I have read some of the answers on the 'jealous husband' topic and see myself clear as day. My wife is funny, very smart, very beautiful and I LOVE her with all my heart.
We have been together for 6 years, married for 3, we have had our ups and downs but for the last 2 years I have been not a good husband in the sense of thinking she is not being faithful to me. She has worned me about my behavior and the consequences it would bring. I would find myself hearing her tell me this stuff but it just didn't register, Well it has now registered, and it is in the form of a divorce of an irrepairable marrige.
We filed last week and I now realize I am going to lose her and I would do anything to stop the finalization of our divorce(she said she was done). I am now so pissed at myself to the point where I can't eat, sleep, function and have terrible thoughts of my future with out her. My mechanical mind wants fix it like everything else I fix. But how do I fix something I broke (while being told I was breaking it). I am now at the point that I don't want to talk to her or be around her because it hurts so bad. I don't want to push her away, I don't want seem so desperate that she continues to lose respect for me.
Really, I just want fix me and hopefully repair any of the heart brake I have caused my wife. I know I am probably going to lose her forever but if I can figure out my problem I would have a better chance at being the good husband I always invisioned myself being,and if that doesn't work , well I will be very very sad, at least I tried

I'm sorry that you are hurting, and your marriage has fallen apart. I hope that if there are children in the picture, that they are yours and your wife's first priority right now.

I think that you are referring to the jealousy you have, as the problem. If that were not a problem, that somehow she would give you another chance, and your marriage another shot.

With her having already gone this far to divorce you, I doubt that that will happen.

Nor is the problem only your jealousy. Jealousy is a sort of silent rage that undermines any relationship. A person who is not deserving of jealousy from their mate, is always at the mercy of this invisible foe, and has no way to fight it, because they are doing nothing wrong. The one who is jealous, robs both parties of trust and without trust, there is no relationship.

I don't know how you showed your jealousy toward your wife. Perhaps you were overly demanding of everywhere she went and critical of everyone she talked to. Perhaps you convinced yourself that something was going on because she was 10 minutes late getting home, or that she acted somehow guilty of something, and you beat her up emotionally to justify the accusations in your head. I just don't know how you expressed your jealousy, but typically, in my opinion, any relationship will wear out under that kind of pressure.

That you want to be the best husband you can be now- seems like too little too late. I think you probably had opportunities along the way to address you being insecure about her- who knows why you did the things you did, whatever those are, as you are not very specific in your question. But, it doesn't matter now.

From what you have said, the marriage is over. I sincerely hope that you can find happiness with a new relationship down the road, and before that happens, take a good inventory of what went wrong in your marriage, and what you need to do to make sure it doesn't have the same result the next time around.

Thanks Jake 2008, You told me what I really didn't want to hear but knew was coming. I wish I would have dated more in high schoolto help me understand the dynamics of relationships, I'm in my early 40's ands married my 3rd g/f. My parents are still married and I guess just figured that eventually it would all work out. I showed disrespect to her, she kept telling me"just be nice, I don't care about anything else" Wow, I was an idiot, this woman would have made me shut a better man if I wasn't so stubborn and listened to her. I have always heard of heart ache but man, no one could have prepared me for this type of loss.
So, hopefully she did make me a better man. She sure was good at loving me.

If there is any women out there in a similar situation to this one I put my wife in, go grab your husband and have him read my question and answers. Even though my wife told be "just be nice" several times it didn't register because I was in my own world with finance problems, worried about her and just being a real jerk (now that I look back).
If she would have showed me a story like this it would have snapped me out my world and opened my eyes to our world and where it was going. I know us guys aren't suppose get emotional, but I would not wish my type pain on anyone, and know it could have been avoided with an outside heads up.

Hi OP, I am assuming you are of the opinion your marriage is over.
With feelings of jealousy in a marriage or relationship, then one or the other feels insecure and that their comfort zone is being threatened.
Am I correct in thinking you accused you wife of being unfaithful ? Or having thoughts of being unfaithful, or you somehow believed she was capable of or planning to be unfaithful.

Can I ask you were you unfaithful? Did you think about being unfaithful? Were you ever in a position where you could have been unfaithful, or wanted to be? Did you kiss another woman, grope one, make a pass at , anything regardless of how trivial.

Your marriage has broken down because during the time you were married you at some point or several points failed to listen to or talk to your wife over things that have been bothering her possibly for years,
Had you listened taken notice and acted on those issues you could have probably saved your marriage. However you didn't.

However if you are ever hoping to even be friends with your wife at some time you still need to work on overcoming the jealousy, or it will do the same with any relationship you have in your life.

If you click on the LINK (http://sites.google.com/site/selfhelprelationships/release-technique) here

Read through the text a few times, and then try the exercise include all scenarios or just those that applied to you. Then if you want go through some of the others. On that site. Next you need to go see a counsellor to overcome this jealousy thing you have.

