My Wonderful Husband died just under 2 days ago, Ive had members of my family die before, and seemed to cope fairly well,however with this I don't know what to do with myself, I feel lost alone, so sad, Ive got 3 Sons 1 aged 4 1 aged 13, I also have another older Son who has taken my boys to his house until tomorrow, that's when the funeral is. I feel numb and as if Im in a sort of nightmare, I don't want to see other people really, I know they're being kind and thoughtful, but I don't know what to say to them.

I never thought any pain could be so hard, I can't seem to be bothered to do anything, I don't even want my boys around me, and yet I know they need me, I thought I was stronger than I am, now though I feel like a jibbering wreck, I know there's no normal "grief" and its different for everyone, I just don't know what to do, I feel like a zombie or something, as if Im going through the motions. I don't know what Im asking really, I am hoping someone can tell me or help me or say that why Im like this is normal, or to be expected.

I can't sleep or eat, I don't want to take part in life. Everything seems to be happening so fast. I feel like shutting myself away I don't want to face the world, or anything. I keep thinking Ill wake up and find its all a bad dream, but its not.

The 13 yr old isn't my Son he was from my Husbands previous Marriage, will they take him away from me. His mother signed away her parental rights but could she try to get him back now? He calls me his Mum though and Ive had him since he was 6-7. I regard him as mine though.

Did you legally adopt the son?

The grief site you posted so recently should be helpful and a comfort to you. As you said then, there are five stages. You may or may not pass through all five.

Everyone is different - I was totally numb and waited for months for my husband to come home. Sounds stupid but that's how it was. I simply couldn't believe it - and I was there, holding his hand, when he died.

There is no normal or not normal - you go through what you go through and you do whatever (I found) gets you through the night, so to speak.

Hang in there - several of us have been in your shoes and it's been different for all of us.

It's good that you have such strong family support.

I found that dealing with the "legal" aspects (the Will, etc.) kept me busy but kept my loss fresh. If someone else could help you with that aspect it would be easier for you in the long run.

Thank You Judykaytee, I did adopt my Husbands Son.

I too am waiting for him to come home, I look for him listen for him, I feel Im in a bad dream.
Ive got the will to deal with too, although my Husbands solicitor is dealing with all that I believe, it will be read sometime next week.

I too held my husbands hand in the ambulance but apparently he had already gone, he had a massive heart attack, he was only 39. He thought he had indigestion or heart burn, and the next minute he grabbed his chest and was unconscious. It happened so fast.

A widow who lost her husband quickly will tell you that's the hardest part, the suddenness. Those of us who sat at bedsides and talked about his impending death and then watched him happen will tell you that's the hardest way to lose a spouse.

If you have adopted the boy, you are his mother and no one/nothing can change that.

In the US the Will is not read. The Executor/Executrix gets it, admits it to probate. No big, dramatic reading - thank goodness.

My husband, incidentally, had 3 major heart attacks - it's not like you see on TV (as you well know).

Again - I'm sorry, so very sorry.

Thank You Again.

Yes I know what you mean about nothing like on T.V. the ambulance men/paramedics had to wait until the machine told them it was OK to move him before he could be taken to the hospital.

OMG Im going to go crazy, the undertakers have just brought ( well about an hour ago) my husband back to the house he is to be here over night, and all I want to do is go and get him.

There's a person from undertakers who will be here until another one relieves him at midnight, but the caskets open at the head part and won't be secured until the morning. I can't face it.

I so desperately want to go get him out of it.

This is very different from the US and what I experienced.

I can't imagine.

This is very different from the US and what I experienced.

I can't imagine.




It's really sad PP. Are people allowed to send flowers? I really am sorry.
How are the little boys? How are his parents? I hope you can get through this. You'll miss him and especially when or if you take the boys to San Tropez. It will probably do you good to get away although I know you will be thinking of him the whole time. I wish I had the words to tell you how I feel. I just don't know what to say.. . Thinking a lot about you... Kit

PP, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I can't imagine what you're going through, I'd be wreck, I don't know how you're doing it, you're a very strong person to be dealing with this, but still be able to come here, give advice to others.

Remember that this site is all about helping people. We're here to help you when and if you need it.

You and your children are in my thoughts.

This is really all I can offer as far as grief.

Coping with Grief and Loss: Support for Grieving and Bereavement (http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm)

I know it seems little.I am not very good around loss like this.

I hope we can help you any way possible,you are such a giving soul,now it's time for us to give to you:)

PP, I just want to extend my sincerest condolences to you. I can't imagine how you are feeling right now. Losing someone is never easy, and I am sure anything I could say would sound cliché. I just want you to know, you and your family are in my prayers.

