I am not sure if this is a good idea to ask this question here. However I really want to understand when will I find a soulmate, and thereafter when will I get married. I was in a 3 years relationship and he left me for some of his family issues. That really hurt me deep in the heart. For lot of months I tried getting after him to come back and not do this to me. He didn't. It took me more than a year to come out of it and accept the truth. However I feel that the vacuum that's been such created is really a hidden agony for me. Its is injuring me within everyday. And now I feel I really need someone who can truly love me. Someone who I can accept as my life partner. But this time I am waiting for God to send someone my way, rather than me finding one and ending up hurting myself again. So basically I want someone whom God has made for me. But I need to know when will I get him? Can someone help please...

I'm afraid there are no psychics here or anyone who can predict your future.

What I can offer is that you work on getting busy in your own life.

Find your 'joy'.

Happy people are attractive,and they tend to be more content in their own skin.

You don't need a man to make you happy you need YOU.

Only you can make the change.

A relationship should enhance your life not be your life.

Don't rely and anyone else for your happiness.

I can't speak for GOD, but I can tell you is to enjoy his blessing of life, until he does answer your prayer.

You need to allow the wound to heal. If it is 'injuring' you everyday, then you aren't ready to get involved with anyone.

Think of this: How strong is a table leg that has a big hole in it? If you put something on the table, would you expect the table to stay upright or fall over? The more weight placed on it. The more likely it will collapse. The leg needs to mended so that it can hold up its share of the burden.

You need to allow yourself to heal and fill the void so that you are strong enough to hold up your part in a relationship.

And now I feel I really need someone who can truely love me.
Th reality is you don't need anyone. Independence is very attractive.

When you want someone, then, I believe, that's when you find your soulmate.

I had a breakup in Jan 2009. It took me a long time to get out of it completely. But now when I have I realise that I need a life partner. I want to get married. I am 29 years. And I don't want to get into a relationship which is temporary, I really want to get married and get settld with someone whom "God has created for me" as they say. I wish to share my love and emotions and also need true love. I am unable to find a suitable person for me. How do I go about it?

Well, if you don't date you will never get there. You have to take a chance at a relationship that is temporary as you find out he isn't a perfect match to find Mr. Right that is. You have to date someone to get to know them... most won't work out, but a few will have potiential.

You can't jump from the starting line to the finnish without running the race. Sometimes you lose, but you will NEVER win if you don't run the race to begin with.

Smoothy is right... You have to get out there date guys in order to find Mr. Right in the crowd.

Thank you so much for taking out time to answer this. I also understand and agree to what you say. However the reason why I raised this question is that I am not even finding someone suitable around to even date or consider for that relationship. I have a lot of male friends. But they are people whom I don't feel for going ahead in this relationship...

Two suggestions here... #1 keep looking, and #2, is there a remote possibility you are prejudging people, I.E. you have unrealistic expectations?

I ask that because I have seen that before, many times (and guilty of that myself as well up to my early 20's)... and yeah, I HAVE known women with Rosanne Barr's looks and TV disposition (think not terrible pleasant on either aspect), that think they are too good for anyone short of a Brad Pitt.

I'm 49, while I have been married a long time... I did spend a long time single. I do know a lot of single and divorced people... and a few widows and widowers.

And yeah... I am someone that has always had high standards myself... sometimes too high, mostly in my younger days.

Have any of your friends actually commented that you are too picky or something to that effect? If they have... you may have something to work on there...

Now before you get upset... I'm not saying that is true for you, I've just seen it too many times in people that said there is nobody out there when they themselves know many single and unattached people.

Another thing is not keeping your eyes truly open. There might be cases where you are missing signals of others that have an interest. Its easy to do. Because a married friend of mine pointed out to me one day about women that are paying notice to me... that I never noticed until she pointed it out. But she was right... no I am not scouting for a replacement for my wife... but it opened my eyes to subtle ques I had been missing all along.

And also... a simple mistake is to over analyze and plan your whole life with a person before you even talk to them... if you see someone that catches your eye, say hi to them... assuming he doesn't have a woman in his arm, or a ring on his finger at the time. Many might not be interested, but then, nothing ventured nothing gained.

