My boyfriend wants to do have a 3 way with another chick. So it would be me him and another chick. Is that normal? And if so how do I go about finding someone for this?

How old are the three of you? At least you and your boyfriend.

We are both 20.. actually he will be 21 in like 2 weeks and then I will be 21 2 months after him. The other female will be around the same age

What do you want?

If you are the least bit uncomfortable with the thought, DO NOT allow his fantasy to ruin the reality of your relationship. If he can't accept your boundaries on the subject, then you might want to think twice about the relationship. This isn't like getting a toy or new sheets.

How long have you been together?

Before you get anywhere close to bringing in a third party, sit down, discuss and write out the rules and expectations both of you have. Make sure BOTH of you know where the boundary lines are and what the consequences of crossing those lines will be. Be positive that BOTH of you are emotionally ready to play with someone who will bring their own emotions into the mix.

Yes, it can be a normal fantasy. Doesn't mean it has to be a reality.

If two people love each other that should be enough. You shouldn't have to give in to his fantasies.
These days when anything goes makes relationships hard to maintain.

Don't do it. If one woman is not enough for him... too bad. My opinion.

Cat1864: me and him have been together for almost 2 years and we have been talking about it for a while now. I am not against it. I guess I am trying to figure out if many people do this?

If you agree to this, I will bet your relationship with your boyfriend will never be the same again--to the negative. Would he be interested in a three-way with you and another guy? No? Why not?

No and neither am I

Personally I wouldn't do it. There are to many things that could come in to play after the fact.

What if he liked it better with her?
What if he liked it enough to pursue her to be alone with her?
What if you liked her enough to do it alone?
What if during the "act" you had a change of heart? Would he be OK with that?
Are you going to ask a friend or a stranger? A friend will change your relationship with that person forever.

So many what ifs to even continue.

Don't sacrifice your integrity to please him. My opinion

Don't do it, keep it as a fantasy it'll more than likely ruin what you have with your b/f.

How do you think you're going to feel watching your b/f and a strange female having sex?

Perhaps your b/f wants this in order to watch you and another female having sex together I know many males have this fantasy about that, but do you yourself want to have sex with another female?

No matter what way you look at it, or even go into a 3 way sex session, I would think one of you is going to have some pangs of jealousy its perfectly normal to do so, however what if those pangs go on to grow into out of control feelings of rage or betrayal.

Will you or he be able to fully trust each other again, I know a couple who like yourself wanted to try a 3 way sex session also with another female, it ended with the 2 women running off with each other the couples 3 children were taken into care, and the husband had a nervous breakdown and is now a shadow of his former self, and this couple were ultra confident before the 3 some.

It recked 3 lives of the adults and a further 3 the children's.

Its never worth it, if its his idea you can let him think you are going along with it, just never let it go any further, if its your idea I would suggest you seriously consider where your true sexuality lies.

Whatever you do Don't do this to please your partner, it would destroy everything you 2 have together and the damage won't be repairable. Stick with the fantasy..

Play Safe...

In answer to your question, do many couples do this, Ill say they do, especially in England its been labelled the swinging centre of europe, but that's swinging, which is slightly different although it does entail partner swapping, and 3 somes etc, well I believe it's a case of anything goes, those people however are usually all in well established relationships and they do as they do together in a party environment, mostly, or I believe that's the case, haven't been to one of the swinging parties myself been invited but I know I couldn't cope with the fact that my man was having sex with some other woman, and my partner and I are fairly open minded regarding sex, but I wouldn't try it. I think it's a dangerous thing to become involved in.

But yes it goes on all the time...

My boyfriend wants to do have a 3 way with another chick. So it would be me him and another chick. Is that normal? And if so how do I go about finding someone for this?

Needed to make sure that you're over 18. Rules and such.

Anyhow. A FMF three way. Is this normal? It is a normal fantasy for a man. Is it a normal thing to happen? Hard to say. It happens. There is no doubt about it.