No one can tell you what to do or say my friend. All I could suggest is that you take one step at a time. I am sorry this happened it is shattering I know. Bless you.

Stringer

Having my Husband in the house over night turned out to be quite a big comfort, I stayed with him all night talking to him holding his hands, telling him Ill always love him and miss him, His casket was sealed at 8:30am, just after that we left for the funeral, it was quiet peaceful, numb, unreal, I feel Im in a film or something, and Im watching it all.

This afternoon I set 2 whites doves free, (well they go back to the owner) but the symbolism was for my husband to be at peace.

I still can't get my head around how it seems to have all happened so fast, he was here on tues 3rd, died on 4th its only 6th today and yet hes in the family crypt now forever. It seems so unreal like a bad dream.

Thank You all for the messages and condolences, Once the Wills been read ( next Weds) I think I might take my boys to disneyland or similar, it might help, I dont want to go to st tropez itll be full of memories of last year, I think I need to get used to it first then confront the memories.

For now I can only take it one day at a time. I guess itll sink in eventually. I know he wouldnt want me to sit around moping, or to be unhappy, he would want me to smile, he used to love my smile, and I his.

Its the fact it was all so fast I can't get my head around, how one minute someones here and the next theyre gone. It given me a different outlook, Im going to make the best of my boys, and love them to death. So when I eventually go theyll have a mountain of happy memories.

Ive got that too but I can't face them just yet.

Again Thank You

Dear Marianne, I am so so sorry to hear this news, I have just sent you an email but wish to say again that if you need anybody to talk to at any time then I will always be here for you, as I'm sure will the people on this site.

I am amazed and inspired by your strength and I believe that you are a strong woman and will be there for your boys. Warmest hugs and sympathies, thinking of you. Katie

Dear Marianne, I am so so sorry to hear this news, I have just sent you an email but wish to say again that if you need anybody to talk to at any time then I will always be here for you, as I'm sure will the people on this site.

I am amazed and inspired by your strength and I believe that you are a strong woman and will be there for your boys. Warmest hugs and sympathies, thinking of you. Katie

Hi Katie Thank You for this message and the email, Im so pleased to hear from you. I lost Andrew on 4th weds, he was buried in family crypt on friday 6th August. Ill email you. Thanks Marianne

Im not strong its all an act a front, to mask the real me whose a wreck.

Hi PP,

Are the boys back with you now, or are they still with your older son? How are they handling things? Are they okay?

I can't imagine what you're going through, I know I'd be a wreck, emotionally and physically. Being with your boys should bring you strength right now, being with family helps. The motherly instinct to push aside our feelings, care for our children, can get us through a lot of hardships.

I'm still amazed at your strength. I know I wouldn't be in the mood to come online, answer other people's questions. I would be too absorbed in my grief to do that. You are a very strong person. That strength will see you through.

She's very strong - even joking to keep everyone else's spirits up. Everyone is different and I'm sure you remember what it was like for me. I think the suggestion to go to Disneyland is a good one - the kids will have a great time, it will get their minds off their grief.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-sexuality/like-oral-sex-but-dont-know-how-tell-husband-496136.html

Hi Alty, and Judy, by coming here it has been taking my mind off things mostly, my Boys are at the 13 yr olds grandparents until tomorrow, they were here though until yesterday.

Ive wanted to be alone mostly, to be honest I don't think its sunk in, my husbands body was here overnight on Thursday, and myself and the boys stayed with it all night, the funeral was Friday, I seem to be having trouble getting my head around the fact he was here on 3rd, died on 4th, and by the 6th he was in the crypt forever, it just seems it was all too fast. I don't understand how its possible.

Im dreadfully unhappy, and I don't know what Im supposed to do, So I think Im not accepting it or something, I don't know.

The boys will be back here tomorrow, but the beginning of September Adrian the 13 yr old goes back to school, he's a boarder, and the 4 yr old starts infants school, this house is way to big, I just don't know what's what. I want him back, I feel lost alone, and that's it is so unfair. Why?

She's very strong - even joking to keep everyone else's spirits up. Everyone is different and I'm sure you remember what it was like for me. I think the suggestion to go to Disneyland is a good one - the kids will have a great time, it will get their minds off their grief.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-sexuality/like-oral-sex-but-dont-know-how-tell-husband-496136.html


Wish I had her strength. I fall apart when one of the kids come home for a day or two and leave. You all know how emotional I can get. When my husband went to different places on his job.. I felt so sad without him and geeze he was only gone for a week , sometimes less. I'm not a strong person.when it comes to losing someone through death.if I were in pp place I would be in the hospital. Pp you keep it up. :)

Im not strong though I don't know what's what or if this is real a dream or what, I want this to be over and to wake up. I don't understaned how it happened so fast, he was here a week ago, now he's gone forever.

