Hi my name is yesenia... im getting married in dec but my boyfriend mom does not like me because I had an abortion? Will that be a problem in my relationship?

It could be. What is your boyfriend's relationship like with his mother? Is he close to her? Would he want to be spending some holidays and visits with his mother and family?

Well its good between them is just his mom is kind of weird with him sometimes.yes he would like to spend some holidays wit her.

You're not marrying the mother in
Law, you are marrying her son.

I would respect her feelings and if you can't it's going to be hard at
Family functions.

Was it his child you aborted? If it was she may never come around.
Think carefully if you're ready for this.

That is true I'm marrying her son. Yes it was his child.yeah I understand she don't talk to me at all it does not bother me I just don't want him to have problems with her because of me.. but yet I really do love him and I am planning to marry him still.

Well its good between them is just his mom is kind of weird with him sometimes.yes he would like to spend some holidays wit her.

that is true im marrying her son. yes it was his child.yeah i understand she dont talk to me at all it does not bother me i just dont want him to have problems with her because of me..but yet i really do love him and i am planning to marry him still.

Then marry him. Why did you have an abortion if you were getting married? Why did you tell her?

Think ahead... how will those family gatherings be if you attend? Would you expect your boyfriend to go without you or stay home? Do you live close by to his mother?

Do you know for sure she doesn't like you? What makes you think that? Was he in agreement to the abortion? Was this fairly recent?

Would it be possible to sit down with him and his mother and have a talk about what you are thinking and feeling?

Then if he is going to marry you despite his mother's feelings he's going to have to deal with his mother. That is going to put a lot of stress on the marriage.
I don't understand why she is not upset with him if it was his baby.
Was the choice just yours or did he want the abortion too?

I just thought it was the right thing to do because I talked to one of my cousins and since she had done it in the past I just got her advice.

Does your mother know you were in agreement with this?

Think ahead.....how will those family gatherings be if you attend? Would you expect your boyfriend to go without you or stay home? Do you live close by to his mother?

Do you know for sure she doesn't like you? What makes you think that? Was he in agreement to the abortion? Was this fairly recent?

Would it be possible to sit down with him and his mother and have a talk about what you are thinking and feeling?

Yes I do know he told me and I can't go to his house at all.yes he was okay with me having the abortion but he didn't tell his mother he was okay with it.this happen like a month ago.I really hope it could happen and she could understand.


Does your mother know you were in agreement with this?

No my mom doesn't even know I was pregnant.

Does your mother know you were in agreement with this?

So you had an abortion because you felt it was the right thing to do?
Your cousin said it was the right ting to do?

Did you ask your fiancé what he thought?

Then if he is going to marry you despite his mother's feelings he's going to have to deal with his mother. That is going to put a lot of stress on the marriage.
I don't understand why she is not upset with him if it was his baby.
Was the choice just yours or did he want the abortion too?

Because she doesn't know he was okay with it.I told him about it and first he told me no.then I asked him again and said okay.


How should I tell my father I'm getting married?and my mother is okay with it?

Then he needs to clear up that point with his mother. It is not right that you take the heat in this by yourself, and he should not let you.
I just hope he didn't tell his mother that you did it without his knowledge.
He may be your problem, not her.


how should i tell my father im getting married?and my mother is okay with it?
I don't think you ought to get married until you get this business with your future mother in law straightened out.
How old are you two?

because she doesnt know he was okay with it.i told him about it and first he told me no.then i asked him again and said okay.

I can see your mother in laws side of it. If you two were getting married you had her grandchild aborted. Why?

From your perpective you must have had a very good reason to think you had to have an abortion. I'm trying to understand why? If you marry this man and hope to be accepted by his mother, it may not happen.

You have to do what is going to make you and your boyfriend happy.

Just my opinion.

So you had an abortion because you felt it was the right thing to do?
Your cousin said it was the right ting to do?

Did you ask your fiancé what he thought?

Yes and yes.. he wasn't okay with it but then again he took me.


I don't think you ought to get married until you get this business with your future mother in law straightened out.
How old are you two?

20 and 22


Then he needs to clear up that point with his mother. It is not right that you take the heat in this by yourself, and he should not let you.
I just hope he didn't tell his mother that you did it without his knowledge.
He may be your problem, not her.

