I am 51, my exgirlfriend is 49. I have a daughter who is 18, she has no kids. I live 1 hour and 15 minutes from her. I met my girlfriend on Sept 26th 2009. We both agreed it was the perfect date. We got very emotionally close quickly. The physical part came about a month later. I have been divorced for 11 years. She was in a verbally abusive marriage for 19 years. She had finally initiated a divorce from her husband. A few weeks later, she went grocery shopping, when she returned home, her husband had died of a heart atatck. He was 46 years old, he died Aug 6th, 2006. She had tremendous guilt and shut down from most everyone for 3 years. When I met her Sept 26, 2009, she got very close to me. We had a beautiful relationship, 95% of the time. We always held hands wherever we went. I would stay at her house on Tues nights and Fri nights. Saturday we would stay at my house, often times having dinner with my daughter and her boyfriend. I have a great relationship with my daughter. Always have, always will.

My ex girlfriend told me that for 17 out of the 19 years of marriage she would sleep on the couch. My Mom passed away suddenly on Jan 30th of 2010. I had a lot of guilt. Mostly because when I met my ex girlfriend Sept 26, 2009 until my Mom passed on Jan 30th 2010, I didn't visit my Mom as much. My Mom lived about 45 min from me. If I had told my ex girlfriend that I would go visit my Mom on Sat morning instead of going to my ex girlfriend house on Friday evening, I know that would hurt her. A couple times I told my ex girlfriend, how about if we go visit my Mom for a couple hours, it never happened. My ex would like to start drinking beer about 2:00 pm on wekends. Naturally I joined her. We had fun together. With the guilt of my Mom passing, I didn't call my ex girlfriend in the month of June 2010. I also missed her birthday on June 15th. My ex girlfriend was at my daughter high school graduation on May 30th 2009. May 31st we had a bad day. I woke up around 6am and I went outside on my deack to have a cup of coffee. She woke up and came outside to the deck. She said get back to bed, it's the weekend, what are you doing up already. I said Im thinking about us, and my daughter graduation high school yesterday, and my Dad (May 31 was his birthday). He passed away ion 1994 and of course I was thinking about my Mom who never missed anything my daughter was involved in. It wasn't the same at the gradualtion ceremony. Of course, I was missing my Mom.

Anyway, I feel like crap about not calling my ex girlfriend in June. I just shut down not only from her, but from everyone. When I called her July 1st, she had started dating someone. I saw my ex girlfriend about 5 times in July. We were as close as always not from a sesual standpoint. Just lots of hugging and kissing. We had a great day on July 18th. I bought her all kinds of birthday presents and she tried on all the tops I got her while sitting next to me on the couch. She is comfortable with me. We went to the Goo Goo Dools concert on July 20th. She and I agreed it was the perfect evening. We slept together that night. Just lots of closeness, no sex, I thought sex would just make her run. Sex wasn't important to me. Kissing and hugging was way more important. She told me many times that she loves me that night, and of course I tld her I love her too. July 21st, we texted at work, and we agreed it was abeautiful when we 'check in' with one another at work. She invited me over July 23 for tacos and I was going to bring a fruit salad. Sat morning I was going to meet her brother for the 1st time. I was so looking forward to it.

However, Thursday July 22nd she said our weekend was off and that she was dating someone. I knew about this guy she had met, but I wasn't convinced she was crazy about him. I asked her if she would go away with me for a weekend, just me and her. At first she agreed, then she withdrew and said no. She said she wsa afraid I would at some point 'shut down' on her again at some point. I told her that would never happen again, it doesn't matter who dies that I know. She doesn't trust me. She does like to drink a lot. She always said her husband was a big drinker too. She refers to herself as a party girl. She had 3 miscariages when she was married. She was close to her Dad. When her Dad died, her Mom moved to Houston. My ex girlfriend felt abandoned. She has no relationship with one of her sisiters who lives in Texas. Her other sister lives in Ohio and they talk a few times a year. Shs talks to her brother a few times a year as well. He lives 45 minutes from her.

