History:
My girl friend and I met in college when I was a senior and she was a sophomore. We met through mutual friends and have been dating for two and half years. I would describe her as a 22yr independent woman who has the maturity of a 30yr old. I on the other hand am a 24 yr old who is mature but not in same fashion as she is. She brings out the best in me. I would describe our disagreements as being somewhat formal / imature on my half. However through all of our disagreements we learn so much more about the other person and we have improved considerably when it comes to petty issues. We now can have a disagreement and leave the subject on the table. Then come back hours later and more than 95% of time we both come to an agreement.
Anyway back to the matter at hand. We have always talked about the future and I would ask her if this conversion is making her feel uncomfortable. Once I felt she was openly fine about talking about our future I began to really embellish the idea. She would say little things that would make me feel like she wants to be with me, and I would drop the same little ones back. We talked about moving to virgin and living together way back within the first 9 months of our relationship. Now she is originally from NY and I'm from NJ. However this would not be a big move for her because she has family out there. I on the other hand don’t. She is all I would have and that's all that I need. So this past fourth of July weekend she gets hired in VA and because she had a hard time finding work that was close to home we both decide that she should take advantage of this opportunity. With the idea that I would eventually be coming down, once I was able to find a transfer job within my company that I work for. Now that I have a transfer possibility on the table and it is all happening so fast. She is telling me to not come down. She said it would be unfair to me to make such a drastic move if she was not 100% on board with the idea. We were not fighting about anything major, and for the past few days leading up to this whole mess, she would keep telling me how she wants me to come and she would say in her cute little voice “come already”! It’s not about money or another guy and there is no doubt in my mind. We both would be living with her sister and brother in-law, until we found a place. And they both have opened up there house to me and I know for a fact they approve of me. Because they know I respect and love their sis/ sister in-law and my girl friend told me so. I don’t know why she wants to go on a break? My parents and sister are telling me to give her a week before I try and reach out to her and say hi. I don’t want to make her feel pressured because I don’t want her to get upset. I’m trying to wait and see if she will call me, but every day is a constant pain. My guy friends have taken the liberty of taking me out every night to help keep my sanity, we went out for drinks “I did not get drunk”, we went to the movies twice, and we have a little boating trip this weekend to just get me out of my houses. They too are a little confused like my family and co-workers, this seems to just have come out of the blue and I cannot seem to figure out why she would be doing this to me. Does she know this is crushing me? I could understand if she wanted to end our relationship if I were cheating, abusing, lying, or just being one of those guys who other people call a jack A**. I’ve been reading things online that say, these things make a relationship stronger and sometimes people need there space, but we already have space. When she was in college and I move back into my parents house I would only see her once a month during the school yr, she lived with me for one summer because she found a job in Jersey and we were fine, and after she graduated I still only saw her once a month. Yea we sometime use a web-cam to talk and we do email each other throughout the day. But it’s not like we are having a full on conversations. I have work and so does she.
I don’t know what to say to her when and if I call her at the end of this week. I’m scared she has simply fallen out of love with me or she is over thinking all this and is trying to be the bigger person and end this before we both are over committed to this relationship. I know from her sister that she has some trust issues and emotional constraints that she developed before she met me, but apparently after she met me she has made leaps and bounds in the opposite direction. My sister the “master psychology major”, (and she really does have her masters), told me she may be just reverting back into her old habits and she really does love you but may need time to work on herself. If that is true I wish my girlfriend would tell me that, she is leaving me in limbo to think all sorts of things. If she needs me to hold off on Virginia then I will. It’s not like I can’t do the distance thing. You just don’t go on break after two and half years of constantly saying I want to keep you and love you, then do this to the other person. One last thing, this coming Wednesday will be two years since I told her I loved her. I know it’s sad that I know this but I put it in my calendar the day after I told her, I never wanted to forget the first time I ever used the “L” word.


Someone please tell me what is going on.. .

Hi OP, from reading through your post I would say for some reason your g/f may have thought it a good idea for you to join her and for you 2 to be together, when talking on the phone or in emails, but now its close to becoming a reality she's not so sure.

Basically she's not as in to the relationship as you are and doesn't want to tell you this so she's said she's taking a break.

Taking a break means one thing only, she wants out. Sorry if that hurts but it's the truth.

Don't contact here, leave it let her contact you, and she will if she decides that's what she wants to do. For now though the relationship is over.

So leave her alone go NO Contact.

As hard as that may be it's the only thing you can do.

I think she is either having second thoughts or she has met someone.
Either way, she is wanting a break and that probably means break up.
So go NC and go on with your life.

Sometimes people just want out.

May seem like a surprise, usually does, but there's always a motive. Not for you to try & investigate or spend time trying to get in her head.

The best thing you can do is accept it, go NC, rebuild yourself & learn. Become better for someone else.

We all go through this.

She is doing nothing to you, that you aren't doing to yourself. She is in a new environment, adjusting, and enjoying. Let her. She asks for a break ,you accept it, and bow out gracefully.

Maybe its time you did your thing, and explored yourself. Just because she was a first love, that doesn't mean she will be the last.

Well I'm doing better these days... And I have remained out of her life... It does not feel great, but I do respect her enough to leave her alone. I hope she sees that I'm trying to give her the space she wants. I don't want to lose a friend from all this. I have been doing my own thing... Hang with old friends and doing a lot of things I did before the relationship. Although none of this is taking away the heartache. Everything and everywhere I go, I keep thinking of her and seeing her in the faces of other people. I want it to be 1yr from now already.. So I won't feel this emptiness anymore.

People keep telling me that I'm s great guy and don't know why it never worked.. Friends tell me I'm the best guy they know and if I can't hold a relationship together then who can.

These are the kind of things I don't want to hear.. Because it just reminds me of how close I was to having a great girl.

I hope my ex is doing well.. But deep down I still wonder how hard or easy of a decision this was for her. I kind of wonder if she every felt for a moment the kind of pain I'v been dealing with...

Thanks for the advice... Everyone

Glad to hear you're doing better. Like most people, at some point of my life I was a dumper and dumpee. Being a dumper is not easy, you have to deal with doubts, second thoughts and guilt, you do miss ended relationship and the good qualities of the person you had to leave behind for whatever reason.

But the searing pain of being dumped, and left confused with million questions unanswered? No, dumper never feesl that.

But you know what, with time it just won't matter anymore, who dumped who and why, and did they have to suffer as bad or not at all and carried on perfectly with their lives like we've never existed. One day, you'll be able to smile thinking about it.

Best of luck to you.

I am not proud of being dumped so many times but I had the same feelings you have now. It was no better dumping someone either, hurts like hell.

So it doesn't matter whether you dump someone, or get dumped, you still have to deal with those feelings and get beyond them, and hope the next one is better.