Im not strong though I dont know whats what or if this is real a dream or what, I want this to be over and to wake up. I dont understaned how it happened so fast, he was here a week ago, now hes gone forever.

He's in a better place. Hold on to that! Hold on to the fact he didn't suffer and you all had a final night together. Some people don't get that chance. :)

The thing is, without realising it you are being so strong, you say that inside you feel like you're a wreck, well it is totally normal to feel like you're falling apart right now, something very painful has happened and ANY reaction is a normal reaction. No matter how crazy or broken.

Yes it has happened so fast, I imagine it must feel like a big shock and frightening and that it doesn't seem to fit with reality. I don't want to say too much as I've never been in your situation so can only imagine how you feel, but we all are thinking about you and praying for you. It might take a while to come to terms with this and fully "accept" it like you say, but you need to go at your own pace and not worry about whether you're doing things right - whatever feels natural for you, do it. If you feel like screaming or crying, do it.. If you want to write pages and pages about your husband and how much you love him, do it. Much love x

He's in a better place. Hold on to that! Hold on to the fact he didn't suffer and you all had a final night together. Some people don't get that chance. :)

I agree but then some people live beyond 39, he didn't drink smoke take drugs, was a fitness fanatic, did hundreds of sit ups every day, jogged ran, did weights, was vegetarian, yet he died. What was the point ?

I agree but then some people live beyond 39, he didnt drink smoke take drugs, was a fitness fanatic, did hundreds of sit ups every day, jogged ran, did weights, was vegetarian, yet he died. what was the point ?

No one can answer that. Everyone grieves in different ways. It will hit you. Don't think about the hospital or the ambulance. Think about your last hours with him.

I agree but then some people live beyond 39, he didnt drink smoke take drugs, was a fitness fanatic, did hundreds of sit ups every day, jogged ran, did weights, was vegetarian, yet he died. what was the point ?

PP, death doesn't always have a point.

My parents exercised, didn't drink, smoke, ate healthy, took their vitamins every day, did everything they could to be healthy. They both died of cancer in 2001, 6 1/2 months apart.

My mother-in-law smoked 2 packs a day, didn't eat healthy, never exercised, and she was 10 years older than my parents and outlived them both.

I know you're in a bad place right now, but you will get through it. Every day will be a bit easier.

Death isn't easy. You had a wonderful life together, and you may not see it, but to us you seem incredibly strong. I know I wouldn't want to talk to anyone, I would be holed up in a corner sucking my thumb and crying my eyes out. I definitely wouldn't be concerned about AMHD or answering questions. I don't know how you're doing it, but you are, and that strength will see you through.

If I don't come online I don't know what Ill do I don't watch TV ever, I don't feel like listening to music, this is why Ive been coming online, Im trying to keep myself occupied, busy or something.
I don't feel up to driving or want to, we had isolated ourselves for over 7 years just me him our boys we were more than happy with that, in our love nest...

We socialised yes but we mostly enjoyed our own company, we had settled down we were contented.

Like I just said above, go at your own pace and do what you feel is right at the time for you. Don't rush yourself. It might take a while to "accept" what's happened.

I suppose lots of people in happy relationships when they're really in love can often cut off the rest of the world to a certain extent, I think that's normal and also might mean it's more shocking when something like this does happen, but yes keeping busy and occupied is the key. You helped me so much 2 months ago with your advice of keeping busy as much as possible, so I'll say the same to you.

Are you seeing much of fam and friends? X

I do feel like running away, I have felt that a lot, Im not brave enough, and what about the children, I basically don't know what to do with myself, I don't want to get into wallowing or doing nothing, Im always a busy person as a rule, Im often multi tasking, I have never been able to just sit down and that's it apart from when with Andrew, I don't want to procrastinate I doubt I could actually, my pholosophy is keep myself and my mind active and occupied. If I don't I might stop.

Im also an adult hyperactive.

I don't have anything to do with my family, haven't done for a long time, My friends are mostly males, so I think to play safe keep them at arms length, although they've been to visit me, my girlfriends are busy Mums and such so I don't like to interfere in their lives and yes they've been to visit me, and phoned, but I don't really want to be with other people. Im quite OK on my own. Or with my own company. Andrews family are all dead apart from myself and the boys, and in law grandparents.