My ex girlfriend (I'll call her Beth). I have been in very few relationships since my divorce 11 years ago. Mostly, I would cook dinner for my daughter and just make sure I was always here for her. I was always a Dad first. Since I met Beth, she taught me how to have fun. I enjoy my miller lite just like Beth, but it would bother me that when we went out to a restaurant to eat and drink that when we got back to either her house or my house, she would just keep drinking. She is not a big girl. Only 5' 3" and weights 106 pounds. She always needed me. When I didn't call her the month of June, it broke her heart. My friends tell me to not contact her, but I do love her very much. Nobody is perfect, her or I. I think I need to give her space, I know that, but it is so hard.

This man she is seeing lives 45 minutes from her. He has a 11 year old boy. He has his son for 2 weeks, then not for 2 weeks, then 2 weeks, then not for two weeks. I just don't see how Beth would put up with this. She demands more time than this, I know that. I have more freedoms now that I ever had. My daughter is 18 and will be in college in a couple weeks. At the beginning of July she said she was confused. She is afraid of going away with me for a weekend because she is afraid she will get 'weak.'? Not sure what that means. I promised her there would be no sex if she was incomfortable with that. I would have honored that. I am a man of my word. I know her guard is up with me, but there were so many mixed messages she sent me in July. Once I was convinced she wouldn't go away with me for a weekend, I sent her the link where I was going to take her. It was a very romantic setting and I told her I was going to give her a 2 carat marquis engagement ring. I told her to think of it as a commitment ring because I know marriage would make her run. I really screwed up. I shouldn't have told her I was going to give her a 'comittment' ring. I made her run.

She told me a couple days ago, to move on in life and that she is dating someone. I'm devastated. I have done everything I can think of in the month of July to get her back. The few times we were together we had fun, each time more fun than the previous time. I think she is scared, I know I need to let her go, but it is so hard. Please offer any advice to me. Beth consumes my mind. In all my 51 years, this is the hardest time. I am at peace with my Moms passing in Jan, but not over losing my sweet Beth.

Art

Hi Op my condolences on losing your Mum.

I think you need to go NC, or No Contact, and let this woman go and let yourself heal, it seems she doesn't have any real idea of where she's going, and neither do you, she's told you she's seeing someone else, so leave it at that, she is in a new relationship, you and she are over, please go no contact and let yourself heal, Good Luck

You can't make her love you again.
Leave her alone and try to find peace.

Hey there,

Your situation sounds tough because like you said you love her so much and you can't bear to let go. But, you said you've done everything you can think of to try and win her back. And it hasn't worked? She's told you that she's met someone else. That must be really hard to hear, especially due to your feelings for her, but clearly she wants to move on. There's nothing more YOU can do.

I agree with PositiveParent above - as hard as it is, you need to find a way to bring closure to this by not contacting her anymore and trying your hardest to carry on. You will think about her all the time, miss her a lot, and feel urges to call her, but what's the point, she's with somebody else and isn't interested anymore? It would be best for YOU to try your hardest to keep yourself busy with other things, and begin to envision a positive future, without her unfortunately.

Every situation is different, but I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years who I loved dearly a couple of months ago, and it has been so hard but by not contacting each other it's given us both the best chance of moving on. It could take weeks/months even a year, and the pain is always there, I still think of him every day and love him a lot, but I know it's best as our circumstances won't allow us to be together right now.

Best of luck, I hope you do what's right for you. :)

Total NC. You will get over this and there will be someone else.
No rebounds, give yourself time to heal.

I do wonder in the month you did not call her, did she also not call you also ? Did you always have to do the calling.

But it has happened, and you will have to end contact and just give it time

Sorry for all you have been through, it had to be tough, but seeing she is seeking her happiness with another you should bow out gracefully and move forward with your life.

You found her, you will find another, and over time will be at peace with losing your ex.

Guess she couldn't handle your emotional zoning out. Learn the lesson for next time. Read the stickies (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/) at the beginning of this forum for some good tips on how to survive a break up. Read them all!

I do hope you take the advice.
I realize you are hurting and you most likely feel as though you will never get over it.

You will. It will take time. There is
Someone out there and I hope in time you will meet her.