I'm a 19 year old girl and there's this man who's probably 30 something possibly even 40 (I'm not exactly sure of his age even though he doesn't look old) who's a neighbor of mine. We live in the same apartment building and is someone that I see every now and then. He's married with kids and trust me, I understand that and I am not after him, but, I've been thinking that this man may be attracted to me and/or flirting with me. We don't know anything too personal about one another. Not even each others' names but here's why I think he may be attracted to me/flirting with me:

Every time he sees me, he says hi and I know that it seems like no big deal to say hello but this guy will pretty much go out of his way to say hi to me. For example, he sees me but I don't see him, and he'll still call out something like "Hey girl! How you doing?!" even if I'm like 5 feet away from him. He's always being nice to me and to my dad who I'm really close with and whom I live with. He also stares at me and if/when I catch him staring at me, he won't look away. Instead he'll try to hold eye contact with me. He has actually held eye contact with me longer than you normally would hold eye contact with someone. He always looks at me as I was walk past him. Whenever he sees me, he seems to find something to say even if it's silly and unimportant. Sometimes, I can't help but think that he does it to try and grab my attention. Whenever he gets the chance to, he tries to make small talk and when we talk the conversation is pretty much always about me. One day, as I was walking outside while he was driving past, he saw me and wouldn't take his eyes off me until he had driven too far ahead to keep looking. One time, as I was entering the building, he held the door open for me and as I was walking through the door, he reached over and touched a small part of my hair that was up by my face with his hand. I was so shocked, confused, and uncomfortable that I just walked away without saying anything or even looking at him. Then, another time when he and I saw each other we had a small conversation and when our conversation ended he suggested that I give him my email address. This wasn't the first time that he implied that he wanted my email address (he had also done it before a couple of years ago).

A few weeks after that, I was on my way out one morning with my dad. He said good morning to my dad as he greeted him with a handshake. Then proceeded to greet me the same way. The difference was that when he took my hand, he wouldn't stop looking at me, & he didn't exactly shake my hand, he just gave it a slight and gentle squeeze, and held my hand a little longer than normal. It felt as if he didn't want to let go. There was also this time when I was going out and he was across the street from me. He seemed distracted but as soon as he saw me, he went "oooh" and seemed really happy to see me (I wasn't wearing revealing clothing (I never do) just simple fitted jeans and a fitted shirt) but his face just seemed to light up.
There was also a time when we ran into each other at a gas station. I was sitting in the passenger seat of the car I was in, with the window closed as he parked his car right next to the one I was in. He kept looking at me the whole time and even playfully stuck his tongue out at me. I tried my best to ignore him but, I could just feel his eyes on me the whole time. Even when he was paying for the stuff he bought, he kept turning to look back at me. He even did the "call me" thing where you hold your pinky finger and thumb finger up to your face to me twice. The weird thing is that I don't know whether he was trying to ask me for me for my number or if he was trying to tell me to call him. Either way, he doesn't have my number nor do I have his. He also didn't leave till I waved good-bye to him.

After that, some time went by where we didn't see each other but, when we did, he asked me if I was done with school for the year and I said that I was. Then he said "Oh no wonder I don't see you in the mornings anymore."
And now, just about a week ago, I was in the car across the street and as he was he headed into the building (on the other side of the street) he saw me, didn't take his eyes off me once and even turned his head to look back at me until I was out of his sight.

So, is he just being friendly or is he interested? I'm asking this question because I'm confused and sometimes don't know how to react to his actions because I'm not sure whether he's just being friendly or not.
Sorry for making this a long post but I thought the details might help.

He's married doesn't matter if he's just trying to be friendly or not.
If he wants to be more than friendly,he's a sleaze and still married.

He is behaving inappropriately.
Don't make any contact with him. I hope you didn't give him your e-mail address. I would not even speak to him. If he continues his flirting, tell your dad.

He is behaving inappropriately.
Don't make any contact with him. I hope you didn't give him your e-mail address. I would not even speak to him. If he continues his flirting, tell your dad.

Yes, tell your Dad. I'm sure a nice conversation between him and your dad would put an end to it.:rolleyes:

Yep, that should do the trick.
Perhaps if you ignore him, he'll get the message.

He is behaving inappropriately.
Don't make any contact with him. I hope you didn't give him your e-mail address. I would not even speak to him. If he continues his flirting, tell your dad.

Don't worry. I haven't given him my email address. The time(s) that he asked for it, I just brushed it off as if I didn't even hear him.
I've thought about telling my dad about him but, I'm afraid that he won't believe me.

I also kind of tried to tell a friend of mine, who's my age, about him once but, I couldn't even explain the situation fully to her because she approached it immaturely right off the bat.

Why do you think your dad won't believe you?
You tell him this guy makes you feel uncomfortable, that he is coming on to you.
You can ignore him, that should do it, but if he persist you need to tell your dad about him.

Why do you think your dad won't believe you?
You tell him this guy makes you feel uncomfortable, that he is coming on to you.
You can ignore him, that should do it, but if he persist you need to tell your dad about him.

Or you could tell the guy to "knock it off" or you'll tell your boyfriend and your Dad. Scare the living daylights out of him. And be emphatic when you do it!

