First post

I am married woman been that way for quite a few years. I have a decent relationship and I honestly can say I love my husband. Got married far to young though and I know it, we have children now. Getting to my point, I have met a man who completely takes my breath away. We spend a moderate amount of time together. Don't know and/or don't believe he feels the same, kind of a strange friendship so I am just not sure. How wrong am I? I constantly fantasize about him, I think about him all day. Can't seem to get him out of my mind. I feel sort of guilty for feeling like this at all, but in my fantasies the other man and I would get together. I wasn't looking for this, nor have I ever cheated or ever felt like this for any other man. I don't even know if I have ever been this sexually attracted to my husband. I question myself even telling this other man, to keep the complications of it out of our friendship, I try constantly to shake it off, thinking if I will just stop it then I will go back to normal. I know he(the other man) has to know how I feel, I constantly flirt. My friends question it, and I blow it off as nothing being he is quite a few years older then me. I think my friends believe me. And most of all I have no idea what my husband thinks, I know he knows I care a lot about this man, he knows we are friends. You can just say I am confused! HELP ME!

Cut off all communications with this OM , stop seen him, it will not take to something good.
Concentrate about your kids and your husband .
You can do it , it is an effort like quitting to smoke, but you must do this in order to don't put in danger your marriage and all what you have now.

You, dear lady, need a couple of stiff cups of coffee to wake up! You are on a really slippery slope. Your marriage is in desperate need of a make over. I am not kidding. And how desperate, do you even bother to ask? Desperate to make a woman do some really childish stuff and then LIE about it to her friends. Desperate enough to make a woman casually dangle some thinly disguised crapola in from of her husband JUST to see if she can make him react. That sounds several of my alarms even if it doesn't yours!

I want to ask you now and sincerely too... if THAT is who you really are? If there is any decency in you cringing at that, then I tell you what --- call your doctor, call your minister, call anyone you can think of to find the right place to take your marriage concerns. And right now. All of them.

But if that selfish, immature and delusional woman is the real you? -- plan on cheating, now with him or down the road with someone else just as "thrilling." It is the direction you are presently headed, lady. And a few sad years from now you'll probably be here posting about the ruined lives you created and here the damn fool you left your husband for won't even leave his wife! Oh woe is you. LOL Capice?

Maybe this will help more than words:
Listen the lyrics:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?search=&mode=related&v=tDWFwmwR8zc

You're a married woman. This sounds like a very dangerous situation. I'd forget all about this guy. You're not being fair to your husband. Suppose the situation were reversed and your husband was very attracted to some other woman the way you say you are to this man. How would that make you feel? You have your husband and that's that. All other men are off limits.

I guess as we move on in life sometimes the grass does look greener on the other side, but a lot of the time it is not, its just what we picture in our minds as we only see the good and don't see the faults!

You are married and have a family, as Val said you really need to get your marriage back on the straight path, there must have been something about your husband that led you to marry him and be with him for all these years and have a family... The trouble when you have been in a marriage for along time is that some of the fun starts to wear off unless you keep it alive, little things like sending love cards to one another or buying little gifts and saying I love you often... You can tend to fall into a circle where you just look after the kids and cook for your husband and don't really take the time to love one another or see things in one another...

Start making some YoU and your husband Time instead of hanging out with this other guy, if you have a good supporting family, maybe try and get them too have the kids one of the weekends and you and your husband make some you time for you both, if you don't put a STOP to the feelings you have for this other guy you may end up losing it all, your husband the kids and your friends.

Start looking at the things you love about him and why you got with him ! At the end of the day if you really feel there is nothing there you need to have a long sit down and look at the options.

Here are a few suggestions for how to title this, since you're not sure:

"About to do something really stupid"

"Wanting what I cannot have"

"Tired of my boring life, looking for excitement"

"Is it OK to destroy my home?"

"Will my children think I'm a slut?"

Does this help? I could come up with several more if you're still not sure.

I guess as we move on in life sometimes the grass does look greener on the other side, but alot of the time it is not, its just what we picture in our minds as we only see the good and don't see the faults !!

You are married and have a family, as Val said you really need to get your marriage back on the straight path, there must have been something about your husband that led you to marry him and be with him for all these years and have a family.....The trouble when you have been in a marriage for along time is that some of the fun starts to wear off unless you keep it alive, little things like sending love cards to one another or buying little gifts and saying I love you often....You can tend to fall into a circle where you just look after the kids and cook for your husband and don't really take the time to love one another or see things in one another...