The questions though are: Why do you want to do this? Just to satiate your boyfriend's fantasy? Do you want this as well? If you're doing this for your boyfriend, than don't.

If you're dead set on doing this than realize that your relationship will change. If you capitulate once, than he will expect it again. This will probably won't be positive.

Ask him why he wants this. Is he just wanting the attention of two girls? Is he bored and wants to road test another woman? Big question.

So if you continue in this adventure, your best bet is to find a unknown third party. Craigslist or your local classifieds are a good place to look. Interview possible thirds and only use one that you guess agree upon. Make sure she's drug and disease free. Use protection regardless. Make sure each participant knows their role and understands what is going on. This will prevent someone from feeling left out or offended.

I think this should probably be a fantasy that stays that way. If you're going to do it than do it safely and do it smartly.

My opinion is mine.

Many fantasize about this. Few do it. Of those who do it or think about it, many have strong reservations.

I'm pretty damn open to talking about sex with anyone and everyone. I can tell you that I've seen just a handfull of people tackle this issue without it ultimately becoming a problem.

So... you choose your life and your path and your partners. Fine. No problem there.

I won't say its "normal", as in most people do this often, to seek this out actively... and I wouldn't say it's a rare question. Most aren't struggling with this angle, but enough do that they post here. It is not a rare issue. It is also not what most people deal with in their relationships.

So... if you choose to seek this out... you need to take some risks with women you are comfortable with. Probably need to introduce the boy into the mix and see how things feel.

I have a very good friend who loved occasional threesomes and shed simply take her steady boy out, usually dance, and see if she could connect to another woman in the place who was a little daring and flirty.

I've been there, done that.

This is a big step, and if you're intent on taking it, a lot of talking has to occur beforehand.

Ground rules have to be set down. Be very honest about what's acceptable to you and what isn't. If you don't want him to kiss the other girl, make sure he knows that. Don't go into it hoping he won't and then leaving in a huff afterwards because he did.

Rules, regulations, things that are okay, things that aren't. Make it all very clear. The other girl has to be clear on this as well.

If you do all of that, then you do have a better chance of doing this and making it work. Sadly, we're all human beings. What we think we can accept often isn't really what we can accept when we're faced with it. You may think that you'll be okay seeing him touch, caress, have sex with another woman, but when you're in the situation you may not be able to handle it.

Be honest with yourself and be honest with him.

Also, realize that very few people can make a relationship work when other people are brought into the bedroom. You may be one of the few, but then again, you may not be.

Good luck.

Also, realize that very few people can make a relationship work when other people are brought into the bedroom.


So... tell your hubby to get the hell out? I'm bored, bored, bored. Bored. Bored.

I have tongue tricks.

I don't like to share.

;)

Is it Friday yet alty? Seems like it.

so... tell your hubby to get the hell out? im bored, bored, bored. bored. bored.

i have tongue tricks.

i dont like to share.

;)

is it friday yet alty? seems like it.


LOL!

KP, Y.B.A.B.B.N.G.T.M.R. :D

Fyi, it's Wednesday. Actually, it's 12:23am, so I guess it's Thursday. Sigh.

Less typing. More skin.

It does seem to be a fantasy for a majority of males as far as I know. And I know several who have participated in them including myself.
There was a difference concerning me in that I was not in a relationship when I went through this phase . And truthfully without the issues of being in a relationship or even in love with the girls involved it was... memorable (well... it was in the hippie days... sexual freedom, and all , sex and love were separate issues).

Several friends of mine who were married got into this, and trading wives .
Every one of them ended up breaking up and the sexual adventures were a contributing factor to one degree or another but seemed to be the beginning of the end. They all thought there would be no jealousy because they talked it over first and felt good about it. The girls were hesitant but eventually agreed.
But when one of the girls suggested and they made the threesome become 2 males and a female, the outlook changed. It seems that they (the males) had a whole new aspect when this was presented. That is when the jealousy became the big issue and soon after the practice stopped.

You should ask your boyfriend if this would would be OK. Bring in another male. It could change his perspective on this. It would be educational for you at least to see how he reacts .


