Basically I'm at my wits end.

Due to medical problems my partner and I haven't had sex for over 3 years... we have been together 5 years in December. I am 24 he is 23.

I have tried everything to fix it, even had surgery a couple of months ago with no luck. I tried to 'test the waters' tonight and still nothing much bigger than tampon can go in without serious pain.

We have talked about it and he said he is fine with it as long as we do 'other stuff' meaning oral. But honestly a) I'm not a big fan of oral unless it's a build up to sex and b) I don't want to do anything, I just have zero libido.

Can relationship survive without sex? And what can I do to try and at least give him some sort of satisfaction without forcing myself to do something I don't want to?

At the moment I can't see a doctor due to financial reasons, plus I really don't have much faith in them any more.

It all depends on how disproportionate the sex drives are. If they are quite different than it will forever be a sticking point.

A relationship can survive without sex. If both partners can find a way to deal with their sexuality. Oral as you provided for example. It is hard and only really strong relationship tend to survive this.

My story. My girlfriend had a similar issue, read about it here (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-sexuality/vaginal-penetration-painful-431414.html), and things had gotten better. There were communication issues in the relationship, but lack of sex was the other reason it fell apart. It hurt her, 1 or 2 on a scale of 10, and because of the fact it will hurt and the fear that it would hurt, she had no libido. I figure you're probably in the same boat.

I don't have good news, we broke up a week ago.

I view sex as a large part of a relationship. If I am not getting it then there has to be a good reason why not. This is my opinion and my view nothing else. The hard part here is that the door was open for two years and now it has been shut for three. It is hard to go from regular to nothing. It is almost better to start at nothing and stay there so that they is no expectations.

Advice: This is a hard one. Communication. Beginning to end. Make sure he knows that you don't want to do anything. Making concessions to him will work, but don't let him bully you into it. Only do what you're comfortable with. There are other alternatives to penetrations and I am sure you have encountered those.

I think seeing how important sex is to the relationship from the view of your partner is a good first step. It is a part of your relationship but it isn't all of it. She where he is and where you are. Maybe you can survive until the solution comes. Maybe not.

I wish you the best of luck.

You can never go wrong with a good ol' hand-job. Aside from that, I'm out of ideas.


Can relationship survive without sex? And what can I do to try and at least give him some sort of satisfaction without forcing myself to do something I don't want to?

I don't see why not, and since he stuck with you this long I would have to say the outlook is good, but it's such a personal question only you can answer that one.

Thanks guys... I know it depends on us and our relationship, which I believe apart from this issue is very good. Time will tell I guess.
I know what you mean about the door suddenly closing, we went from every day just about to absolutely nothing. Maybe that door just whacked me a little too hard.

I know sex isn't the be-all and end-all for him, but he needs at least some sort of sexual contact. Not long ago he was in a grumpy mood and declared his least favourite word is 'no' because it's all I seem to say lately.
I try not to get mad but it's just so frustrating sometimes.

You know there are three different orifices on a woman. If one is out of order for legitimate medical reasons... there are two more.

If lack of sex will kill a relationship or not is really determined by the individuals involved. Its just not as important to some people as it is to others. There is no one size fits all answer to that question.