Kitkat has a point.
The next time he says something to you, tell him you are not interested and to knock it off, if he doesn't tell your dad.

Why do you think your dad won't believe you?
You tell him this guy makes you feel uncomfortable, that he is coming on to you.
You can ignore him, that should do it, but if he persist you need to tell your dad about him.

Well... sometimes, I feel like my dad won't believe me because he's always thought of this guy as a nice guy and the guy has never really given him a reason to believe otherwise. Plus, my dad is a little naïve at times and I'm afraid that if I told him, he'd say something like "the guy is married, why would he be interested in you?" or just simply think that I'm one of those girls who can't have a guy be nice to her because she just assumes that he's interested in her.

Kitkat has a point.
The next time he says something to you, tell him you are not interested and to knock it off, if he doesn't tell your dad.

Yeah. I guess I'll try that but, the problem is that he has never actually flat out said that he's interested in me or anything like that. He just drops hints of interest like the ones I mentioned in my original post. So, if someone doesn't tell you straight out that they're interested in you how can you tell them that you're not interested in them?

Well...sometimes, I feel like my dad won't believe me because he's always thought of this guy as a nice guy and the guy has never really given him a reason to believe otherwise. Plus, my dad is a little naive at times and I'm afraid that if I told him, he'd say something like "the guy is married, why would he be interested in you?" or just simply think that I'm one of those girls who can't have a guy be nice to her because she just assumes that he's interested in her.

Tell him anyway. Daddies have a built in radar when it comes to their baby
Girl. See if he doesn't react just as all daddies would.:eek:

I doubt your dad is as naïve as you think. He is a man after all.
I don't think he would appreciate a married man making passes at his daughter.
You still should tell him this guy is creeping you out.
Are you out spoken enough to tell the man to just leave you alone?

Quote:

Originally Posted by brightsky
Yeah. I guess I'll try that but, the problem is that he has never actually flat out said that he's interested in me or anything like that. He just drops hints of interest like the ones I mentioned in my original post. So, if someone doesn't tell you straight out that they're interested in you how can you tell them that you're not interested in them?
The guys actions are inapporpritae. He should not be asking for your e-mail address. He should not be talking to you and staring at you.
Ignore him. See if he gets that message.

The guys actions are inapporpritae. He should not be asking for youe-mail ddress. He should not be talking to you and staring at you.
Ignore him. See if he gets that message.




Yes they are. HG is right.. he's a dirty old man with the leer and the asking for your email. Tell him outright you aren't interested. He probably already has another young "squeeze" at his office.

Brightsky, you are a very perceptive young lady. Your inner voice is steering you correctly. In the future, always listen to that voice. Never doubt it. To answer your question directly: The guy is DEFINITELY very interested in you, as the others here have stated. His behaviour is downright creepy. It sounds like his attention is bordering on obsession. I know you don't want to be rude so you haven't said anything to get him away from you BUT... you need to start being rude. When you see him, look him square in the eye and ask VERY loudly "Where are your beautiful wife and children?" Then scowl at him and walk away quickly. If on the next occasion, he attempts to stare at you, get your attention, or speak with you, say & do the same thing as before. It may take a third time of doing it, but I can guarantee he will stop. Especially if any neighbors are within earshot. He may actually attempt to avoid you after that.

If you are not comfortable with the above, or if it doesn't work (that would mean the guy is REALLY obsessed with you), then you need to do what I told a friend to do. She was literally in the same situation you are in. She thought her father wouldn't believe her too. I suggested she write down everything this guy said & did (as you have done here).

I told her to go to her Dad with the paper in hand & tell him that she thought this man was making inappropriate passes at her but since she wasn't experienced she wasn't sure, so she wrote it all down & would he please read through it and tell her what he thought.

Her father told her that her instinct was right, he went and spoke to the man. We don't know what he said BUT, the man never bothered her again and actually avoided her. I suspect the Dad told the neighbor that if he heard he was staring, or attempting to make conversation with his daughter again, he would go over to his apartment, have a chat with the guy's wife, and show her what his daughter had written.

So, if the second option is something you are more comfortable with, my suggestion to you is to print out this entire thread. Talk to your Dad as my friend did with hers & let him read all of this.

I doubt your dad is as naive as you think. He is a man after all.
I don't think he would appreciate a married man making passes at his daughter.
You still should tell him this guy is creeping you out.
Are you out spoken enough to tell the man to just leave you alone?

I honestly, don't know if I'm outspoken enough to tell this man to leave me alone because I'm actually a very shy person but, I guess that if things ever came to a point where I felt like they were out of hand, than I COULD. The problem is, we don't want things to get out of hand in order for me to tell him to leave me alone.

Just_Another_Lemming, you're right. I AM a percerptive person and you're right... I don't want to be rude. I guess I just need to find it in me, to be rude or just try to do what you mentioned in your second option. Thanks for responding to my post. :)

My husband used to say;Gosh you gave him the look" I didn't have to say anything, The look is raising one eyebrow and glaring without blinking. Used it a lot when I was with my girls and these old pervs would look at them. It worked!