I may be sociable on here but in truth Im a loner. Im happy to be that way.

Well as long as you're okay and feel content with your own company right now, that the most important thing. And you have all of us to talk to of course!

In time you might feel like talking to your girlfriends more about things when it all isn't so raw. So yes, like I said you have us here to talk about things with. Xx

Well as long as you're okay and feel content with your own company right now, that the most important thing. And you have all of us to talk to of course!

In time you might feel like talking to your girlfriends more about things when it all isn't so raw. So yes, like I said you have us here to talk about things with. xx

You sure do and we will be here:)

This website looks like it has some good advice. I'm sure you've been reading through a lot of websites but it might help a bit x

Coping with Grief and Loss: Support for Grieving and Bereavement (http://helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm)

Thanks for the links Katie, Ive just sent you another email. I think Ill sign off now, getting paranoid about maybe Im weird. All in my mind no doubt. Night night.

We haven't really talked before but I've read so many of your posts. You are very wise and strong. I lost both of my parents two years ago. I know this can't compare to losing a mate, but I just wanted to give you a little background of who I am.

I've also read your story of your first marriage and then how wonderful your husband Andre was. I could tell you had a great relationship. It broke my heart to read about his death, and now it breaks my heart to read this thread … but I also know that writing about your grief is a good way of dealing with your sorrow.

Don't feel paranoid about how you are feeling. It is so understandable. It will take time to accept this. It's only been a few days. I also find it remarkable that you are on here giving advice, and I do understand the therapeutic nature of it. For now be patient with yourself and allow yourself this time to grieve. You are in my thoughts every day.

I don't understand the laws in the UK - maybe someone can explain why an unembalmed body is returned to the home following an autopsy, at least three days following death. That is most certainly not allowed in the US.

Sitting shiva I somewhat understand but this business about the body - I was told that women from the Temple who have some special designation (or was it men?) would sit with his body until the burial, for a stipend. I was not allowed - supposedly by Jewish law - to do so.

What sect (for lack of a better explanation) is involved here?

I don't understand the laws in the UK - maybe someone can explain why an unembalmed body is returned to the home following an autopsy, at least three days following death. That is most certainly not allowed in the US.

Sitting shiva I somewhat understand but this business about the body - I was told that women from the Temple who have some special designation (or was it men?) would sit with his body until the burial, for a stipend. I was not allowed - supposedly by Jewish law - to do so.

What sect (for lack of a better explanation) is involved here?

It think she said someone from the funeral home was going to stay till midnight and then she and the boys would sit with him the rest of the night. It's a sad time for them.

I agree - this is terrible and sad and a very bad time for me to be asking questions but I just don't understand. Widow to widow, this is just outside my experience.

I agree - this is terrible and sad and a very bad time for me to be asking questions but I just don't understand. Widow to widow, this is just outside my experience.

It's horrible. I wish there was something we all could do to show her how we feel.

Well, I did contact her cousin, Askthekitty (askthecat?) and said that we would like to do something but apparently the cousin is out of Town. We'll wait for her to come back and let us know the name of the charity. Anyone who wants to send "something" then can do that.

Or the death notice would contain the info. Maybe I'll contact some of my sources and ask.

I know several people are interested in doing... something.

I would love to be able to do something.

I would love to be able to do something.

I think everybody would.

Well, I did contact her cousin, Askthekitty (askthecat?) and said that we would like to do something but apparently the cousin is out of Town. We'll wait for her to come back and let us know the name of the charity. Anyone who wants to send "something" then can do that.

Or the death notice would contain the info. Maybe I'll contact some of my sources and ask.

I know several people are interested in doing ... something.

Please let us all know Judy. This site is an amazing site and I know that everyone would like to be able to send something, if only just a card to express our sympathy.

I kept all the cards sent to me when my parents died. Even now, 9 years later, it brings me comfort to read them, to see how many people cared about them, and about me.

Please let us all know Judy. This site is an amazing site and I know that everyone would like to be able to send something, if only just a card to express our sympathy.

I kept all the cards sent to me when my parents died. Even now, 9 years later, it brings me comfort to read them, to see how many people cared about them, and about me.

I agree Alty.. I think Marianne it would help you to know how we feel. I still grieve for my Dad. I cannot imagine and I mean this how horrible it would be if something happened to my husband.

Just noticed this thread. When my father died. He suffered a stroke and the doctors didn't know whether he would survive or not. It took three days before he died. I've always thought that worked out for the best. We had three days to become accustomed to the idea that he might not come back which seemed to make it easier to cope for us.