Don't discount guys who may not be visually the hottest thing on two legs... there are lots of nice guys out there... with the divorce rates being what they are, and trust me, while some divorces might be the guys fault... more than a few are the woman's fault. So keep in mind that divorced guy you discounted as damaged goods, might have married a Princess that morphed into the wicked witch leading to the divorce.

Are you still interested in that matter?

Maybe to put a bit of a positive spin on things, I have known people who have met partners in many ways.

1. Dating sites
2. Singles Dances
3. Friend referrals
4. While walking a dog in a dog park
5. Gyms
6. Church activities
7. Night school courses

I'm sure you can think of a few, or ask your friends for suggestions.

I think if you tried a little harder, and were a little less judgmental, or less restrictive, you might just get the success you are looking for.

Start building a life that you enjoy that makes you happy and you will attract people who want to share that happiness with you.

In this way you can stop looking for love, and let it find you. AND enjoy yourself in the meantime.

Thanks Smoothy for taking out time to write all that for me. Its reallly been very thoughtful of you. I agree completely to whatever you mentioned. Coz there are people the way you described. But I am very grounded and consider myself to be just ordinary or just OK. I don't myself to be having wings. I am a very simple person. Neither do I need a dude/hunk as such. But yes I am really strict on points like honesty/genuinity, love/care, respect and care for my mom and spirituality. The person may not be religious but has certainly to be spiritual. I don't think I am looking for much. But just waiting for the right option, as I want to experience happiness and bliss both for me and him after we get married, rather than the relationship just being like a compromise.

Also I want to know, how good an idea it is to find people on the internet. Offcourse not from the chat room, but if its someone who I have been friends with just like a coincidence and I feel that I can consider this person. So how wise it is to go along. That too if the person belongs to a completely diffefrent continent. And also how much information from my side will be wise to be shared with him? Whether its OK or not OK to exchange pics and stuff. As in there are so many scams/hacking and stuff that happens when we make friends on the internet...

While I am a big fan and user of the internet... I was married before the internet became available to home users... and before the advent of "The Worldwide Web" I.E. graphical interface browser. I have been an internet user since the first part of the 1980's via mainframe computer access at an employer.

I have very mixed thoughts myself about dating people you meet on the internet. Because of the anonymity afforded far too many people embellish the facts or flat out lie about who and even what they are. Basically there are guys out there pretending to be women etc... kids pretending to be adults and worse.

While it might be real easy to meet people... you really have no clue who they really are, etc. That can be very dangerous for a man or woman.

I preffer the local approach... meet people locally in person, through friends etc. As others have mentioned, church and other social groups as well. At least that way somebody has a clue as to who they are, where they live etc. Online you may meet the next Ted Bundy and since nobody knows or has seen him or knows you were interested in him... anything might happen and nobody will know about it. And computer forensicswhile a valuable tool doesn't tell everything.

Now I have to be honest here and say there is a fine line between being paranoid, and being prudent. As far as information, I would be slow to give it until you have dated someone long enough, IF you do the online thing... talking is not dating. You have to view it from the aspect of social engineering. They might be identity thieves fisching for info or worse. I'm not saying you can't meet someone nice online... I'm saying the chance you might meet someone that isn't is far greater. The nothing ventured nothing gained thing from a criminals aspect. Bounce through a proxy server and they can be hard to trace, they can pretend to be anything they wish, and since you don't see them... they can't be easily spotted. As far as poictures... I wouldn't do that casually. But if you have some raport with them over time... I'd hold back on a LOT of stuff with someone you just met, and have never met in person. I don't believe in long distance relationships... and like I said... while many know me here via my posts... there are very few people here I would share details or pictures with. And you can see from my profile how long I've been here. Just short of five years as this post is made.

Long story short... since I've been online since long before the era of home consumer internet, nearly 30 years now in fact (no Al Gore did not invent the Internet as he claims, he was like 7 years old at the time of its inception as ARPANET) I've seen it all, and have a higher degree of both scepticism and caution than many.

Point of note. Many things on the internet are NOT what they claim to be... and there is more than a lot of flat out false information most put out by people that think by flooding the internet with lies changes reality and makes it true. So much in fact that you can't automatically assume the validity of most you find, and its been getting worse.


And also... as a disclaimer as well. I was never the guy that snapped his fingers and had women running towards him. But I was never the guy that went years without a date either. I was just the average guy you may or may not have noticed growing up.