Bright, you are welcome. I can tell you are very nervous over this or you wouldn't have posted. AND, frankly, I am very nervous & worried for you. So, please, before the guy manages to find a way to corner you when you are alone, I really want you to do one of those things immediately. Do whichever thing makes you the most comfortable.

BTW, since I don't know what my friend's Dad said to the man, for all I know, he could have told the guy that he would beat the living daylights out of him if he even looked at his daughter again!

Just my suggestion to your Dad. :)


KK, I just saw your post. Have to spread the love but wanted you to know that is a great idea. "The look" has worked for centuries!

KK, I just saw your post. Have to spread the love but wanted you to know that is a great idea. "The look" has worked for centuries!




The "look" can turn men to stone. My girls inherited it from me.:eek:

It is not rude to tell a guy to leave you alone, it is standing up for yourself.
This man is being rude, rude and inappropriate!

My husband used to say;Gosh you gave him the look" I didn't have to say anything, The look is raising one eyebrow and glaring without blinking. Used it a lot when I was with my girls and these old pervs would look at them. It worked!!

You know, now that I think about it, I have had a friend tell me that when I don't like someone or if someone is annoying me, that I tend to give them this "look". Now, I don't know what that "look" that she's referring to, looks like but, according to her and a couple of other people, I do have a look.


Bright, you are welcome. I can tell you are very nervous over this or you wouldn't have posted. AND, frankly, I am very nervous & worried for you. So, please, before the guy manages to find a way to corner you when you are alone, I really want you to do one of those things immediately. Do whichever thing makes you the most comfortable.

BTW, since I don't know what my friend's Dad said to the man, for all I know, he could have told the guy that he would beat the living daylights out of him if he even looked at his daughter again!

Just my suggestion to your Dad. :)

Yeah. You're right. The good thing is that I'm practically never alone when this guy is around. My dad is pretty much always around me when I come into contact with this guy. The weird thing to me though, is how my dad has never actually noticed anything weird like the staring, for example.

You know, now that I think about it, I have had a friend tell me that when I don't like someone or if someone is annoying me, that I tend to give them this "look". Now, I don't know what that "look" that she's referring to, looks like but, according to her and a couple of other people, I do have a look.

The "look" is telling him you are unavailable. Stand straight, lift your chin and glare with one eyebrow raised. Try not to blink but give him a cold, hard angry look. If this doesn't work walk over and say, "look gramps, stop staring at me or I'll tell your wife how you ogle the women in this building." Then walk away very briskly. I still do the look when my kids get out of line.

My son told me once when he was a youngster, I gave him the "look' in church for misbehaving, "mom I'd rather you spank me than give me the look"

The "look" is telling him you are unavailable. Stand straight, lift your chin and glare with one eyebrow raised. Try not to blink but give him a cold, hard angry look. If this doesn't work walk over and say, "look gramps, stop staring at me or I'll tell your wife how you ogle the women in this building." Then walk away very briskly. I still do the look when my kids get out of line.

My son told me once when he was a youngster, I gave him the "look' in church for misbehaving, "mom I'd rather you spank me than give me the look"

Haha... that thing with your son is funny. :D
I'll try to give him the "look" the next time I see him.

Haha...that thing with your son is funny. :D
I'll try to give him the "look" the next time I see him.




You go girl! Be careful and stay safe.:p

It is not rude to tell a guy to leave you alone, it is standing up for yourself.
This man is being rude, rude and inappropriate!

Yeah. I've tried ignoring him before but, I wasn't too good at it. Maybe now, it'll be easier for me to ignore him.


You go girl! Be careful and stay safe.:p

Thanks. I'll try. :)

Thanks. I'll try. :)




If you are ever alone and he approaches you and puts his hands on you , scream and kick him right in the family jewels. Then run and call the police.:)

If you are ever alone and he approaches you and puts his hands on you , scream and kick him right in the family jewels. Then run and call the police.:)

Thanks. If it ever comes to that, I will. It's funny because that time that I mentioned in my original post, where he touched my hair, there were people around and no one seemed to noticed what he did. :/

Thanks. If it ever comes to that, I will. It's funny because that time that I mentioned in my original post, where he touched my hair, there were people around and no one seemed to noticed what he did. :/




He is a freak... When he touched your hair you should have slapped him and said "keep your hands to yourself, you nutjob"... That makes me mad. If someone were to do that to my daughters and (they are older than you), I would make darn sure he would be singing soprano for the rest of his life.:eek: Be careful.

Yes the 'look' does work.

I might say seeing as you don't know what 'the look' looks like practise it in the mirror.

I say this as I also tried to give a guy who kept bothering me this 'look' but got told by friends that it was more a seductive look. Which made things worse for me lol.

Once I got it right it did work in the end!

Yes the 'look' does work.

I might say seeing as you dont know what 'the look' looks like practise it in the mirror.

I say this as i also tried to give a guy who kept bothering me this 'look' but got told by friends that it was more a seductive look. which made things worse for me lol.

Once i got it right it did work in the end!

Aimee maybe we should start a thread on "How To Give The Look".:D
Yes that "look" will be passed from generation to generation in my family.
I'm so proud.:cool:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat22
He is a freak... When he touched your hair you should have slapped him and said "keep your hands to yourself, you nutjob"... That makes me mad. If someone were to do that to my daughters and (they are older than you), I would make darn sure he would be singing soprano for the rest of his life. Be careful.