And in the aftermath when talking with them , they agreed that it was not worth the problems it caused.

When I was married I had an entirely different attitude about it, which may have been partly due to seeing the effects and aftermath and partly due to experiencing it in a setting that held no chance of bringing on jealousy and broken trust with someone I loved.
If given the opportunity then I would not have done it. Even though I still had fantasies about it. And still do.

I would advise not doing it , It is ,when in a relationship, a highway to hell. Give this a lot of thought and know that it may be the beginning of the end. And this is not an opinion or speculation , I been there done that and seen many others do it too.

I do wish you well

The ONLY people that can make threesomes work are those with absolute trust in one another, absolute respect for one another, and pretty much a perfect relationship otherwise.

If you EVER get jealous of the way he acts around any other female--do not do this. If HE ever gets jealous of the way you act around someone else--do not do this.

Don't describe it here--but both of you write down what you think should happen during a threesome. Be specific and graphic. Then read what the other person wrote. It's amazing how two people will look at the same potential act with completely different views of what they think will happen and what they want to happen.

I've given advice on threesomes before--I suggest reading some of the other threads about it on AMHD.

I also don't think that you are as into the idea as he is, and that you would be doing it because it's his fantasy. This is a VERY BAD reason to have a threesome. And if you are not bisexual (or the other woman isn't--or both), then this is ALL about your boyfriend. Will you be okay with the times that you are essentially left out of the action? Because no matter how planned, there are always points of time during a threesome where someone is on the sidelines for a little bit.

I could go on and on with the questions--but I sincerely doubt that your relationship is strong enough to deal with a threesome. Not because anything is wrong with you--but because MOST people (as evidenced from many of the answers you got) cannot deal with the trust and jealousy issues that will stem from having a threesome.

Make certain you both have the same definition of 'threesome'. Does it continue to be a threesome if you or he falls asleep and the other person continues playing?

What happens if you don't like the experience but he does (or other way around)?

As for normal, your normal and my normal may be very different. It doesn't matter what is normal to everyone one else if it doesn't feel that way to you. It can be considered normal for people to play with food in bed. That doesn't mean you have to want to play with food. It can be normal for some people to enjoy tickling or spanking games, but that doesn't mean you have to want to.

If his reasoning is that it is normal so why not do it, it is also normal for couples to have problems when they do.

I agree.. in other words, don't give in to his fantasy..

i agree.. in other words, dont give in to his fantasy..

Very smart. Don't do anything you find yourself feeling uncomfortable with morally, physically , emotionally. Good luck:)

I'm not going to tell you one way or the other what to do. You're a big girl and will make up your own mind in your own time.

Can a couple bring in a 3rd person and still have what it takes to keep their relationship strong? Yes... but it takes a special kind of bond and trust that only you know if you have or not.
In my own opinion, if you have any reservations about doing this, then hold off. It will totally change your relationship with your man. It all just depends on how strong your relationship is to begin with that will determine if it changes for the better or for the worst. I understand wanting to give your absolute best to the person you love. Unless you can deal with the possibility of losing him to another woman, one or both of you being eaten with jealousy or insecurity, or just the way you'll feel about it the day after, then I would say it isn't worth it.

Yes... thumbs up with that..
That will ruin everything & he will see you a different person..
He will be less affectionate.. just think of all the possibilities that will happen..

yes... thumbs up with that..
that will ruin everything & he will see you a different person..
he will be less affectionate.. just think of all the possibilities that will happen..

Not necessarily true...
Will it ruin everything? Possibly. Then again it could strengthen the relationship.
Will he see you as a different person? Again... possibly. It can go one of two ways. Either he could see you as a person he doesn't want to be with anymore, that he would rather go exploring -OR- He could see you as the most awesome chick and partner in the world.
Will he be less affectionate? Our 3rd possibly... He could be more, he could be less.

