radblz
Jul 23, 2010, 07:56 AM
I took your advice and broke this up to be easier to read.
I met my boyfriend 5 years ago. He and I had great relationship and we developed a very special friendship that I've never experienced with anyone else before. He told me after 1 month he loved me, and I said ,"how can you know, it's only been 1 month. For next 5 years neither of us said I love you to other. We both have difficult time expressing feelings, but I thought it was just understood between us. Several times he said "let's go to Vegas and get married" but I thought he was joking. He took me out every weekend for 5 years, we talked on phone few times daily, he came to all my family parties and he loved my family. I went to his family parties. He's the sweetest, most thoughtful, generous, compassionate, attentive, dependable and loyal guy I've ever met and I felt completely adored and loved. He even waited 6 months till I was ready to have sex, which showed me that he loved me for who I am.
Starting 2 years before meeting him, and continuing until March 2010, I was caring for my diabetic father who just passed away March 2010. I changed bandages on his ulcerated leg sore 3 times daily for 3 years while working and cooking his meals. I took him to all his dr appointments, kept track of medications, changed ins to Medicare and then to MediCal. He had approx 7 surgeries on his leg, a carotid artery bypass, and 3 brain surgeries with complications which ended with amputated leg, and complications from brain surgery. I visited 4-5 times weekly for hours each visit during his next 3 year stay in nursing home. In addition, 3 years ago I found out that my estrogen levels were 20 times higher than normal, due to pharmacy that gave me 25mg instead of 2.5mg. Dr. told me to check levels every 6 months, and after waiting 3 yrs they came down to 5 times too high.
Our problems all started because of me, due to my stress level and abnormally high hormones. My libido had been declining and finally got to point where I no longer wanted sex or even kissing. I felt dead inside and even wondered if I was attracted to him...not knowing it was due to the high hormones. I also felt like I had PMS all the time and got irritated at him quite a bit. Occasionally he would say "you're so mean to me". In Jan "09 we broke up due to lack of sex, and after a month he called me again to see how I was. He called once each week for 4 weeks until he finally asked me out to dinner. But then I knew that he understood my libido was nonexistent and he wouldn't expect any sex..
We continued to see each other for dinner and movies for the next year, but only about once month. In addition he came to my family parties once month. We still talked on phone a lot also. I knew he had been dating on line, but no one special. For the next year and few months I thought we were still together waiting for my libido to return. About 2 weeks after my father's funeral, nothing short of a miracle happened to me. I felt all my stress leaving my body and also felt my libido return... I was fantasizing about Ralph. I was so happy that I felt normal again.. I had felt so dead inside. I didn't even know how stressed I was for those 7 years until it was all over.
I called and asked him to go to the movies with me, but he had plans. After prying a little, I found out that he had been "just dating" someone else for a few weeks. So I sent a brief letter expressing my love and saying I wanted another chance with him. Got no response. 3 weeks later I called and asked him to coffee. He came over and took me to dinner. I was advised not to mention the letter unless he does and he didn't. We had a great time and evening ended with him taking me to bedroom. I had to show him my libido was back. I thought that since we had sex, that that was a yes answer to my letter. I called him next day and asked if he had plans on Sunday for family party but he had plans and I asked about getting together the following weekend and he said "yes, I'll call you" . He didn't call and 3 weeks later I wrote new letter with details about what I had been going through last 3 years and how much I loved him and wanted a new start and asked if he wanted that also. I did not mail it. I called him and we me met again for dinner. At my house we talked about last few years and I explained everything about how I felt so dead inside because of the high hormones and felt like PMS all time because of stress and hormones, and that the PMS is gone and my libido is back.. that I'm back to my old self again. He said it all makes sense now, and that he could see that I'd changed. He said "why didn't this happen a few months ago?" He was very conflicted and needed to go and think, so I handed him the 2nd letter and asked if he still had feelings for me... he said "yes, I do". I asked if they were as strong as they used to be, and he said "my feelings for you haven't changed".
With no libido and not understanding why at that time, I used to question my attraction to him, and was treating him more like a friend instead of boyfriend. He thought that was what I wanted. . to just be friends, and so did I, although he kept on calling and seeing me on weekends anyway. I had been so consumed with my dad, that I didn't make the time for him, and now I throw him this curve ball. It's been 2 weeks since that night and he hasn't called. Since that evening he stopped sending me forward emails, but then all of a sudden he starts sending them again. I think this means he doesn't want to lose our friendship.
I would only hope that he would call me with his answer instead of just disappearing. If only I hadn't waited all those weeks with all the letters and just discussed it with him 2 months earlier before he and she got closer. I can understand not wanting to give her up, because he doesn't want to risk being hurt my me again. I'm positive he still loves me, and if things don't work out for them, that he more than likely would call me again. Yesterday after finding this site, I've decided to finally let go. I haven't had more than 4 hours sleep for 10 weeks now and I'm a wreck. I'm trying to stop thinking about him, but his face keeps coming into my head 24/7. I wake up after 4 hours sleep thinking about him with my stomach churning, even after taking Ambian... it doesn't work for me. I've lost in relationships before, but none of them has affected my like this. I blame myself because I found the love of my life, but didn't even realize it until after my father passed away. It just not fair... I was soooo close to having him forever, but I lost that chance in a matter of 2-3 weeks.