Busybee,aren't you looking too hard?Take a deep breath and relax... you make 29 sound like the end of the world.Chill :)

You've asked a question many people would love to have an answer to,actually.But love,marriage don't work that way.Neither do many things in life.And I feel the beauty(if you learn the art of looking at it this way)lies in discovering each new chapter in your life as they unfold.

If you knew you had a plan laid out for you,giving you a "To Do" list for every moment of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year of your entire life,how absolutely killing would that be?

Let the beauty of life's unpredictability,the mysticism and enigma of love take their own course.Learn to enjoy it all,the way its meant to be,rather than fight it.You'll see how much more fun and exciting life really is,that way.:)

Have a beautiful life!

You are very welcome dear :)

What I forgot to add my post is the fact that the more you go out,socialise,meet new people,you are that much closer to meeting someone you might really like.Of course,socialising with the objective of FINDING your soulmate is something I am sceptical about since that kind of adds a lot of pressure on you and you'll find yourself acting the needy,insecure woman out husband-hunting at every possible chance she gets rather than a strong,confident,attractive woman out to meet people and know them.

Bottomline is,don't make it all about hunting for your soul-mate and in stead focus on having a good time with people,interaction and getting to know people.

Enjoy and have fun :)

You are very welcome dear :)

What I forgot to add in my post is the fact that the more you go out,socialise,meet new people,you are that much closer to meeting someone you might really like.Of course,socialising with the objective of FINDING your soulmate is something I am sceptical about since that kind of adds a lot of pressure on you and you'll find yourself acting the needy,insecure woman out husband-hunting at every possible chance she gets rather than a strong,confident,attractive woman out to meet people and know them.

Bottomline is,dont make it all about hunting for your soul-mate and in stead focus on having a good time with people,interaction and getting to know people.

Enjoy and have fun :)

I thank you so much, for taking out time and caring to write. It made me feel really easy... Thanks dear :)

Now society is very bad to give suggestion but one thing I can say if your good in all the sense sure you will get good life partner who will understands you much evey thing is depend on you how you will mange with others it shows your parter how much he will cares for you, I suggest you think from your side any thing worngs is there if there try to correct it... 100% sure you will get good life partner
From
Dheeraj>Removed<

now society is very bad to give suggestion but one thing i can say if ur good in all the sence sure u will get good life partner who will understands u much evey thing is depend on u how u will mange with others it shows ur parter how much he will cares for you, i suggest u think from your side any thing worngs is there if there try to correct it..... 100% sure u will get good life partner
from
dheeraj>Removed<

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html
PUUUH-lease read the rules... please!!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html
PUUUH-lease read the rules .....................please!!!!

I agree, it gave me a headache trying to read it...

Hiya,
Talaniman, I was really happy to read your statement on this. Its so impressive, touchy and true. I thank you so much for this...

Well yes, if you have some suggestion or idea that can help me. I'll be happy to take your view...

> But I was never the guy that went years without a date either. I was just the average guy you may or may not have noticed growing up...

Hey Smoothy. Hope you are doing good! Its always good to exchange views with you... I have signed in just today after a long time. Somehow my eyes ran through your last line as I have quoted above... You seem to be lucky enough to be getting females going out on a date with, I have really tried all my means, but funny enough, couldn't get a gentlemen to even make it for a date. What talk of thinking on long term plans with him... LOL!!

Hey Starry Nights, How are you doing? It gives a lot of peace after reading this message from you. However sometimes it such happens that the past has not treated you so well and even the present is so upsetting that the only future tends to give some hope, so...

Yeah, that's exactly what I do. But actually its really depressing for me cause I lost on a relationship. Its been two years of our breakup but I still haven't been able to forget him. The worst part, he is getting married this Christmas. We always celebrate this festival spreading love and joy around, but it'll be the other way for me. There's so much of vacuum inside me without him. Am indeed very sad :(

If you wait for someone to come and find you... you will be single your entire life. You have to get up, get out, associate with people, ask some you think might have potiential out, expect that not everyone will be interested and not take rejection personally.

Confidence in ones self is an attractive quality in both men and women. Sit around feeling sorry for yourself and people are going to run away from you.

And since you think God will send someone to you... consider this...

The Lord helps those who help themselves. So get up at take some initiative. Its not going to get easier as you get older and the pool of available people gets married and gets ever smaller.