Lol. That's funny. You seem like you really care about your children Kitkat. That's a good thing. I'm sure that you're a really good mother. That day (when he touched my hair), I was so shocked, confused, etc that I didn't know how to react. I just... froze and then walked away quickly without saying anything. Not the best thing to do, I know, but it was the only thing that I was able to do at the moment.



Yes the 'look' does work.

I might say seeing as you don't know what 'the look' looks like practise it in the mirror.

I say this as I also tried to give a guy who kept bothering me this 'look' but got told by friends that it was more a seductive look. Which made things worse for me lol.

Once I got it right it did work in the end!

Aimee, I know I said that I don't know what the "look" looks like but, apparently, I do know how to give the "look" to people who annoy me or that I simply don't like. I guess I do it subconciously without realizing it because, according to a friend of mine, my "look" tells people "leave me the "f" alone, before I f#@!#@ hurt you!". :D

Lol. That's funny. You seem like you really care about your children Kitkat. That's a good thing. I'm sure that you're a really good mother. :) That day (when he touched my hair), I was so shocked, confused, etc that I didn't know how to react. I just...froze and then walked away quickly without saying anything. Not the best thing to do, I know, but it was the only thing that I was able to do at the moment.

You were shocked and uncomfortable about his actions. Yes I love my husband, my children more than my own life. I would kill if someone hurt or harmed my children in any way. So would my husband. Your dad feels the same way as we do. He would protect you with his life. That's what moms and dads do. You should tell your dad and let him be aware of this guy. Let us know how you do. Tell your Dad.:) Practice the "look".:eek:

Lol. That's funny. You seem like you really care about your children Kitkat. That's a good thing. I'm sure that you're a really good mother. :) That day (when he touched my hair), I was so shocked, confused, etc that I didn't know how to react. I just...froze and then walked away quickly without saying anything. Not the best thing to do, I know, but it was the only thing that I was able to do at the moment.

Don't worry I would have done the same thing. Its hard when you're a naturally shy and kind person to say anything to people who you don't like.

I think you just need to start Giving him the look and ignoring him.. If he is going into alift at the same time as you let him go in and wait till he is gone before you hop into it. Don't let him get near you. If he stares at you.. stare back with that evil look. Eventually he will get it through his thick skull that you don't like him!

Aimee, I know I said that I don't know what the "look" looks like but, apparently, I do know how to give the "look" to people who annoy me or that I simply don't like. I guess I do it subconciously without realizing it because, according to a friend of mine, my "look" tells people "leave me the "f" alone, before I f#@!#@ hurt you!". :D
The use that look on this guy

You have more than enough 'clues' from this man, to know that this is a potentially dangerous situation.

That much is quite obvious, your post was very well written, and any reasonable person would feel as you do.

But, you have to take care of your own business here. You can run the risk of doing nothing and have him suddenly be standing outside the building in the shadows after a friend drops you off late at night.

You can run the risk of continuously not stopping him by informing your father, who would most likely have a few words with him. That alone could end this.

You can also run the risk of appearing to encourage him- IN HIS EYES. Men who stalk, intimidate, assert themselves without provocation, see you as prey. You have described yourself as rather shy and polite. Just the type of person a stalker goes for.

This behaviour will not stop. It will get increasingly more and more invaisive, because he sees every 'encounter' as being a green light to the next, and, as a 'sign' that you have not rejected him, therefore you must feel the same about him, as he does of you.

There are no accidents with men like this. He knows where you live, he knows your schedule, where you buy gas, where you go, who your friends are, etc. He pretends to be a 'man' by shaking your fathers had, all the while holding yours and establishing uncomfortable eye contact. Even in the presence of your own father, he is still making it known to you, that he is interested in you, far beyond the comfort level that any female would feel with him around.

Don't kid yourself. You need to do something. My guess is that you are not the first person he has stalked, nor will you be the last. It could very well come down to contacting the police, getting a restraining order etc. It will escalate. Expecting him to stop on his own, isn't going to happen.

So you make the call. Do something and put a stop to it. Or, do nothing, and be prepared for more uncomfortable, potentially dangerous, contact from this man who is at least 20 years older than you. If you don't take charge here, don't complain when you run into him, and this turns into an assault.

Had to spread the rep... but everyone posting here has been right on and to the point.

brightsky , love your description of your look, use it!

Being a dad myself I urge you to talk to him. Dads and daughters share a special bond you may not know about and this may show you a new side of dad.

Keep the creeps at bay and keep us posted

Lost the electricity yesterday so I couldn't respond.

Jake, I too have to spread it but you are right on the money. That is what I was thinking but I was a bit concerned about scaring her. In the light of day, I should have been as strong in my wording as you have been here. She needs to understand that this needs to be dealt with immediately.

Martinizing, have to spread it as well. Brightsky needs to recognize that IF her father appears to be a gentle man, he will turn into a grizzly if he believes a man is placing his daughter in danger. Brightsky, please believe that.

