My husband of 15 yrs was recently convicted of 3rd degree assault on a minor, and is now a registered sex offender. We have 2 teen aged boys. He and his mother decided that the kids should stay with his parents until his probation officer decides to let him have contact with them again (we don't know when that will be). I did not want them to go, but I was not given a say in the matter. I have decided that I want a divorce, but he will not give me one, because he wants me to stay around so I can be his chaperon when probation gives him the okay with being around the kids again. My question is, I am going to leave town, this Saturday, and I'm going to his parents (who live in a neighboring state) and I'm getting my kids, and I'm leaving town, probably the state. I want to know if there is anything that his parents can do to stop me. I have never given up any custodial rights to them, and I have a clean criminal record.

How did your in-laws take the kids out of state? Were you at work? (I would have called the police. That was kidnapping.)

Do you have a lawyer?

This is a very small town we live in, and I am scared to talk to anyone, even if they say things are confidential. I was TOLD this is what would happen, and I HAD to go along with it. Please understand what I mean when I say it that way. Yes, I have found my guts, and am standing up to all of them. I am going to be walking away from my job, my home, everything.

You can go and pick your kids up. When you go take copies of their birth certificates. If the parents interfere, call the police, show them you are the boys mother and that the grandparents do not have guardianship.

However, do NOT move out of state with them. Go back to your city and get an aprtment and file for divorce (probably best to file before you pick up that children). If you move away he may be able to compel you to return.

What do you mean "compel"? I am not coming back once I go. If he crosses any state lines without the okay from probation he's in trouble again. I am scared to be in the same town/state with him OR his parents. Restraining orders DON'T help. The only way I would return would be if a judge told me I had to, but with him a sex offender now, I think that's doubtful.

I don't. Two wrongs don't make a right. Until and unless a court terminates his parental rights, he still has joint legal custody. Just as he was wrong in removing the children from your custody, you would be wrong in removing them from his. If you want things to go your way in court, you can't defy the law.

At the very least, before you take any action, consult a Family Law attorney to determine your rights, and what the law allows.

What do you mean "compel"? I am not coming back once I go.
Your husband will be able to go after you for kidnapping then, if you cross state lines.

Does he even have parental rights still if probation has stipulated that he cannot have ANY contact with his children at all? Nothing. He can't even get letters from them. He is a very mean person. I do have evidence of this that I have been holding onto for the right time. There is nothing stopping him from breaking into my home one night and killing me. No one would find me for months! That is how much he has cut me off from everyone who could help me in this situation. So I'm doing it on my own. I also know that if I bring this to the attention of his probation officer, he will take it out on me, hence another reason I have to leave.

Does he even have parental rights still if probation has stipulated that he cannot have ANY contact with his children at all?
Yes.

Isn't there anyone you can trust? Even in a nearby town or city?

Why would his PO be against you? ***ADDED*** I got your antecedents confused with each other. How would he hear anything from the PO officer?

And I still don't understand why your in-laws have such power over you. And why you didn't think you could resist.

No, she wouldn't be against me, but make HIS life more miserable, which he will take out on me. He has been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. I hope that explains some of what I'm too scared to type.
We are not from this state originally. Moved here for his job, which he lost with the conviction.

He has been lying to her about many things, to include the fact that his parents do on occasion bring the kids up here to see HIM in secret. His PO thinks our marriage is fine, though she has never spoken to me.

Unless his parental rights were permanently terminated then he still has them. I understand your concerns, but if you want to make this stick then you have to do it right. You can't run away and hide. The law will come down on you if you do. You have to do it through the courts.

If you can prove he is a danger to the children then you may be able to get his rights terminated. But, again, you have to do it right. Consult an attorney BEFORE you take action.

He has been lieing to her about many things, to include the fact that his parents do on occasion bring the kids up here to see HIM in secret. His PO thinks our marriage is fine, though she has never spoken to me.
I agree with Scott. You definitely need to consult with a family law attorney and get his/her help. And I do understand totally about the narcissism (and am sure there is more than that).