What are you thoughts and if he stops seeing her, will he want to give us another chance.
I met my boyfriend 5 years ago. He and I had great relationship and we developed a very special friendship that I've never experienced with anyone else before. He told me after 1 month he loved me, and I said ,"how can you know, it's only been 1 month. For next 5 years neither of us said I love you to other. We both have difficult time expressing feelings, but I thought it was just understood between us. Several times he said "let's go to Vegas and get married" but I thought he was joking. He took me out every weekend for 5 years, we talked on phone few times daily, he came to all my family parties and he loved my family. I went to his family parties. He's the sweetest, most thoughtful, generous, compassionate, attentive, dependable and loyal guy I've ever met and I felt completely adored and loved. He even waited 6 months till I was ready to have sex, which showed me that he loved me for who I am.
Starting 2 years before meeting him, and continuing until March 2010, I was caring for my diabetic father who just passed away March 2010. I changed bandages on his ulcerated leg sore 3 times daily for 3 years while working and cooking his meals. I took him to all his dr appointments, kept track of medications, changed ins to Medicare and then to MediCal. He had approx 7 surgeries on his leg, a carotid artery bypass, and 3 brain surgeries with complications which ended with amputated leg, and complications from brain surgery. I visited 4-5 times weekly for hours each visit during his next 3 year stay in nursing home. In addition, 3 years ago I found out that my estrogen levels were 20 times higher than normal, due to pharmacy that gave me 25mg instead of 2.5mg. Dr. told me to check levels every 6 months, and after waiting 3 yrs they came down to 5 times too high.
Our problems all started because of me, due to my stress level and abnormally high hormones. My libido had been declining and finally got to point where I no longer wanted sex or even kissing. I felt dead inside and even wondered if I was attracted to him...not knowing it was due to the high hormones. I also felt like I had PMS all the time and got irritated at him quite a bit. Occasionally he would say "you're so mean to me". In Jan "09 we broke up due to lack of sex, and after a month he called me again to see how I was. He called once each week for 4 weeks until he finally asked me out to dinner. But then I knew that he understood my libido was nonexistent and he wouldn't expect any sex..
We continued to see each other for dinner and movies for the next year, but only about once month. In addition he came to my family parties once month. We still talked on phone a lot also. I knew he had been dating on line, but no one special. For the next year and few months I thought we were still together waiting for my libido to return. About 2 weeks after my father's funeral, nothing short of a miracle happened to me. I felt all my stress leaving my body and also felt my libido return... I was fantasizing about Ralph. I was so happy that I felt normal again.. I had felt so dead inside. I didn't even know how stressed I was for those 7 years until it was all over.
I called and asked him to go to the movies with me, but he had plans. After prying a little, I found out that he had been "just dating" someone else for a few weeks. So I sent a brief letter expressing my love and saying I wanted another chance with him. Got no response. 3 weeks later I called and asked him to coffee. He came over and took me to dinner. I was advised not to mention the letter unless he does and he didn't. We had a great time and evening ended with him taking me to bedroom. I had to show him my libido was back. I thought that since we had sex, that that was a yes answer to my letter. I called him next day and asked if he had plans on Sunday for family party but he had plans and I asked about getting together the following weekend and he said "yes, I'll call you" . He didn't call and 3 weeks later I wrote new letter with details about what I had been going through last 3 years and how much I loved him and wanted a new start and asked if he wanted that also. I did not mail it. I called him and we me met again for dinner. At my house we talked about last few years and I explained everything about how I felt so dead inside because of the high hormones and felt like PMS all time because of stress and hormones, and that the PMS is gone and my libido is back.. that I'm back to my old self again. He said it all makes sense now, and that he could see that I'd changed. He said "why didn't this happen a few months ago?" He was very conflicted and needed to go and think, so I handed him the 2nd letter and asked if he still had feelings for me... he said "yes, I do". I asked if they were as strong as they used to be, and he said "my feelings for you haven't changed".
With no libido and not understanding why at that time, I used to question my attraction to him, and was treating him more like a friend instead of boyfriend. He thought that was what I wanted. . to just be friends, and so did I, although he kept on calling and seeing me on weekends anyway. I had been so consumed with my dad, that I didn't make the time for him, and now I throw him this curve ball. It's been 2 weeks since that night and he hasn't called. Since that evening he stopped sending me forward emails, but then all of a sudden he starts sending them again. I think this means he doesn't want to lose our friendship.
I would only hope that he would call me with his answer instead of just disappearing. If only I hadn't waited all those weeks with all the letters and just discussed it with him 2 months earlier before he and she got closer. I can understand not wanting to give her up, because he doesn't want to risk being hurt my me again. I'm positive he still loves me, and if things don't work out for them, that he more than likely would call me again. Yesterday after finding this site, I've decided to finally let go. I haven't had more than 4 hours sleep for 10 weeks now and I'm a wreck. I'm trying to stop thinking about him, but his face keeps coming into my head 24/7. I wake up after 4 hours sleep thinking about him with my stomach churning, even after taking Ambian... it doesn't work for me. I've lost in relationships before, but none of them has affected my like this. I blame myself because I found the love of my life, but didn't even realize it until after my father passed away. It just not fair... I was soooo close to having him forever, but I lost that chance in a matter of 2-3 weeks.
What are you thoughts and if he stops seeing her, will he want to give us another chance.