Right unlike most of the people who ask these kind of questions I'm not exactly an angel. However I wouldn't agree I was a slag either.

I'm not sure whether as I suspect he's always thought this, or only recently when he voiced it in response to current events. It used to really get to me when he hinted at it without saying it however he always backtracked and said he didn't think it because it turns something I'm confident in - my looks into a negative like it's a bad thing not that I think he means to effect my confidence but you know.

Long before I even met him and tis will obviously sound terrible because I'm stating the events not the reasons or emotions at the time but one of my exes is his friend and at some point there was a slightly intimate stage with someone who used to be his flatmate (yes I know you shouldn't stick within a friendship group but I love this guy well I was more sure of it at the time and I figured he was worth the hassle I got for it)

half in response to me ing up and retracing my steps with his flatmate BEFORE we were dating, when we were dating he slept with his ex who wasn't excepting the fact they'd split I kind of walked in on this and sat on the step crying on a ridiculously cold night and he refused to let me in (he later said becos she would have hurt me but I couldn't have listened to someone cry like that and be so unmoved). I forgave him because I saw it as just sex and a mistake anyone could make, he was lonely becos of his uni work and he'd took him out for the night and he wasn't that sure of me yet due to the history with his mates.

We've always agree to be entirely honest if one of us cheats, because as I said to him if you cheat but your honest I'll listen and decide depending on what happened however if you lie to me I won't even listen. Honesty over monogamy in my eyes.

Obviously his friends always saw me as being bad news especially his best friend who I just couldn't get on with because of it, my boyfriend used to let him be a bit of a nob to me and before he left to go home to jersey (we're long distance now) instead of us spending nice time together he constantly chose his mates over me (he doesn't see this)

A separate issue which probably contributes to this is I was considering stripping at uni to help pay through I don't particularly see it as immoral (I'm not here to debate that by the way cos it's another question entirely) it's good money for something less soul destroying and more dignified in my eyes than working at mcdonalds or w/e. He suggested it initially then changed his mind but as it wasn't a dealbreaker I persisted with the idea (I'm not at uni yet so I haven't done it yet) he then about 4 months later tried to use an ultimatum on me over it and I told him to stop being manipulating and if it was a dealbreaker I'd asked him repeatedly before to say so I wouldn't choose him over it now (whereas before I woulda) and he took it back so there you go.

Anyway he was being very very very nice while he was away but kind of overly and I felt bad because I couldn't decide whether I wanted the relationship I felt bad being confused and distancing myself when he was being so nice. Mhh well I'm a bit of a tease see and being unsure about us and in my mind I don't count it as cheating I was dodging kisses with some guy (obv not while he was there) and I let him kiss my ear or neck but I don't know I've never seen it as cheating it's more a "you can't have this my bf can" game not that I'd ever do that on any poor sod just this guy is a proper love rat hence I no qualms about leading him on (blah blah putting yourself in danger of rape and nah I already no him)

Anyway it's just kind of what I do I told him he got hurt =[ promised not to do it agen and surprise surprise a similar kind of thing occurs with the guy a second time except this time I kept my promise not kissing my neck or w/e however as lame as this sounds my dress slipped n he possibly saw summit he shudnt but as for physical teasing it was minimal. Anyway I told him this also (honesty thing remember although sometimes I wish I wasn't so absolutist about it) and obviously this hot n cold was hurting him so worried it'd happen agen I asked if we could have an open break so I could sort my head out... and instead of saying he want cool with it he begrudgingly agreed you might think I shudda just dropped the break thing but without it we were heading for a split anyway.

anyway we had the break for like a week, I got things out of my system but not like further than second base and concluded my boyfriend was definitely what I wanted that actually the grass elsewhere was not just not greener but pretty boring. Cheered up by the fact I'd finally been an adult and made a decision on it and wouldn't have to worry about him being messed around again I came off the break (he could have done the same by the way jut that he doesn't go out that much and oh unlike me he's an angel and apparently doesn't want to look at another woman in fact I wish he would cheat because at least then we'd be even) Anyway he dumped me as I was unsure if it was a punishment or for real it ing made me miserable him being far away makes things hard to fix. I thort about it and I never really was interested in looking at other guys when he was here so much maybe a bit of flirting I did tease some guy one time when he was here as well but not anywhere near as bad, I guess I was trying to decide whether the lack of major aspects of our relationship cos of the distance were worth it and trying to fill them in.

anyway he dumped me over the break becos even thoguh he agreed to it apparently I should be able to go longer than a month without having to kiss someone is how he sees it which is fine I'm glad he can deal with that aspect of us but he's responded badly to the long distance too just in less harmful ways e.g. with his overcompensating. He finally called me a slut repeatedly and wudnt stop it we're back together now becos I back down and apologized for what I don't believe is something I've done wrong. He comes home in a month I think I'll have to reassess the relationship more then because we obviously have a lot of issues I don't want advice as to dump him but rather how do I repair this and how do I sort out that we're both resentful and he thinks I'm a slut and I probably think he's a prude or at least insecure.

