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View Full Version : Balance between needy and careless?


Vazzago
Dec 19, 2006, 11:28 PM
I have been doing some reading around this site, which I thank God I found about a needy behavior, but it still get me into trouble aplying it on the practice.

Sometimes I don't understand my girl because she's tell me that I don't care too much, that she need to be with me more, doing more things together -we do lots already-, that she would like me to call her every morning, that I should visit her to her classes, and the list go on and on. But the fact is when I call her or do many things on the list, I start to sense a cocky reaction on her. This is actually making me crazy. I don't know how to balance this situation.

We just had a big fight and we split apart for 3 days, and she come back to me, with a very nice and tender behavior. She was very emotional and I liked that. We talk about problems and our relationship needs. But the next day, that nice and tender treat of her just disapers, and that's when I feel she put me a stop on my growing tender giving. I start to ask her why she can't be lovely like yesterday, she just answer with some excuse like -im tired, I'm sleepy, I have some problems, etc,etc- Don't get me wrong she doesn't treat me bad but this changes on her are messing with my emotions. And I don't like to play games, I mean, if I start to behavie kind of cold, she would react and so... I don't like those games. Why we just can be smart and more stable or we just have to play all those games -until death tears us appart- so we can feel our emotional needs from our partners fulfilled?

Open discusion here, please help:confused:

talaniman
Dec 20, 2006, 06:45 AM
Part of love is accepting them for who they are, not what you want them to be. She has mood swings and can be emotional . Hey that's who she is and guess what as she grows older she will be changing even more. Can you keep up with those changes? Can she keep up with yours for that matter? That's what makes a good relationship, growing together.

4answers
Dec 20, 2006, 10:03 AM
If you have a queen that tells you what she wants, in a list of verbally and you do all that she wants are you not then her servant!! It appears that the only reason you do not jump as high as she asks is because you physically cant.

Ouch ! Sounds harsh, Now reverse the roles 100%

Your with a girl and everything you tell her to do she does, Boring,, no challenge... no fun,, no exitement...

Really sorry to be blunt, but you need your own life as well as hers and then you meet and add to each others lives. I suggest you re read your post. When I do the things on the list!! ROMANCE ROMANCE ROMANCE, SPONTINATY, Surprise, EXCITEMENT.

Do things not on the list, do things from the heart. That is what she is telling you. Women are emotional creatures and what they want emotionaly is not rational, because emotions are not rational. So she can't tell you rationally. That why we can't understand them... lol.

4answers
Dec 20, 2006, 10:06 AM
The trick is to be everything she wants, romantic, loving, charming, BUT not to be available?? Confused...

Challenge. She has a guy who is everything she wants, but she is not fully convinced he will remain hers. She will want you more.

However at the moment she has a guy who is a lap dog, no wonder she is cocky !

Vazzago
Dec 20, 2006, 01:24 PM
Ouchhhhh!!

Vazzago
Dec 20, 2006, 01:44 PM
1st act: we talked the previous day to have a passionate afternoon the next day

2nd act: I told her, I would call her around 10 am on my office break

3th act: I didn't call her 10 sharp, she call me 10:30 dissapointed and emotional -I told her that I was busy with some paper work and I was going to call her on 10 minutes after she call me.

4th act: I call her in the afternoon to pick her up, sudently, she was unavailble.. I said OK, call me back when you are done, I would have to do something else.

5th act: she responds -nooo, you call me later-- and I just said --baby, you are the one who is busy right now, how should I know when you are avaible--

6th act: she got more mad and said: OK OK what ever I call you right

7th act: she couldn't make it and later in the night, she was kind of cold and cocky with me over the phone

8th act: I felt dissapointed and needy, that I wanted to asked her if she miss me

So, then she claims that its sad we couldn't spend our romantic afternoon together, and I just don't what to say to her. I want to blame her because her unorganizaded schedulle management and for been cocky, but that would start a fight.

Where was my mistake here?? On this little example.. I don't like to feel her cocky behaviour because it's starting to affect my feelings for her.

Regardly,

The lap dog :)

talaniman
Dec 20, 2006, 03:25 PM
Whatever you two think your doing, it ain't working. If you can't sit and talk about it then do yourselves a favor and stop this back and forth power struggle and blame game. Relationships aren't supposed to make you miserable, you know, so maybe a separation, or move on.

Geoffersonairplane
Dec 20, 2006, 03:41 PM
Only immature people play mind games with people. I am not suggesting that this is what you are but you are caught up in a situation where mind games are at the forefront of it, whether you like it or not. Basically, you are being dragged into what you don't (or may not) want to play part of.

I hate mind games, and try to distance myself from people who try those tactics on me and personally if I were you, I would be inclined to feel the same.

However, if you really care for her, then these issues need to be addressed..

Communication is key...

So communicate or walk away!!