As everyone has stated we all grieve in different ways. I think I would probably deal with it more like you have. If I didn't have this online family to talk with if I didn't have people who needed help I could offer to occupy my mind, it would probably be much harder for me.

I do have an issue with going on holiday so soon. There is a danger that your children, especially the younger one, will associate death with a holiday. I just offer that perspective to consider as you will know your children better than I could.

I am going to simply say it and brace myself. I am troubled by this thread in many ways, not the least of which is on Positiveparents' site, the prayer card to Jesus Christ and the lengthy post mentioning God repeatedly, despite being Jewish.

It's one way or the other - either it's Jesus Christ and God or it's G_d.

As I said, I'm bracing myself but I have some serious questions on many levels. I hope I am wrong because I was widowed, it's more than a terrible thing, my life will never be the same and I don't want to doubt someone who is going through the same thing.

At any rate - here is the prayer card: https://sites.google.com/site/posparent/andrewRIP

If this is a scam or a lie or we are being taken, if one person is posting in more than one name, then shame on that person. If I am heartless and unsympathetic, then shame on me.

As I said, I've been there. I know very possibly better than anyone else what it is like to lose your life partner. I know everyone has experienced loss. To lose a partner is devastating beyond belief.

I am going to simply say it and brace myself. I am troubled by this thread in many ways, not the least of which is on Positiveparents' site, the prayer card to Jesus Christ and the lengthy post mentioning God repeatedly, despite being Jewish.

It's one way or the other - either it's Jesus Christ and God or it's G_d.

As I said, I'm bracing myself but I have some serious questions on many levels. I hope I am wrong because I was widowed, it's more than a terrible thing, my life will never be the same and I don't want to doubt someone who is going through the same thing.

At any rate - here is the prayer card: https://sites.google.com/site/posparent/andrewRIP

If this is a scam or a lie or we are being taken, if one person is posting in more than one name, then shame on that person. If I am heartless and unsympathetic, then shame on me.

As I said, I've been there. I know very possibly better than anyone else what it is like to lose your life partner. I know everyone has experienced loss. To lose a partner is devistating beyond belief.



You can talk to us if you want too. I feel sad for you , but there are some things I would like to know. Losing a child would be the worst thing that could happen to a parent and I'm sorry for the loss. I think the reason we have questions is we want to help or donate and you haven't let us know where we can do that. I think if there is something you need to talk about, Scott Gem would be willing to listen. You could even give him the name of a Charity and your husbands name. Just a thought. As he said people handle grief differently. I hope I'm wrong about how I feel. I really do.
There are so many inconsistencies in your story. What are we to believe?

OK Ill answer your questions although in truth I dont have to if I dont want to, however as I have nothing to hide I will.

1. The date, I wasnt sure at first if my S/O had died on 3rd or 4th because he died in the early hours, although I now know it was the 4th. I was confused and in shock, quite a natural phenomena Im told.

2. His name, yes He was named officially as Andre Stefan, which in English equates to Andrew Stephen. he was known as both or either. However mostly he was known as Andrew.

3. God, Being Jewish doesnt mean you dont accept God it means you havent recognised Christ as the messiah, My Husband did believe in God he also recognised Jesus, he was not an orthodox jew, and his parents like we too, only brought him up in the Jewish faith until his Bar Mitzvah, at age 13, our own Son Adrian, has just had his own Bar Mitzvah, and from hereon in he is free to choose his own way in life and his own beliefs if any. The religious card was given to us when Andrew Jnr died and so it was added to that page. Like I have mentioned we didnt disbelieve in Jesus. I am not Jewish in any way. If anything both my husband and I were more inclined to believe in the Tantra Spiritual Aspect of religion, if any religious leaning.

His funeral was conducted in the way it was because his official religion was down as being Jewish.

I apologise if Im not handling this in a way you are expecting me to, also for being slightly confused at first. I wasnt given an instruction manual so Im muddling through the best way I know how right now. Ill try to get it right though if only to suit those here. Also taking my Sons away on holiday will not have them associating Death with going on holiday, they are fully aware of whats going on. Too much so if anything.

I hope this satisfies your curiosity and answers your questions in a suitable manner.

Regards Marianne aka pp.

You are right PP, you don't have to explain anything. But the people here have been fooled once too many times. It's not that we doubt you, but some of the stories that have been told are heart wrenching. Thank you for answering the questions. Sorry to be so jaded, but if you stick around I am sure you will understand why sometimes, you can't take things at face value.

Is there a charity or a church we can make a donation to? I know a lot of us would like to do something for your loss.