Bright, one other thing... you mentioned this guy does all these things while other people are around & quite often while your Dad is around. What may be confusing you &/or you don't notice, is that he is being very, very careful to ensure your Father or anyone else with you doesn't notice him. THAT is why he is staring so long and hard. He waits for the precise moment you make eye contact with him and the other person with you is distracted by something else. He is extremely cunning. The more you post, the more the alarm bells are going off for me.

Kiddo, you now have quite a number of people on this thread that have told you that your suspicions are right on the ball. Print this entire thread with all the responses and show it to your father. When he reads everything that you have stated and we have said, he won't doubt you. I promise.

The use that look on this guy

Don't worry. I plan to use it at some point. :P


You have more than enough 'clues' from this man, to know that this is a potentially dangerous situation.

That much is quite obvious, your post was very well written, and any reasonable person would feel as you do.

But, you have to take care of your own business here. You can run the risk of doing nothing and have him suddenly be standing outside the building in the shadows after a friend drops you off late at night.

You can run the risk of continuously not stopping him by informing your father, who would most likely have a few words with him. That alone could end this.

You can also run the risk of appearing to encourage him- IN HIS EYES. Men who stalk, intimidate, assert themselves without provocation, see you as prey. You have described yourself as rather shy and polite. Just the type of person a stalker goes for.

This behaviour will not stop. It will get increasingly more and more invaisive, because he sees each and every 'encounter' as being a green light to the next, and, as a 'sign' that you have not rejected him, therefore you must feel the same about him, as he does of you.

There are no accidents with men like this. He knows where you live, he knows your schedule, where you buy gas, where you go, who your friends are, etc. He pretends to be a 'man' by shaking your fathers had, all the while holding yours and establishing uncomfortable eye contact. Even in the presence of your own father, he is still making it known to you, that he is interested in you, far beyond the comfort level that any female would feel with him around.

Don't kid yourself. You need to do something. My guess is that you are not the first person he has stalked, nor will you be the last. It could very well come down to contacting the police, getting a restraining order etc. It will escalate. Expecting him to stop on his own, isn't going to happen.

So you make the call. Do something and put a stop to it. Or, do nothing, and be prepared for more uncomfortable, potentially dangerous, contact from this man who is at least 20 years older than you. If you don't take charge here, don't complain when you run into him, and this turns into an assault.

Thanks for the advice. I really liked how you explained things thoroughly. :)


Lost the electricity yesterday so I couldn't respond.

Jake, I too have to spread it but you are right on the money. That is what I was thinking but I was a bit concerned about scaring her. In the light of day, I should have been as strong in my wording as you have been here. She needs to understand that this needs to be dealt with immediately.

Martinizing, have to spread it as well. Brightsky needs to recognize that IF her father appears to be a gentle man, he will turn into a grizzly if he believes a man is placing his daughter in danger. Brightsky, please believe that.

Bright, one other thing....you mentioned this guy does all these things while other people are around & quite often while your Dad is around. What may be confusing you &/or you don't notice, is that he is being very, very careful to ensure your Father or anyone else with you doesn't notice him. THAT is why he is staring so long and hard. He waits for the precise moment you make eye contact with him and the other person with you is distracted by something else. He is extremely cunning. The more you post, the more the alarm bells are going off for me.

Kiddo, you now have quite a number of people on this thread that have told you that your suspicions are right on the ball. Print this entire thread with all the responses and show it to your father. When he reads everything that you have stated and we have said, he won't doubt you. I promise.

Just_Another_Flemming, thanks for the advice... again. :p
The part of your quote that I put in bold is the one that I'm more specifically responding to right now. Honestly, I have noticed that he is what I call "slick". He seems to know how to do things and make them noticeable to me but, not necessarily anyone else. He has my dad thinking of him as a "nice guy" and every time my dad sees him or comes into contact with him, he ends up telling me about what a nice and/or great guy, this man is. When I hear him say this type of stuff, I just get the urge to tell him everything that I mentioned in my original post to you guys but, up until this point, I've never actually had the guts to do so. So, I'm just going to try to take the encouragement that you guys gave me to finally blurt out the truth (as hard as it may be).
The good thing is that I haven't seen and/or come in contact with that guy in a while. :D

Just_Another_Flemming, thanks for the advice...again. :p
The part of your quote that I put in bold is the one that I'm more specifically responding to right now. Honestly, I have noticed that he is what I call "slick". He seems to know how to do things and make them noticeable to me but, not neccessarily anyone else. He has my dad thinking of him as a "nice guy" and every time my dad sees him or comes into contact with him, he ends up telling me about what a nice and/or great guy, this man is. When I hear him say this type of stuff, I just get the urge to tell him everything that I mentioned in my original post to you guys but, up until this point, I've never actually had the guts to do so. So, I'm just going to try to take the encouragement that you guys gave me to finally blurt out the truth (as hard as it may be).
The good thing is that I haven't seen and/or come in contact with that guy in a while. :D




Bright... he wouldn't think he was so nice if you told him about the touching hair incident. He may be using dad to get closer to you.
Carry mace with you or a small can of hairspray. Mace his face and run.

Even though you haven't seen the guy in while, it doesn't mean he isn't watching for you. Please don't forget to show your father everything we have written.