Start making some YoU and your husband Time instead of hanging out with this other guy, if you have a good supporting family, maybe try and get them too have the kids one of the weekends and you and your husband make some you time for you both, if you don't put a STOP to the feelings you have for this other guy you may end up losing it all, your husband the kids and your friends.

Start looking at the things you love about him and why you got with him ! At the end of the day if you really feel there is nothing there you need to have a long sit down and look at the options.


Thanks for the advice, I can't cut off all ties to this man, I see him most of the days of the week, plus my family is friends with him also and they would know something's up. Its hard enough to try to disguise my feelings for him when everyone is around, they all know we are good friends and would wonder why the complete 360. I know my husband loves me, I do. I guess he just doesn't love me the way I need, I am not 17 anymore and he incapable of loving me the way I want. This has been an issue long before I met this other man. I have communicated on numerous occasions to my husband what I need from him. He barely pays any attention to me, its like we are best friends. I couldn't imagine living without him though, we have been together so long I am not quite sure where I end and he begins. I just don't know much of anything anymore!

Thanks for the advice, i can't cut off all ties to this man, I see him most of the days of the week, plus my family is friends with him also and they would know somethings up. Its hard enough to try to disguise my feelings for him when everyone is around, they all know we are good friends and would wonder why the complete 360. I know my husband loves me, I do. I guess he just doesnt love me the way I need, I am not 17 anymore and he incapable of loving me the way I want. This has been an issue long before I met this other man. I have communicated on numerous occasions to my husband what I need from him. He barely pays any attention to me, its like we are best friends. I couldnt imagine living without him though, we have been together so long I am not quite sure where I end and he begins. I just dont know much of anything anymore!

I know that you have said they you and your husband have sat down and talked lots of times about what you need from him and want, but I think you really need to give it another shot talking to him. . Sit down and be frank and honest with him and listen to what he has to say ! I would not bring this other guy up into the conversation as this could led to problems for you, but you really need to let your husband know that your getting to the end of the line and feel that unless things change that you can no longer go on the way things are... Make sure that when you are around this other guy, you have always got friends and family around you to stop anything from happening... I really hope that you and your husband can work this out.

First post

I am married woman been that way for quite a few years. I have a decent relationship and I honestly can say I love my husband. Got married far to young though and I know it, we have children now. Getting to my point, I have met a man who completly takes my breath away. We spend a moderate amount of time together. Dont know and/or dont believe he feels the same, kind of a strange friendship so I am just not sure. How wrong am I? I constantly fantasize about him, I think about him all day. Can't seem to get him out of my mind. I feel sort of guilty for feeling like this at all, but in my fantasies the other man and I would get together. I wasnt looking for this, nor have I ever cheated or ever felt like this for any other man. I dont even know if I have ever been this sexually attracted to my husband. I question myself even telling this other man, to keep the complications of it out of our friendship, i try constantly to shake it off, thinking if I will just stop it then I will go back to normal. I know he(the other man) has to know how I feel, I constantly flirt. My friends question it, and I blow it off as nothing being he is quite a few years older then me. I think my friends believe me. and most of all I have no idea what my husband thinks, I know he knows I care a lot about this man, he knows we are friends. You can just say I am confused! HELP ME!
How much older is this guy? You might want to ask yourself if you are just missing your father. Maybe a trial separation with your husband would help too. While separated make sure you don't see the older man either. You married young, maybe you just need a fresh look at him that a little missing him time would give you. I wouldn't just chuck your relationship with your husband, after all there are children involved.

"You can't fix a marriage going outside this marriage"
Maybe this chemical attraction for this man makes you to think what you think? And if you go with this man and in the end hormones go down you will think same about him ?
It is your call but you must to think with your head now .Cut the ties as much as you can .And try to read carefully al the advice here not only those you need to heard Right now !Remember that cheaters always are selfish: what I need , what I want , never what my spouse need, what my children's need .
Let's hope that we will not find you here couple of years later with a lot of pain .

I know my husband loves me, I do. I guess he just doesnt love me the way I need, I am not 17 anymore and he incapable of loving me the way I want. This has been an issue long before I met this other man. I have communicated on numerous occasions to my husband what I need from him. He barely pays any attention to me, its like we are best friends. I couldnt imagine living without him though, we have been together so long I am not quite sure where I end and he begins. I just dont know much of anything anymore!