Love isn't predefined. What may ruin one marriage/relationship will strengthen another. How do I know? I've been married to my husband for 6 years in November. I was 20 and he was 28 when we said our vows and we've weathered some pretty strong storms together and come out stronger for it. I can discuss anything sexual with him, and he will have an intelligent conversation about it. We've discussed threesomes, and his words to me were "If you ever want to do it that would be totally awesome, but don't do it for me. Do it for yourself. I'll love you the same either way." I have never been pressured by him into doing anything I didn't feel 100% OK with. IMO that's the basis of a strong relationship. Neither partner feels pressured into doing something by the other, nor made to feel guilty if they decide they aren't comfortable with anything.

To the OP... this is one of those decisions you have to make for yourself. Is it normal for a man to fantasize? Yup... if it weren't, the porn industry wouldn't be raking in the money they do. Do our men expect us to do what the porn stars do? Not always. Those women are paid to do what they do, we aren't. We do what we do out of love or a mutual curiousity. Don't let yourself be pressured into anything and don't feel guilty for standing your ground. If your man loves you, he'll understand.

Don't do it. You aren't comfortable with it so , son't do it.

Been there,done it,(funny,her name was lisamarie as well.. coincidence? )

AND!! We were 20/19, age and curiosity, desires verses smarts,passion verses pleasing your partner.

Yes,I desired it to happen,so did she,our 'friend' was taken a little by surprise,but it all worked out well.we were friends through the 10 years I remained married.I still 'chat' with her kids(and mine too:p)

The biggest hangup she had, was my actually having the sex with our friend.. all things considered,it didn't change anything in our relationship.None of our relationships.

I had fantasies and real high passion after,but then again,I was in my prime,all things were exciting.

I guess,eventually we had to go for more and more to excite the relationship... did this set a precedent for our eventual break-up?

I would say,ask yourself if this is the one you will spend the rest of your life with, and if so,this will forever be a part of your relations with him.it might not come up in casual conversation,it might NEVER come up again,who knows.Point is,once the act is committed,there is no turning back.

If either of you have even a smidgen of jealousy,envy,doubt,etc.Don't do this.

Look at it this way, it's a male fantasy and they search for a girl that will go along with it. It is usually someone who they are certain has little self repect and self esteem is low. So it's not about you, he has just found someone who is nieve enough to be a porn actress for him. He would never ask this of a girl he repected. He wants to have a event that he will remember for the rest of his life, he'll brag to his friends about how he talked this girl into having a 3some. When you reach your middle twenties and you want to get married and have children, you will not be a woman men will consider marriage material. This is the double edged sword of being a woman we want to please men but they take advantage of the desire to please.
This is not normal, not for a woman, you will have to deal with the consequences for the rest of your life. Men experiment with women who are foolish enough to be used so they sow their wild oats then these very girls are considered not good enough to form longterm relationships.
So in essence DON'T ALLOW Yourself TO BE USED TO PROVIDE men with porn shows. You will regret it in the years to come when you realize how men really feel about woman they can talk into servicing them. You are too valuable to be used for his pleasure tell him to find another fool for this. It doesn't matter what he tells you, it's not for you it's all to his advantage to make you think that it is normal. How do you feel about being used so he has a memorable event to talk about brag about and think about for life. Will you be able to think about this as a fun event for the rest of your life? You going to brag to you friends about how you were used. He won't remember your name just that girl he could talk into to denigrating herself so he feels like a great lover. It's up to you, think for yourself protect yourself don't get into the habit of involving yourself in male fantasies that involves using women as props and body parts, you are a whole human demand to be treated as such. If you begin down that road you will be involved in being used for other male experiments that make use of your body parts. Your body is yours not owned by a man just because you are in a relationship, you maintain control you will be much happier and be able to get more of what YOU need out of a relationship. Good luck and take care of you.