You are right PP, you don't have to explain anything. But the people here have been fooled once too many times. It's not that we doubt you, but some of the stories that have been told are heart wrenching. Thank you for answering the questions. Sorry to be so jaded, but if you stick around I am sure you will understand why sometimes, you can't take things at face value.

I agree with bella .marianne. I haven't been here a year yet. I don't understand why we can't help you. Make a donation to the British Heart Association, as you did. I know when my Dad died we asked his friends to donate too his church or to the VFW. You were my friend and I just can't understand this at all. Everybody's different, but I wish you well. How old is your oldest son and is he helping you?

As for doing something, you all were, you were here, and that was more than enough in my mind, its also the thought that counts, none of you knew my husband, however I was appreciative of your kind words and thoughts.

My Cousin is out of town on holiday right now, shell be back at the end of the week I believe.

Forgive me for speaking my mind, Im now reluctant to give out any information, especially with my integrity being cast under suspicion.

My Husband is gone, Ive already told Scottgem that give me time to sort things out and Ill send him something to confirm what has happened, and he was quite OK with that, and I shall do as Ive said in time, or as soon as I am able to do so.

I am however reluctant to give out my families information to just anyone, Plus I do not go around making up stories, I get adequate attention Thank You, too much if I am honset.

So I now hope youll stop trying to find flaws in what Ive said about all of this, and let my Husband rest in peace, and for me to deal with all of this in my own way, I thank you for your support and condolences.

However if youre trying to discredit me in this, then expect me to retalliate in a like manner, because I wont sit by and have my family or myself disrespected, or put any risk to our privacy or safety.

Reading these posts here has upset me even more, Thanks...

If you dont believe me then dont, thats your choice, but I personally would rather not read about that on these boards, you can PM me if you want to cast aspersions.

Youre all heart I must say...

This puts me in the mind of a pack of wolves ripping their prey to shreds. Thanks.

I hope others who come here see this then theyll know exactly whats what and what to expect. Youve no right to sit in judgement over me or anyone else.

I understand your defensiveness PP, and maybe we were out of place, if this is true I apologize, but please, understand, after some of the things the people here have been through, it's not easy to believe, especially when there are so many inconsistencies. You don't have to prove anything to us, and you're right, at first glance it would seem we were wolves, but when things don't add up, it's hard to push past that nagging feeling of "what if"... again, I am sorry to doubt you. Very sorry, but I just don't know what to think.

[I]
However if youre trying to discredit me in this, then expect me to retalliate in a like manner, because I wont sit by and have my family or myself disrespected, or put any risk to our privacy or safety.


As I said earlier, if this is the truth, then shame on me. If it's not, then shame on you.

As far as you retaliating - I specifically (and I do not speak for anyone else) do not take kindly to threats and think it's a very bad way for you to approach this situation. There is no descrediting here - it is a matter of finding the truth.

I'm sure that the truth, whatever it is, will come out in time.

This certainly would have been easier to understand if, when I couldn't understand the Jewish burial, someone had explained that this was not strictly a Jewish burial. I couldn't understand having a body which was not embalmed brought back to house .following the autopsy. In fact, I still don't - but I'm not in the UK.

As far as the date of death - I don't know if there are other widows posting. I can tell you to the second when my husband died and, yes, it was close to Midnight. You ask and it keeps running through your mind. Sometimes I find my eyes on the clock on Tuesday nights at that time.

No one here is sitting in judgment. Whatever the situation is, it remains tragic.

Ok, I'm going to nip this in the bud. Since you mentioned it here I will briefly describe our correspondence. I told Marianne about a specific incident a year or more ago where we were played by another member who preyed on our good will and sympathies. That hasn't been the only time that people have posted trumped up stories only to find out it was a hoax.

So, this has made us all skeptical, including me. Adding to this, in PP's case, she has stepped on some toes and made some faux pas that have contributed to the suspicions many people have. And there are many people who are skeptical.

But I have explained this to Marianne and she has been gracious in understanding why we are skeptical and has promised to provide me with proof. I will verify what she provides and I will state whether I have found what she provides sufficient or not without revealing the nature of the proof. I think you all will trust my word on that.

Given the circumstances, I'm willing to give Marianne some time to provide such proof. While I would be the first to state that she has made more than a few mistakes here, on the whole I think her contribution to this site has given her the right to be given some level of consideration. So I am going to cut off any further discussion on the veracity of what she has posted until such time as I decide that I have had enough.

As I said earlier, if this is the truth, then shame on me. If it's not, then shame on you.