Oh, How I wish to get somebody at least worthy to go on a date with at first... But unfortunately can't get even that :(

Yeah, that's what I even told him, can't find a guy to go on a date with even. What an agony... LOL!!

Holidays are hard when you can't share them with loved ones or someone special. That doesn't mean you can't share yourself. There are a million churches and organizations that need some help, so volunteer your time, and others will appreciate your effort.

Confidence is a must, having faith in yourself is also, so get out and be about yourself, and enjoy it. Exploring, and discovering is what life is about, not wasting time on yesterdays news.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18- 80, blind, cripple or crazy.

Why look for a life partner, make friends, and have fun getting to know them. The more, the merrier.

Talaniman Rule - Don't miss other opportunities and options because your stuck on someone who is not as stuck on you, that’s just plain crazy.

A failed relationship two years ago is hardly an excuse for what you are doing now. It is depressing when you have not made enough memories to replace those old ones, but its not to late to start now, yes right now!

Talaniman Rule-When you stop looking for love, and do your thing, and enjoy ALL YOUR OPTIONS, AND OPPORTUNITIES, love will find you.
You can't find a needle in a haystack, but you can enjoy the hay ride until the needle sticks you in the butt!

Talaniman Rule-Build a life that you enjoy without a mate and your happiness will attract people who will want to share in it with you.
Lonely, and alone are two very different things, and the challenge is to be happy alone, and take advantage of your freedom to do whatever you want, and be good to yourself.

Its all about finding your thing, and then doing it!! Now find something good to do and enjoy the holidays, just because you can.

True enough dear, But somehow sometimes we really need someone around to share that little piece of you with...

True enough dear, But somehow sometimes we really need someone around to share that little piece of you with....

And I refer you back to post #24. You have to get off your butt and look for someone. They are out there. Nobody wants someone that won't take the initiative to even look for anyone else. Act like a lump or doorstop and people will automatically assume you are already attached or not interested.

True enough dear, But somehow sometimes we really need someone around to share that little piece of you with...

That may be true but if you don't have one what should you do??


Talaniman Rule-Never wallow in your own sh1t!

When you really will deserve a mate, you will find your soulmate. Everything is pre dtermined, you just have to wait to get your best share. Hope you find one soon. Jai Hind

Nothing is pre-determined...

Sit at home and wait... you are going to die an old single person.

Nobody likes a door stop. And nobody goes looking for the person that doesn't have the motivation to go out and socialize. You deserve what you are willing to earn. Respect, Money, material things... everything.

I don't know what you are talking about

You aren't going to find your soulmate unless you go and try and find her.

If you wait for them to find you... you are going to never find a real partner, much less a soulmate.

There are a LOT of people in the world... most of them are not soulmate material for any one person.

God helps those who help themselves... god doesn't reward the lazy. You have to take some initiative. Most people don't like others who sit back and wait for everything to happen... or someone else to do it for them.

Your next potiential soul mate may walk right by you because you don't make the effort to present yourself.

You will find your soul mate once you stop looking.
It all depends on your karma from your past life too.
If you were kind and giving and sharing, you may find your soulmate in this life.
There are some people out there that have never found anyone to love them or opposite.
There are reason behind this, you may find that in this life your lesson is to be alone and be happy with yourself.
The true love is from God and you giving to yourself.
I don't believe in Soul mates as I have never seen even one smooth relationship.
All of us need to compromise in a relationship. f
The best in relationship is not trying and have a smooth ride with your soul mate.
I pray for you to find what you deserve.

Really? How do two souldmates find each other if they stop looking and sit in their own rooms.

That's like My grass will stop growing if I stop mowing it.

I think that WE have a potential for MANY soul mates.

You don't want to sit home and do nothing, this way nothing will happen to you. Of course you have to go out and be available.
What I meant was when you stop looking desperately for the right person.
I have looked all my life all around the world to find my soul mate and I ended up in marriage that needs lots of learning and compromising to the point that I want to give up, I have experienced Love and being in love but It was lots of heart breaking and stress some times.
My view for Soul mate is the one that you don't have no hard time, everything between you is relaxed and calm and full of Love, no expectation with unconditional Love,

Wow I have been with my soul mate for more than three decades, and we have had great times, and rough ones, and have had to learn much, and compromise, had stress, and heart ache, and yeah I guess we have both wanted to quit, run away and hide at times, we didn't though, just kept it real, and kept it together.

