FrankieDude
Aug 19, 2010, 02:40 PM
So here's the long story, sorry if it's a little bloated:
I am 27, and my ex is 20. We had been dating for 2 years. We met at work and started, at first, a very casual relationship, but within the first six months, we both fell VERY hard in love. The age difference wasn't an issue (I thought) because she was very mature for her age, having had lead a more experienced life than me. She had already been in love (he was killed, which she never got over) and had travelled a lot, etc.
Meanwhile, I was still living at home, and while I had a good job and good friends, led a pretty sheltered life. Never been in love before her, and never really wanted to. I was an only child from divorced parents, father estranged, and I didn't have good views on relationships. I was very poor to the girls in my life before her.
She changed everything and we had a great relationship, most of the time. We had our ups and downs but we had already decided that we were in this for life, and talked seriously about marriage, kids, and life plans.
In the last couple months, things weren't good, and neither of us were particularly happy all the time. We fought a lot, and she would nag me quite a bit, but in spite of the fights, I never wavered from my view that she was The One. Maybe I'm stubborn like that. I looked at this time as a speed bump we'd get through.
At the start of July, after a fight, she came to me and said that she couldn't "do this anymore" needed a break to get "her" life back. She said she lost herself in the relationship. She said she didn't want to be with anyone else and wanted to see where things would go. I was disappointed because this was happening at a time in my life when I got a new promotion at work (in other words way more responsibilities and stress) and got my own apartment downtown. So I was needing her support and felt abandoned. I told her that while I don't agree with breaks, if she needs it, fine, but to show me the respect of telling me if she either decides it's over for good or if she meets someone else. She agreed.
I was very dumb, and for the first few weeks of the "break" I didn't give her the space she asked for. I was very clingy, very needy, and would call often. She would take my calls, but would end up getting mad at me because I was basically rehashing the same things we'd spoken about. In the end, I think I drove her further away.
Two weekends ago, I was feeling very good about things, and was feeling ready to move on. However, I saw her out at the club, looking great, and fell into a deep depression. I went home right away, and for about 24 hours drank myself almost to death. In the midst of my drunkenness, I called her, sobbing, asking for her back. Obviously, it didn't work.
I woke up that Monday, surprisingly not as hung over as you'd think, and I had an awakening that she is the one, she's the girl I want to be with forever, and if I have to give her space to make that happen, then I will do it. I wrote her an email explaining my actions and apologizing for them, and letting her know they won't happen anymore, and she'll get the space she's asking for. I poured my heart and soul into this email, and while I didn't ask for a response or ask any questions, I genuinely thought, if she had any hope for us, she'd say SOMETHING, anything, in return.
Nope. Nothing.
The other day, a mutual friend spoke with her and asked what she was doing and what she wanted, and reported back to me (I didn't put her up to it) My ex said she just wanted to be alone and was tired of being in a relationship. When pressed if its over, she kept saying "if that's what he wants", putting the onus on me. She doesn't call me. Doesn't make an effort. Deleted pictures of our Cuba trip off her Facebook.
I am really coming to the conclusion that it is over but she just doesn't want to tell me. It hurt so much to admit that after all this, but aren't all the signs saying so.
I am having a very hard time letting go. This is the only girl I have ever loved, and as pathetic as it seems, the only one I can ever see loving. I put so much time and energy into this relationship that I want to FIGHT for it, but she isn't fighting even a little.
I made a promise to myself not to call her anymore, and I am sticking to it, but it is very difficult. Every day I look at my phone, hoping she'll call. I am beginning to reach the point where I don't even think she'll call to say hi.
Any advice?
I am 27, and my ex is 20. We had been dating for 2 years. We met at work and started, at first, a very casual relationship, but within the first six months, we both fell VERY hard in love. The age difference wasn't an issue (I thought) because she was very mature for her age, having had lead a more experienced life than me. She had already been in love (he was killed, which she never got over) and had travelled a lot, etc.
Meanwhile, I was still living at home, and while I had a good job and good friends, led a pretty sheltered life. Never been in love before her, and never really wanted to. I was an only child from divorced parents, father estranged, and I didn't have good views on relationships. I was very poor to the girls in my life before her.
She changed everything and we had a great relationship, most of the time. We had our ups and downs but we had already decided that we were in this for life, and talked seriously about marriage, kids, and life plans.
In the last couple months, things weren't good, and neither of us were particularly happy all the time. We fought a lot, and she would nag me quite a bit, but in spite of the fights, I never wavered from my view that she was The One. Maybe I'm stubborn like that. I looked at this time as a speed bump we'd get through.
At the start of July, after a fight, she came to me and said that she couldn't "do this anymore" needed a break to get "her" life back. She said she lost herself in the relationship. She said she didn't want to be with anyone else and wanted to see where things would go. I was disappointed because this was happening at a time in my life when I got a new promotion at work (in other words way more responsibilities and stress) and got my own apartment downtown. So I was needing her support and felt abandoned. I told her that while I don't agree with breaks, if she needs it, fine, but to show me the respect of telling me if she either decides it's over for good or if she meets someone else. She agreed.
I was very dumb, and for the first few weeks of the "break" I didn't give her the space she asked for. I was very clingy, very needy, and would call often. She would take my calls, but would end up getting mad at me because I was basically rehashing the same things we'd spoken about. In the end, I think I drove her further away.
Two weekends ago, I was feeling very good about things, and was feeling ready to move on. However, I saw her out at the club, looking great, and fell into a deep depression. I went home right away, and for about 24 hours drank myself almost to death. In the midst of my drunkenness, I called her, sobbing, asking for her back. Obviously, it didn't work.
I woke up that Monday, surprisingly not as hung over as you'd think, and I had an awakening that she is the one, she's the girl I want to be with forever, and if I have to give her space to make that happen, then I will do it. I wrote her an email explaining my actions and apologizing for them, and letting her know they won't happen anymore, and she'll get the space she's asking for. I poured my heart and soul into this email, and while I didn't ask for a response or ask any questions, I genuinely thought, if she had any hope for us, she'd say SOMETHING, anything, in return.
Nope. Nothing.
The other day, a mutual friend spoke with her and asked what she was doing and what she wanted, and reported back to me (I didn't put her up to it) My ex said she just wanted to be alone and was tired of being in a relationship. When pressed if its over, she kept saying "if that's what he wants", putting the onus on me. She doesn't call me. Doesn't make an effort. Deleted pictures of our Cuba trip off her Facebook.
I am really coming to the conclusion that it is over but she just doesn't want to tell me. It hurt so much to admit that after all this, but aren't all the signs saying so.
I am having a very hard time letting go. This is the only girl I have ever loved, and as pathetic as it seems, the only one I can ever see loving. I put so much time and energy into this relationship that I want to FIGHT for it, but she isn't fighting even a little.
I made a promise to myself not to call her anymore, and I am sticking to it, but it is very difficult. Every day I look at my phone, hoping she'll call. I am beginning to reach the point where I don't even think she'll call to say hi.
Any advice?