Look at it this way, it's a male fantasy and they search for a girl that will go along with it. It is usually someone who they are certain has little self repect and self esteem is low. So it's not about you, he has just found someone who is nieve enough to be a porn actress for him. He would never ask this of a girl he repected. He wants to have a event that he will remember for the rest of his life, he'll brag to his friends about how he talked this girl into having a 3some. When you reach your middle twenties and you want to get married and have children, you will not be a woman men will consider marriage material. This is the double edged sword of being a woman we want to please men but they take advantage of the desire to please.
This is not normal, not for a woman, you will have to deal with the consequences for the rest of your life. Men experiment with women who are foolish enough to be used so they sow their wild oats then these very girls are considered not good enough to form longterm relationships.
So in essence DON'T ALLOW YOUR SELF TO BE USED TO PROVIDE men with porn shows. You will regret it in the years to come when you realize how men really feel about woman they can talk into servicing them. You are too valuable to be used for his pleasure tell him to find another fool for this. It doesn't matter what he tells you, it's not for you it's all to his advantage to make you think that it is normal. How do you feel about being used so he has a memorable event to talk about brag about and think about for life. Will you be able to think about this as a fun event for the rest of your life? You going to brag to you friends about how you were used. He won't remember your name just that girl he could talk into to denigrating herself so he feels like a great lover. It's up to you, think for yourself protect yourself don't get into the habit of involving yourself in male fantasies that involves using women as props and body parts, you are a whole human demand to be treated as such. If you begin down that road you will be involved in being used for other male experiments that make use of your body parts. Your body is yours not owned by a man just because you are in a relationship, you maintain control you will be much happier and be able to get more of what YOU need out of a relationship. Good luck and take care of you.

Wow... sounds like YOU had a bad experience with this.

Again--the problem is lack of complete trust and honesty--NOT that "men use women for this".

I'm a woman, and I've INITIATED threesomes with a couple of different boyfriends--both MFF and MMF. And guess what? One of those boyfriends married me, and another proposed.

Sounds to me like YOUR problem was that you didn't have enough self esteem to say you weren't comfortable with it, and then the jealousy and mis-communication set in.

I can't believe how often I have to repeat this. It's not the threesomes that are bad. It's that the people who have bad experiences with them are the people who were not mature and confident enough to handle them in the first place.

Sorry that won't work with me, common ploy to make a person who is doing something that tgey are insecure about to protest too much. Are you sure you like doing these 3somes or is the hubby begging you to do them more than you care to. Men do that when pleasure is concerned they want to repeat it. It is actually your reaction that shows an underlying insecurity not mine. I just pointing out an alternative way of looking at this activity and it seems to have made feel uncomfortable. The man who piped in agreement echos a common male sentiment nothing new - every man on the planet would agree with you. I'm sure their motives are altruistic and not self serving. They don't get it, sex is not all about them. Are you still having them? Then your husband has a good thing going for him, an ideal woman at hand to live out his porn fantasies, every mans dream. Hopefully your partner is giving as much to you as you are to him. Of course, men will fall over themselves agreeing with you probably showing your post to some vulnerable girl. Men like pleasure and 3somes gives that to them, it certainly has nothing to do with love or intimacy or even the women involved. There argument you offer about relationship security is faulty, there are many more mutually satisfying things that can be done in a secure relationship. It's like a teenaged boy trying to convince his girlfriend to have sex to cure her pimples. Thankfully a vanishingly small number of woman are interested although you can't tell that by the number of men claiming to have done 10 of these.
This is a young girl not yet sure of what she wants and she does need to be convinced by some guy who probably can't give her an orgasm to do him a favor. No man has ever proposed a 3some to me, if they did that would be the last they would see of me. I don't have to prove myself esteem or my security in a relationship. I don't have a problem walking away and finding someone else, that's an real self esteem not being weak minded enough to be convinced by a man to perform for him. Of course every man wishes he had someone as open minded and as exciting as you but few of these men are skilled enough sexually to even make it worthwhile. Just because millions of men agree with you doesn't make it something a women wants to do, they also want an endless supply of willing women they can take off the shelf to pleasure them, just like porn but they won't get that either. Women are human not props.

I am so sorry Allie602,You seem to be very closed minded towards this behavior.That is your option.It is not shared by those who have offered their perspectives on this thread.