OK. I understand. And yes, there is "more than just that".

ok. I understand. And yes, there is "more than just that".
If we can help -- literally and actually help, say, to find a lawyer or whatever -- let us (me) know. I'm dealing with a narcissistic, manipulative, controlling sister-in-law right now and a distraught 87 y/o mother, so I hear you.

I would greatly appreciate any help that I could find.

I would greatly appreciate any help that I could find.
Are you near a large town or city that would have family lawyers who would be unbiased and whom you would trust?

Wyoming

I wouldn't say yes, but don't know if I should say no either. I do know that we found out after his trial, that our defense attorney golfs every Sunday afternoon with the judge who presided over proceedings.

I wouldn't say yes, but don't know if I should say no either. I do know that we found out after his trial, that our defense attorney golfs every Sunday afternoon with the judge who presided over proceedings.
I know from ethics classes when I was studying to be a counselor that golfing together shouldn't make a difference in how one practices a profession. Do you think it did?

I don't know if it did or not. But spilling my guts to anyone in this town bothers me a lot. I don't know who it will get back to. I'm just not comfortable talking to anyone here. I can't explain the bad feelings I get from thinking about that. I just know I'm not safe here.
What are you a counselor of? If you don't mind me asking.

What are you a counselor of? If you don't mind me asking.
Check my Profile for info about me.

So what can you do to find a lawyer?

I have looked at some that were on the list you sent me, and sent emails to them using a secure name and email. I guess I have to start there. My other issue is how to get away without him knowing what I'm doing, to talk to one for a consultation.

My other issue is how to get away without him knowing what I'm doing, to talk to one for a consultation.

Doesn't he work? Don't you have to go out to do shopping etc. If the children aren't at home you should have plenty of time.

He does work, finally. But insists that I answer or reply in a timely manner to any and all phone calls/text even at work. Fortunately my employer understands my situation, what little I have revealed to her. HE is the king... and requires a run down of the days events every night. I'm in hell here...

HE is the king..........and requires a run down of the days events every night. I'm in hell here........
Has he ever hurt you physically? What if he doesn't like your answers?

He has, in the past. He's too scared for me to go to work now with marks on my face. If he doesn't like my answers he belittles me until I feel like crap about myself/the world in general, and blame myself for being a screw up and not doing what I was told to do in the first place. Now do you see the narcissm? I know now that I am an instiator for his illness, and I have to stop it. When I tell him no, or not to talk to me that way, he does threaten me with physical harm. His mother does too. They have been my bullies for 15 yrs. It's going to end now. Doing more research online, and a few places are saying that I can take the kids out of the state if I want, and wait out residency there, then file for divorce.

Doing more research online, and a few places are saying that I can take the kids out of the state if I want, and wait out residency there, then file for divorce.
Be sure you know what you're doing, or you could lose your kids forever.

I will talk to an attorney before I do anything. I will.

You need to contact a shelter or support group for battered women. They can advise you better on the legalities. I don't know what sites are telling you that you can take the kids and wait out residency and then file, but I don't buy it. If you take the kids from his parents house and disappear you WILL be guilty of parental kidnapping. And that will not look good.

Yes, I would say that you need an attorney NOW, and that the kids should be with YOU, and if husband needs to be somewhere else he should be at his mom, That to me was mistake one, or even letting him back after all of this.

But you have a lot of rights, you need to start using them and doing what has to be done

I don't know what sites are telling you that you can take the kids and wait out residency and then file, but I don't buy it. If you take the kids from his parents house and disappear you WILL be guilty of parental kidnapping. And that will not look good.

The part about leaving the state and setting up residence is true. But there is a caveat to it. It can be done so long as "he" doesn't file before the residency requirement is met. Until such time they have equal rights to the child and there is nothing that can be done. Also if Im understanding correctly, the children currently are living out of state at the parents house. If they have been out of state long enough there may be a way to get a protective order in place in that state so long as they (the children) have met the residency requirement. Either way this case can be complicated very quickly and as Scott has said you really need the legal advice of a professional in your area. We can only provide generalities because we don't know enough about your situation and would never ask you to reveal it here because of safety concerns. Find a lawyer as quick as you can and get out of this mess.