I have always thought that was what real soul mates do though, hang in there together, no matter what life throws at you.

Why didn't you tell me this sooner??

You don't want to sit home and do nothing, this way nothing will happen to you. Ofcourse you have to go out and be available.
What I meant was when you stop looking desperately for the right person.
I have looked all my life all around the world to find my soul mate and I ended up in marriage that needs lots of learning and compromising to the point that I want to give up, I have experienced Love and being in love but It was lots of heart breaking and stress some times.
My view for Soul mate is the one that you don't have no hard time, everything between you is relaxed and calm and full of Love, no expectation with unconditional Love,

Yeah... I see your point now... and now that I see it I'm not in disagreement, at least with some of it, not so much the last part however.. But If your focus is purely on finding that one person... you aren't going to find then because you will see faults in everyone... but live for today... date normally, and you are going to find that diamond in the rough when and where you least expected to find it.

But on the marriage part... you are ALWAYS going to have to compromise... soulmate or not. Nobody is going to do exactly what you want, exactly when you want every time. You can't go ut with your friends without having to compromise.

Think I married my soulmate... nope, but I'm not at all unhappy about it either. She's a good woman... we are happy together... we get along well, she has her bad points but I still think she was a good choice.

I've learned this is the real world... technical perfection only exists in ones mind and in theory. We ALL have our flaws and imperfections of a multitude of types.

For those who believe that being with your Soul-mate "that you don't have no hard time, everything between you is relaxed and calm and full of Love, no expectation with unconditional Love,": Do you have that type of relationship with yourself?

Think about it. If one person has internal struggles and things he/she likes and dislikes about him/herself, why wouldn't two two people have the same types of issues to work through? The issues don't go away just because you love someone.

I have been with my Soul-mate for 26 years-a month away from being married 25 years. We, too, have our ups and downs. We love each other and keep the passion in our relationship because we don't take each other's presence for granted. We know full well that we are individuals with our own minds and personalities. We know that everything is not going to be perfect between us. However, those differences make us stronger. We see problems in different ways and by communicating we figure out the best way to handle them.

There should be some friction. Friction is what keeps objects together. While too much friction can cause things to become stuck, remove all the friction and they slide apart.

Hey Smoothy... Its been long that I am writing on here again. And I quite appreciated what all you mentioned. I did try looking for people. I tried on Fb, I tried talking to people over the phone, I met people for that matter. But all that I got was filth and nothing else. I am looking for a soulmate. A someone whom I can share my complete self with.Someone whom I can shower all my love on. Someone who can be me and I can be him, yet both of us being our own selves. I wish to find the love of my life. Well am not sure if its according to the rules of this website or not, but whoever reads this, If there is a someone out there who feels like it, can reach out to me. But no filth please. Am tired of dealing with filth and crap. What have you to say on this Smoothy??

You have to keep looking... I didn't find mine until my late 20's.

You have to keep your eyes open, and not just claim you are... and understand that by looking for only certain physical aspects... you are going to miss the best people.

There are a lot of nice people out there waiting... and plenty of people that have closed their eyes to everything except one specific thing they invented in their minds. And they never see the fantastic people around them because of it.

And on the other part... this isn't a dating site... and the rules prohibit it.

Whose problem is it all you have found is filth, and crap? May I suggest its you that is the problem?

Do you have a happy life WITHOUT a soul mate yet??

Thanks once again Smoothy. Your answers always give me more hope when I am in the dark. And yeah I understand that its against the rules to be asking for someone on here and am sorry about that. But I always keep whatever you tell me in mind and I haven't tied my mind in chains. All I want is a wonderful person who knows humility. That's all. I have never restricted myself to looks and stuff like that. And I'll keep the spirit burning in me. Thank you again. I really appreciate your answers :)

Hey Talaniman,

Thanks for taking out time to write. But am sorry your answer was rather offending. Though its your opinion and I honor each individual's opinion and thoughts. But even then, what you wrote was rather hurting :'(

Oh... one important thing I think I failed to mention...

The "Woe is me" mindset will send people running the other way...

Men and women both like an aire of confidence and happiness with potiential mates. Feeling bad about yourself has a way of being noticed by others even if you never say a word...