As far as you retaliating - I specifically (and I do not speak for anyone else) do not take kindly to threats and think it's a very bad way for you to approach this situation. There is no descrediting here - it is a matter of finding the truth.

I'm sure that the truth, whatever it is, will come out in time.

This certainly would have been easier to understand if, when I couldn't understand the Jewish burial, someone had explained that this was not strictly a Jewish burial. I couldn't understand having a body which was not embalmed brought back to house .following the autopsy. In fact, I still don't - but I'm not in the UK.

No one here is sitting in judgment. Whatever the situation is, it remains tragic.



Had to spread the rep, but great post Judy.

Ive explained the so say inconsistencies on previous page.
HAVE A LOOK.
I am not using two user names.

There are various Jewish sects not all are orthodox.

See above from scottgem.

see previous page for explanations of anything else.

I wonder will I get personal apologies in time for this I doubt it, and if anything I say isnt to anyones liking, then thats not my problem.
Not that a thousand apologies could make me feel any better about this.

My cousin will be back at end of week, contact her if you want.

Maybe this should be closed until the Mods are satisfied that everything is as it should be or as it has been explained.

I realize that the websites have now been changed for whatever reason.

At any rate - enough nitpicking. Time to close?

I just want to say one thing, than I'll not post again until Scott does.

Marianne, we've all been fooled before, that's the disturbing aspect of the internet, people do lie, people do pretend to be something they're not. It would be foolish of anyone to take what people on the internet say at face value.

We've all been burned before, too many times. People that we trusted, let into our lives, only to find out that everything they told us was lies. I guess it's made us all jaded. That's our way to protect ourselves from allowing it to happen again. It's the sad truth. I wish I could be more trusting, but experience has taught me not to be.

I understand that being on your end of the mistrust and questions isn't ideal, but please, try to understand where we're coming from. None of us are mean people, we're all just people, people that have been burned and now tend to stay away from the flames. I know I'd be upset if an event in my life was questioned, but, I'd understand. This is the internet.

How many times do we advise young girls that come here to ask about a guy they met on the internet, to be weary, to be careful, not to trust? The same goes here.

Many of us are friends, but it's taken years to get to that point, to trust each other. You're still fairly new, and like Scott said, you had a very rocky start here. That rocky start, although in the past, isn't entirely forgotten and weighs heavily on a lot of people's minds. This is a bump in the road, and when it all gets resolved, I'm hoping we can move forward.

I'm hoping you can understand where we're coming from. I do understand you're upset, but that's really not our intention. There are simply questions, and it's not because it's you that we're asking them. We all have a hard time trusting people we really don't know.

I hope you can understand that and I wish you all the best.

I would ask that this thread not be closed Please, as I would like it left open so that once my cousin is back she can read it and post any thing she may wish to say about it. Thank You

I would like to apologize for questioning you.

You see, several years ago I became quite close to a gal on this site. One dark and stormy night her and her 5 year old daughter were in their car and were instantly killed in a horrific one-car accident. Those of us who were here at the time grieved heavily for this girl and her child. We were taking up money and trying to send flowers only to find out, a week later, that it was all a hoax and both mother and child were indeed fine.

Not long after that was the story that Scott PM'd you about. Again, I had become close friends with that person, again to find out it was a hoax.

Many of us here become fast friends. When we are hit with stories that I have shared with you, we hurt too. Then come to find out that we have been played a fool.

Unfortunately, because not only these two incidences, but others as well, we have learned to put up our guards and begin to question what may be, in your case, the truth.

I'm sure I speak for most everyone here in saying that we are genuinely sorry for questioning you. However, you can see, from the story above as well as the one Scott sent you, why we become skeptical when situations like these occur.

I'm sure I speak for most everyone here in saying that we are genuinely sorry for questioning you. However, you can see, from the story above as well as the one Scott sent you, why we become skeptical when situations like these occur.

Exactly.

PP, try to put yourself in our shoes. I know it's not easy, and I know that it's asking a lot, but truly, we don't mean to hurt you, we mean to protect ourselves.

As harsh as that may seem, it's the nature of the internet. Trust is not something that is easily obtained on the net, especially once you've given it to someone that abused that trust. After that everyone is suspect. I wish it weren't so, but it is.

I know that our words aren't making you feel better, you still feel judged, and that's understandable. I know I would be upset if I posted something and my words weren't believed. But, having been here for a few years, I would understand that trust is not something a lot of people can give to people they don't really know. I would understand. I hope you can.

I would also like to say that I do understand where you are coming from. When my father passed I took solace in AMHD. It was where I could hide from my grief and where there was a bit of normalcy in my life... however abnormal some of the questions are, LOL.