Your obsession with this other man is not really the problem. It's a symptom of the problem, which is the lack of intimacy with your husband. You are emotionally starved, and you need nourishment. Leave the other guy out of it, and do whatever it takes to make your husband understand that things are rapidly approaching a crisis point and something needs to be done NOW. Your husband may or may not be capable of loving you the way you want. He needs to be confronted with the choice and given the chance to change the habits he has developed for relating to you. Don't take "whatever" for an answer. You also need to change your habits of relating to him. It may take counselling, it may take time alone without kids or other family around, it may take prayer, it may take a screaming fight, it may take uncontrollable sobbing, it may take a trial separation, it may take all of the above, but whatever it takes, git 'r dun, girl, because if you continue on the path you're on, the crap will hit the fan and nobody will come out unscathed.

MJ,
It is perfectly normal to fantasize. As long as you keep your fantasizing in perspective. If you don't want to hurt your family. Keep it at bay. But if its something that you can't keep at bay, maybe if this guy is your friend, you may want to tell him about it and see what he has to say about your feelings. It may jeopardize your relationship, or it may prosper into something else? You can control your emotions to a point. But remember you are treading on dangerous ground with having such intense feelings for someone other than your husband. Maybe your marriage needs refreshing? Marriage has its ups and downs. NO ONE has a perfect marriage! And if they tell you they do, they're in denial. Everyone of us needs to work on it, everyday. The question is how much do you love your husband? Are you willing to jeopardize your marriage for a possible passionate moment with someone else? A lot of women cheat. So do a lot of men. Probably most of these individuals that answered you harshly, did. So don't let them fool you for one minute! Just do some soul searching about the issue. And you will get your answer.

Probably most of these individuals that answered you harshly, did.
??

"Sometimes Dude, you have to shake her all night long! A walk in the park, holding hands. Lunch by the lake. Buying her sexy underpants, even. It will show you that you care about her. By the way, most Pretty girls don't like the chase. Most of us know our power. And if its too difficult to achieve what we desire in a relationship, it is very easily replaced. Because all we have to do is say the word, "Next".

Comments on this post
Saintas disagrees: next woman please
Dear JRUSSOLE , I remember below what you wrote in an previous post and I tell you now what I have put the disagree quotation in your post . You have very good answers till now, but at one point in those answers you deviate little in extreme : remember that the power to say next belongs to the both sexes , if you don't believe me read a lot of what woman has to said in lot of those threads here. You seem to believe too much in woman's power . We all we have power , power to do good or power to do others to suffer . Depends on us what we made with this power . Personal I have come here to try to make other people to do good things or to pas the pain easily . This is why I can not giving advices to others to do or think bad or in wrong ways . And personally I have never cheat on somebody .
Yes , a lot of people cheat during this days... And so what ? This kind of thinks make our world a better place? I believe NO .
The power to do good or bad is in this woman hands . We Must to indicate what we think is a good and Right directon for her and Her familly .We have this obligation.
The power to Act belongs only to her.

A lot of women CONFUSE attraction, lust, smitten - with some they should actually follow up on. Sure it's fun initially... but your asking for heaps of trouble. AND - in a marriage it usually means something else is wrong - meaning probbaly lost connection with your husband.

You need to sit down with hubby and figure what's wrong.

Do you want t ogo through divorce, cheat etc ?

You need to stay away fro mthis guy for a while - it WILL definitely pass.

Garass is always greener - until you get to the other side.

Isn't it amazing that the grass is never greener on the other side.

"Sometimes Dude, you have to shake her all night long! A walk in the park, holding hands. Lunch by the lake. Buying her sexy underpants, even. It will show you that you care about her. By the way, most Pretty girls don't like the chase. Most of us know our power. And if its too difficult to achieve what we desire in a relationship, it is very easily replaced. Because all we have to do is say the word, "Next".