You have to take an approach of "I will be happy today with what I have... " each day... the less importance you place on finding a soul mate... the less it bothers you, and the more confident you will become. And before you know it... you will bump into that perfect person at the moment you least expect it.

A soul mate is never found by design... they are discovered by accident.

What part of, stop looking for a soul mate and building a life that makes you happy with friends, family and activities that you enjoy, is it you are offended by?

What part of looking at yourself, and making yourself happy without a soul mate, is offensive to you?

If all you have seen is filth and crap, then you are either looking for love in the wrong places, or taking the wrong approach. If you recognize your own wrong, places, or approach, you can find a better path.

Do you even know what you want? What makes a person filth and crap, before you KNOW them? You write as though you don't want friends, and activities, but a soul mate or nothing. That could take many years my friend, so relax and enjoy your life until that soul mate does appear.

Hiya Smoothy,

Thanks a ton for your super help. Its really thoughtful of you to be mentioning about the point that you just mentioned in your last message. Thank you soooooooo much :)

Hey Talaniman,

I thank you for taking out time and writing to me again. Well please don't take me wrong. And yes I am a very jumpy bubbly person. Its not that I keep a sad face all the time. There's lots to be happy about in life. I have lots of friends. A few who I haven't even met but we are friends since years. Its all good that way. But the hollow is just that one special person in ones life who am still waiting for. To share the love that of a companion. I said I got filth and crap because a lot of times it happened that a few males didn't behave decently. And unfortunately these were people whom I trusted and they behaved filthy. That's what I meant by filth and crap...

Hey Smoothy/ Talaniman,

Thanks both of you for sticking to me, while helping me with things. There you go again- I got in touch with a person on the internet. We are connected to each other since a few months now. We came very close emotionally. Then I got to know that he is involved with another woman as well. He kept telling lies about me to her and vise-versa. Still I was patient with him because by now I started loving him, so much that this could lead to marriage. Even after knowing about the other woman I kept telling him to please own up with her and it will be all fine with us. Coz its wrong to be with two females at the same time. Better still I told him if he loved the other woman more he can tell me about it and I'll skip out. But it never happened. I felt really suffocated with this. Finally both we females made friends with each other. I told her all the truth about us. And there was a lot of chaos for about 3 days. Then finally he closed his account where all of us (him, me and the other woman) were there together. And has made up a new account and is continuing with the other female. He has also made a separate account for me. And wants me to continue with him on that isolated account. I declined saying that I have seen his new account with that other female that he has made. This just happened because I didn't agree to get on cam sex with him and the other woman did get into it with him. Now tell me Talaniman, you say that the problem is in me. Is this the reward that you get to love someone with the depth of your heart?? I mean I don't carry my past on my shoulders, and always socialize with people. Be good to them etc. I am all open for love. I give love freely to everyone- friends family- new friends-everyone. And both of us just started with being friends, but things just took us in a way that I fell in love with him (he said he loves me too but of course I don't believe that now). Now you would wonder how did we go so far ahead in the relationship without meeting each other. The answer to this is that both of us stay in different countries. We chat on the net talk over the phone, and had plans to meet up soon. But this is what came up in front of me. All this has one more time shaken my faith. Tell me how should I join the broken pieces of my heart back again one more time :'(

First... find a guy that's NOT a loser like this clown was... You saw him for what he was... for all you both knew I bet he was already married too. And there was likely more than just you two.

The INTERNET can be a fine place... but it can be incredibly cold too.. as there are more than a few liars, cheats and worse.

This is because they can hide behind anonymity. And many people pretend to be something they aren't, because they can.

You have to kiss a few toads before you find your Prince.

Your heart is going to be broken a few times first... and it will help you recognise a good person when you finally meet them. YOu don't know good until you've known a few bad ones.

You are still far better off with someone near you... you can see them, there are other people that will know them, and you are less likely to find a truly dangerous person.

But you have to keep a positive attitude, and remind yourself.. you are a good person, you don't have to settle for less than another good person.

If you aren't sure what I mean... think back to your first love... how certain you were they were the absolute person for you then... now think back using what you have learned since... and how they werefar from being the great person you thought after all.

Experience is the best teacher. And you have to have a few bad relationships to know what a good one really is.