So I do understand why you are here answering questions in your time of grief.

I think I can say something that may help you, Marianne. Let me put it to you this way. If we didn't care about you, if we didn't want to be there for you, if we didn't want to have you belong in our little community we wouldn't even be bothering. We are saying these things to you because we do want to care and we don want to be there for you and we do want you to be a part of us. We just have to be cautious about it, we done that before and been hurt by it, so its become harder for us to give unquestioningly. But, if we didn't care we would have wrote you off long ago.

I want to say something, but I honestly have no words! And that's an occurrence that is few and far between! I am sorry for this PP, I really, really am. I hope you understand.

Ive again read through this thread and the posts within it, and I would like to say Im sorry if I reacted negatively to some of the posts here.

I do understand why you would be sceptical and I shall very shortly supply scottgem with something to verify my claim, it will be something on official paper of an official standing.

I thank those of you who have supplied myself with explanations of why you would be wary of taking everything at face value and I guess my confusion with the date and putting the names differently could give rise to some doubts perhaps, I don't wish to be unreasonable and indeed when scottgem originally PMd me about this I didn't hesitate to say I would be happy to comply with his request, which I will carry through as already stated above.

At this time Im still really quite confused and somewhat maybe in denial or disbelief, its very hard to take in and even harder to accept that Ill never see the man I had worshipped and adored since the first day I ever set eyes on him has gone forever, we were inseparable we lived our lives around and for one another, perhaps that wasn't such a good idea thinking about it now, but that's what we did, we didn't want it any other way.

Im totally unsure of how Im going to get used to the idea and I really dread the future, where once I had a rock of a Man to protect me and my sons there's no one just a huge void a gaping great hole, and I just don't have a clue where to turn, what to do, or how Im going to cope alone, silly little things like how to reset the burglar alarm are terrifying me.

Ive never felt so helpless or vulnerable in my entire life, and even I thought I was tough until this.

However this is to let you know I do understand I do see your points of view, and I will supply something to scottgem, all I ask is please allow me time to do this, it won't be long it'll be within say 21 days Max, but it will be done.

Thank You Again
Marianne & Sons Stephen and Adrian.

Marianne, I have edited your font as it is hard for some people to read. Please use the default font from here forward.

To further what I was saying...

Our curiosity was picqued when his name went from Alex to Andrew to Andre. Then, to top it off, you posted his handsome picture, but then deleted it when we questioned the picture.

When my father died I posted his picture, but did not delete it. We all just wondered why you deleted the pic Marianne.

J_9
Ive no idea where the Alex came from but Ive never ever referred to anyone by the name of Alex, you can go check any post Ive ever put on here, and you won't find any mention of any Alex from myself. I also rarely shortened my Husbands name so if he had been named Alex I would have referred to him as Alexander which would be the full version of that name.

Andrew yes and Andre because they're one and the same, ones English the others not, and I have already mentioned in a post a few pages back, it also states the same on the other thread condolences that my Husbands birth names were Andre Stefan and in English they equate to Andrew Stephen, however the names Andre and Andrew are basically the same name, his mother always called him Andre Stefan I almost always called him Andrew he had friends who called him Andy so does that mean something is false, they're all variations of the one name no more no less.

I withdrew the photo because I was never happy with him being classed as a model yes he had done some modelling, but that photo was not from that time, it was taken in approx 2003 as you may have noticed his expression is hardly that of a model he looks slightly pee`d off, if anything because he was running late but had to wait for the lift, making him impatient, however its one of my fave photos of him, it was taken by a member of his staff at the time, if it were a modelling photo Im sure the quality would have been much superior and more clear for a start.

I just felt ill at ease, because I know how fanatical he was about his photos being posted online or his identity being made known, he was very much a private individual. Only a select few ever got to know much about him I would say only one of those was an online contact, that being my cousin.

I also believe the attire he had on was actually from saville row not dolce&gabana, high quality yes but designer label no. I shall repost the photo on the other thread not this one though because its open.

Again I hope what's here clears this matter up for those who felt it required an explanation.

pp

PP has been banned from AMHD. She did send me an official document as evidence of her story. That document proved to be an amateur forgery. Several facts on that document were unverifiable and others were proven false. We will not be played in this manner. For that reason she has been banned.

I'm sure this comes as no surprise to some of you and a shock to others. I have to say that PP was given every opportunity to prove she could be a valued member of this site. She did make a significant contribution while she was here. But that is way overshadowed by her playing on our sympathies and emotions with a phony story.