Leave your wife alone to do what she has to do, and keep going to counselling, you might not get this wife back but it will do no harm to get this jealousy problem resolved anyway, to prevent it ruining other future relationships,

You never know once you've had counselling for a few months, it might be enough for your wife to re consider. It might not but there's always a chance it will especially if you have children improving yourself will show in all you do.

Making self improvements is always a good thing. Good Luck come back anytime and keep us updated .

Pos.par. I was never unfaithful to my wife, in fact she would ask me if that was the cause of my jealousy. As far as our breaking down, I simply failed her, no other way to put it

My Apologies for thinkling maybe you had sorry.

We always agreed that infedelity would be a deal breaker, and I accused her of it more than once, yet she would still love me, maybe a little less than before, but nonetheless she would hang in there with me. Looking back I cannot believe what I put her through for her to try and love me, I look around at everything in my life and I see her and her son and our pets, I think about how proud I was when she took my last name and then I think its all going to be gone soon and I would do anything to change it but I can't. I felt she came into my life because god wanted us to help each other grow, but it wasn't a two way street and I just kept breaking down her spirit. Because of that I am prepared to deal with the bad times that I see coming.

You hit on a very,very important point there vman. When you said, "guys are never supposed to get emotional'.

It has everything to do with emotions. Life is emotion. When jealousy enters the mix, what is it really. It is insecurity of ones' self. Feeling that you are not good enough, or attractive enough, or smart enough, or funny enough, and thinking that your partner therefore has to find those traits in someone else (accusations of having affairs), or want those traits of other men, in you.

Jealousy precipitates anger, because all the proof never materializes, and yet you 'know' she is causing your jealousy by her 'actions'.

Try to stop and see that this is all emotional, and all starts with the jealousy you showed toward her. Anger leads to so many other things like stress, breakdowns in communication, smothering a person in negativity. Nothing good can come of jealousy, unless you deal with the emotions behind it.

Even then, if you are unable to figure out why you are jealous, or that it could mean that you are masking your own insecurities, then making the necessary changes in order to have the confidence in yourself (thus confidence in your parter), then you are left now, knowing that you could be a better man and husband, but you just haven't done the work to understand your own emotions.

I too would love to see a few answers from me on this topic. Jealous men that I have known who have a string of broken relationships, seldom last in any relationship for any length of time.

Does the pain of losing your wife ever go away? I have been researching everything from my now lame insecurities to how to get your wife back, and during this time, in my mind, I've been getting mad at her for not willing to work things out, then I feel massive amount of guilt, then I think about this 20 something gal I used to be good friends with and how much fun we used to have together just hanging out. Back then she had a b/f and we were all just hang out friends. She would keep in contact with me for the next ten years or so, we both had our own relationships going on. About six years ago I get a phone call from her friend, asking me to come out and have beer w/ them, (we had both been single for a month) I met up with them and we started dating and wed three years later. I miss my wife, my partner and most of all I miss my friend. When we started dating I thought she was a pretty woman, as I started to fall in love with her she became and still is the most beautiful woman I know. And this is where my insecurities started. My friends, relatives and customers would comment on how pretty my g/f-wife was and it started to make me feel like I had to make sure I didn't lose her. Then she did some things that really hurt me and showed disrespect. She would just blow me off and tell me that nothing happened and she didn't see anything wrong hanging out with my best friend who was married to woman my wife is now friends with, yet she still will not tell hewr friend that she hang out alone with her husband several times alone.
Then about a year ago I had a bad accident and was laid up for some time and my recovery will never put me back at 100%. So I have been dealing with some depression over my body being modified. On top of that I have been telling my wife that I wasn't feeling right, (didn't have my edge and was really emotional) she told me to go see a doctor. Since we filed for divorce, I have had some blood work done and it showed I have a really low amount of testosterone, the side effects are depression, low esteem, no sex drive, no direction, wait gain, bad moods and very insecure. The cause is men over 40 start to lose there test. Supply because it is attacked by estrogen, then the estrogen starts to gain on you. I thought I was going nuts, I am eager to get my test. Levels back where they should be.
I know my insecurities and jealousy have been hard to live with, and I understand my wife is doing what she feels is right for her. I just see all of this as small snap shot in what could have been a long life together and the fact that I still really love her ( I mean I love her like she is the most important person in my life) and miss our lives together makes my days really bad. I will carry on and adapt as needed.
I believe she will look back at this divorce in 1 or 2 years and realize it was not the right thing to do. I believe marriage is for the rest of your life, and you work on it, I see where I stopped working on it and how it all started to fall apart, I believe this divorce needed to happen to get the ship righted, it just brings me down to my knees knowing that our ship is will be sailing unmanned.
In the last couple of days I have talked to a lot of people that have gone through divorce and it is interesting that the older people say they wish they would have worked it with counseling or what ever it would have taken especially with all the info. On the internet. The younger people think it was the right thing to do. My thoughts are that the older people have the benefit of recollection. I MISS MY WIFE!