The difference between you and me, I don't give my heart freely to a stranger after a few months. I do have fun and interact with those I enjoy, but there is no commitment until I KNOW they deserve my heart, trust, loyalty, and respect, and know what to do with them. I have my own boundaries of good behavior I live within, as I will admit to dating many at the same time, but honest about it in the beginning. Some like it, some did NOT, oh well.

To answer your question though, it was you not him that fell in love and were hurt by it, so you heal, and carry on. Such is the way of life when we follow our hearts into the unknown. Nothing wrong with that as long as you accept the risks of going for what you want.

In this way you can hope for the best and plan for the worst, and be ready when the plan falls apart. A few months of on line connection with some one so far away and truly unknown to you, sounds like a great risk to me. You took a BIG risk I think looking for marriage from such an adventure, and your decision to keep going was based on feelings, and NOT facts.

You should always look to pay the consequences of taking a risk, when things don't work as you want them to, and reap the blessings when they do.

Know when, and how to let go, when it doesn't work, and take time to heal. In this way you regain the strength and confidence to regroup, and be ready for more risks of your heart. Read my signature, below, and get FACTS before you take that next risk, because feelings can change for many reasons, and what looks like gold, may NOT be.

I can appreciate the depth of your disappointment though, but be patient, hurt go away as the emotional wounds heal. Just takes TIME!

Thank you Smoothy/ Talaniman,

You both have been really kind taking out time, writing to me. I guess both of you are right. Though Talaniman, you said it was me who loved and not him. Instead it was he all the time who kept saying that he loved me in ways more than I could have ever thought of. However now after whatever happened I agree to Smoothy that I have just known one other woman besides me that he was playing games with, it can be more. In fact even now this other woman doesn't trust him, and feels that there is another girl, who addresses him as a brother, is also going around with him. She doubts this because earlier even this other woman also used to call him her brother but their relationship changed to a love affair from a bro-sis relationship. So that way Talaniman, may be you are right in saying that he didn't love me, because if he would have loved me truly he wouldn't have played such nasty games with me. And its correct at the same time that I should draw a line and be sure before I give away my heart to someone. Know what initially when he expressed his love, I just told him that this is not a practical thing to do while us being on the internet and not knowing each other for real. He always kept telling me about his tragedies in life, majorly, that no girl is willing to marry him, because no one is ready to take the responsibility of his 4 year old kid, besides the other hardships of his life. This is how slowly slowly I started feeling for him in the process of trying to help him through his tough times in life, thinking and really trusting on him that he is lonely and needs me :( Anyway finally today after gathering lot of courage I have shut that account forever. And I feel that with the help of wonderful well wishers like you, I will sure be able to fight this rough patch in my life and come out to be a stronger person more than most. I thank you both for really being so kind while helping me out with things. God bless both of you :)

The Germans has a saying that holds true.

"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"

Our past mistakes improve our character only if we learn from them. While I can not speak for Talaniman on that, I can state it has shaped me into who I am today. Because trust me... I've made my share of mistakes in my youth.

The Germans has a saying that holds true.

"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"

Our past mistakes improve our character only if we learn from them. While I can not speak for Talaniman on that, I can state it has shaped me into who I am today. Because trust me...I've made my share of mistakes in my youth.

Totally agree, Smoothy, unfortunately, my youth is gone now, but not making mistakes, LOL.

Totally agree, Smoothy, unfortunately, my youth is gone now, but not making mistakes, LOL.

Much the same here too... but I do make far fewer mistakes these days than I did 30 years ago. At least I don't repeat the same ones any more.

Oh thanks to both of you, Smoothy and Talaniman, you guys are great people. Whatever mistakes I have made or trouble that I have been going through, the good part is that I have got to know that the world still has good people like the two of you. Someone did mistakes or not, the important part is that end of the day one is a good human being. And I realized that both of you are awesome people. And am so glad. I thank both of you one more time to be there when I needed help. Cheers!!

Glad we could help.

Yeah Smoothy, it's a great help. But know what, it still pains me inside, because whatever he has done to me, I had true emotions for him. So it pains me :'( I see him talking and rather romancing with that other woman, and it kills me inside :'( :'( :'(
She told me that they have shared cam sex too. I mean I know obviously they would if the woman doesn't have a problem to do that, but for me its sooooooo killing. I am not jealous, but yeah it pains me, hurts me, kils me :'(

The pain is something you have to deal with... everyone does.