Naturally there are 'alternatives' ,abstinence is one,so is wearing shoes while swimming.. I think you get the point.

If someone wants to try a threesome with their perspective partner and another,who are we to tell them no?

Did you actually read the original post?If so,what is your take on it?How do you see this persons question, in your own words?I won't even offer my take on it as to not twist this into MY impression.

Sorry that wont work with me, common ploy to make a person who is doing something that tgey are insecure about to protest too much. Are you sure you like doing these 3somes or is the hubby begging you to do them more than you care to. Men do that when pleasure is concerned they want to repeat it. It is actually your reaction that shows an underlying insecurity not mine. I just pointing out an alternative way of looking at this activity and it seems to have made feel uncomfortable. The man who piped in agreement echos a common male sentiment nothing new - every man on the planet would agree with you. I'm sure their motives are altruistic and not self serving. They don't get it, sex is not all about them. Are you still having them? Then your husband has a good thing going for him, an ideal woman at hand to live out his porn fantasies, every mans dream. Hopefully your partner is giving as much to you as you are to him. Of course, men will fall over themselves agreeing with you probably showing your post to some vulnerable girl. Men like pleasure and 3somes gives that to them, it certainly has nothing to do with love or intimacy or even the women involved. There argument you offer about relationship security is faulty, there are many more mutually satisfying things that can be done in a secure relationship. It's like a teenaged boy trying to convince his gf to have sex to cure her pimples. Thankfully a vanishingly small number of woman are interested although you can't tell that by the number of men claiming to have done 10 of these.
This is a young girl not yet sure of what she wants and she does need to be convinced by some guy who probably can't give her an orgasm to do him a favor. No man has ever proposed a 3some to me, if they did that would be the last they would see of me. I don't have to prove my self esteem or my security in a relationship. I don't have a problem walking away and finding someone else, that's an real self esteem not being weak minded enough to be convinced by a man to perform for him. Of course every man wishes he had someone as open minded and as exciting as you but few of these men are skilled enough sexually to even make it worthwhile. Just because millions of men agree with you doesn't make it something a women wants to do, they also want an endless supply of willing women they can take off the shelf to pleasure them, just like porn but they won't get that either. Women are human not props.

Oh, lord, woman. My husband is perfectly satisfied with just me, and the threesomes have been fun interludes with no strings--with people we like and respect and trust. He has NEVER pushed me into ANYTHING. We haven't had a threesome in a while--several years--but that doesn't mean they're not on the table for either of us, as long as we are BOTH okay with the person we're inviting. After 14 years together, nine of them married, I think we've got the whole trust and communication thing down. Does he have a good thing going? Sure! I TALK to him about the things that turn me on, and he talks to ME about the things that turn him on. I have a pretty darned good thing going too, lady.

Again--if you're with a partner who pushes, then it's your relationship, trust and communication within the relationship that's the problem. You have the right to say no to anything you are not comfortable with--and I think if you had actually read my ORIGINAL response, you would have seen that I advised the OP against it. (I am still snickering that you think I'm being pushed into threesomes and that I protest too much--that's just KILLING me). I almost always advise against threesomes to anyone that asks--because if they're asking about whether it's okay, or whether it's normal, then it's not for them. They don't have the experience and trust with their partner to discuss it with him or her, instead of with strangers on a website. And anyone uneasy enough to have to ask about it is going to be too uneasy to make it work.

Threesomes are ALL about love and intimacy, if they're done right. They're also about trust and pleasure and joy. JUST LIKE REGULAR SEX.

Anyone that thinks threesomes are only about someone getting their rocks off, and about it being ONLY about the man enjoying it has the wrong mental attitude to even discuss it. Your mind is closed to the possibility that there are people out there that can make it work and enjoy it--as a COUPLE, not singly. It's the same with people who say "never have anal sex! It will ruin you forever, and it's only about the man's pleasure". Bull-crap. If it's done RIGHT, it's pleasurable for both.