Comments on this post
Saintas disagrees: next woman please
Dear JRUSSOLE , I remember below what you wrote in an previous post and i tell you now what I have put the disagree quotation in your post . You have very good answers till now, but at one point in those answers you deviate little in extreme : remember that the power to say next belongs to the both sexes , if you don't believe me read a lot of what woman has to said in lot of those threads here. You seem to believe too much in womans power . We all we have power , power to do good or power to do others to suffer . Depends on us what we made with this power . Personal I have come here to try to make other people to do good things or to pas the pain easily . This is why I can not giving advices to others to do or think bad or in wrong ways . And personally I have never cheat on somebody .
Yes , a lot of people cheat during this days ... And so what ? This kind of thinks make our world a better place? I believe NO .
The power to do good or bad is in this woman hands . We Must to indicate what we think is a good and Right directon for her and Her familly .We have this obligation.
The power to Act belongs only to her.


Saintas, I am really beginning to think your just a big know it all! That post about shaking her all night long was from a 20 year old kid! Big difference than an almost 15 year marriage. And one had to do with a young man who has a problem showing his affections and the other an older woman wanting to get some affection. So do your homework before you open your mouth, otherwise your behavior is nothing but an illusion in your own mind. And don't lecture me, because your advice falls on deaf ears! I don't need a mother! I already have had two of those!

Probably most of these individuals that answered you harshly, did. ^quote.

I said this because it is always easy for people to knock other people down when they are in an emotional dilemma that they are asking help for or with. And those who call names and or burden someone who already is fragile should be ashamed of themselves. I previously saw one comment calling her a slut. Which probably didn't help her one bit. She isn't a slut. Just a normal human being with feelings for someone other than her spouse. She needed support, not to be called names. That person should be ashamed of themselves. And I am glad someone deleted it.

Saintas, I am really beginning to think your just a big know it all! That post about shaking her all night long was from a 20 year old kid! Big difference than an almost 15 year marriage. And one had to do with a young man who has a problem showing his affections and the other an older woman wanting to get some affection. So do your homework before you open your mouth, otherwise your prose it nothing but an illusion in your own mind. And don't lecture me, because your advice falls on deaf ears! I don't need a mother! I already have had two of those!
It wasn't about shaking all night it was about power to say next .
And it is about the woman confused wich instead to try to solve the marriage probleme Inside this marriage is looking for this affection outside the marriage , putting in danger his familly.
And I don't think at all I know everithing , only what I have learned in my 37 years of life .
Third : I lecture what I want , when I want , from where I want , what is your problem , You are rude , insensitive and anger .Why ?
And the world don't goes around You.
If you don't like what I say , simply, don't listen .

From my point of view (being 17) I really think you need to put your children first. If you were my mum and left my old man for a new guy I would actually hate you, I mean a pure hate.

I can understand what you mean though to be honest, it sounds to me you need to ignite your flame again? Because right now it seems your just living each day with a smile on your face, getting by each day.

You see this new man as a way out, a fresh start. But think a second, what will that do?

Well a divorce which would take god knows how long, you would have to take the kids to your ex husbands new house every weekend (how does that sound?) and think of the relationship between your children after that? How would your friends see you? How would this new man see you? You just left your husband, what would stop you leaving him when the next new big thing comes along?


My ex girlfriend, who still means a lot to me, parents had split exactly the way your going, her mother left her husband for a new man, it destroyed the family and has taken its toll on my ex and ALL of the family members, both sides.

So take a secound to think of the consequences which would happen not only to you, but the rest of your family, your blood family, your children.

You don't have to be blood to be family, but family is forever.

In fact I can relate to you, a factor of my split up was to live a new exciting life, and was it all it was cracked up to be? Not at all.

This christmas if I ever had the chance to choose a movie at home with my ex girlfriend like old times, or a night on the town? I would 110% choose the time with my ex.

If any advice I can give it would be to seriously try to save your marriage and everything you have made up till now.

And words that play in my head everyday and will so play in yours...

YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU'VE GOT UNTIL ITS GONE.

Tal - "Isn't it amazing that the grass is never greener on the other side." -

Never is. At least 99.9% of the time.

You change partners AND THEN you find out al ltheir hang ups, problems, trouble. Things people who leave marriages and cheat NEVER take into account... blinded by lust!

Saintas, I am upset because you are harassing me over my opinion. I have asked the moderators to stop you. But obviously, they haven't. Get off my case.
And yes, for me I have the ability to say next. At anytime. If someone I care about doesn't respond to me in the manner as I would have wished, I say next. Because there are too many people out there that do accept me, love me and support me. And I wish not to trouble myself with someone who doesn't. This is now off the subject. But I felt I need to reply to your harassing comment, one last time. I will not be interacting with your harassing comments to me any further. You just don't get it. We are obviously on different plains, and have had different experiences/paths in life.