Post back and let us know how it goes. We are all very worried about you.

Even though you haven't seen the guy in while, it doesn't mean he isn't watching for you. Please don't forget to show your father everything we have written.

Post back and let us know how it goes. We are all very worried about you.




Tell your dad and keep us posted!:)

UPDATE

For anyone who is interested in an update. Here it is: I hadn't seen the guy in about a month (this includes the time I spent posting about the situation on here). I saw him a couple of days ago while I was walking towards the entrance of the apartment building. I stopped to talk to my cousin who was headed in the opposite direction of me for a bit. The guy said hello to both of us and then she (my cousin) continued to head in her direction and so did I. After she was gone, he made small talk with me. Asking me stuff like how I have been, how my summer has been, am I going back to school, etc, etc. So, we're walking down the hallway when he asks "So, where's your boyfriend?" I ignored his question and continued to walk in the direction I was headed. He asked again, "Where's your boyfriend? Has he been taking you places?" I ignored his question and just responded with "You are funny" (in a sarcastic tone of voice) and then he said "That still doesn't answer my question"... I didn't say anything and he just changed the subject as we entered the elevator because some other guy was in there with us.

For anyone who is wondering, no, I haven't told my dad yet. I just haven't worked up the guts to do it even after all the suggestions you guys have given me BUT I AM thinking about starting small first. As in, maybe trying to my friend again even though when I first tried to tell her she was pretty immature about it. Maybe if she sees that I'm being serious, she will be too and/or also tell my cousin (the one who saw me that day) and then tell my dad after I tell them.

Don't play with this guy.
You need to come right out and tell him to leave you alone. It is none of his business if you have a boyfriend or where he is taking you and he needs to be told that sternly. As long as you -foot around this, it may lead him on. Talk to your father, ask him what you should do.
Don't allow yourself to be caught alone with him. Why would you even approach and elevator with him? Use your head young lady.

Stop playing around.
Tell him to leave you alone!

Tell your dad. This needs to end now!
It can only get worse if let go.

The time for starting small has passed.

The time to tell your father is here. This person has shown that he can 'bide' his time and catch you at a fairly vulnerable time (when you are alone and no one else is in sight).

Tell your father that this person is making you feel uncomfortable and why. Let him know that it has been going on for awhile. If he thinks you are over reacting, ask him to pay closer attention and show him this thread.

Don't fool around with this guy! Tell your Dad. You are not safe if this guy gets away with the behavior he is exhibiting.

Tell your dad you are not comfortable around this guy, as everyone has said, and THEN talk to your friend, and cousin, because at least DAD can watch your back, or whatever it takes to protect you.

He will be more than glad to keep an eye on this fellow, and take the right actions.

But you must tell him first, right?

brightsky, I have two sons, no daughters. But if I DID have a daughter I would like to think that she would believe in me enough to be able to tell me ANYTHING concerning men being innappropriate. This guy is a pervert. No questions about it. He is old enough to be your father, and he is LUSTING after you.

I don't even know you, but I'll tell you, this guy makes me want to come to where you are, and straighten this problem out right now.

HE TOUCHED YOU.

If you were MY daughter, and he did all these things to make you feel uncomfortable, well let's just say I would be compelled to take the law into my own hands. I'll leave the specifics unsaid.

Don't play his games.

Tell your father today. Right now. He started all of this when you were a MINOR. He must be stopped. When he is with his WIFE, he could be silently thinking of you. Pretty sick, HUH?

And who knows what he wants to send you through your e-mail?

The last thing you need to do is to play games with him. All that is going to do is make him ramp up his stalking, and hunting.

I hope you do the right thing.

Stay safe.

brightsky, I have two sons, no daughters. But if I DID have a daughter I would like to think that she would believe in me enough to be able to tell me ANYTHING concerning men being innappropriate. This guy is a pervert. No questions about it. He is old enough to be your father, and he is LUSTING after you.

I don't even know you, but I'll tell you, this guy makes me want to come to where you are, and straighten this problem out right now.

HE TOUCHED YOU.

If you were MY daughter, and he did all these things to make you feel uncomfortable, well let's just say I would be compelled to take the law into my own hands. I'll leave the specifics unsaid.

Don't play his games.

Tell your father today. Right now. He started all of this when you were a MINOR. He must be stopped. When he is with his WIFE, he could be silently thinking of you. Pretty sick, HUH?

And who knows what he wants to send you through your e-mail?

The last thing you need to do is to play games with him. All that is going to do is make him ramp up his stalking, and hunting.

I hope you do the right thing.

Stay safe.

Thanks for your input jmjoseph. You brought up some good points and have given me good advice, as have others who responded to my original post. It's funny that you mention what your reaction would be if I were your daughter because it sounds really similar to what my dad has said in terms of... if anyone ever hurt or harmed one of his kids. He has said that if anyone ever hurt or harmed his kids, then he'd be crazy enough to [BLEEP] that person, which to be honest, I guess is also what has kind of kept me from telling him about this. I'm afraid that he'll overreact and try do more than just have a few words with the guy (if you know what I mean).
See, my dad has shown that he can't exactly be rational when he's angry and it's hard for someone to even get a word in to explain themselves to him when he is angry. I just don't want him to do anything crazy because I don't see the need for that.

