Oohay now I'm talking to any an everybody I need serious advice now I have a boy friend but he's too old and I'm tired of keeping us a secret but it's the only way and if I tell my mom she might send him to jail for statutory rape or something because we did do it.. but I don't want to leave him because I love him.. I need some ones opinion or advice!! NOW

How old are you and him? How long have you been together?

Our answer will depend on those facts.

How old are you and him? How long have you been together?

Our answer will depend on those facts.



She's 15.. he's 19.

IM ONLY 15 AND HES ABOUT TO BE 20 ,We've been going out for about 2 months and he seems like my everything but I'm not sure of these outcome that's bound to come out of the dark soon!

If you don't want him to go to jail, and you know he is to old, just stop seeing him

You need to get away from this guy NOW! A 19 year old who has sex with a 15 yr old after only 2 months is very likely a pedophile and almost definitely a predator.

You need to deal with self esteem issues if you think this guy really cares anything about you except getting in your pants.

Well thank you guys because I really needed help with my situation and I don't want any thing to happen to him but don't want to leave our relationship but I'm going to really have to now! Thank you :D

You are playing with fire little girl and he's already burnt you when he had sex with you.

It'll be even worse when someone tells about it and they will. You tell a friend, that friend tells another.
It's jail time for him and maybe a baby or std for you.

It may seem romantic, it isn't! It's against the law and you need to tell your parents! Pronto!

Leaving aside the legal stuff (age of consent in your state is 17) it sounds like you're not at all happy about this relationship, and it also sounds like having to keep it quiet is getting really stressful. I'm guessing that if you were happy about this relationship you wouldn't have come here for advice ;-) So, hard though it is, splitting up is probably best for both of you.

But have to disagree with Kitkat22's idea about telling your parents, unless he raped you, I would definitely recommend telling your parents/rape support service/police/someone else who can help you get support.

But have to disagree with Kitkat22's idea about telling your parents, unless he raped you, I would definitely recommend telling your parents/rape support service/police/someone else who can help you get support.

Excuse me, but he DID rape her. As you pointed out, the age of consent is 17. This person was an adult when he had sex with her, that makes it rape. KitKat was right, she needs to tell her parents and the police so this predator doesn't prey on other innocents.

Leaving aside the legal stuff (age of consent in your state is 17) it sounds like you're not at all happy about this relationship, and it also sounds like having to keep it quiet is getting really stressful. I'm guessing that if you were happy about this relationship you wouldn't have come here for advice ;-) So, hard though it is, splitting up is probably best for both of you.

But have to disagree with Kitkat22's idea about telling your parents, unless he raped you, I would definitely recommend telling your parents/rape support service/police/someone else who can help you get support.


I have no idea where you are getting this totally inaccurate "legal" advice - so far you're wrong 2 out of 2 and I'm just starting to read.

This was a rape. Where do you see anything else?

And in the middle of this post about rape you put a smiley face?

I have no idea where you are getting this totally inaccurate "legal" advice - so far you're wrong 2 out of 2 and I'm just starting to read.

This was a rape. Where do you see anything else?

And in the middle of this post about rape you put a smiley face?

Well... the legal bit is certainly accurate -- the age of consent in Louisiana is 17. And when I questioned whether rape had occurred I was not referring to what the law would say... that's absolutely clear -- the legal term is "felony carnal knowledge of a juvenile," which people often refer to as "statutory rape." In Louisiana, that offence has been committed if "A person who is nineteen years of age or older has sexual intercourse, with consent, with a person who is twelve years of age or older but less than seventeen years of age, when the victim is not the spouse of the offender." What I'm talking about is whether what has been happening genuinely was rape, i.e. someone being forced to have intercourse against their will. I certainly don't buy into the assumption that, in moral terms, intercourse between a 19-year-old and a 15-year-old is automatically rape by that definition, even if that's what the law assumes.

But any discussion about the legal niceties evaporates if the guy forced her to have intercourse; in that case he should be prosecuted for rape, no two ways about it.

And above all, it sounds like this person is not at all happy about the relationship, which makes ending it the right thing to do regardless of any legal questions.

