A former love from 40yrs ago is coming to town for a visit and wants me to take a day trip wit him, I am happily married and he is married too but I know very little about their relationship... should I say no or for the sake of "old memories" go and enjoy a day of reminescing with him?

You could go and bring your husband too,nothing wrong with including him too in a day out.

What does your husband think about it?


Your first loyalty is too your husband,he's the guy you come home to at night,he's the guy who loves.

For me,I would go with my husbands wishes.

Maybe a compromise,the three of you go out for dinner instead of a full day out.

Honestly, I see nothing wrong with this. Sure, the guy may have other motives, but as long as YOU stay true to your intentions, then I don't see any harm.

However, if your husband does not want you to go, you should work out some sort of a compromise with him.

What about you, do YOU want to go?

40 years is a really long time, so I personally would go just to catch up on staff and see how life turned out for the other.
But it sounds like your husband is jealous and suspicious of the other guy's intention. It's up to you to decide if seeing your ex of 40 years ago worth the fight with your husband.

It doesn't hurt to go just to do catch up but if your husband is not comfortable with the idea of you going alone you should bring your husband too (if you really want to go).. ask your ex to bring his wife too.. but maybe suggest to meet up for coffee or lunch/dinner not a day trip though.. because after not seeing (or communicate) someone for this long a day trip seems a bit much to me..
At the end of the day, its your decision but I don't see the reason why u should put your marriage at risk for an ex..

This can easily be like opening a can of worms. It depends on why you want to go on this trip. If you're going to see if there's still that spark, then you're not being fair to your husband.

If you're going to catch up, then why not go out for coffee? Why does it have to be a trip?

Finally, if he really does want to go on a trip, why not bring his wife and your husband? Make it a double date.

Is this the same ex:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/former-love-mine-confessed-he-loved-me-but-left-because-best-me-487246.html

If so, it puts the 'day trip' in a different light. It also makes your husband's suspicions more understandable.

Has he given you the details of the day trip? Where does he want you to go with him? Is he driving or is it a guided tour? Is it a trip designed to bring up ancient memories and feelings?

Coffee or lunch maybe to catch up, but a 'day trip' sounds a bit too much.

If this is the same guy then you have no business even entertaining any ideas for catching up, or closure.

I like this idea... thank you

Agree! If it's the same guy then its pretty obvious what he wants from u..

Stick with the word, "No"!

Just curious, would you be willing to let hubby toddle off with an old girl friend?

Ask your husband if he would mind you spending a day with him. Because surely you would if your husband wants to spend one whole day alone with his ex love... be fair if you love him.

Under no circumstances should you spend the day with a man you knew as a lover 40 years ago, without your husband.

What's with a day. Why not have him over for a barbecue when your husband is home.

If I were the wife of this old lover, I would not be happy to know my husband went off for a day long get together alone with a woman. Any woman.

I think you should work on being happily married, and not go out looking for trouble.

He's married- leave him alone. You're married- leave him alone. It is either a social event, with your husband, or it is a non-event entirely.

p.s. It's also none of your business what his relationship is with his wife.

Beckysue : no, I would not want my husband to "toddle" off with an old girlfriend. The daytrip will not happen, a gathering at our former classmate's home with hubby in tow is the plan, if he wants to join us.


Becky Sue,

I applaud your decision.

It takes courage to walk away and you have it. Good for you!

Beckysue : no, I would not want my husband to "toddle" off with an old girlfriend. The daytrip will not happen, a gathering at our former classmate's home with hubby in tow is the plan, if he wants to join us.

That's an agreeable plan.

BeckySue, good for you!

You have set some firm boundaries, and given him a message, loud and clear.

I'm glad this worked out. I just found this thread, and feel compelled to say that there is no way that I would feel comfortable with MY wife going off for the day with a man that I'm quite sure has Viagra in his system, and a condom in his pocket. I'm sure that your former lover has a hidden agenda.

"For old time's sake."

Good for you.

Jake I'm in the new skin,forgive me if this turns out wonky!
Agree,its either a social event including the husband,or an non event.

That's great to hear!

Leave it alone... The past is dead.. let it stay that way.