As far as the poster MJ is concerned, not everyone is going to agree with your decision. Not everyone is going to accept you. But it's the decisions that you make today that you will have to live with in the future. It is very difficult to find true happiness in this world. Sometimes others get hurt in the process. And your life can be turned upside down by simply "going with your heart." It has been my experience that not too many men are friends with you because they want to stay "friends". Not many men like to be in the "friend" arena when it deals with an attractive woman. Most want more. Or fantasize about it/you, anyway. Some do. But they are the exception to the rule. AND that's my OPINION.

Saintas, I am upset because you are harassing me over my opinion. I have asked the moderators to stop you. But obviously, they haven't. Get off my case.
And yes, for me I have the ability to say next. At anytime. If someone I care about doesn't respond to me in the manner as I would have wished, I say next. Because there are too many people out there that do accept me, love me and support me. And I wish not to trouble myself with someone who doesn't. This is now off the subject. But I felt I need to reply to your harassing comment, one last time. I will not be interacting with your harassing comments to me any further. You just don't get it. We are obviously on different plains, and have had different experiences/paths in life.

As far as the poster MJ is concerned, not everyone is going to agree with your decision. Not everyone is going to accept you. But its the decisions that you make today that you will have to live with in the future. It is very difficult to find true happiness in this world. Sometimes others get hurt in the process. And your life can be turned upside down by simply "going with your heart." It has been my experience that not too many men are friends with you because they want to stay "friends". Not many men like to be in the "friend" arena when it deals with an attractive woman. Most want more. Or fantasize about it/you, anyway. Some do. But they are the exception to the rule. AND thats my OPINION.
OK !:)

MJ,
Is giving in to the one worth letting go of a whole list of others that you had already established? Even I can answer that for you. No. No, you don't want your kids in two homes, living with some woman (even if it is only on the weekends) that you don't know if your husband decides to remarry/get live in girlfriend. No you don't want to move out, split up your things, decide who gets that picture in the den. You love your family, that is evident, and no one who loves their family wants these things. My dad left my mother for another woman my junior year of college and I can honestly say that even though I was a grown person with my own life at that point that it was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. We kids (and I am the youngest luckily) felt like we had to choose sides and it's split us up. The worst thing is... I resent my dad now. I hate his choice because he failed to consider anyone but himself. Selfish. There is a lot at stake in your decision, not just your husband and this other man... trust me it extends way beyond that. All I can recommend to you is that you try to change your life as it is first. Get counceling, talk, scream, rant, rave, do anything as long as you try to change things first. If they don't then maybe its time for more drastic measures... but not that kind. Think of all you have to lose. It's probably a lot more than you ever dreamed.

The easy answer is just end it with the oder guy and move one. But how do you change such feelings. You have mentioned discussing your needs with your husband and no real response. It seems you see things in this guy that is lacking in your husband. I agree with the previous post that the problem goes beyond this other guy. We all have needs that must be met or the fact of life is we seek to meet these needs elswhere (even if unintentional). I would suggest marriage counseling fast, getting start soon. The imagination of new love is always exciting, but how long before the new love is no longer exciting. In time, people in a marriage begin to take one another for granite and it becomes the little things that seem to become irratating, because one feels the other doesn't care. Sometime the relationship just needs a swift kick in the,, which marriage counseling may help re-ignite the flame.
I doubt your feelings for the other guy is something you can just ignore and turn off like a light switch, but with help and time you will get past these feelings and put them in their prospective place. In these situations, one typically says "it wasn't suppose to happend" or "I wasn't out looking for it, it just happened". But the underlying truth is that due to your own needs not being met at home, you were seeking to have some unmet need filled.
Perhaps you could go back through you old wedding picture and reflect back on all the reasons you love your husband. Sometime the measure for change must be drastic, such as moving out, but one should usually begin with counseling. In any case, you should not consider doing anything with the other guy. Even if things do not work out with your husband, you will have to take time to heal and get yourself back on track before you could possibly consider a relationship with another man. Nearly all relationships that were ended only to be with another end in divorce, because people don't take time to heal themselves before jumping into another relationship.