Well ... the legal bit is certainly accurate -- the age of consent in Louisiana is 17. And when I questioned whether or not rape had occurred I was not referring to what the law would say ... that's absolutely clear -- the legal term is "felony carnal knowledge of a juvenile," which people often refer to as "statutory rape." In Louisiana, that offence has been committed if "A person who is nineteen years of age or older has sexual intercourse, with consent, with a person who is twelve years of age or older but less than seventeen years of age, when the victim is not the spouse of the offender." What I'm talking about is whether what has been happening genuinely was rape, i.e. someone being forced to have intercourse against their will. I certainly don't buy into the assumption that, in moral terms, intercourse between a 19-year-old and a 15-year-old is automatically rape by that definition, even if that's what the law assumes.

But any discussion about the legal niceties evaporates if the guy forced her to have intercourse; in that case he should be prosecuted for rape, no two ways about it.

And above all, it sounds like this person is not at all happy about the relationship, which makes ending it the right thing to do regardless of any legal questions.


Legal niceties have absolutely nothing to do with this - an underage person does not have the capacity to agree to sexual contact. Therefore, legal niceties (whatever that means) or not this WAS rape. He doesn't have to physically force her. She can say, "Okay," but that is not and never will be a consent because she is under age.

I realize that at 17 you were dating a 12 year old so I'm sure you come from a different place than the rest of us when you are giving advice.

And the smiley face in the middle of a thread about rape?

Do you understand WHY there are age of consent laws? The laws exist because underage children are often not capable of understanding the ramifications of their actions. That's why rape can exist without physical force. But then as someone who may have been guilty of statutory rape yourself, I can understand why you don't feel that way.

If this question was posted on a legal board, you would be way out of bounds with your response. As it was posted here, there is more latitude given for opinion. In my opinion the 19 yr old is clearly a predator and possibly a pedophile. He needs to be prevented from preying on other children. So the OP SHOULD be telling her parents and/or the authorities about this rape.

Do you understand WHY there are age of consent laws? The laws exist because underage children are often not capable of understanding the ramifications of their actions. That's why rape can exist without physical force. But then as someone who may have been guilty of statutory rape yourself, I can understand why you don't feel that way.

If this question was posted on a legal board, you would be way out of bounds with your response. As it was posted here, there is more latitude given for opinion. In my opinion the 19 yr old is clearly a predator and possibly a pedophile. He needs to be prevented from preying on other children. So the OP SHOULD be telling her parents and/or the authorities about this rape.


And men who prey on children very often move on to the next child when the first one gets "too old." Someone has to protect that next child.

I think the person answering is, himself, a predator of sorts and that is where the info is coming from. Some very interesting posts, by the way!

And men who prey on children very often move on to the next child when the first one gets "too old." Someone has to protect that next child.

I think the person answering is, himself, a predator of sorts and that is where the info is coming from. Some very interesting posts, by the way!

Little bit sad that you see it that way. Of course, I can't prove you wrong so I won't try. I'm quite sure that if you met and spoke to my ex-girlfriend you'd revise your opinion.

What I do think is important is to see the difference between the law and morality. The law aims to protect younger people against sexual exploitation by older people. One way it does that is to assume that in certain age-difference situations any consent expressed by the younger person cannot be valid. There are good reasons the law is framed this way -- we all know of cases where an older person has pressured or seduced a younger person into having sex under circumstances which are clearly wrong, even if they wouldn't have constituted rape if the person had been older.

Legally, Cydney's boyfriend has committed statutory rape (sorry if that sounds brutal, Cydney, but it's the way it is). Whether what has occurred really is rape, in the sense of forcing (or even pressuring) Cydney into having sex, is unclear. To me, that's what determines the best advice -- simply split up with him, or split up and report him.

We all know what the legal situation is, but only Cydney can decide what to do about it. If she's satisfied that she really was consenting to their having sex, it's difficult to see the moral reasons for reporting him. Law and morals are not always the same.

She CAN'T consent to having sex with him. She is under age. She is too young to consent. It's rape.

I don't know why you can't understand that.

As far as the OP - I would question whether a person not old enough to consent to sex is old enough to form an opinion as to what and what is not rape.

Moderators - this is going in circles. Time to close.

If she's satisfied that she really was consenting to their having sex, it's difficult to see the moral reasons for reporting him. Law and morals are not always the same.

It's pretty obvious you are not the parent of a teen girl.

It's pretty obvious you are not the parent of a teen girl.

No, my daughter is 9. Maybe my views will change over the next 4 years. But I doubt it.

Legally, Cydney's boyfriend has committed statutory rape (sorry if that sounds brutal, Cydney, but it's the way it is). Whether what has occurred really is rape, in the sense of forcing (or even pressuring) Cydney into having sex, is unclear. To me, that's what determines the best advice -- simply split up with him, or split up and report him.