And yes, this whole thing did start when I was a minor. I think it started when I was about 15 or 16 years old (I just very recently turned 19). The only problem is, that at that time, since he was much more subtle with his actions and stuff, I thought he was just being friendly and that it was no big deal. He started to be a little more forward once I turned 18. Things became more clear for me and that's when I started having my suspicions. Especially, since he kept telling me stuff like how good it is (or was) to be 18 and stuff like that.

I am not trying to play games with this guy nor am I trying to encourage him. I don't see him too often. It's usually every few weeks or so and even then I try to avoid him and/or ignore him when I see him, but, he seems to notice me whenever I'm around.

Thanks for your input jmjoseph. You brought up some good points and have given me good advice, as have others who responded to my original post. It's funny that you mention what your reaction would be if I were your daughter because it sounds really similar to what my dad has said in terms of...if anyone ever hurt or harmed one of his kids. He has said that if anyone ever hurt or harmed his kids, then he'd be crazy enough to [BLEEP] that person, which to be honest, I guess is also what has kind of kept me from telling him about this. I'm afraid that he'll overreact and try do more than just have a few words with the guy (if you know what I mean).
See, my dad has shown that he can't exactly be rational when he's angry and it's hard for someone to even get a word in to explain themselves to him when he is angry. I just don't want him to do anything crazy because I don't see the need for that.

And yes, this whole thing did start when I was a minor. I think it started when I was about 15 or 16 years old (I just very recently turned 19). The only problem is, that at that time, since he was much more subtle with his actions and stuff, I thought he was just being friendly and that it was no big deal. He started to be a little more forward once I turned 18. Things became more clear for me and that's when I started having my suspicions. Especially, since he kept telling me stuff like how good it is (or was) to be 18 and stuff like that.

I am not trying to play games with this guy nor am I trying to encourage him. I don't see him too often. It's usually every few weeks or so and even then I try to avoid him and/or ignore him when I see him, but, he seems to notice me whenever I'm around.

Tell your dad. Please. There are probably other young girls he has done this to.:mad:

I think you should tell your dad anyway. Someone needs to know about this guy.
If something happened I'm sure he would be upset that you didn't trust him enough to tell him what was going on.
Trust your dad, he's an adult, he will know how to carry himself.

Brightsky, where is your Mother in all of this? Is she a bit easier for you to talk with than your Dad?

Please. Print out this entire thread, including what you have written about your fear that your father's temper. Speak with your mother, let her read this entire thread, and allow her to guide you on how to resolve this situation. By biding your time and hoping it will just stop on it's own is foolish thinking and you know it. I really am fearful that this guy is going to corner you one day soon.

If you are still resistant, do you ever see this guy's wife? It might be uncomfortable but maybe you should just hand her this entire thread with a note written on top that this is about her husband, and then just walk away.

The other thing you might want to consider is to walk into your local police precinct and speak to an officer. Show him this thread. Maybe he will be willing to have a few words with your neighbor without your father having to get involved. If a police officer makes you uncomfortable you need to think of someone, anyone, in your life that would be willing to have a serious talk with this man to force him to back off completely from interacting with you.

And yes, this whole thing did start when I was a minor. I think it started when I was about 15 or 16 years old (I just very recently turned 19). The only problem is, that at that time, since he was much more subtle with his actions and stuff, I thought he was just being friendly and that it was no big deal. He started to be a little more forward once I turned 18. Things became more clear for me and that's when I started having my suspicions. Especially, since he kept telling me stuff like how good it is (or was) to be 18 and stuff like that.

Like I said, this person has shown that he can be patient and wait for the slightest indication (in his mind) that you are receptive to his 'advances'. That he stepped up a level in his rhetoric after you turned 18 should be a warning. That you feel uncomfortable enough about him to ask what to do on a website should tell you something.

Think of it this way. Why did he change the subject when another person was in the elevator? Where do you think he would gone with his questions about boyfriends and how insistent do you think he would have become in getting an answer?

Understand that fathers often will talk loud and carry a big stick to warn off those who might want to hurt their children. It doesn't mean they aren't capable of having a rational discussion about issues. Bring up the subject with him in a calm way. Tell him what has you concerned and why.

I cannot understand your reluctance.

I cannot understand why talking to your father is a harder prospect for you, than dealing with this stalker.

I cannot understand why you would banter with him about a boyfriend. Nor does it make sense that you would ride in an elevator with him- alone. You were lucky that someone else was in there. I don't understand why, when you allowed him to talk to you, that you didn't tell him to piss off and mind his own business. I don't understand why you didn't totally ignore him, and don't totally ignore him, why you hesitate in telling someone- anyone- that you are fearful, afraid for your safety, and find his behaviour totally inappropriate.

Why is that.

Every green light you give him, gives him more green lights. He is getting more personal, more secretive, more demanding- by the sounds of things. As I said to you in my first post on this matter, it will escalate- and it is escalating, and you are aware it is escalating. Yet- you don't stop him. Why is that.

I don't know why you are allowing yourself down the path of being a victim here. You imply that you have no control over you own actions, let alone his. I don't think you take this seriously, either that, or you are enjoying the game of cat and mouse.