Wish there was an easier way... but in 50 years of walking this earth. If there was one, I haven't found it.

Look at it this way... do you think it would have been easier if you were married for years and had kids before you found out?

Nope, it would have been even worse.

Your pain is made much worse by being in contact, and knowing what he is doing. Cut the contact all together and do your own thing why don't you. That's the cure for pain. Change the focus from the past hurt, to present happiness, and enjoyment. Not easy, but PRACTICE does make perfect.

Reread this whole thing and that's what's been suggested from the beginning.

Yes, you have to cut ALL ties to the louse. ANY connection what-so-ever is only going to prolong the pain and make it worse... the Most quick way to get past it, is just avoid him, any talk of him, ANYTHING to do with him.

Do that and soon you will be wondering why you didn't do that from the beginning.

Learn from this misadventure... and try to not make the same mistakes again.

Heck, I can't even remember the names of most of the girls I dated before I met my wife. I can tell you what every one of them did that made we walk however... and I still have mental picture of every one...

Hey Smoothy/Talaniman,

Yeah I agree to both of you. In fact I have started ignoring him already. He has done a new account. And writes to me from that new account. But I don't reply to him. Though its difficult to hold on myself back, but I am not replying at all. Coz I know if I do that I'll fall in the same rut back again.
I am trying my level best to deal with it.

I thank both of you from the bottom of my heart, for helping me out with it. Sometimes I may have put up stupid/kiddish posts but both of you have been there to help and guide me. Thanks sooooooooooo much to both of you. God bless you both :)

Just remember the longer you ignore him... the easier it will be to continue ignoring him.

Its only hard at first. Before long it will be no effort at all.

I agree Smoothy, and I am doing my best to put my mind off it. But of course I am a human being, have a heart, have emotions and the worst part is that I loved him with a true heart shared true emotions with him. Even if I ignore him, I still have everything in my mind and heart which is all so fresh yet. I haven't forgotten a single thing that we spoke about. You know Smoothy, he said he has taught his son my name and his son calls me mother. He said he has mentioned about me to all his family members. His dad passed away a few moths back and he visits his dad's grave everyday. I used to tell him to take flowers for his dad and water his dad's grave everyday on my behalf. I mean I am just trying to tell you that I got so emotionally attached to him, and this was much beyond than just romancing. It just so much flowed in me like blood. And I can block him or ignore him, but its very difficult for me to just forget things so soon. He has been a fake, but I haven't. My heart has just been torn apart. And it is still bleeding. I wish I was one of those girls who get over things in rage. I love myself, but in situations like these I hate myself for being so hell emotional ;'(

Stop thinking about him, stop talking about him... I bet most of what he has told you are also lies as well.

He also told you other things and you found out what lies they were.

Only fools and obsesive compulive types can't ever let go.

I don't think you are either. Its hard now... next month is will be far easier, next year you will wonder what you ever saw in him, and years from now... you won't even remember his name.

It takes time... and like the Chinese proverb... "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

I've done this not once, not twice, but over a dozen times.

Trust me its rarely easy at first... but it does get easier the longer you do it.

Yeah I agree. I know he doesn't deserve any of my love. For that matter no one's because all he knows is to fool girls for his own entertainment. You have really been too patient in handling things with me. And I sure wouldn't let your guidance go waste. I will put it to practice. Slowly but surely. Thank you Smoothy, thank you so much. God bless you

You need to remember one word...

Patience...

The time will go much faster than you think it will. Just stick with it and you will see.

There are plenty of genuinely good people out there, you have to let the toads go if you want to find them.

You have to kiss a few toads to find a real prince.

Thanks Smoothy. You are just so super good and kind. Your last sentence brought me such a smile. I really smiled truly after a long time, just now. How I wish your words in your last sentence comes out true. Thanks Smoothy, for trying to heal me with your kind and gentle words. May God bless you abundantly. Amen!

The search for more goes on and on and the truth is usually whole life is spent in this.
It all depends on what is one's philosophy of life.
Whether one would buy a car and take it out when all lights in the city go green or one would take with even few green lights.

The time will come whenever it comes, no one here will be able to tell you this information, and I doubt anyone really can.