I'm going to make this easy for you. The boyfriend BROKE THE LAW. It does not matter whether the OP consented or not, he broke the law.

Now, while I do agree its up to the OP whether to report it or not. The issue is not whether she consented or not. The issue is that this was a 19 yr old who preyed on a 15 yr old. There is a strong possibility that this wasn't the first time and won't be the last time. THAT is what its important that he be reported.

Okay know since I looked over all of you guys post and stuff I feel as if you are all correct ,it would be really hard to tell the police about this because I wanted it as well as he did. And its really going to be hard to tell my mom for the most part.. well I guess its going to take sometie to find a way to say it to her .but I guess since looking at your post it's the best thing to do so others don't get hurt along the long journey ahead...

okay know since i looked over all of you guys post and stuff i feel as if you are all correct ,it would be really hard to tell the police about this because i wanted it as well as he did. and its really gonna be hard to tell my mom for the most part..well i guess its gonna take sometie to find a way to say it to her .but i guess since looking at your post its the best thing to do so others dnt get hurt along the long journey ahead...

Yes.. it is. Never hide anything from your mother. She is your best friend and you need her right now. Learn from this mistake and you will not make the same mistake again. Mom will understand, she may yell and scream and cry (Iwould) but she loves you more than she loves herself. You follow through with this... Let us know how you're doing and if you need us, we're just a mouse click away.:)

:-) but I'm really scared like what if she take it the wrong way or what if she look at me different like a slut or something, ihad a rocky past and I really want to tell her but don't know how I could put it words, (what would you).

:-) but im really scared like what if she take it the wrong way or what if she look at me different like a slut or something ,,ihad a rocky past and i really want to tell her but dnt know how i could put it words,,(what would you).

Cydney.. a mother loves her child more than she loves her life. She isn't going to unlove you. You came from her body and you are a part of her.
Now she may be mad and as I said before but she will love you no matter what.

She won't think of you as a slut, she'll think as I would if I were in her situation. She'll cry because her child has lost some of her innocence.
She'll cry because she didn't want you to be hurt and you are. She will help you through this and all the time, through the yelling and tears and silence her love will never waver. Good Luck:)

Thanks.. A LOT! I really needed to hear that.

There may be some yelling and she may be disappointed in you, but as KK said she is still your mother and that trumps everything. If you tell that you understand now how naïve you were and that you want to to tell the truth to prevent other girls from going through what you have, she will understand and applaud you for your bravery.

Good luck and keep us posted.

- And everybody makes mistakes. Everybody.

Louisiana
The age of consent in Louisiana is 17.

§80. Felony carnal knowledge of a juvenile A. Felony carnal knowledge of a juvenile is committed when: (1) A person who is nineteen years of age or older has sexual intercourse, with consent, with a person who is twelve years of age or older but less than seventeen years of age, when the victim is not the spouse of the offender

Well ... the legal bit is certainly accurate -- the age of consent in Louisiana is 17. And when I questioned whether or not rape had occurred I was not referring to what the law would say ... that's absolutely clear -- the legal term is "felony carnal knowledge of a juvenile," which people often refer to as "statutory rape." In Louisiana, that offence has been committed if "A person who is nineteen years of age or older has sexual intercourse, with consent, with a person who is twelve years of age or older but less than seventeen years of age, when the victim is not the spouse of the offender." What I'm talking about is whether what has been happening genuinely was rape, i.e. someone being forced to have intercourse against their will. I certainly don't buy into the assumption that, in moral terms, intercourse between a 19-year-old and a 15-year-old is automatically rape by that definition, even if that's what the law assumes.

But any discussion about the legal niceties evaporates if the guy forced her to have intercourse; in that case he should be prosecuted for rape, no two ways about it.

And above all, it sounds like this person is not at all happy about the relationship, which makes ending it the right thing to do regardless of any legal questions.

Also in LA law there is the rule of difference. And with that age difference alone a 17y/o can not consent. They are still a minor.

The actual age of consent is 18.

I admire you for the courage it takes to talk to your mom about this. You are doing the right thing.

KK and Scott have given you some great things to consider that may help you with your discussion with mom.

Everyone makes mistakes and it is especially true when it comes to matters of the heart.
You are still young and are LEARNING what love is. But still need to understand that attraction , no matter how strong, is not love. Love starts when the other persons needs are as important, or you feel even more important than your own. This is very simplified but a basic.