Help rather than insults ta and I probs sound like I've slept with loads of people but he's acually my 7th which isn't tooo bad. I'm only just 19 and he's 25.

Sorry it's long and ignore the spelling.

Asking for advice only about what you WANT to hear is not really going to help much.
The reality of your situation as I see it is that you two have gone beyond repair.

So all I will say is you are delaying the inevitable , and making it more painful when it happens.

I do wish you well.

Asking for advice only about what you WANT to hear is not really going to help much.
The reality of your situation as I see it is that you two have gone beyond repair.

So all I will say is you are delaying the inevitable , and making it more painful when it happens.

I do wish you well.

Well it's not that, I know splitting up is obviously an option but I was wondering if there's ways we can strengthen things we both still want the relationship, so I think that gives it hope there's just a thicket of issues they may or may not be solvable we probably are doomed but it's worth a shot? We've got through a lot of relationship problems already a lot of things that should have tore things in two rumors, problems with his friend, the cheating at the beginning, exams and god nos what else. I accept that you think it's a lost cause but maybe someone has some guidance? When I typed the story out I thought hmmm all the things he does that are unfair are equally matched by things I do that could be seen as unfair my perception isn't good enough and neither is his we obviously need an outsiders opinion because we're pretty bogged down with all these past issues to see each others side.

Thank you for wishing us well though aha

If talking won't help you communicate, and work together, then there can be no resolution. Since it was you who backed down because you don't see the part you played in this whole drama, then I doubt he will see his part either, and that alone, the lack of empathy, will be a major stumbling block, because while he may forgive you, you have sent the message loud, and clear that you were wrong, so what's to discuss now, that won't sound like a flip flop. You will always have to be wrong to keep him.

He may well be a prude, and sleeping with his friends in the past, will always be a wedge between you even though you don't see it. I doubt Mr. Prude changes his way of thinking, and I see him always trying to show you the errors of your ways to change YOU to his way of thinking.

Sorry, I know you wanted advice how to fix things, but unless you both adjust your thinking, and compromise through honestly expressing yourselves, I see nothing but conflict, and red flags in your future, at the rate things are going, and no fixing being done. Issues cannot be resolved, unless BOTH partners are willing to compromise, and just one of you giving in to the other, will never work for long, because you will resent being the one who ALWAYS gives in.

My advice then is try talking and listening, but be fully prepared to re evaluate your options, based on the facts, and not just the feelings because I honestly believe he is unwilling to change, so why should you. I also think he will resort to name calling AGAIN, to shame you into giving in, yet AGAIN.

Let us know how that works for YOU!!

As talaniman has said you can 'fix' things,but fix it into what.

You both want a relationship,but is it with each other?

You seem to be at different stages in your lives.

'Honesty over monogamy' that's an interesting view point,and while I agree honesty in a relationship is the best policy,using the truth to bash someone over the head (for both of you) is not healthy.

You both going around in circles.

What are you getting out of this semi relationship? Is it working FOR YOU?

At the end of the day only you can make the decision for what's best for you,where do you see this relationship going.

If your going to stay together some ground rules need to be put in place and some expectation from both parties.

Is this going to be an open relationship?

What about the safely aspect of it,have you both being tested for std's?

Are you willing to take that risk.
Does honesty over monogamy include saying 'i used a condom,or I did not use a condom'

He thinks you're a slut,that screams no respect and no trust on his side.

There are better guys out there,guys who will respect you.

is this going to be an open relationship?

what about the safely aspect of it,have you both being tested for std's?

are you willing to take that risk.
does honesty over monogamy include saying 'i used a condom,or i did not use a condom'

He thinks your a slut,that screams no respect and no trust on his side.

there are better guys out there,guys who will respect you.

Ah for the record we've both had sti tests before I had my coil so that we wouldn't be risking our health in not using condoms.

And if we were open I wouldn't want to sleep with anyone else I have no desire to it's kind of the less sexual stuff I'm messed up with. If I did have sex with anyone else I'd be using protection.

The rest of your post was helpful I've shown him this thread and it actually brought us some common ground we discussed which bits applied to us and which didn't what we need to do as a team for once instead of fighting like cat and dog.

For what its worth I don't think anyone anywhere has the right to label another person or call them derogatory names, especially someone they're supposed to be in a relationship with.

On the other hand if you're with one person then by flirting or kissing another then you lay yourself wide open to be called nasty names.

It seems obvious you and this person have little or not respect for each other, and why you're playing at being in a relationship beats me, you could both be with the right person instead you're wasting time and effort in a no hope relationship, exchanging insults and trying to get one upmanships.

I recommend you cut your loses which are minimal to nil and move on. All you're going to achieve in staying with this person is an even worse name.

Retain what's left of yourself respect, and move on.