That is true.. I should talk to him before anything.. thank you I feel much better.

Good. Let us know how it goes.
I wish you well.

How old are the two of you? How long have you been dating?

I disagree with one of Kit's posts. When you marry, you marry the entire family. While you may live with your husband, his family becomes yours as well.

I think her problem may be her boyfriend. I'm thinking he has put all of this on her and made himself the innocent one.

how should I tell my father I'm getting married?and my mother is okay with it?


You should not get married until you get that other situation straighten out.



*Edited after the threads were merged.- T

that is true..i should talk to him before anythin..thank you i feel much better.


There you go... get it sorted out. He really needs to let his mother know he was aware of the abortion. Curious as to how she found out when your mother doesn't even know you were pregnant?

It would be good if the two of you spoke with her together. As was said, it is not fair of him to not be honest with his mother and allow her to assume it was all on you. If he won't do it... and I can certainly understand his not wanting her to be mad at him, but if he won't "man-up" to his part in it, he is not ready for the commitment of marriage.

If you two feel mature enough to marry, then you need to be mature enough to deal with any problems head on.

I also agree with what J_9 said about marrying the family. If he was not in contact with his family that would be different, but that isn't the case here and you certainly don't need the added stress of his mother being uninformed and not liking you when you are starting a marriage.

Good luck... I know it won't be easy, but it is necessary.

Seems you have more problems than just his Mom. Why do you ask how to tell your father?

I have to say if you choose to do this , your life is not going to be easy.

I think your husband may just be a mommas boy and is letting you take all the blame for this.

He didn't tell his mom he was OK with the abortion, he took you to get the abortion and he is allowing his mother to believe he's blameless.

You need to think long and hard about this because he is apparently taking the high road and leaving you to wolves.

I hope you choose wisely and take to heart what you have been told by the experts.

Is it not tradition that he be the one to ask for your fathers permission to marry you??

Sit down, have a long talk with him. He needs to find his balls and tell his Mom his part in the abortion.

If he allows this to go on and doesn't say anything, you are in for a world of trouble with his family.

As Doula C and J_9 said, you do marry the family as much as you may not want to believe that. People are different, if I don't care for someone I don't go around them and vice versa.

My first mother in law was in my words "satans sister". I spent very little time around her. When we did get together it was very uncomfortable for me and for her.

She upheld her son in every thing he did and made excuses for him.
Had I known that before I married him , I don't know whether I would have married him.

Tell your fiancé to step up to the plate and go to bat for you. See what he says.

I don't understand why your getting married and you don't know how to tell your father.

You made the choice to take a little life. What's worse then that? Tell your father then.

Can I ask why you had the abortion?

I dont understand why your getting married and you dont know how to tell your father.

You made the choice to take a little life. Whats worse then that? Tell your father then.

Can I ask why you had the abortion?

I would like to know also. Why in the world would you have an aborton if he and you were planning on getting married? Why did he tell his Mom about it? Why do you dread telling your father?:confused:

Oh dear. Well you have to be nice to her, as nice as you can possibly be! Then maybe she will like you, or you can put it the other way, and not take any notice of her, be mean to her, which is difficult because she's your mum and you don't want to hurt her. But, if you don't take any notice of her, then she won't stand in your way. Come on!! You are a STRONG woman. A woman who takes charge!! DON'T LET ANYTHING STAND IN YOUR WAY!! ;) YOU GO GET MARRIED!! IT'S YOUR LIFE, YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!!


I hope this information has been of some assistance to you, if not, please do not comment.Thank you.

Oh dear. Well you have to be nice to her, as nice as you can possibly be! then maybe she will like you, or you can put it the other way, and not take any notice of her, be mean to her, which is difficult because she's your mum and you don't want to hurt her. But, if you don't take any notice of her, then she won't stand in your way. Come on!!! You are a STRONG woman. A woman who takes charge!!!!! DON'T LET ANYTHING STAND IN YOUR WAY!!!!! ;) YOU GO GET MARRIED!!!!!! IT'S YOUR LIFE, YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!!!!


I hope this information has been of some assistance to you, if not, please do not comment.Thank you.

Watch your dates as this is an old post.