If this guy really loved you , he would not have taken advantage of your innocence , and that is what he did.
Learn from this experience and it will help you sort out other peoples motives and intentions. When you get pressured to do things you don't want to or question, it is not your well being they are considering. It is all about what they want. That is outside the bounds of real love.

Good luck and be strong when you talk to mom. Keep us posted.

I admire you for the courage it takes to talk to your mom about this. You are doing the right thing.

KK and Scott have given you some great things to consider that may help you with your discussion with mom.

Everyone makes mistakes and it is especially true when it comes to matters of the heart.
You are still young and are LEARNING what love is. But still need to understand that attraction , no matter how strong, is not love. Love starts when the other persons needs are as important, or you feel even more important than your own. This is very simplified but a basic.

If this guy really loved you , he would not have taken advantage of your innocence , and that is what he did.
Learn from this experience and it will help you sort out other peoples motives and intentions. When you get pressured to do things you don't want to or question, it is not your well being they are considering. It is all about what they want. That is outside the bounds of real love.

Good luck and be strong when you talk to mom. Keep us posted.

Got to spread the rep Martinizing... Great advice.

If this guy really loved you , he would not have taken advantage of your innocence , and that is what he did.


I don't think this point can be empathized enough. This one sentence, summarizes and focuses on the real issue here. In my opinion it is absolutely clear this is what happened.

I hope this guy doesn't do this to anyone else.

Adult and young adult men with any kind of scruples don't mess with teenage girls, especially young teens 13-16.
I don't care what excuse they give, they break the law and don't care, steal a girl's innocence and don't care. Anyone who tries to excuse this kind of behavior needs a reality check.
The only thing a 19 -20 year old boy wants from a 15 year old girl is tail, cause if he was decent he would not go there to begin with.

I always wonder about these relationships - aside from the "thrill" having sex with an underage, inexperienced girl (save me from virgins!) what do they TALK about. I appreciate that she walks around in wide eyed wonder because he's an older man. His friends snicker behind his back. In my area (at least) the "deal" is younger man/older woman so a 19 year old with someone this much younger would be the cause of great laughter.

I think it's a sickness (minimally).

Cydney... please come back and let us know how it's going. We worry.

I'm fourteen and have been dating my just turned 19 boyfriend for almost six months now, the difference with our relationships is that my parents know his age and they didn't like it at first but they saw how much I care for him. Personally I think you should tell your parents that you're dating and if you are comfortable enough let them know you've slept together, I told mine. It will probably be rocky for awhile but your parents need to know these things. They will most likely acknowledge the fact that you trust them enough to tell them. Good luck.

You are aware your boyfriend - if things turn sour - could be prosecuted as a sex offender, sentenced to jail and wear that label for the rest of his life?

And your parents - because sex was happening with their consent - could also be prosecuted if the DA cares enough to take a stand - ?

As a parent I'm not understanding one parent allowing their 14 year old daughter to be sexually active with a 19 year old just because she cares for him.

Oh, read her other thread where they are trying to spice things up with "back door" sex.

This is just the tip of the iceberg.

A DA in NY State recently prosecuted PARENTS for allowing a similar relationship, taking the position that the parents put the child in danger.

If more DA's had gumption...

This young man ought to be in jail messing with a 14 year old and the parents need to be right beside him IMO. What are they thinking?

No 19 year old in his right mind ought to be even wanting to spent time with someone that young. The whole thing is just sick.

You don't have a boyfriend - you have a molester. At 19, any normal guy knows a 15 year old girl is way, way, way off limits. He's not thinking of you at all, and you just don't have enough life experience to understand that. Tell your parents.

Well the after math of the situation, I have a baby girl name kyle but I gave her away (truly hard to do) but it was for the best.. my EX boyfriend is now in jail (because my mother thought it was right for it to be that way) and he doesn't know about kyle and I don't plan on telling him ANYTHING because... I just can't :\

-CYDNEY

Thanks for returning and letting us know the outcome. Yes, giving your child up for adoption is very hard, but I applaud you your bravery in doing so. It was the right thing to do. And frankly, I think your mother was right in reporting this to the police. A 19 yr old who has sex with a 15 yr old deserves to be in jail.

You have to come to the realization that he was using you for sex and nothing else. Move on with your life and find someone who will truly respect you.

Sorry you had to go through this, but I think you did a wise thing,
I wish you well