The way you come off about ALL of this is that men only want pleasure from women, but won't marry those sluts that give it to them--they'll only marry the pure, chaste women who save their virginity and have to have the lights out in the bedroom when they DO have sex. So--are you the chaste one trying to justify your inexperience? Or are the woman who got burned by a guy who called her a slut he wouldn't marry after she gave in to something she wasn't comfortable with? I am really getting the impression from you that you have not known very nice guys.

No, not everyone is comfortable with threesomes--but they are NOT the evil that you are making them out to be. They're also not only for men to enjoy.


PS--read my ENTIRE post. Half of our threesomes have been MMF, and my husband is most DEFINITELY straight. Those were all about me, honey, but we both had an absolutely wonderful time.

Yes there are men out there who still have double standards regarding sexuality. There are also women out there who are 'men pleasers' and not comfortable with owning their own sexuality. There are men who are selfish sexually, and women too. However to generalise their behaviiour to the whole human race is just wrong.

It is perfectly possible for both men and women to be comfortable with their own sexual desires, and that of their partners. That doesn't mean either has to do anything they aren't happy with, but neither do they need to see the other person having a different preference as a threat. It's all about acceptance and free choice.

A threesome would not be for me personally. If hubby asked I wouldn't demonise him for doing so I would simply explain why it isn't my thing. Similarly there are things I might like that would not be OK for him. That's fine, there's plenty still left on the menu for both partners.

It makes me sad when someone comes on here and makes negative judgements about the whole opposite sex, whether it is a man who has had bad experiences with women, or a woman with men. And yes, we see it both ways.

Just because millions of men agree with you doesn't make it something a women wants to do, they also want an endless supply of willing women they can take off the shelf to pleasure them, just like porn but they won't get that either. Women are human not props.

Allie,

Please continue to post on this website. We do not at present have a member (other than yourself) to voice the view of radical feminism and misandry. Let me encourage you to continue, as all views are needed to see a complete picture.

Two comments - any time anyone has suggested a 3-some to me it's been 2 women and "him." If I say, "Well, how about 2 men and me?" (thus ending the discussion) I hear, "No, that would be gay." Go figure and it amuses me.

Second thought - I'm not jealous. I'm not threatened by other women. BUT - I am territorial. I catch some woman "hanging" on my husband and he looks uncomfortable, I'm over there. I don't know (morals, ethics, anything else aside) how I would behave watching my husband having sex with another woman, whether is recreational, "love," raw sex, whatever.

One memorable time a woman came into my late husband's Pharmacy and offered to trade him sex for drugs. He declined. She persisted. She had no idea that the woman standing next to him (me) was his wife. The last time he declined she reached out and attempted to grab his crotch. They heard me two blocks away. End of episode.

Isn't that a problem (seeing husband with another woman)? I certainly know he's dated and been around the block - I just don't want to see him make his patented "moves" (as I tell him) on another woman.

Wow I read some of the other posts and really having a threesome doesn't have to be about just getting your rocks off... if that were the case ANYTHING other then missionary might be considered that... oral... anal... role playing.. bondage.. acting out fantasies... SOME people are open to try different things in their relationships.. that doesn't make it wrong... at all... but you have to be open and communicate about what makes you and him comfortable.. you shouldn't be pushed into anything you don't want to do and if you don't want to do it then likewise he should understand... just the way it goes...

There are so many great points here for and against a threesome.

I say if your asking, then your not so sure you better not do it.

I don't think its wrong or right. I think its per individual.

I have done it with and without my husband. Before him I did it and loved it. There were no commitments among us. In fact it was three females and a male. We were three very good friends. It never came between us because there were no bonds between any of us other then friendship.

When I made the choice to do it with my husband I hated myself after. I was disgusted in him for enjoying himself so much. I would never in my life share that experience again with my husband. The minute he touched her I was done. I snapped. I stopped it.

Would I ever do it again? In a heartbeat. But never with my husband. I was jealous and it did come between us for some time. Not enough to hurt our relationship since I made the first move and wanted it to happen. I never held it against him so much as I did hate myself for it. I became reserved for a while.