What I don't hear, is you in dread of returning to your home, or that you cannot think straight because this guy scares you so much, and you are fearful of turning a corner and finding yourself alone with him, with no way out. No way out- think about that. If he knows so much about you already, he also knows how to carry on, plotting and planning, and you go along with it- why? Because you have had many opportunities to stop him- but you don't.

What IS the problem here.

Unless you think of your father as an idiot, you DO know that he will do something. And if he chooses not to, you do know you have alternatives. Police, family services, the landlord, and any women's shelter will help you with valuable information on how to deal with this. An aunt, and uncle, an older cousin, a pastor, a neighbour. That you keep making a choice not to do something with all the resources at your disposal, makes me think this will never end- because you don't want it to. Not because you can't, but because you choose not to act.

What you really have now, after all this time, is a secret relationship with him. Nobody knows about it. Why do you allow this, and risk further contact, banter, small talk etc. with him, and keep it all a secret.

Surely you are aware that to CHOOSE to carry on with this secret relationship, and choose not to do what you have to do to stop it, what you risk could be your life.

I have to ask the obvious here- and that is simply, what is going on here, that you don't get off your a*s, back up your own behaviour, thoughts and actions, with a plan, to put an end to it.

Jake, I had to spread the rep. I, too, think there is a disconnect between words and actions.

JAL, I don't think we have a 'troll'. I think we have someone who is questioning her own judgment because it started so subtly. Someone who is afraid she is jumping at shadows and is just now starting to see what is casting them. Someone who has been accepting this behavior as normal for a number of years now. Someone who is learning to trust her instincts even if means upsetting a few people.

Brightsky, Jake makes some important points. What you are describing is very close to how sexual predators 'groom' their victims. They go slow and escalate at a very low rate until they feel the victim won't fight back or won't be believed if they do then they pounce.

He has you questioning your judgment. Doing things you aren't comfortable with to prove to him and probably to yourself you aren't scared. He can easily distract you from paying attention to the warning signs going off in your head. He waits for long enough times between 'meetings' that you have time to begin thinking you are reading more into it than is there.

He is playing a cat and mouse game with you. You need to stop the game. Become proactive instead of reactive. Trust yourself and listen to the alarms going off. Don't let there be a next encounter without your father, landlord, police, preacher, someone in an authoritative position knowing that you are concerned.

You are probably not the only one he is playing with. More than likely there have been and are others. You could be one more piece in a very big puzzle.

Good advice Jake and Cat. Have to spread some rep.
I too was wondering why she got on an elevator with him, she didn't know someone else was there.
I don't think you realize the position you are allowing him to put you in. I say allowing because you are. You have options and you aren't taking any of them. You're waiting for a friend to believe you (what is she going to do?) but you won't tell your father (he can do something)
Don't get caught up in this man's web and game. It's time for you to take control of this situation or stop whinning about it. Talk to your father about this.

Be careful! Take the advice. This man is displaying unacceptable actions.

Tell your dad.

Cat, I fully agree with you on your assessment of the situation. I don't doubt she has a neighbor that is making her uncomfortable. The troll was a question and I didn't mean it in the traditional sense.

Bright, I am concerned with the way you appear to be returning every few days to share why you are fearful to tell your father, you agree with us all, give us updates on the situation, but not making one move to speak with anyone in your life about this situation, aside from us here at AMHD. We are all repeating our advice in one way or another. So, I guess I am wondering when the excuses will end and you will start to act to protect yourself.

I apologize if I've made any of you think or feel that I'm just a "troll". This is a real situation that I'm dealing with here and it's been hard for me to speak to my dad about this because I'm a very shy person and sometimes it's hard for me to express myself the way I want to, which is also why I haven't straight out told the guy to leave me alone. The thought is in my head but, the words won't come out. I know, you guys are probably thinking "but yet you make small talk"... HE makes the small talk, I barely even answer his questions or respond to his comments.

And Just_Another_Flemming, I know you asked about my mother. She isn't in the picture. She passed away when I was a little kid.

But, you guys are right. It's time to put an end to the excuses which is why I've decided that I'm going to talk to my dad today. No more excuses.

I apologize if I've made any of you think or feel that I'm just a "troll". This is a real situation that I'm dealing with here and it's been hard for me to speak to my dad about this because I'm a very shy person and sometimes it's hard for me to express myself the way I want to, which is also why I haven't straight out told the guy to leave me alone. The thought is in my head but, the words won't come out. I know, you guys are probably thinking "but yet you make small talk"...HE makes the small talk, I barely even answer his questions or respond to his comments.

And Just_Another_Flemming, I know you asked about my mother. She isn't in the picture. She passed away when I was a little kid.

But, you guys are right. It's time to put an end to the excuses which is why I've decided that I'm going to talk to my dad today. No more excuses.



Good for you!

Good girl. Keep us posted.

But, you guys are right. It's time to put an end to the excuses which is why I've decided that I'm going to talk to my dad today. No more excuses.

This is great news. Remember that we are still here for you.

Please let us know what you have done about this situation. We worry. Be good and be safe.

TELL YOUR DAD...