woman and that's when I had her confession out. She told me she knew that my husband was married for quite some time but by then she said "she was too deep into the relationship". She told me as well, that the pregnancy was an accident because that day she wasn't "feeling well" and was much "stressed". She also told me that she has been on the pill since the age of 14 and never ever been off since and never had any problems in the past, she is 30 years old now.
The baby was born on Sunday and my husband was there. I knew this and we agreed he should be there for the sake of the baby.
A week before the baby was born the woman send me a txt message almost demanding to meet and talk about "everything" I didn't replay to her message and my husband was annoyed because he said she didn't have the right to do such a thing.
While my husband was in hospital waiting for the baby to be born he was calling me every other hour and as absurd, sad and maybe pathetic it sounds I preferred that way rather that making the whole situation just for him and her.
It's a healthy baby girl. I'm glad the baby is OK baby she's got absolute no blame in all this matter.
As soon as the baby was born and he was sure she was all right he headed back home. He told me a few things about the baby and then thanked me immensely for being so understanding and supporting. He said that he loves me deeply and wished that things were different but the fact is that we can't change anything now.
I know he wants to be involved in that little girl's life and has been honest about it. He also said that her mother agrees, obviously, but he said that absolutely nothing whatsoever is going on or going to happen between him and her.
When my husband when to talk to her about having a termination he was very straight forward... he apologise for the lies but he had no intention to stay with her even with the baby on its way, he told her that he was still very much in love with me and wanted us to be together although he couldn't turn his back on that baby and he was going to take responsibility. I know this is true because was her who told me all this and then my husband confirmed it.
Maybe I am crazy for putting up with such a thing... maybe I'm too soft or I love my husband too much. I don't know... The only thing that I know right now is that I am numb with pain because after nearly 20 years together and 17 of marriage a complete stranger snatches all my dreams and absolute right to be the mother of my husband’s baby. I am devastated and I feel trapped because I don't know if I can live like this but I know I can't live without him.
All these years, he has been very good to me and as I said before, we never had any major problems whatsoever. I was very happy with my life and marriage and all that I wanted was too topped up with the joy of a baby. This is probably the reason why everything has been so cruel and devastating for me. I have asked my husband many times why did he had an affair and he keeps saying that although is not a valid excuse, he felt lonely when I was away and even though it doesn't make any sense he has never ever stopped loving me and he regrets every second of the affair.
What I would like to ask anyone there is that if somebody has been through a similar experience to write to me and tell me how did they deal with it? I am still very much in love with my husband but I am also desperate that another woman came alone and took something that should it be mine.
Thanks for reading and for your help :/