I feel I am a good example it can go either way. If its with someone you love then you better just step back and really think long and hard.

And I think a person has to look at his/her value system, religious beliefs, many other things before that decision is made.

No secret. My ex husband had an affair. We didn't survive it and I didn't trust anyone for a very long time. I'm sure I gave my late husband a rough time because (based on nothing) I didn't totally trust him for a long time. Imagine if I had been there to see the relationship - shudder.

I agree Judy. I really think it's a choice for each person to make without influence. Some love it and it works. Others don't like it. Outside of that with my husband I am very open minded and we try lots of things that don't include other women or men. I have a great toy box! :D

Did you read my post? Since you side stepped every issue I presented then you either know it to be true or you have not read it through. The fact that I give a negative view on 3somes seems to be the sticking point. It is interesting that when matters of sex are debated the person offering a negative view of women participating in some male artifice is considered closed minded. If being able to think rationally is closed minded so be it, or perhaps having limits on how I will allow my body to be used for a man pleasure is closed-minded, or perhaps exercising any control over my person is close-minded.
All women exercise control over their person or should. Those that are open to all sexual activities that men come up with eventually feel used. In real life the dynamic is sexual various activities and thought up by men. Men orgasm easily and are on a constant search for new and better ways to get them. If they are hetero, the activity usually requires a woman to participate in the act. Now tgere is the problem for men, the desired act was not designed to bring pleasure or orgasm to women so how do they convince a women to participate in the desired activity. The first thing is to promote the ideal of sexual opened mindedness as a positive female characteristic. Or put another way open bodydness. He is halfway there now he has to get the women to buy in and believe that there is something in it for her. Ahhh her he has got it - women who are willing to bring a man pleasure seflisly is considered the ideal and partner, close-bodied women are considered prudes, frigid, close-mined, feminist. Not relationship material and unattractive to men.
In addition some how these acts take on a myth if a woman truly loves her man she will do anything for his pleasure or he needs these acts to feel loved, mutual satisfactory sex is no longer enough in the relation the women must open her mind and body to over and above any consideration of her plaesure and comfort or even her need for intimate love-making that involves maximum body contact or affection or orgasms.
I can think of several bum sex, oral sex on a man, position while having sex to cater a mans desire to visualize the woman,not only must she do these things but do them with a show of great enthusiasm for his maximum pleasure. W
These days women are require to do allot to make a man feel loved and connected and to prove her love. 3somes are the holy Grail if a hetero partner can be convinced to have sex with another woman and to watch her husband cheat on her, by the male standards, she loves him very much. She sacrifices her sexual orientation, her emotional well being, to fulfill his ultimate fantasy. Ahh love and sexual open- mindedness, alas I wish I were so open to proving my love at every turn. But my view of love is not one of limitless giving with no expectation of a being cherished, treated special respected, protected from degradation, loved , being satisfied sexually. Oh and I am open minded to the man that loves me and I can open myself to him because no matter what his fantasies we do what brings us both pleasue and a mutual show of love. A woman who is in a constant state of open mindedness is liable to be convinced by a worthless man to put herself at risk.

Oh, god.

Do you really BELIEVE what you write?

I don't have a problem with a negative view on threesomes. If they're not for you, then they're not.

What I *do* have a problem with is your misandry and close-mindedness about sex. I don't care if there are things you won't do--you don't have to preach that they are "evil" or a "male artifice so that he can have bigger and better orgasms".

Again: What kind of men have YOU known?

Either way, I'm done. This thread is closed until the OP asks me to re-open, because it's been hijacked beyond all belief.

If you want to start a discussion about your attitude toward men, please start your own thread.

I have normally found that men seem to have a more open mind when it involves multiple women, than multiple men and for some reason men divide "sex" and "love" somewhat differently
** as a general rule. But somehow it gets fuzzy when emotions start getting attached to multiple relationships.

Again leaving social and religious beliefs aside for a moment, it is a issue that has to be acceptable to both ( or all three ) partners